Monthly Archives: January 2009

How many corners on a fence post?

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I read a couple of blogs this week that moved me sort of. I left comments of course. I like to keep my comments friendly. The post topics and some morning conversation have me thinking out loud. Of course there is little point in having an opinion if you never share it.

Today started, or at least breakfast started with some talk around global warming. The folks I was with are of strong opinion that global warming is something cooked up by some environmental nuts who happened to get lucky and noticed. When I first started hearing about global warming I was tempted to agree with them. Since then I learned how to think, and I have to side with the nuts that dreamt global warming up.

My reason why global warming is a fact is so simple that many people miss the forests for the trees. I hope this is not an old thought rehashed…. Our Earth is supporting (as far as we know) a record population of people, somewhere over ten billion people. All ten billion of us are perking along at 98.6 degrees plus or minus a degree or two. Trade the animal herds we killed off one to one for people and we still have more mammals on earth than ever before heating things up. Add a few simple things like any gas powered motors, a few trillion light bulbs, and televisions/computers and we have some major heat being generated.

The first blog I read was about organized religion and a study that shows that people who have organized religion are happier, healthier, and live longer than those that don’t. Of course they do. It does not take a study to figure that out. How nice it is to blame whatever happens in your life, your fault or not, on something else.

What peace of mind that provides never having to be responsible for you own actions. My thought on this is God does not need us. We are what we are, and we should do the best we can. If that is not good enough for God, then God produced faulty humans, and the program should be scrapped. I don’t see that happening.

Another blog I read pointed out yet another study. This one said that most people interviewed thought they were okay, but people around them needed various levels of help, mostly with their heads. I know for sure I am all right, but I am not to sure about you. This study may be right. Unfortunately, it is a Phoenix study and rises from the ashes dressed in new feathers every few years. I believe Solomon mentions it in his musings, or maybe it was Aristotle, or Siddhartha, or maybe it was on The Simpson’s?

I think that covers everything blog topic that that has me thinking this week, except one. The last and questionably the best was a post about a relationship. Relationships are tough things, especially if you are a young man. Women for the most part have no trouble having a relationship with one man.

Young men on the other hand, have a very hard time being with or faithful to one woman. Evolution made the average man want to have sex with as many women as possible. Lots of sex ensures the best chance for survival of the species, for everything from disease to disaster.

Women on the other hand depend on Men to provide, and get a little picky when a man strays. My thoughts on the possibly straying man post, is it is not going to improve over time. If you think he crossing your acceptable line now, be assured he won’t improve over the next decade or two. A little hurt now ending a relationship is a lot better than a lot hurt over the next years.

Oops, one last blog I read about anger. If you are angry and do not wish to be angry, let it go. If you are anything you do not want to be, let it go. The best time to start redefining you and your life is this moment. Do not expect t change in ten minutes though, the longer you hold onto something, the longer it takes to leave you. Anger is no exception.

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Monday overdone

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We, or maybe I, am one day past Monday today. My work week starts on Sunday, but I find Monday mornings interesting because of what takes place. On Sunday those of us who do the work show up and start doing whatever it is we do for our paychecks. The drive into work is quiet as there is little traffic early on a Sunday morning.

Monday morning is another matter completely. Traffic is heavier and many of the drivers drive as if they are going to be rewarded for setting a new home to work speed record. Most of my drive is in a forty-five mile per hour road, but it is not unusual to be passed by cars or trucks hitting seventy miles per hour on Monday mornings.

Because traffic is still fairly light, I do not see it as dangerous or speeding, but rather a useless waste of energy and effort. There is no extra pay if you arrive at work thirty-three minutes early instead of the normal ten minutes early. Yet the Monday morning crowd breaks all posted speed limits to get to work, act like they knocked off a quart of Joe’s coffee shack strongest house blend with extra sugar, and generally have use up about three days worth of energy by Monday noon accomplishing little.

It is really a waste of energy because no one knows much about what happened since Friday on Monday morning except those of us that started our work week on Sunday. That does not seem to stop anyone though as they go through the morning jockeying for position in the, ‘I knew it before you did, hah hah’ competition.

On Tuesday morning it is apparent that many people overdid Monday, because those people who show up for work are looking tired on their second day. The rest have burned themselves out by Monday afternoon. They call in Tuesday morning with stories of sick children, or plumbing problems. Of course they talk to an answering machine, so a few coughs are sometimes added for effect, along with a promise to come in to work as fast as humanly possible. Except the plumber of course who was vague about what time he would arrive at their house, and it may be late afternoon before that happens.

Maybe it is my personality, but I find that acting overly excited and hyperventilating does not accomplish much in the way doing my job. Neither does chewing coffee beans before work starts for the day. Our bodies imo, are only meant to operate at a certain rhythm and going overboard has consequences later in the week. Having so much caffeine in your blood stream that you can not type out a sentence without steadying your hand by holding it is not only overdoing it, but is very dangerous health wise.

Why not slow down on Monday morning, and enjoy the day? Do not leap out of bed and attack Monday mornings as Mondays are not an enemy unless you make them one. If you act normal, like you do on Friday as you are saving yourself for the weekend, you will find the remainder of your week goes a lot smoother. You will accomplish more with less effort because you do not have to spend Tuesday morning cleaning up any messes you created on Monday – trying to prove to the world that you really are a living breathing work machine.

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Do my memories change with time?

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There was a time when I could remember almost any day, and any conversation. At least those days and conversations that I thought were important for one reason or another. I think those days are no longer with me.

It is not that I can not remember certain days and conversations with perfect clarity. I think maybe my mind reached its capacity for in house storage, or maybe life became too busy for thoughts and such to be floating around all the time. I am not sure which, maybe it is neither.

When time is slow and I think about some event that took place, it still comes back to me, but not always as quickly as it once did. I have also noticed, and it may not be uncommon, those things I remember these days are not the same memories I would choose to remember a decade ago.

I also tend to think more about complete situations rather than just an aspect of a certain moment. I find I remember sounds, smells, or feelings that go with my memory rather than just reliving it again, as I did in the past.

Maybe it is because my life has changed so much that now when I reflect on events from my past, they are seen with how I view life now, rather than how I was when they occurred? At any rate, it is not bad, it is just different.

I also wonder during some of wanderings in my mind what I was thinking at that moment and why. I wonder if I am changing my memory to suit the present me, or I am reliving the event in my minds eye through the me that is now. Although it is also possible, I am picking and choosing filters that allow me to see something from my past the way I would have it now, rather then how I felt about it then.

On our day of judgement it has been said that we are our own judge and jury. Our fate rests in what and how we see what we did with our life and the experiences we had in it. If so that would not be a bad thing for me. Unless I go through change I can not imagine, there is not too much in my life that I would not do over or prefer never happened.

Maybe I am part of the thinking that I am all right, but I am not so sure about you. Or possibly I tend to be easier on myself, knowing that whatever decisions I made at any time in my life were the best decisions I could make at that time.

I had read somewhere that one can pass a polygraph test if enough time goes by and we convince ourselves that whatever we chose to believe is the truth. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the teeth to find that when we pass on all our memories of ourselves were changed over the years into what we preferred them to be, rather than what they really were?

I do not imagine that would happen though, because for that to be possible, it would mean that we are all living a lie through out our lifetime and what would be the point of that…spending a lifetime creating a fantasy that never happened.

How much better it would be to look over our life and pull up a series of memories that were all about the same situation and understand how we handled each situation as we gained life experience. It would be fulfilling I think to be able to say about a situation that when I was a boy, I acted in a certain way, and over time as I understood more about life and my part in it, what I did changed for the better each time.

That is a warming feeling. I am not sure we do that when we daydream about our life, but it would be a pleasant experience. I think starting today I will try to be more conscious of my actions and whether they have changed over time. I hope I have grown.

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Some cheese with your new life?

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“When I was in my thirties I walked around with a hard-on that was made of stone. I was strong. Now I am fifty years old and it is all gone. I am getting tired…I don’t want to do much. I want to work less and sit around more…”

I heard this from a very whiny voice this morning, a man complaining to a younger man, who I am sure could care less. It is moments like this that I would like to interrupt his scheduled broadcast and ask him if he would like some cheese with his life.

I never have understood the reason for whining and complaining about getting old. Every step we take on this earth was taken by someone who if lucky enough, grew old and died on the same path. It is the way life works. There is more I would like to say to him and other people of his ilk.

Life has never been a bowl of cherries and it won’t get easier. As babies we all did our share of crying out of frustrations we could not define. We cried because that is what we did and eventually someone would figure out how to make it right for us.

As toddlers we cried out of frustration and anger over not getting our way, also not being able to make our bodies do what we wanted them to do. We cried because we had to go to the bathroom. We cried because of what we had or did not have to play with or eat.

As children we cried over nothing more than not getting our way. We cried because our parents were mean, not there, or did not care. We cried because we were spanked, or had a fight with our best friend.

As teens we suffered acutely over all our imagined shortcomings. We felt out of place, alone, and isolated in many cases. We were the only person in the world who understood us and what we thought we were about.

As young adults we cried over broken hearts, and friends going their own way without us. We cried over marriage matters, money matters, children, in laws, parents and spouses. We cried over divorce, being broke, and not being bale to keep up with the Jones’.

As middle age adults we start crying over the death of family members who were a part of our lives for as long as we can remember. Suddenly they are no longer there and it hurts us. With the pain in our hearts is the pain of our bodies starting to grow old and change. We are so used to our body doing whatever we wanted it is now painful for us when we do not work the way we should. Most of us experience all or most of these things as we go through our lives.

A few self centered folks for whom no one exists in the world except themselves are usually the people like the man I overheard whining about the state of his body. It must be a terrible thing to wake up in your fifties and realize that you are a mere mortal just like all the people around you! The shock of knowing that the time when you are going to stop walking the earth is closer than the time you started walking the earth.

Now that these people have this knowledge, that they are indeed like everyone else, I would like to add one more thought.

“Welcome to the world at last. Your time is limited and you body will keep failing you. Do not waste your final years whining over what you can no longer do. Spend whatever time you have left doing those things you never took the time for.”

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Patterns of life or not

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I wonder at times, or maybe I am sure that there is a seemingly active intelligence that runs my world. I first noticed it as a young fisherman. I would hear the older fishermen talk about it happening, although being young there were never very many people to discuss it with. Later I noticed it playing sports. After that it was dating, driving, or almost any random activity.

Start with fishing, that is where I first noticed it, and I bet you noticed it about the same time. We did a lot of stream fishing. The adults, usually my Mom, Grandfather, or other family members would descend on one of many favorite trout streams. Which stream depended on the time of year, or how the other stream was purportedly doing relative to what they thought they could catch at a particular stream.

I was old enough I could fish by myself within a certain boundaries. I could go no further upstream than this rock, and no farther downstream than this bend. That was usually about one hundred yards of mostly shallow water. I would cast out my worm and wait. Sometimes I would catch a fish. Once in a while I would fish at a spot where I would catch many fish. When I found a many fish spot I would go back to it next time, and usually I would catch fish there every time at that spot.

Usually, being a key word of the previous sentence. As soon as I told someone about the great fishing spot on the stream and they walked with me to fish for a few minutes we would not get as much as a single bite. I would end up telling a friend or family member, “You should have been here the last times.” This uttered after I have spent many days bragging about how good the fishing was at my ‘secret spot’.

Driving a car reinforced my thinking about my life being manipulated and changed instantly. Speed all I want until I really need to get somewhere, and bingo! A police car every quarter mile is be the new reality. It always amazes how this happens.

What is even more amazing is what happens once I realize there is a pattern involved. I discover a pattern that has repeated itself time after time or event after event. All I have to do is tell someone what I observed. Suddenly, it is like the previous fifty times never happened. Nothing I experienced before happens, and everything does that never happened before.

The stock market I have found follows the same laws, once I recognized a pattern, the pattern disappears. I discovered this in the middle to late 80’s when the market high and lows followed the cycle of the moon, or so it seemed.

What I find most amazing is the speed and completeness of these changes. It is like any previous pattern never existed, and is simply a figment of my imagination. Almost the moment I realize there is a pattern to follow, the whole program changes! If I am lucky enough to solve discover the new pattern quickly it changes again into something new.

I wish I had an answer or explanation for the highly aware very sophisticated force that can change my world in the blink of an eye, yet make it all flow like it has always been that way, but I can’t. If you have read to hear, and find this confusing, or simply think I am full of it, put it to the test yourself.

Look for patterns in something you do. Something that is rather complex and involves yourself only. Once you are sure you know what will happen, watch a change happen right before your eyes.

I really believe there is a real and tangible something in my life, that instantly rearranges my life when I notice something that apparently I am not supposed to notice. Maybe it is all me, maybe it is not, I am sure at a loss to explain it.

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Polished by life

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Some people see life as painful process where they go through each day, each year, and each decade feeling like little pieces of themselves are torn off and cast aside. Every struggle, conflict, and tribulation no matter how small tears off a little piece of them.

As their life goes on they start to feel and look tired and a little worn out. As they grow older the effects of life pulling and tugging at them away each day becomes more obvious. If live to be very old they feel like a hollow shell where everything has been drained out of them.

They remember being young and having energy and fight, and strength, taking on the worst life can throw their way, but over the years it becomes to much. Life starts draining them, sapping their strength, and quelling their love of life. They are not sure where exactly it all happened, they remember the big issues, death, divorce, and financial struggles. They seldom remember the little things that really drained them. The day to day grind that their life turned out to be.

I share some part of me with people who feel like this. I have my days when I feel like life is trying to grind me into the ground and turn me into a dust cloud to be blown away by the wind. Everyone normal has these days or days like them. I think I am lucky though because for me these days are few and far between.

I love the change and challenge my life, and the sometime unique ways everything turns out for the best no matter what my efforts were. Problems and challenges are a part of life, we can not escape them normally. If we do escape problems that happen in every day life, it is time to acknowledge we may have a bigger problem starting with denial.

I had a though that prompted me to write about this. One that sort of puts life and the challenges we face in perspective. I saw myself in my minds eye as a rough and jagged rock. It did not look like much, just a big rock. As I watched, little chips were taken out of the rock, some so small they were hardly noticeable. Other times, larger pieces of the rock were broken all at once.

As I watched this movie play in my head, I made the connection that the rock was me. Over the years, little pieces have been chipped away from me. During those somber serious life events, larger pieces of me were broken off and cast aside. While parts of me are being chipped away over the years and decades something else was happening too.

I have been taking on a form or shape, becoming defined. My jagged outside was becoming polished, and taking on a little shine. Things that used to take little chips out of me, now polish me a little bit.

Maybe if I live long enough, one day I will look into my minds eye and see a shiny stone where the rough jagged rock once stood.

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