Welcome, Ven a gozar!

My heroes have always been a little tarnished. I published a past post about Marion Jones and the opportunity for her to become a hero now that she is making herself even with the world - or at least with herself, which is more important. I still believe what I wrote, and I think Marion Jones has started the process of rising above her current self. If Marion Jones continues there is no reason she will not be a hero to young people, and older people alike.

It is my belief our future is never written in stone. We each have our own obstacles to overcome and conquer. I believe there is a potential hero hiding in Marion Jones, and it will shine sooner than later. Unlike other current athletes who prefer to lie and hide, Marion Jones has nothing left to hide. Only opportunity for better things can enter her life, the worst will soon be behind her. Soon she will have paid her debt, and she will be able to wipe her slate clean. Then the real Marion Jones will step out, and start doing great things she may not even have dreamt of. Things we may never know about, and perhaps have no need to know about, but great things all the same.

There is an opinion that heroes do not come from tarnished lives. Some folks may rightly believe that to be a true hero, one has to be heroic in all aspects of their lives. What this does I think, is separate a few heroes from someone doing a heroic act. It is easy to be on the throne and do a great thing, it is much harder when one is struggling to be, and finding themselves in a position of contemplating a heroic act, and following through with it. It is even harder, yet greater when that act goes unseen and unnoticed.

If there are such people in the world who are heroes in the second sense, where their whole life is shiny and polished without a mark against it, and doing great things, I am all for them getting the recognition they deserve, and I applaud them. In my more mundane world, I have yet to meet any people who could pass this type of hero test. The everyday heroes I see in my world are more like the desperate thief Dustin Hoffman played some years ago where he was not a person anyone would look up to, but did something above and beyond him, quite by accident, and for selfish reasons. He became a hero all the same for a short time.

Most of the heroes I have seen are people who are in the right place at the right time, and do something above themselves and the people around them, when they did not have to. They were not looking for the chance to do something special. They did what they did without thinking. One heroic person I have seen had been drinking, another was trying to escape his life, and a third person was coasting along through life trying to be invisible.

What these three had people done with their lives up until that point was nothing special, and after the notoriety wore off they went back to what they were before, ordinary people getting through the day. In the space of those seconds when they acted heroically, they were above and beyond themselves. They saw something wrong that needed righting in an instant, and before they even thought about what they were doing, the heroic action had took place. I am sure when they realized what they had done, they were as shocked as everyone around them.

It may be thought of as less than stellar, but those heroes I have seen in action were ordinary people who had a moment of heroism, and then faded back into the ordinary life they were living before the act. I do think these are the best types of heroes though. These are the heroes that you, I and anyone else can be, if we happen to find ourselves in the right place at the right time.

I listen to, and read of people who say they wish they had better control over their emotions. There is not any particular identifiable group who feel they can not control their emotions. Lack of emotional control seems to be everywhere from young children, to old men and women too.

Pretend for a minute that you are suddenly transported to another country. In this country they speak a language you may have heard, but you certainly do not understand. It can be any language you can imagine as long as you do not understand the words being said.

Someone you know in this country comes up to you and says something to you, and laughs, but you can not understand what they are saying, so to be polite you smile too. A second, and third person come up to you smiling and one of them says something to you, and they both chuckle. Just to be polite, you chuckle too. They laugh again and walk off with smiles on their faces.

A fourth person comes up to you and says something you do not understand. This time they are not smiling. You do not know what to do, so you shake your head, and try to convey that you do not understand. They say something else to you, that you do not understand and then they walk off.

If you put these four conversations in a spot where we have lost our patience each time, there is a difference. In each of these conversations we had to run what was being said through our ego, to see what our ego self thinks, and how ego responds.

Of those people who feel they have poor emotional control, ego is usually the offender. Of course our ego responses are tempered depending on who is on the other side of the conversation with us. If our ego likes to bully for example, we will bully only if we think we can get away with it. If the other person involved in the conversation is bigger, or meaner than us, we  temper our response to that person, because we are scared of the consequences if we make them angry at bus.

However if the other person is someone who we see as below us, or not as important as us, the bully ego comes out in full force. Why we just let the other person know where the crow flies, and what the bear does, and we don’t care what they think or say.

So it is not really emotional control most of us suffer from, but rather it is being too generous in giving ourself permission to act in a way we know is not appropriate. We let our ego run our conversation, then we justify our actions by blaming the other person for some imagined inadequacy.

The other person who we just bullied is at fault, because of the way they spoke to us. Perhaps the choice of words they used, or the look on their face. We find it easy to find fault with the other person while ignoring our reaction when we know their is no negative consequences involved.

If you are someone who has trouble controlling their emotions, I suggest you look inwards to you. Check out your ego, which is really running you, and your emotions. Watch yourself and notice how you do not react the same way with all people, but you only act when it is safe to do so. Watch and notice how no matter what you seemingly do, someone is right there setting you off when you are trying so hard to maintain?

If you find these things are true, it is not controlling your emotions that is at fault, it is letting your ego have to much control in your life. You control your emotions any time you need to, but normally you do not, because your ego is in charge and it is telling you how to act and react.

Wow, am I having a problem with the integrity issues this week! Two of the blogs on my blogroll to the right, sonalismrules, and heroworkshop, share some pretty strong feelings about integrity. Both of them incidentally over the India verses Australia Cricket test match (?) this week. The match definitely ups the visibility of world class athletes’ and starts to question the status they hold, referees too. This problem is also going lower down in sports in the last months.

While the big news here in the US has been around steroids, Marion Jones, and Floyd Landis seem to hold the spotlight there. Some athletes did not learn anything, or thought they were immune to normal human expectations. Baseball once again is having its already shaky reputation dragged through baseball mud once again with widespread steroid use reported. In late December Florida State college came under the spotlight for group test cheating where as many as twenty athletes may be involved.

Integrity seems to be the issue at hand. I am grappling with the word integrity and I can understand why it is defined with a standard definition, a conceptual view, and a philosophical view. It seems we all have an idea of what integrity should be, but we have different thoughts on how and when it applies.

As a poker player, I have sat with some pretty immoral people. I have seen people who are willing to cheat me, but if they give me their word on something it is as good as gold. I have seen other players give their word, and take any advantage they can to ensure they get what they want. Both types of people act with integrity in their dealings. The biggest difference between them is one type of player goes by the general rule of what is right, and the second argues over what was agreed upon.

Obvious integrity examples for me are in presidential politics. I watched Richard Nixon state he was not a thief. I saw Bill Clinton adamantly claim he did not have sex with a certain woman. The current president has been caught making claims that have shown to be not quite true. In their view they all acted with integrity, in the view of their public they acted with something less.

In the world I was brought up in, the value I was taught that is most important is integrity. I was once asked by a close friend to lie for him, saving him from a serious problem. It was a simple lie, and no one would have known. My integrity would not have been impugned if I had agreed. Well, that is not really true, for I would have known. In the end of all things integrity is one of the things no one can take from me. I can only give it away, and I refuse.

In the current state of sports, people are willing to give up everything for the money. How much money do these people need to accumulate before they can like who they see in the mirror? How much money is needed before a family member, or friend can look at someone who is a liar, and a cheat decide it is okay because they made enough money that they are beyond it all now.

In the stories making the media today, these are not little things that someone was caught doing, or lying about. In the case of Cricket, a whole nation now has their integrity drawn into question due to the act of a few people. India is outraged because they have been wrongly cheated out of something they have every right to.

What is done, can not be undone, in the near future at any rate. No amount of reparation will ever undo the sting of what has been done. No amount of sorry will ever fix the damage done to Cricket, and other sports too. Like it or not, now the integrity of a country - all the way down to an individual - is no longer on the line. In the eyes of many in the world it has been lost, and may possibly never be regained. Was it worth it, I would not do it?

I do not know if you are familiar with the old story, “The Ant and The Grasshopper”? For a refresher, here is my 2008 version of what the author had in mind when the story was first told. It may be a little different from the written version, but times change, and so does my perspective.

In the story from the book I had as a child, Ant laid around, or played around, and really was not trying to do anything with his life that was worthwhile. Ant slept late, lounged around the house, and was generally lazy. Depending on your perspective this may not be such a bad life. Seems kind of fun to me as part of a life balance.

Grasshopper on the other hand was an over achiever. Grasshopper started at the crack of dawn tending his retirement fund, and working overtime to increase his net worth. He was not fussy about what he did to generate money, as long as he thought he was being productive he was happy.

What is not obvious in the story is both Ant, and Grasshopper are very good at their life choices. Ant never changes character, and actually worries about the future, or thinks of working for a living. Grasshopper’s character on the other hand never thought about enjoying life, as he was too busy working for some future time.

They both may be considered role models for people who think as they do. In the story, there is something else not mentioned and not readily apparent. The Ant spent an extraordinary amount of time visualizing how his future was going to be, and not really doing anything about achieving it.

Grasshopper on the other hand had little imagination. Grasshopper could not look to the future, and imagine what life would be like. Grasshopper spent his time getting ready for winter, and did not take time to enjoy the summer, and be happy for what he had at present. Grasshopper generally was moody and morose. With all of Grasshoppers good points, Grasshopper could only see his faults.

Some might think the Ant and Grasshopper were using some form of LOA, or other belief system. Ant was certain in his thinking that what he needed would be provided somehow, and everything would be okay. Grasshopper knew that any kind of LOA, or other belief system needed his help to be successful. The summer went on with Grasshopper prodding Ant to get a job, so he would have what he needed for the hard times coming. Ant was young, and carefree, he did not realize no one was going to help him survive come winter.

Of course after summer, winter came. Ant was now cold, and starving. On the other hand, Grasshopper had too much of everything. Some of his food must have been spoiling, because it had been saved for so long. While once again (as far as memory serves me) we do not know the whole story of Ant, or Grasshopper, some things are obvious:

• Too much of anything is not good. Whether it is our work ethic, belief system, or relationships, we need to strike a balance.
• Too little of anything has the same end result. Too much focus on one area of our life leaves us empty and cold in other areas. Emptiness, and want tend to make us bitter.
• To have a good life balance, we must be aware, and think. Blindly following any life path does not lead to happiness.
• We should be thrilled with our good parts, and accepting of the other parts, as Ant accepted his plight from playing, and goofing off all summer. Grasshopper demonstrates this in the story too, where he did not care to help Ant, but turned Ant away to fend for himself. Grasshopper accepted himself for what he was. Ant did the same, but not in such an obvious manner.

After the story ends, we can see both characters have their good sides, and their flaws. They both accepted that they each had their individual flaws. Ant apparently died from cold and hunger. Grasshopper died of loneliness because he no longer had Ant to talk with.

Family and friends at one time or another have told me in various ways, that I am one of the most stubborn people they have ever met. They have used some descriptive words like arrogant, condescending, and well, you get the idea. One coworker once said I was a bulldozer, because I bulldoze over anyones ideas or thoughts that I did not agree with.

I have been told in times of anger and frustration that in my world, no one’s opinion matters except mine. I have been told I also know it all too. A doctor I saw once that performed a day surgery for me, mentioned I had skin as thick as a horse. I imagine that is quite fitting.

My conclusion after completing what some may think is a fairly lengthy introspection of myself, my thoughts, and beliefs is they are correct. I am usually guilty of all charges. Yes, I am a culmination of all those adjectives people have used to describe me. I choose not to be a grammar expert, so adjective may not be the correct word.

There is a test given to people, to help the individual, teacher, or instructor identify an individual’s primary learning style. The test is simple though what is does is amazing. We have four basic learning modes we like to use.

The first learning behavior is someone who wants to do first, and learn later.

The second learning behavior is someone who prefers to learn as they go

The third learning behavior is someone who wants to know much more than the task, they want to know why the universe was created, and how it applies.

The fourth learning mode, and the one I was enmeshed in is a reflector. People who are reflectors do not want to do anything until they have thoroughly absorbed every part of the learning and how it fits in with everything they already know. You have shown them, told them, or demonstrated something so many times, you are sick of it. Fwiw, if you read yesterdays blog entry, you now know why I was hung up on math….

I was a statistical flyer in this learning style, out there past the standard three sigma range. How this learning style applies to what people think of me at times is interesting. It also makes me a human blender of ideas and thoughts. I later became a trainer which brought me close to the statistical center over time.

The ‘frustration’ people have with me, is I can not read, hear, or experience something, and take it as truth. I compare it with everything similar that I know already. This compare and blend process may take anywhere from a few seconds to a few days. When I am done, I know without any doubt at all whether I agree, disagree, why something is right, or wrong, and how far away from correct an idea is.

For example, if I read or hear somewhere about some human attribute being less than acceptable, it goes into my whole brain database of knowledge, and is compared to what I know already. If it does not agree with every other source that is in agreement, well then it is simply not correct. Not a bad trait, but I do it with most things.

Once it is faulty, it is faulty - this is where people mention to me I have a problem. Some people however can not accept that what they choose to believe (choose being a keyword) is not correct. For some people to be correct, almost every thinker in human history has to be wrong. I can not imagine for a second that the greatest thinkers on earth are wrong, and one little printed thought is correct.

World religion is a good example. Major beliefs, and religions share many fundamental precepts. Be good, and love one another is a precept all major beliefs share without exception.

When concepts deviate beyond what is shared in other major religions, it is possibly tainted thought injection, and should be treated as such. That does not make it immediately wrong, it does make it suspect and needing more looking into and thinking about.

I am sure you have heard, or read the (possibly mildly offensive to some) joke about the young bull and the old bull? In a cleaned up version, two bulls on top of a hill see a group of cows in the valley below. One, a young bull, being young, wants to rush in and mate with one of the cows. The old bull wants to walk down slowly, and mate with a number of the cows.

This joke is probably thousands of years old. There was a form of it in the movie, ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’, in the parking lot scene. It is also a premise in many other books and movies. At the end of all of these, the logic is immediately apparent: Why waste energy on small stuff when there are more important matters coming up? When you are older you will have more to contribute. While youth is great it is not the end all of existence, there is much more to life.

We should be who we are. When I was younger I enjoyed knowing there was someone around who was older and had more life experience than myself. I could go to and use them as a sounding board to help me through a hard decision, and present choices I had not thought of. I have never wanted to live in a world like that of Time machine, Logan’s Run, Brave New World, or any of the other books and movies where young is all there is, and life is controlled. Where and once you reach a certain age, you disappear. That’s not living, thats a lie in action.

It is a disservice to younger people to be much older, and try to be one of them. A much better tact is let someone younger than yourself be younger, and you be yourself at your correct age. There is much more to be gained from the relationship, and more satisfaction for both parties.

Take advantage of your life knowledge and life experience, to help young adults make the world a better place rather than helping them repeat the same mistakes that have already been made. If you are a young adult, take advantage of your enthusiasm, and energy to make the world a better place, but stop once in a while and ask directions.

No one would seriously argue the generally hasty decision making processes of some young adults. They do things on an instant. They are driving to a friends house, and they show up late, but with a new car. They push too many limits, and sometimes they pay a tragic price, either in themselves or the harm they have done to someone else. Thankfully, our society is set up in such a way, the damage they can do is limited.

There is a reason why people must meet a certain age requirement, either by law, or by general consensus. The reason for an minimum age, is peoples life experience, and decision making abilities have to be at a certain level before they can be effective in certain life roles.

I think it is a disservice to yourself, and young people, to be much older pretending to be young. A much better tact is let someone younger than yourself be younger, and you be you. There is much more to be gained from life, and more satisfaction for everyone. Take advantage of your life knowledge and life experience to help young adults make the world a better place rather than helping them repeat the same mistakes we did.

If you are a young adult, take advantage of your enthusiasm, and energy to make the world a better place. There is a lot to be said for youth, and there is a lot to be said for the knowledge and wisdom of age. Think about how much can be said when the two combine forces! Don’t be afraid to be the age you are. If you do not be your age, the only person you are fooling is yourself. You are also cheating yourself of some very good years in your life, and you probably do not like the person in the mirror to much either.

I remember when I was small child, my father talking to me about adult matters. More specifically it was grown male matters he spoke of. How Men behave, and how Men should act. My father never came right out and said so, but he left me with the vague impression there were grown men who were not Men. They inhabited adult bodies, but never quite fit the mold needed to be called Men by him.

When I grew up I understood what he was trying to make clear to me all those years ago. What I believe my father meant was that there are certain rules that Men follow. In my father’s opinion all Men were held to certain standards. Men are expected to keep, or exceed those unwritten standards. On the other hand there are male adults who did not make the grade of being Men in my father’s system, would be placed in the category of men.

Men had virtues, namely integrity and honesty. In a Man’s world, a hand shake was a Man’s bond. Whatever was agreed upon was sealed when Men shook hands on it. There was no need to clarify major or minor details. It was understood between the Men involved that there was no hidden agenda, or plan to cheat one another. A Man who dealt with another Man knew the other Man would uphold the unwritten standards they both lived by.

There are also men in the world. These men could not be trusted, and were not dealt with in the same manner as Men. These were men who thought the world existed for them to take advantage of others. As such, Men only dealt with men when they had to. Because men could not be trusted, dealings with them took longer.

Every point had to be agreed upon and discussed, every question needed to be asked. It was important in these dealings that a Man ensure everything is addressed. It was not good enough for example to sell something, and expect to be paid on Monday when promised by a man. When dealing with men, the transaction was never really complete, there could be problems later on.

I know the main beliefs my father used in his scale was one of  trust - obviously. If a Man could be trusted, he was trusted, otherwise he was shunned and ignored. A Man would never do anything that would tarnish his name or reputation. In those times, for many people, their name was the most valuable thing they owned. People tended to their name the way they would care for a prized possession.

Today our society is a mobile society. Unfortunately, it is now a poor personal choice to treat strangers with the level of trust they would be shown in my father’s time. We do not know people as we used to when the world was bigger and life slower. Some people do not put as much value to their family name as they used to. Moving to a new city is easier than cleaning up a bad reputation. In some social circles lying and cheating, are not only acceptable, but praised, and valued as something worthy.

The number of people we trust is probably about the same number as it was in my father’s day. The number of people we can not trust has grown much larger. I do not think it is because we have thrown virtue and good behavior by the wayside. I think we can not be as trusting, because there are more people in our lives, both Men, and men.

There are still pockets of people around the world, who believe someone’s word is their bond, and they try to live life with trust and integrity. These people will never go away because they are a group of people who keep the world in balance. They are also people we can judge our own morals and values against. I hope you are one of those people!

Sometimes, I think we have lost our real American Dream. Our substitute vision is the television commercial stating the American Dream these days is a few kids, and a white picket fence in Suburbia. Of course the speaker goes on to discredit this idea, and empowers us, but we need more voices in the choir to make a difference.

Back in the sixties John F. Kennedy, encouraged us with this quote during his inauguration address:

And so, my fellow americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

John F. Kennedy, Inaugural address, January 20, 1961
35th president of US 1961-1963 (1917 - 1963)

We have done a lot since the sixties, most of it in line with the vision the Kennedy era left us. As with all good things there are a few things we do these days that I do not think are part of the American Dream. I think we have left behind parts of the American Dream. We have turned the American Dream into a few kids, a house, a steel, barbed wire topped fence, and isolation.

Humanity and compassion seem to be left somewhere along the roadside between the sixties and now. Even our own personal enjoyment of life seems to have diminished. We have lost the vision of neighbor, city, state, and country to a large extent. We are spending too much time in personal cocoons where we participate but we do not share. And then we wonder why we are some of the loneliest people on the earth today.

It is believed that President Kennedy took inspiration and maybe a little liberty with his quote from a gentleman of a generation before him. The man who Kennedy is thought to be loosely quoting is Dr. Howard Thurman. Dr. Thurman was a world traveller, meeting with many great leaders of his day. Dr. Thurman was a prolific author, and a human rights activist as well.

I would like to see more people like Dr. Thurman about in our world today. Perhaps someone like Dr. Thurman would teach us once again the importance of a balanced life. How to have respect, and compassion for others in our world. Maybe Dr. Thurman would show us how to practice what we hear in our churches weekly, and from the mouths of our leaders when desire is not the pressing issue.

I think what parents living anywhere in the United States today wants for their present, future, and their children’s future is the same across our country, and probably the world. The opportunity to live in peace, and pursue whatever future we may individually dream.

The original quote that President Kennedy was thought to have modified in his speech is this:

Ask not what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive… then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

- Howard Thurman 1900 - 1981

How great life would be if people of the world came alive! If we would stop and think our own thoughts, instead thoughts fed to us daily - thoughts intending to create fear and uncertainty. I think most of us would be surprised at what we, not the controlling influences surrounding us, think are important.

Dr. Thurman had another quote that I think is appropriate for this time of year. Dr. Thurman’s quote sure does read like the American Dream wrapped up in the Christmas spirit. My wish for you is you enjoy experiencing some of Dr Thurman’s quote over the next few weeks!

“When the song of the angels is stilled, When the star in the sky is gone, When the kings and princes are home, When the shepherds are back with their flock, The work of Christmas begins: To find the lost, To heal the broken, To feed the hungry, To release the prisoner, To rebuild the nations, To bring peace among others, To make music in the heart.”

It is surprising how common everyday objects that we hardly notice become a crucial part of our lives and we don’t even realize it. I am writing of the humble table we all have in our homes. About the most time we ever spend thinking about our table is before we buy it. After that about the only attention it really receives other than cleaning, is when company is coming, and we are trying to make it look as pleasing as possible.

When we were in school most of us did our school work on our table, either in the kitchen or in the dining room, before or after dinner. When there was no homework, it was the weekend, or we could not go outside, we play games on the same table. Fortunes are won and lost, as properties were traded and real estate moguls were created. Both amazing, and lucky plays are made playing our board and card games. Pacts are made with other players only to be broken when it seemed it was the worst possible time for us. We were heroes or zeros in the roll of the dice, or the flip of a card.

The real character of our family members, and friends comes through depending on how they conduct themselves while winning or losing, and how they play the game. Cheating is found out and dealt with severely in this game, or encouraged in another game. Losing poorly is punished, as is gloating too much when winning. Our opponents around the table are quick to point the weak spots in our play, and our personality, of course they smile as we lose, and they push our buttons to make us angry.

As we became more worldly, games with real money take the place of our other games. Small but real mini fortunes are made and lost, bragging rights established, and we learn a little more about the value of money, especially if we lose some of ours. After a given time most of learn that money is too hard to earn and too easily lost to play with in games of chance. Unless it is a holiday, and the family is getting together, and we feel lucky.

As we became older, we sit at the table and make life decisions. We plan out our future, our weddings, funerals, and pay or not pay our bills depending on how life is going this month. We listen to salesman trying to make a buck by selling us something we really do not need, and probably can not afford. We share meals with family and friends. We listen to the woes of others and others listen to ours, across the table.

We peel potatoes, slice carrots, do science projects, and hopefully learn the value of service to others at the table. When we are setting the table we usually think about the person’s place we are putting the plate down for, and what we think of them that day. Whether we are happy with them, angry, hurt, or indifferent to them. If we are angry with them, they will get the worst plate, cup, and silverware. If it is company, we are wondering why they are here, and what stories they will have for us to hear since their last visit. They always see and use the best we have in the cupboard.

At the end of the day we sit around the table and talk about times past. Those stories someone thinks are important to family knowledge. They tell a story they learned from someone no longer around any longer. Sometimes we have coffee, milk, or tea to make the time either special, or bearable depending on how important it was to you that day. Don’t forget the pie or cookies….

In many cases, our lives, when they come to an end, there is no need for scales to weigh the good and bad, to see how they balance out. All that is really needed is all the tables we sat at throughout our lifetime. Such stories those tables could tell about the real us.

I listened to a conversation yesterday that was a little disquieting. The conversation concerned a child and a group activity she enjoys. One of the first questions between the adults in the conversation was, ‘did she win’? I think for an eight year old, a more important and pertinent question would be, ‘did she have fun’? The discussion went on between the adults talking about she did compared to the other children.

What is up with the over use of the win and lose thinking? Is it impossible for kids to go out and have fun at something these days without worrying about winning or losing? I remember the same problem when I was a kid, but it was toned way down compared to today. Little League baseball was my summer sport, and with ice hockey in the winter time. Some parents would get very worked up over their children, and their children’s perceived talents, and their children payed the price indirectly.

This overly competitive atmosphere made it hard for some of my teammates just to show up and have fun. Some had to show up, and they were expected to act like professional athletes. Moving around the field, and receiving instruction with a look of chronic constipation on their faces. Anything less than over professionalism, and their parents were not satisfied they were taking things seriously enough. Many of the kids I played ball with were miserable because of their parent’s haranguing. After the season was over, most of them did not want to repeat it the next year, and who could blame them? Most of my team mates wanted to have fun, and play some ball, not get ready for the World Champion Little League playoffs!

Children in too many families is expected to be a great student, and a happy child, while also starting to show world class talent in some parent selected sport. It would be okay if there were a major benefit to the child; unfortunately children in sports are often used as bragging rights by the parents.

If we are to be honest with ourselves, the chance of our child excelling at any sport is slim. Having a child who excels enough to think of competing in a sport for a living is very rare. I have read the possibility of a child who plays basketball making it to the NBA is less than one in ten-thousand! Other sports odds are probably just as slim or worse, where there is a big paycheck involved.

I think parents of young children need to step back and think of why children wish to participate in a sport, or why the parents want them too? Are kids in a sport because they find it fun? Are they playing because they think they will be world class some day? Or are they playing because they are fulfilling a parents dream by proxy, and miserable while doing it?

I think it is vitally important that kids are allowed to play at their own skill level, for reasons each child deems important to them. As they grow children will feel better about just playing for fun. Then, when a child fails, whether it is losing a game, having the referee make a poor call, whatever the circumstance, children will remember both their wins, and their failures with a healthier perspective.

Children need to be allowed to fail. Failure is good for a child, it teaches needed life skills. By sometimes failing, children learn there will be areas in their life that others are better at than they are. And of course they will hopefully learn that they are better at some things than other children. When winning and losing are approached correctly, a child knows that not being first is not failure, it is only a placeholder. When failure is used constructively, children will build upon what they have learned from a failure, and not learn to become risk adverse because of a failure.