Monthly Archives: February 2009

Meeting and accepting our dark side

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What is happening in our lives, why are things that have been the same for so long suddenly changing? Why are the people we have known all our lives not really who think they are? How did we get this far without noticing all these little things that paint a different picture of the world than we had been seeing for as long as we can remember.

Shin Yee, in her post, What am I missing, writes what she suddenly realizes is missing in her life, perhaps wonders where it all went. Shin Yee laments of all the things that were and are no more. It is almost as if all these things happened while she was off doing something else with her life.

Another young woman, Khushi writes in her blog/diary that she has discovered a part of herself that she never knew existed. She was willing to explore that side of herself, and for now has decided to leave it alone. Kushi say’s she has taken a, ‘been there, done that, got the t-shirt’ stance.

babarkazmi, writes in his post, The Lost Thoughts writes of living two lives. The first life where he tries to do everything expected by following the ‘codes and rules’. He writes this way of living is suffocating him, that there is another part of him wanting escape, wanting to create a life of its own. He calls it the, “Barbarian”.

Three different views of the same problem we all come to know as we live our lives and make that jump and grow into adults. The people around us are not there any longer. They have deserted us, they have changed, they are not who we always thought they were.

Living with our parents and having our life guided for us, life is so simple, we went through our planned day and life, rarely give thought to how well orchestrated everything is. How well the pieces are put together that made up our life during those years.

Now as we start a new chapter in our life of making our own way, we start to see life is not as it always was, and we are not who we always thought we were either. Entering adult life, introduces our life on an empty canvas. We are not prepared for what we see and experience. It is difficult to have our world change around us, when we are used to everything always being the same.

When we start looking at ourselves, we are shocked to notice that we are changing too. There is another side of us, that until now we have never noticed. In our first encounters with this other part of us, we see it as ugly, and not at all us, and we wonder where it came from and how it got in without our noticing.

Some of us are able to accept this other side of us, mesh it into our life, and we go on as if nothing changed. Others however, have a more difficult time with their other side. As children
and into adult life as babarkazmi so succinctly points out, we have been so busy following the rules and behaviors expected of us, that we never notice our complete self.
When the rest of us starts to make an appearance, we do not always like what we see. We may see someone who enjoys cruelty, vice, or other life choices we may have abhorred all our life – only to discover we are them. We discover in occasionally unpleasant ways that part of us is made up of those things we thought we despised all our lives.

We are enveloped in a conflict we all struggle with if we are to live a reasonable life. We have to accept that we are made up of thoughts and feelings that not only are we not proud of, but we may find revolting.

Some people turn these parts of themselves into enemies, locked away never to see the light of day unless they slip out in a moment we we let our guard down. Others, start leading separate distinct lives that have little in common with one another accept the body they share. The most successful of us, acknowledge these other parts of us, and accept that we are simply human.

From that acceptance of ourselves as being all those ugly things we find in us, we grow and evolve into more than if we never embraced the dark side of ourselves. Embracing our darker side makes us more human, compassionate, and in general better people. Embracing our dark side does not mean giving in to it, or hating it. Embracing our dark side means accepting what and who we are. For all the good that is in us, so is an equal amount of evil. Our individual life is in the balance and how we arrive in that space where we are okay with all of us.

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Simple pain relief

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I don’t remember when I learned how to heal myself, but I know I was very young, barely able to read. I found two little yellow pamphlets in my Grandparents attic. Being a voracious reader, I had to see what was in them. I remember pulling two of them out of a box they were in and moving  to a spot where there was enough light to read by.

Since then taking my own pain away has become second nature to me. I rarely think about what I am doing when I am doing it. Until this week that is. 

I was cruising the net and came across an obscure aware Guru who claims access to ancient knowledge which he will share for a fee. Ancient knowledge is very interesting to me. Great minds from a few thousand years ago stand toe to toe with anyone we believe to be a great thinker(s) of our time in the deep thought department.

I digress. Back to the aware guru. I know little about people who claim to be aware, and also have access to special knowledge. I do know there is a multitude of collected knowledge and tools to help each of us become awake and aware and it is free. If we are willing to invest our time, effort, and pain to learn that is.

Perhaps for this Guru, the healing technique he knows is ancient knowledge passed down to him from his teacher. His teacher may have received it from his teacher, back through generations and centuries.

I really can’t say whether the healing pain lessening and/or removing technique I learned as a child is ancient knowledge passed down through the generations before it was printed in the little yellow pamphlet or not. It may have been passed down through the centuries for all I know. By reading the yellow pamphlet, if I became the holder of a long lost technique, wow for me. I will share it with you now because it is simple, and it works.

On a side note, I was watching some science show this week, about what I do not remember, but there was an interesting phenomenon pointed out that I was not aware of, and I bet you aren’t either? A scientist stated that there is an electrical potential around us between our feet and our head of up to three hundred volt difference from ground to head height. The man said most of us are not aware of it.

As I contemplated this thought, I thought it is possible correcting the voltage field around us is what makes the pain lesson or go away completely. If we are hurt and in pain, it is probable that the electrical field around us was/is disrupted or distressed. As that happens pain is enhanced because of the electrical field being disrupted and our interaction with it. Or maybe not – I am thinking out loud.

If  you have pain, for example your knee joint is throbbing, here is how to make it feel better. Sit in a chair in a normal sitting position with your feet flat on the floor. With only one of your hands rub your leg palm down from just above your knee downward and off your leg as it bends to the floor. Lift your hand and repeat from above your knee to off your knee. Continue rubbing at a slow but steady pace, perhaps five to ten times a minute, no faster.

Be very attuned to the pain. If you in rub in both directions, or rub up your leg instead of rubbing down your leg, your pain will increase. Your hand motions must be from above to below, and from yourself to away from yourself.

That’s it. Nothing fancy, nothing to pay, no enlightened hermit on a mountain top to visit. It works well for me, taking pain away in a matter of seconds to a minute, and the relief lasts as long or longer than an aspirin or pain killer. 

I do not know what this method is called. I thought animal magnetism, but Wikipedia says no, so I am at a loss for a name. It works for me, no matter where I hurt, as long as I follow the right path for rubbing.

For the daring, or those with understanding people around them it can be used to alleviate the pain of others as long as you follow the correct directions.

In case you are curious, the other pamphlet was on phrenology.

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Not quite fishing, not quite melancholy

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I sure have a burning urge to go fishing! It is worse right now because our winter is unusually warm this year. Match that with three hundred days of sunshine a year, and it is hard to remember that summer fishing is not all that great to start with, but winter fishing is worse.

Like other outdoor people who are starting to have had enough of winter and want spring to get here quickly, I too wander the sporting goods stores and sporting goods sections of stores. Unfortunately even that small fishing fix is short lived. My fishing rods and reels are in good shape, and there is not much in the way of new tackle.

Reading the online want ads of the sporting goods section is not helping. There are used rods, reels, boats, and motors for sale, probably by desperate sellers, but I don’t need any more equipment.

I read the fishing web sites, wishing spring would arrive a few days faster. I also think about where I would enjoy fishing this year. Those pictures of really big fish don’t do a lot to satiate the need to have a fishing rod in my hands with a fish at the end of the line.

I used to think of being able to go to the west coast and do some ocean fishing. I was able to go a few times. Fishing for Rock Cod, and Ling Cod in three hundred feet of water was hard work. The five pound sinker needed to get and keep the squid we were using as bait on the bottom did not make it any easier. It was a lot like work actually, as the Rock Cod never survived the trip up from the bottom. I only caught one Ling Cod.

I was able to go once in the summer on a half day trip and we fished for Sand Bass – I think they were called. They were a blast to catch and I remember limiting out on them. I also caught a number of Barracuda. They are about the same as Northern Pike, and about as mean as Musky in fresh water fishing.

I enjoy the way ocean fish fight! One little three or four pound Sand Bass gave the fight of a much larger freshwater fish. The fish were much more aggressive when taking the bait too. There was no little tap, wait ten seconds, tap, tap. It was always smash, grab, and run.

Of course losing fish big Barracuda was a little frustrating. I think I have a nice fish hooked. It suddenly feels like it is really big because it just became really serious about putting up a fight. Then the line goes limp, and I would reel up a fish head with no body attached.

Eating all that fish afterwards is the perfect end to a great day of fishing. The Barbecue would be going with thirty or forty pounds of fish on the grates. Family and friends would be over drinking a cold beer or two, laughing, and thinking about the meal that is only minutes away.

I never thought almost fifty pounds of fish would be eaten by twenty-some people, but all the fish would go somewhere. I was always sure I didn’t have more than a slab or two myself. I couldn’t have eaten more than a pound or so…but it would all be gone.

Freshwater fishing is a lot different. On most days it is hoping that I can catch enough fish to make one meal. I miss Crappie fishing in Minnesota. There was nothing better than everyone getting a limit of spring Crappie, big enough to fillet, and having fried Crappie and a cold beer for dinner. With enough Crappie left over for a sandwich or two later in the evening, or the next morning of course, probably with coffee, because all the beer would be gone.

I seem to have all my fishing thoughts written out. I can see my bag of fishing tackle, and my rod a few feet away. Perhaps it does not help having my fishing equipment where I see it every day. I am better off than a friend though, who took some wild life biology classes some years ago.

He loves to bow hunt deer. He found out out from his studies that deer in the southwest have about a thirty year peak number cycle. He became sad when he mentioned that the last peak cycle was ten years ago. He said with his eyes almost starting to water and that almost undetectable crack in his voice, that he won’t be around to hunt the next peak of the cycle.

Sometimes mortality is hard. My ocean fishing partner is no longer around, so memories of ocean fishing may be all I will ever have. On the bright side someone felt sorry for me and gave me some elk meat. It was very, very good, there was no beer though…. Only a few more weeks now and I can be at the lake thinking about the monster fish I will likely never catch. And that is okay.

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Gnosticism and three pound dogs

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Speaking with a friend the other day, the topic of beliefs and those things that are part of beliefs. The next day I started thinking about the ideas we shared and our diverse experiences from our very different lives.

Later my as thoughts drifted I remembered reading about someone who defined themselves a Gnostic. The distinction was not clear to me what a gnostic was. Since then some disparate topics have crossed my path which clarified what the person who claimed Gnosticism was really saying. If you are like me, understanding what a gnostic is was kind of fuzzy.

One unrelated at the time documentary that crossed my path was the true story of William Peter Blatty’s book, and later movie, The Exorcist. There were other stories revolving around exorcism, and people who consider themselves exorcists also in the documentary. It was interesting side note wondering why possession happens at all, but was dismissed from the process in the documentary.

We humans are the only species that we know of who doubt. If you have ever been around dogs when they come into contact with a dog they have never met before, you may notice something interesting if you pay close attention. Neither dog knows or thinks for a second that is or may be inferior to the other dog.

If one dog is over a hundred pounds, and the second dog is three pounds it does not matter. In the world of dogs they are evenly matched. The smaller dog never for a moment realizes that it may be a distant second in the weight department. The smaller dog will start a fight with the larger dog if the initial meeting does not pan out as expected.

Many of us on the other hand live by different rules. When we see someone we are meeting for the first time, we start processing information about them. We start categorizing our perceptions, and pass judgement on how they compare. We have already classified the other person before we even touch hands and say hello. We then continue reinforce our first impressions.

The contrast between ourselves, other animals, and a gnostic is interesting from this perspective. The definition of Gnostic is “of or relating to knowledge, esp. esoteric mystical knowledge”. Dogs, the same as gnostics seem to know, or have have access to knowledge some of us do not.

Someone who lives life from a position of gnosticism is more likely to be successful no matter what the platform they do with their life. The person who considers themselves a gnostic is no different from the three pound dog in how they think.

The three pound dog when it meets a larger dog for the first time never thinks for a moment that it may be inferior, wrong, or otherwise less than the larger dog. In our human world, most Shamans, Exorcists, some Priests, Witches, even successful Gamblers never for an instant consider they may not have all the knowledge and tools they need to be successful in the moment.

While we as individuals may not be drawn to the arcane, occult, or mystical knowledge of one of the above people. It is imperative to know that just like a Gnostic, or the three pound dog, we have everything we need to be successful. All we need is the mustard seed.

Losing the mustard seed is the problem. I am always in awe of how so many of us lose something so easy to hold on to. Maybe it is the small size of a mustard seed. Perhaps we are so entrenched in the physical world, we fail to understand or appreciate how something so small and insubstantial as having the faith of a mustard seed can mean everything in our life?

Having faith in yourself and your abilities means never having to doubt you are enough, or prepared enough to be successful in any situation. The Gnostic, Priest, and Shaman all know this, and that is their mustard seed. They do not wonder or kind of believe something. They know – because they eat, sleep and live it every day. Do you know the Gnostic in you?

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Career changes and lasting relationships

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If I were a carpenter, and you were a Lady…. If you listen to old country music, or happen to be a Johnny Cash fan, you know this song was sung by Johnny Cash back in the day. If you are not familiar with the song, the song is questions asking the woman different trades and if she would still love him.

What I enjoy about the song, is the different ways the man asks the same question. If I were a carpenter, tinsmith, so on and so forth will she still love him? It may seem that the man is not sure that the woman would love him and be with him, so he keeps asking to make sure the answer stay the same.

And of course the answers are the same throughout the song. June Carter sings that, yes, she would still love him and support him at whatever he does. That is a pretty strong bond the man and woman have between them, and her validation that she will and would love him no matter what came down the pipeline shows how sure they are of their relationship.

I think this song has a lot of relevance today with our world as it is. For some of us, this is our second, third, or maybe fourth major career change in the making between the job we were going to do the rest of our lives and today. For others the track record is the same in the relationship department. It seems many of those truths we were given as children are no longer true. Rarely is there a one lifetime job, or a lifetime long relationship.

Where is the balance in our lives? How do we as individuals meld our personal values, wants, and needs into something that fits our life, where not everything is forever any more? How can we go through a lifetime full of ups and downs, where the downside brings up stressors and pressures that ripple out and back, rocking our personal values, wants, and needs to there very core?

Most of us follow some variation of two main methods. One group tries to maintain order in their life, and the other group takes life as it happens. The key of course is balance. If a healthy balance is maintained between being a control freak, and letting life take you this way and that, it is possible to live a happy contented life most of the time.

In the song, what the man does for a living is not important. The relationship between the man and the woman has nothing to do with his past, present, or future career(s). The relationship is not centered on money. The relationship does not revolve around what they have or do not have. The relationship does not center on how they look, or how witty they are. The relationship is centered on the love each has for the other. As long as love is the center of their relationship, nothing else matters.

Nothing else matters to the couple in the song. They know what is important for them and why. They know that not compromising what is most important to them by life’s other distractions brings them the most happiness possible. Letting yourself be distracted away from what is most important to you is the second biggest cause of unhappiness. The biggest cause of discontent and unhappiness is not knowing what is most important in your life until after you have given it away, or otherwise compromised it.

Take time at the end of each day before you fall asleep and review at what you are doing with your life. Is what you are doing bringing you closer or farther from what you truly want? Is what you are doing making you happy, or does it tug on you, stealing a little of your happiness away every day? Decide what is most important to you each night, and start each day trying to make it happen. Before you know it, you will wake up and realize you are there!

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Argue less and find more happiness

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There was a time if I was in an argument, it was not over until one of us admitted defeat. The argument would go on until there was a clear winner. It would even go on longer if it was a heated debate. After all what was the fun of stopping at just winning if I could really rub the other persons nose in their defeat?

It sure felt good when on the winning end to really punish the other person. Taking it one step further. Adding a few extra hurtful comments because I knew I could was extra frosting on the cake.

Over time, I learned, or maybe unlearned, that I was not doing myself any good going above and beyond when I won an argument. It made me feel good for a few minutes of course. Or maybe I should say it made my ego feel good.

What I found was the price I extracted in collecting my proverbial pound of flesh from the other person would eventually turn out to be very expensive for me. I found out my behavior I was really hurting myself in the long run.

Over time, I find it better not to let arguments become that heated if at all possible. The more battles I took on, even more battles would make their presence known. In the end there are only a few battles worth fighting.

What I learned to do was stop arguing when I won. When losing, I found it is less painful to concede immediately. Stopping at the first opportunity is something practiced in martial arts where the idea is to stop the violence as quickly as possible with the least amount of harm to the opponent.

Fighting battles can be fun. Winning them is fun. Punishing the loser is even more fun. It is a blast in fact, until I needed something that only the person I hurt could do for me. Then suddenly it became obvious that the price they paid was much smaller than the price I would end up paying.

At first it was hard to stop. Hard to make myself stop when I had a lifetime of taking arguments too far, too often. With practice it became easier, and when done long enough, stopping before an argument became heated and something painful was said, became second nature.

So what is the benefit in not taking an argument too far? The most obvious is the other person does not feel like they have an enemy. They know what they were saying was actually heard and understood. In the future they may be may be more likely to help you, or at least not do anything to hamper you because they are not your enemy.

Being perceived as more mature comes in third for me. Not letting a disagreement become personal, and therefore heated, allows me to stay focused on keeping the disagreement respectful.

I find I have more energy. I have more energy because I am not wasting energy and effort on something that is not that important.

Life becomes easier and simpler. Not wasting time and energy on something that when compared to the bigger things in life are not really that important, allows more time and effort for what really matters. Not spending my energy trying to win an argument at any cost, gives me more time to notice those little things that make a big difference in the quality of my life.

When enough time is put into not arguing for the sake of arguing, I now understand other peoples arguments may be valid when they disagree with me.

Because I learned other people are not always wrong, I started seeing the person. When I start seeing the person, I know they are trying to enjoy their life just like I am. They may be going about it differently, but they are not wrong.

Reaching this point, a happier more filling life starts to happen, and life becomes happier and more enjoyable because almost everyone is moving in the same direction I am.

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