I listened to a conversation yesterday that was a little disquieting. The conversation concerned a child and a group activity she enjoys. One of the first questions between the adults in the conversation was, ‘did she win’? I think for an eight year old, a more important and pertinent question would be, ‘did she have fun’? The discussion went on between the adults talking about she did compared to the other children.
What is up with the over use of the win and lose thinking? Is it impossible for kids to go out and have fun at something these days without worrying about winning or losing? I remember the same problem when I was a kid, but it was toned way down compared to today. Little League baseball was my summer sport, and with ice hockey in the winter time. Some parents would get very worked up over their children, and their children’s perceived talents, and their children payed the price indirectly.
This overly competitive atmosphere made it hard for some of my teammates just to show up and have fun. Some had to show up, and they were expected to act like professional athletes. Moving around the field, and receiving instruction with a look of chronic constipation on their faces. Anything less than over professionalism, and their parents were not satisfied they were taking things seriously enough. Many of the kids I played ball with were miserable because of their parent’s haranguing. After the season was over, most of them did not want to repeat it the next year, and who could blame them? Most of my team mates wanted to have fun, and play some ball, not get ready for the World Champion Little League playoffs!
Children in too many families is expected to be a great student, and a happy child, while also starting to show world class talent in some parent selected sport. It would be okay if there were a major benefit to the child; unfortunately children in sports are often used as bragging rights by the parents.
If we are to be honest with ourselves, the chance of our child excelling at any sport is slim. Having a child who excels enough to think of competing in a sport for a living is very rare. I have read the possibility of a child who plays basketball making it to the NBA is less than one in ten-thousand! Other sports odds are probably just as slim or worse, where there is a big paycheck involved.
I think parents of young children need to step back and think of why children wish to participate in a sport, or why the parents want them too? Are kids in a sport because they find it fun? Are they playing because they think they will be world class some day? Or are they playing because they are fulfilling a parents dream by proxy, and miserable while doing it?
I think it is vitally important that kids are allowed to play at their own skill level, for reasons each child deems important to them. As they grow children will feel better about just playing for fun. Then, when a child fails, whether it is losing a game, having the referee make a poor call, whatever the circumstance, children will remember both their wins, and their failures with a healthier perspective.
Children need to be allowed to fail. Failure is good for a child, it teaches needed life skills. By sometimes failing, children learn there will be areas in their life that others are better at than they are. And of course they will hopefully learn that they are better at some things than other children. When winning and losing are approached correctly, a child knows that not being first is not failure, it is only a placeholder. When failure is used constructively, children will build upon what they have learned from a failure, and not learn to become risk adverse because of a failure.
[...] Failure is a good option [...]