When I think of all the friends I have had over the years, it is amazing to me. So many people who took the time to come into my life, and share their life with me. I like to think they all had gifts they shared with me and I learned something from all of them. Some of what I have learned is wonderful, and some of it was painful. I hope I was able to show them something of value to their life too.
What is a puzzle to me is the number of people who offered to enter into my life as friends, and I turned them down. Sometimes, it was nothing more than I was busy doing something I knew they did not enjoy, so we never took our possible friendship any further. I know they had their gifts to bring into the friendship, but I will never know what they were.
When I was first out of high school, and at college, I found myself a little short on friends. I took the initiative to go out and make some friends. One of the first things I did was say yes when someone invited me to a weekly bible study. I did not know how most people would think about bible study, but I looked at it with suspicion. I had read the bible completely cover to cover once by that time; but what I read was nothing like the AM radio preachers would rant and rave about late on night AM radio. So I saw bible study the same way…with suspicion.
I wanted friends though, and here was a chance to become better friends with the person that invited me, and the others that would be there. There was just one thing that was a problem for bible study. I did not have a bible with me at college. Why let a little thing like that stop me, I thought, so I went to the next weekly bible study. There were about fifteen of us there, and it was more like a wake than a bible study group. And me, the only person present without a bible. The leader made it simple for my benefit. He would call out the chapter and verse, and then read the passage for my benefit. Then he would ask what that portion was in reference too, and the circumstance around it.
The next week’s study group were rather odd I thought. A question would be raised, I would raise my hand, and answer. Silence would follow as everyone else looked down at the pages on their desks. I went a third time, deciding I was hogging the floor, I made a conscious effort to not answer any questions the leader asked. No one else answered any questions either. I did not go after that, although my new friend came by, and asked me why. I told him, that I did not see the point in my going, I was the only person there without a bible, and I was the only person answering any questions.
The bible study broke up a few weeks after that, the participants said they were there to learn, and they didn’t have any opinions on the various parts of the bible discussed. They thought I was an expert, and they were listening to my version of things. I had thought the purpose all along was discussion, but it did not seem right, me doing most of the talking without a bible to read from.
Thinking back on those study group meetings, it was meant for me to be there, and lead the conversation. None of the people there had much if any religious upbringing, and everything was new to them. They did not feel comfortable discussing thoughts with someone who did not even have a bible in front of them. It did not matter that I had no bible. It did not really matter that I was working from memory, and my own perspective of what was written. What I did do was provide a glue that kept the group together, that was my purpose of being there. And I thought I was looking for friendship.
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