Monthly Archives: March 2010

Grab Bag Beliefs

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I had a conversation with a man, I will call Tony. The conversation started among a group of us, about a recent murder where a self proclaimed witch murdered a man. The murder was rather brutal, and from what the news said, was more about not being in control of ones reality than it was about witchcraft.

Tony said he had been told as a child there used to be a lot of witches around here. I mentioned I knew two people who have witches in their families and live in the area. I said witchcraft is alive and well in our state, and has been for hundreds of years, if not longer.

Tony said he is a Catholic and does not believe in witchcraft, the boogie man, old stories, demons, the devil, or anything like that. He said all he believed in is God. Well it is hard to argue with someone about their beliefs. Beliefs are after all are what one chooses to believe, right or wrong.

Tony is partially correct in his beliefs, though he is also wrong in his beliefs. I did not question him further or comment on his beliefs because each of us believes what we want to be true, and we don’t change our opinions until we want to. This does not change the we could be wrongs.

It is impossible to believe in any God, especially a Christian God, and dismiss all other supernatural possibilities as non-existent. That is a major flaw in ones understanding. Especially when a God uses physical and non physical angels and other beings to do work on the earth, and in the heavens.

The greater flaw in Tony’s belief is dismissing everything, such as the Devil, and demons, deciding they do not exist. It would be different if the Christian bible made no mention of the Devil, or demons, but they are in the bible along with Angels, giants, and various other named and unnamed entities.

Christianity is a religion that wraps itself in the supernatural by default. God does not exist in a form anyone can see or touch. If one believes God exists, then one should be prepared to accept other things we can not see or touch also exist.

One last comment made by Tony is a sign of an unbalanced belief system. Tony mentioned that people who practice witchcraft, even though he does not believe in witchcraft, are evil people. I hear this said often in christian religious circles, people essentially saying,  “People not like us are evil”.

These types of people believe there are two types of people in the world. How can people who do something one does not even believe in be evil? Tony should have said misguided, silly, or maybe ignorant, but evil? Where does evil fit in where there is only room for God?

It is interesting how many people decide to define their world. People hold beliefs that are often have conflicts in their very foundations. People see the face of Jesus on a cookie. The outline of Virgin Mary when the sun shines through a room at a certain time. Yet these same people can’t imagine them actually appearing in physical form. For them it just could not happen, God and the Virgin Mary don’t do that!

Yet people often choose conflicting beliefs. Beliefs such as: I choose to believe in flying saucers and ufo’s, but nothing religious. I choose to believe in God, angels, and demons, but not ghosts, or other spirits. I choose to believe vampires exist though no record of one factually exists. I choose to believe even though there are billions of stars and in an untold number of solar systems, though only Earth has life. I choose to believe when I die, that is the end of me, even though I saw a ghost once.

Many of us shut out beliefs we don’t care for. When man went to the moon for example, many people believed it never happened, it was a stage production. Yet those same people put their belief in a pill to cure them of almost any illness. What if the pill isn’t even made of sugar?

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Know Your Formal and Informal Expectations

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No matter where you live, what you do, or how young or old you are, sooner or later you know there are expectations that apply to you. Those expectations are not always stated or obvious but are there all the same. Getting along in your family group, work group, or with friends means certain expectations are met.

There is a general division of labor, that is sex, educational, and job based. Terms are used to define the types of labor are used as a rough indicator of work expectations. The terms are “Blue Collar”, and “White Collar”, define what you do for a job, and how you do it.

If you do physical work for a living you are considered a ‘Blue Collar’ worker because you wear work clothes and do physical labor. You know your job as a portion of a larger project. You require some direction and some level of supervision to be successful in your job.

If you have a college education or smart and lucky, you work in an office and you managed your own work or projects. Someone is your boss, but has little day to day interaction with you about your work. You are considered a ‘White Collar’ worker if you meet these criteria. You know what your job is, how to it, and you alone are responsible completing your work.

Growing up from young child to adult, people around you change their expectations of you as you grow. It is almost like a change from blue collar to white collar worker as you mature. As a child you are usually doing something because a parental figure told you too, and doing that something because it needs to be done. As you grow, you do more on your own because you know they need to be done.

Expectations in the work place, social circles, and families are both formal and informal. There are tasks you must complete, and certain behaviors are expected from you. In your social life, your family expects good manners, and your respect for each of them. Your friends expect you think like they do, and to be there for them if they need your help.

Informal expectations are harder to define because they are not talked about nor obvious. In a business setting, a company has policies in place that determine how employees are expected to conduct themselves, and solves differences. These are written down somewhere and everyone working for the company is expected to know them and follow them.

Informal business expectations may on occasion appear to conflict with formal expectations. For example, there may be a formal company expectation of how problems are solved. This may involve a formal process of creating a system of problem definition, all possible solutions, mapped out better solutions, leading to a best solution. Informally, the correct solution may one that is decided over a beer after work, or a weekend basketball game.

Knowing what informal expectations in your work or social group are and following them is important. Informal expectations may mean publicly supporting decisions out of your control while privately disagreeing with them. You company expects you to meet certain standards of dress, behavior and language. These are formal expectations and are written down and talked about.

Completing certain family chores necessary for family unity and happiness without being told once you reach a certain age become informal expectations. Breaking one or more of these expectations and conflict is sure to follow. If you are young adult newly living on your own, new to the workplace, or joining a new group, learning both formal and informal expectations makes your day go better.

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Game Plans and the Path of Life

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One term at my work is also familiar to any business that uses detailed plans, though likely with a different name. No matter what the name, the thought process and the flow is always the same. A unit of work is selected, started, processed and completed. The scale of work may be different, and the presentation may different, though everything else is the same.

Fast food workers and airline engine mechanics both follow the same general process. An Airline with a plane needing engine work, can not use the plane until the engine maintenance is completed. Customer at fast food drive throughs can not have their food order until it is cooked, put together, and all parts of the order are completed and verified.

Life over a period of living, no matter how many hears that may be, lived successfully also follows a pattern. Those of us that follow the pattern in the most correct sequence are what our peers call successful in our lives. Others of us who neglect the sequence, or neglect early parts of the sequence jumping ahead of where they should be are rarely successful.

People who vaguely follow a life plan are not generally overly successful. They fail for reasons outside of their control. People who choose not to follow a life plan, and are successful, are usually successful because of conditions or results outside of their control. For others whose life is less than successful have made mistakes and outside influences outside of their control occurred worsening the outcome of their life.

While only you know the intimate details of your life, almost everyone follows the same general life plan whether aware of following a plan or not. The plan starts out with your birth, no surprise there. The next steps can be thought of as a tree growing branches and reaching out.

Your life is what it is. Your parents did their best to get you to this moment. Now you are starting to, or are in control of your life. You may be working on your higher education, you have friends, and hobbies or entertainment. The basic things we all want in our lives.

The next step is future building, and this is where risk enters your life. Life decisions become more serious and starting out on our own we have little experience to help us. What are you going to do for a living? We all held job for a paycheck, but it is always time to think about your working life. What are you going to do for a career, and will your job choice be there for your working life or will you have to change jobs in the future?

Thinking about and starting serious long term relationships is usually the next big step. What are you deep down? What kind of person do you think you can spend your life with? Is that type of person willing to spend their life with you? These are serious  questions. You may want to marry someone completely different than you are. Is it likely you will have enough in common with someone completely different than yourself to hold together a long term relationship? Long term relationships go well beyond sex, and the same taste in music, what you want in one needs some deep thought.

Farther in the future, we all get the urge to do something for our community. When this happens depends on a number of things. Generally we want to do something that aligns us with our family interests or values. Perhaps coaching, passing along skills like scouting perhaps. Something where you could include your family, as your time is more limited than your intentions.

Later on we have hobbies and interests which have probably changed over the years. We now want to branch out and teach or share our satisfactions with others. Finding and creating a balance is very important for in life at this time. We have more surplus time than at any point before and would prefer to do something meaningful and fulfilling with it.

This is the way most of go about living our lives, and generally we do a pretty good job of having a satisfying life. We also add warmth and pleasure to the lives of others along the way. Of course this is a simple glowing overview of life from a very high level. The details of our life is much more complex and at times gritty.

We have structured ourselves and our society for certain events to happen at certain times, or physical ages. We generally do not quit school to go to work, marry at a very young age, or have the luxury of retiring young.

Some of us reject this way of living. Being a rebel has its moments, but even Rebel’s have a life pattern they must follow to be successful, although it is different from the norm. We should all take the time to identify where we are in life, and what we should be doing as we go through our lives. Going with the flow is always easier than swimming against the current. It is also a little sweeter.

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Plugged in and Separated

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‘The Offspring’ with their song, “Keep ‘em Separated”, has a much deeper meaning than they may have realized when they wrote it.

One of the most searched for posts on my blog is by people who for one reason or another find themselves on the outside of their life looking in. I am guessing the reasons are as varied as the people themselves, this feeling of being lost in our life is something we share in numbers unheard of before the electronic world arrived.

I have heard the newest generation of young adults being called the, “Plugged In Generation”. Plugged into what exactly, is what I wonder when I strike up a conversation with one as we are both sitting around waiting for something. They all seem to have cell phones which double as high tech pagers, and triple as portable computers albeit with software directed towards being even more connected.

I open a conversation with a general observation, perhaps followed by another observation. Some people reply back, others pretend they did not hear me, or think I am talking to someone else even though we are the only two people present. Their conversation is stuttered, not in their speech but in managing to put together a reply that is more than the length of a quick text message.

Within a few minutes they go back to being engrossed in their cell phones, either hoping someone will text them, or texting someone with some witty overused string of words. To me they look lonely and lost. They appear to be missing some basic ideas that I always took for granted. Things like growing up in a household where there was real conversation, and not life scheduling. Family time where everyone did something together, even if that something was eating hot dogs and chips in the back yard together with no interruption.

Many people are finding themselves isolated through technology. If they are the ‘Plugged In Generation’, what exactly are they plugged into? Parents whose interaction with them is via text messaging? Friends who post inane messages on their social web site accounts, siblings who prefer the aloofness of electronic strangers, rather than the company of family members.

Living a socially satisfying life not created by electronic media is sometimes awkward. Conversations do not go as planned. Questions and answers are not crafted, drafted, and polished. Sometimes questions and answers are about two different perspectives of the same situation.

The world of the plugged in does not have to deal with these awkward moments, testy conversation, or uncomfortable moments. Everyone is their best friend, and their Parents monitor them from a distance.

The downside is their is no flesh and blood anyone to talk with, no Parent to spend time with, and no unscripted conversations.

With all this going on, it is no surprise so many people feel lost in their own lives. Look around at the artificial world we live in. Food is crafted to taste good with enough variety one rarely has to eat anything that is not the favorite food of the week. Music, and other electronic entertainment have evolved to a point where one never need listen or hear anything they do not wish to.

For all the benefit of being a part of the plugged in generation, the searches relating to being lost in life is no surprise. I understand some of what is missing in peoples lives these days. I think it was really brought to light for me when I met Helen, who I wrote about a few posts previous. Helen whose idea of ‘plugged i’n is over the air television, told me on afternoon how nice it was to find someone she could talk to about things important in her life.

It would be wonderful if each time my blog was searched by someone feeling lost in their life, I could pick up a phone, drive a car, take a flight and speak with them. One human being talking with another about the feeling of being a stranger in your own life and how to fix it. Instead I write a some words with the sincere hope that the someone on the other end, reads my words and gets enough out of my post to help them find meaning in their life. Along with making a difference in the lives of their family, friends, and better their community along the way. Instead all I can do is write. We are human beings, not advertising machines whose life is crafted funny replies to unimportant questions.

Talk face to face with your family and friends. Listen to different types of music. When you are outside let your ears hear what is happening around you. Quit living in your head, and start living in the world around you. Doing these few things, you will probably find others who feel like you do, and make real friends, have real conversations, and have awkward moments. Along the way you will become part of your live again.

For the curious, check out the Categories section to the left, there are more posts on feeling alone and lost.

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Challenge and Change Your Boundaries

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Frustrating days are long hard days. Starting with the alarm clock, and ending with a groan or moan hoping to sleep, trying to forget how bad today was. We all have these days, no one is excluded. Some of us however seem to have more of them than the rest of us do. For an unfortunate few, it is their lot that they have more bad days than good. For most of us fortunately, more than the occasional bad day is our own fault, and not the world plotting against us.

We live our life with a certain level of expectation. Personal boundaries are set by those expectations. Some of those boundaries we aren’t even aware we are setting. Our normal response to any situation is what our preset expectation is.

Pretend you have to be somewhere over ten miles away between seven and nine o’clock in the morning. how do do you feel about it? Do you feel apprehensive, do you feel frustration and mild anger start to simmer at the thought?

Unless it is the second day of a three day national holiday, there will always be a lot of people trying to get somewhere the same time you are. Set your boundaries aside, accept this as normal knowing everyone else feels the same frustrations, and be done with it.

Challenge those boundaries you have set in your life. Most of our boundaries are self imposed. We set up conditions, and fence in our life with our expectations. Our expectations play out every day day, which further reinforces our expectations. A self fulfilling loop is created in which many of us live.

Changing too much at one time is a sure fire way to have your fears come true. Changing too much and failing makes it easy to fall back into the same old patterns. Why try to change your whole world in one fell swoop? Pick one difficult moment of your day, and choose to approach that moment differently.

Think about one event in your day you want to change for the better. Smile while thinking about the moment. Smiling helps you feel and think differently. Even if your smile feels false, keep smiling for a few seconds – while thinking about how to handle the event differently.

It may help if you sing a few words of a happy song while thinking. Occupying your brain with other things allows your thinking to change from your normal limited patterns. Let negativity go, and let some sunshine in. A few moments of smiling, singing while thinking will lead you to new ideas for old problems.

Doing this is no different than going on a long walk, sitting in a quiet place, or exercising. You are changing your focus while looking for an alternative way to make a moment more pleasant and positive.

After some time has passed, it may suddenly dawn on you that you haven’t had a bad day in weeks. In fact it might almost be disturbing wondering what is wrong because everything is going so well. What has really happened is you have developed new ways of looking at problems, and created new tools to make what used to be uncomfortable situations comfortable.

With practice, smiling, humming, or singing a happy song, or feeling happy thoughts while thinking about one problem in your day will help your mind start thinking about problems differently. You will find you are reaching out, moving your personal boundaries farther away from you instead of pulling them in around you. People around you will start to be different too. They will be happier because you are helping them while you help yourself. Share what you are doing with others, and get them involved too.

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Late Night Holdem and Weak Tight Nits

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I played live Holdem Poker this week in two different card rooms. If you have been playing poker for more than a year or so you know how the game has evolved. Holdem Poker played well means quickly adapting to different styles of play, and different strategies as players come and go. Occasionally players do not even need to leave to have the table change states in the span of two or three hands.

In the first card room it was about midnight and the game was slowing down. The table was a few seats short, and most of the players including myself were a little on the tired side. I find in games like this, the opportunity to profit comes from being able to wait for opportunity to happen rather than try to force the action.

In late night games when players who are normally in bed are at the table, two main threads are going on. Players are more prone to making mistakes. Mistakes are made both from what the players think is happening in the hand and what is going on in their head. Secondly most players are trying to win back earlier losses.

This mix of wants makes for an interesting game. There are more heads up battles between players. One player perceives another player is making a move, and is not willing to lose chips invested in the hand. The rest of the field folds and watches the battle. Tired players are correct about the same amount of time they are wrong. I think late night games in a small card room have a lot in common with an afternoon short handed game, only with more mistakes being made.

The second game was a Saturday afternoon game which is usually a good game. Players are generally loosening up, and making small moves in hope of building their stacks up for later when the lags and maniacs arrive. This was not that game, and it took me longer than it should have to adjust to the game. I made the mistake of deciding what the table was like before I actually was in the game.

This game was the largest collection of weak tight nits I have seen in a while! I did not know there were enough around to dominate a table. Yet here they were, in all their glory, folding hands waiting for big pairs, and checking unless they held the nut hand. One player proclaimed that he would never dream of betting second top pair. Three players showed some sign of agreement as if it was proclaimed from above.

I watched and listened as they chastised and ran off two players who were playing looser than they were comfortable with. It was too bad because at that moment the profit was coming from those players. The table went short handed after the second loose player was chased off and one of the nits left for other ventures.

These are hard games to make a profit in, probably the worst. If they bet or call they usually hold Aces and paint, or big pairs. If the board looks the slightest bit scary after the flop they freeze. They would rather dump chips down the rake vacuum than play against a coordinated board without the absolute nut hand.

These are the two worst games I know of for making a profit. Mistakes in either of these games are costly. In a game of tired players, one player winning a hand and leaving may cause the game to fold. When this happens you are out of a game until tomorrow.

Against experienced players who never progressed beyond weak tight, profit tends to be a small. Weak tight players take few risks, if they are in a hand past the flop, they have a rock solid hand. If you try to take advantage of this, they usually will not give you any action if you are first to bet. If you push them, they tend to leave the game for the day.

I will remember for a while anyway, to let the table do the talking, and not decide how the table is until I see or sit in the game. I also remembered why I don’t like to play late at night on weekdays, or early afternoons. Too many weak tight nits, trying to make the day go by, taking as few risks as possible.

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