When thing get tough, and they can especially this time of year, nothing feels good. Looking around, we see everyone is having fun, going to parties, wrapping and giving presents, and generally having fun.
Most of it is all illusion. Sure people are having fun, throwing parties, going to parties, and trading presents, but not all of them are having as much fun as they appear to be having. The number of people really having fun is about the same number that have fun all year round. Many people are feeling just as alone, unhappy with their life or their circumstances as they do any other time of year. Or perhaps a little more so because of the stress of the holidays.
Jim and Alice look so happy as always, but we never know the real story about Jim and Alice. We don’t know that Jim and Alice haven’t been able to pay all their bills in five months now. Jim has a drinking problem that he hides very well, but it is starting to take over his life. Alice is a compulsive shopper and has placed them in credit card debt hell so far that they will work until they are seventy to pay it all off.
Then there is the Marshall family. They always look so happy and the children are so well behaved. What we do not know is that Brad is a tyrant, wife beater, and child abuser. His wife Sharon acts so happy because she is terrified of the consequences when they get home if she does not. The kids are so well mannered because they live on pins and needles every day getting slapped around for reasons they can not understand.
Jill is having fun, but what we do not know is her gas was turned off last week, and she has no heat or hot water. She is cooking out of her microwave and taking cold showers.
Tom has a gambling habit, and is into the neighborhood loan sharks for more than he can ever pay off. He was roughed up last week and threatened with worse if he does not come up with the money he owes.
Carl is a coke head, but he hides it well. As long as they do not start random testing at his work, he will be okay for a few more months before it starts to take over his life.
Carol and her husband Earl? Well they have not shared the same bed in two years. She manages to fall asleep in front of the television, and Earl sleeps in the spare room. They say they are staying together for the children’s benefit.
Around ten all of us are ready to whip the world, there is no stopping us. By the time we become adults a lot has changed. Due to circumstances either of our own doing or too many bad breaks out of our control, life has worn many of us down and turned us into something we never imagined we would be.
Sometimes we all feel down and alone. That is perfectly natural, and balances all the times in our lives when our life is full and we haven’t a care in the world.
For many couple, though most are scared to admit it, the only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were. All those fictitious couples above probably wish they were alone, or had never become involved with the person who is sharing their nightmare of a life.
It is possible the non existent couples I wrote about thought that having anyone around was better than being alone. While in some cases that may be true, in most cases grabbing the first person that comes along and expecting them to make your life whole is not one of our better decisions.
Nothing stays the same in life, that is true. Some things only get worse until there is no worse to get to. Other things in our life are just temporary moments. A few days or weeks when we feel very vulnerable and alone. When these days occur instead of thinking how miserable our life is, we should take some time and consider how much worse our life could be.
Take a moment to know that what we feel at this moment is not our whole life. It is when our life is not the way we think it should be, an over examined piece of a normal life.
