Monthly Archives: April 2009

Want More Out Of Your Life?

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powerI came across two interesting thoughts today I wanted to share, and add too. The first was along the lines of, “If you do and act like everyone else, you are rewarded like everyone else.” The second was a re-quote from Henry David THorough, “All men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

Unfortunately these are tried and true, died in wool, written in concrete, branded in steel truths. Everyone is rewarded in the manner of everyone else like themselves. Everyone leads lives of quiet desperation. If you do not believe me, think of the people in your social group.

Everyone dresses the same, has similar tastes, all make about the same income, and they all have about the same expectations for their future. It makes no difference if the group you belong to is in their late teens, thirties, sixties, or somewhere in between. Everyone in your group will more or less progress and achieve at about the same rate.

It does not have to be that way though, unless you prefer it to be that way. Social pressure, a lifetime of listening to others expectations, and your beliefs all contribute to having a live like everyone else. Most people want the house, the car, the job, whatever group you identify with, everyone has about the same value set.

So why does everyone in that group deceive themselves by thinking they are unique and what everyone else will likely accomplish through their lifetime does not apply to themselves? I once read a definition of stupid as doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.

Hold up your hand if you suffer from doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. I am holding up my hand as you read this. Unless I am paying attention to what I am doing, I find myself repeating the same pattern over and over and expecting different results.

What is wonderful and important right now, is reading this and wondering if reptition applies to your life. If it does, it is your lucky day, because from this moment onward there is an opportunity to take a new approach to how you manage your life.

If you realize you have been doing the same things and hoping for a different outcome, this moment is the time to know and believe that nothing will change except the calander date. There may be an occasional fluke where something different happens, and your mind will jump on it reinforcing the thought that you are on the right track, but do not take one instance an place it above the other hundred or more instances.

Repeating the same patterns leads to the same results. Starting now, make an effort to change the way you do things. The first time, or the first twenty times may bring about change you do not want, but at least you are making changes, and you know what won’t work. Eventually you will find what works and your life will take off in the direction you really want it to go in. Of course you will have to take personal responsibility to step out from the crowd and dare to be different…and the crowd won’t like that.

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Wishing a Happy Easter for you

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Growing up in Minnesota, when Easter sunday rolls around we were still some time from spring and all the great things that come with spring. When Christmas made its appearance Poinsettia, and Christmas Cactus would be in homes, and public places, but they have no fragrance. It was nice to se flowers in bloom, but it was not quite the same.

At Easter however there were Easter Lilies! Easter Lilies had beautiful trumpet shaped flowers and an interesting fragrance. My Grandmother always had at least one in her home. The church would have any number of them depending on how wealthy it was during Easter or who donated plants to the church.

Whenever I see Easter Lilies in bloom and catch their scent, any number of Easter memories form my past are opened. Most of them are good memories, but as in any memories, some are probably less than stellar. Still they are memories from my past, and they partially define me, and who I am.

Holidays are special once you are grown and have experienced many of them. The wealth of past Easters, the Easter meals, the fun Easter games, all come back as if they were yesterday. That leads to other memories of holidays which leads to other memories of good times.

In that respect holidays, especially Easter help rejuvenate us and remind us of our past and our family and friends. Happy Easter, and as always, remember the reason for the season.

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Accept or Change Your Life

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We are our own worst enemies, no one else is. We do more to hurt and frustrate ourselves each day than a a group of people can do as a concerted effort. How much time each day do you spend thinking about yourself compared to the amount of time you spend thinking about other people? Other people are exactly the same. They may spend a few moments thinking about you, but they spend a majority of their time thinking about themselves.

One of the most frustrating experiences of my early years were the people that always seemed to be around me. Most of them were good solid people, but there were always one or two who I preferred not to be around. Yet when no one else was around those people would manage somehow to be the only people around when I needed help.

It took many years for me to figure out that these people were in my life because I was drawing them to me. Everything I disliked about these people were a part of me. Once I figured that out and accepted everyone for what they were, these abrasive people disappeared into the woodwork, and rarely made any further appearance in my life.

decisions1Our world and the people around us are our creation and choice. No matter if our life is very good, very frustrating, or run of the mill, it is all of our doing. We are the masters of our creation. We create ourselves and as a result we create an environment for for everything around us. As green plants do not live in darkness, everything in our world is there because it is like us in some way.

While that may on the surface sound very self centered and selfish, nothing is further from the truth. Think about your life and the people around you. Everyone in your life is more or less like you are. They generally have the same hopes, fears, and lifestyle as you do.

People in your life you enjoy the most are those people who exhibit those parts of you that you want to display or promote in yourself. Those people you would rather were somewhere else share those traits that you actually exhibit, whether you are aware of it or not.

The easiest way to remove people from your life you would prefer were not in it is to accept them for what they are, and accept that they are a reflection of what you show the world. No matter what people do to aggravate or frustrate you, they are only reflecting back to you what you are showing the world.

Accepting people who frustrate you and appreciating them for what they are is accepting yourself for what you are. Once you accept people you dislike in your life, and learn to appreciate them, you are accepting and appreciating yourself too. As you accept them for what and who they are, they will slowly start to distance themselves from your life.

One day you will realize that they are no longer a part of your life, and you will wonder when and how they disappeared without you noticing.

We all are the creators of our own life. Our life’s creation is our free will at work. When portions of your life are unpleasant, remember you created situations that allow them to occur. Knowing you are responsible for what they are, accepting them, and learning from them helps you get your life where you want it to be.

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Feeling Lost Because You Are

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Everything is fine and life is good and then it happens. Waking up one morning, the middle of the night, or at the most unexpected moment, it happens. Without any apparent reason we feel like crying. Not just a few sniffles, but a body shaking, alligator tear crying that wants to go on without end.

After some time, you start to notice that even though you are being racked by sobs of anguish, and your pillow is soaked. You really have no idea what it is you are crying about. Everything seems to be going well, and there is nothing wrong.

fuzzyOur parents suddenly look older and tired. Our brothers and sisters are growing up, or have grown up. Our friends are growing away from us. We feel ourselves on the outside looking in at the life we used to know. Overwhelmed by this feeling we want to curl up into a ball and cease to exist. Or perhaps retreat into the safety of the world as we knew it before we jumped on the carnival of life and were swept away.

Up until this moment, we have been living life as it comes at us. Our world has changed and we missed it happening around us. Suddenly we now see how everything has changed while we weren’t paying attention.

While it feels at this moment of being a piece of driftwood in the middle of a lake, no shore in sight, and our anchor rope is not long enough to reach the bottom and stop our drift, nothing is further from the truth.

I think what happens is we are so busy with our life up until this very moment that we have not given any thought to our life. Suddenly it seeps though our subconscious that we have been very busy, yet our life has no direction. We don’t even know the process of how we arrived at where we are.

What happens next is your future, and to some extent your past. While we may want to climb into bed and pull the blankets over our head and take comfort in the warmth and darkness, now is the time to wake up and take action.

While it feels terrible at the moment, it is time to start thinking about where we want our life to go. What do we want our future to be, and what are we going to do to help make it happen. It should obvious at this moment if we need to think about we feel so listless and lost, to what our our destiny is.

Destiny is waiting for you. Destiny has given you a whack on your head, and it hurts. Destiny is calling you too look at your life path and make the changes you need to make to become who you are to be. At this moment as you feel so empty, it is because you are. It is time to start living the life you are meant to live.

It is time to understand that you are unique, and you have a destiny waiting to be fulfilled. Take this moment when everything is hazy, and begin to forge your future. Once you determine what your real life can be, your view of the world and your place in it, will become clear again and focused.

Let the word destiny roll off your tongue until you see what you are meant to be and do. Start to feel your destiny and your life direction. Start making plans to live the life you were born for instead of floating aimlessly and feeling lost.

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Do Not Let Anyone PWN You!

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When playing poker, after winning a big hand and you know you took everyone for more the most money possible, an interesting situation occurs. As the dealer pushes you the pot and the other players look on in various states of anguish, you scoop their chips to your little section of the table.

This is a moment when you really want to stand up and shout, “I fooled you all, I pwn (own) you! You didn’t have a clue!” What you do instead is sit quietly and stack chips looking as uninterested as possible. After all the people who lost money the hand are momentarily bitter about it, and you do not want to do anything to make their mood worse. Doing so however is not in your best interest.

This behavior is not limited to the poker tables. It happens at the dinner table, office meetings, church services, driving, just about anywhere two or more people gather to decide something, or compete for something. You can not stop or control this behavior until you know how.
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What can be controlled is how it affects you as an individual. Do you find yourself angry in certain situations without understanding the reasons why? Do you suddenly lose your temper and make remarks or do something you later regret? If this sounds like your day, I know a few tricks that may help you.

Pay attention to the people around you when these ‘anger’ moods suddenly come upon you. Do you notice a pattern? Were you in a good mood until you spoke with one or two certain people. Afterward, you find yourself angry or lashing out about something that you did not care about thirty seconds before the conversation? Do people say things to push your buttons?

It is important to know there are people in everyone’s social group who love to spend their day making others angry, then walk away. If you call them on it, they will act innocent, pretending they do not know what they are doing to you. Then, same as the person stacking everyone else’s chips at the poker table, they let an almost undetectable smirk cross their face for an instant. It happens so quick, you may not realize it happened. They are getting in one last button press before they leave you alone for the day.

You can protect yourself from these situations easily once you realize they are happening. The secret is simple. Once you know that one or more people in your social group are trying to manipulate you, you are ready for them. When they stop by and start what appears to be an innocent conversation, ask yourself, ‘what is the purpose of this conversation?’ If you listen for the purpose of finding the reason they are talking with you, it is easy to spot what they are doing.

Do they want you to do something they would not do themselves? Perhaps they are trying to anger you into confronting someone they are angry with? Do they enjoy it when they make you angry? Do they use you as a tool to fix their problems?

Knowing the hidden reason for a particular conversation, you are empowered to act, or better still, not act on what you hear. Some people, who make other people angry, do so without any intention of doing it; it is rare, but it happens. They may see you as a good listener, an empathetic ear, or someone they feel they can safely blow off steam to, or a victim.

No matter what the real reason for someone trying to manipulate you, once you know what is happening, and you do not follow through doing what they intended, the other person(s) will come to realize that you are no longer their property. They no longer own (pwn) you, and they can no longer create a situation where you find yourself doing what they will not do themselves.

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