I read a recent post on a forum of a person who writes they hear knocking and being touched by something unseen. They write they are scared to the level of being terrified. I wonder what there is to be terrified of?
If someone knocks on a wall from the next room is that scary? If they touch your leg and you did not seen them is that scary? If there is really something close to him (as he thinks there is) he can not see, is that a good reason to be scared?
The majority thought of what is happening to him is collectively it is something bad. He hears some noise he can not find the source of. He feels something touching him he can not see. He sometimes feels a presence next to him that he can not see or touch, but it does not feel normal. He knows it must be something out to harm him. All the replies he received to his post were about various ways to either protect himself, or make it stop.
He is scared because this is something foreign to him. Why he would remain scared is conditioning he learned growing up. What we as humans usually do that other large animals do not is we rarely transfer out of our fear state soon enough.
If you have a pet, or know someone who does, pay attention to what the pet does in a new situation where the pet is initially scared. When something happens that scares your pet, they react with fear as a healthy normal response.
After a few seconds if nothing hurtful happens, curiosity takes over and the pet becomes more interested in what is happening. It calms its fear because it understands fear is no longer an appropriate response.
The pet becomes curious as it tries to understand the new situation. What is in it for the pet, is there food, or is it something to play with? We humans on the other hand, stay stuck in a fear state knowing it must be something bad.
 We allow ourselves to remain afraid even though nothing happens to be afraid of. Fear is a healthy emotion and has contributed to our being alive, however it is an emotion we overuse and abuse.
Unlike a normal animal, the poster won’t let go of his fear. He is more comfortable remaining in a state of heightened fear, than embracing the possibility of having nothing to fear.
One of our former Presidents in his Inaugural Address repeated an old quote, “[The] Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself“. Fear leads to inaction. Inaction does not contribute to our health and wellbeing. Inaction caused by fear leads us down the path to victimization.
Fear stops us of thinking of other possibilities. This poster, hearing noises and being touched is terrified. Perhaps there is a good reason for this happening. Maybe the poster’s attention is wanted, and this is the only way it can be garnered.
What would the poster have written for example, if the first time he heard the knocking and felt something touch him, he awoke and his home was on fire? What would he be writing then? I doubt it would be a fear based post about how terrified he is. The poster would have posted about how fortunate he is that something touched him, waking him up from a sound sleep, and saving him from a horrible end.
The Poster and his fear based state, who is the main subject of this post aside, it is time to change the focus to us. How many fears do we carry around, allowing them to shape the direction our life, and keeping us from what may be the best changes we ever made in our life?
Some amount of fear is good. Fear is a healthy emotion when used correctly. Allowing fear to take over our life, fear becomes a debilitating disease. We allow ourselves to become so overwhelmed with fear we cease to make choices we know are best for us.
As for the poster, what is causing his fear may have stopped already, or it may be with him for the rest of his life. To the end of his post, nothing had happened that could even be vaguely dangerous to him. Holding a detached view at what is happening to him, there is no reason to be terrified. Annoyed, upset, or angry are possibilities, but fear is not.
For a more in depth reading of our new fear based culture, here is a good read on the subject: The only thing we have to fear is the ‘culture of fear’ itself, a PDF file, which can be viewed in your web browser with a plug you may already have installed.
One term at my work is also familiar to any business that uses detailed plans, though likely with a different name. No matter what the name, the thought process and the flow is always the same. A unit of work is selected, started, processed and completed. The scale of work may be different, and the presentation may different, though everything else is the same.
Fast food workers and airline engine mechanics both follow the same general process. An Airline with a plane needing engine work, can not use the plane until the engine maintenance is completed. Customer at fast food drive throughs can not have their food order until it is cooked, put together, and all parts of the order are completed and verified.
Life over a period of living, no matter how many hears that may be, lived successfully also follows a pattern. Those of us that follow the pattern in the most correct sequence are what our peers call successful in our lives. Others of us who neglect the sequence, or neglect early parts of the sequence jumping ahead of where they should be are rarely successful.
People who vaguely follow a life plan are not generally overly successful. They fail for reasons outside of their control. People who choose not to follow a life plan, and are successful, are usually successful because of conditions or results outside of their control. For others whose life is less than successful have made mistakes and outside influences outside of their control occurred worsening the outcome of their life.
 While only you know the intimate details of your life, almost everyone follows the same general life plan whether aware of following a plan or not. The plan starts out with your birth, no surprise there. The next steps can be thought of as a tree growing branches and reaching out.
Your life is what it is. Your parents did their best to get you to this moment. Now you are starting to, or are in control of your life. You may be working on your higher education, you have friends, and hobbies or entertainment. The basic things we all want in our lives.
The next step is future building, and this is where risk enters your life. Life decisions become more serious and starting out on our own we have little experience to help us. What are you going to do for a living? We all held job for a paycheck, but it is always time to think about your working life. What are you going to do for a career, and will your job choice be there for your working life or will you have to change jobs in the future?
Thinking about and starting serious long term relationships is usually the next big step. What are you deep down? What kind of person do you think you can spend your life with? Is that type of person willing to spend their life with you? These are serious questions. You may want to marry someone completely different than you are. Is it likely you will have enough in common with someone completely different than yourself to hold together a long term relationship? Long term relationships go well beyond sex, and the same taste in music, what you want in one needs some deep thought.
Farther in the future, we all get the urge to do something for our community. When this happens depends on a number of things. Generally we want to do something that aligns us with our family interests or values. Perhaps coaching, passing along skills like scouting perhaps. Something where you could include your family, as your time is more limited than your intentions.
Later on we have hobbies and interests which have probably changed over the years. We now want to branch out and teach or share our satisfactions with others. Finding and creating a balance is very important for in life at this time. We have more surplus time than at any point before and would prefer to do something meaningful and fulfilling with it.
This is the way most of go about living our lives, and generally we do a pretty good job of having a satisfying life. We also add warmth and pleasure to the lives of others along the way. Of course this is a simple glowing overview of life from a very high level. The details of our life is much more complex and at times gritty.
We have structured ourselves and our society for certain events to happen at certain times, or physical ages. We generally do not quit school to go to work, marry at a very young age, or have the luxury of retiring young.
Some of us reject this way of living. Being a rebel has its moments, but even Rebel’s have a life pattern they must follow to be successful, although it is different from the norm. We should all take the time to identify where we are in life, and what we should be doing as we go through our lives. Going with the flow is always easier than swimming against the current. It is also a little sweeter.
During a wide ranging conversation some days back with a few white friends spurred by our past Martin Luther King Holiday, an interesting comment was made. When we were talking about the Civil Rights Movement here in the United States, and the time that has since passed, one person thought that some minority groups still believe they are inferior.
I thought that was a funny observation, but after the conversation ran its course, I understood how and why the comment was formed. It is possible many who feel this way will take those beliefs feelings to their graves. We can make speeches, conduct marches, hold rallies, and pass laws. What we can not do is change the mindset of people most affected by these limiting beliefs.
It is my understanding that Share Cropping was ‘created’ when it became obvious that newly freed slaves were not emotionally or financially equipped to leave their old lives behind and go out into a mostly foreign world and create new lives. Newly freed Americans who knew little or nothing of life as independent persons. People who could go anywhere and do anything, did what most of us would do in the same situation. They reached out for the closest life to life before emancipation. It was a bad choice with little chance of success, but it was comfortable.
For any people having family members who were once not free to make their own choices about their lives, is a hard to understand those choices. For some people whose forbearers lived in those circumstances, life today is not too far removed from those times in their minds eye. Some of the older people alive today have almost firsthand knowledge of what life was like in those days. They were raised with limiting thoughts and feelings around them each and every moment. They were or are people not to likely to change their thinking.
 Some more recent peoples coming to the United States feel as if they are shut out of main stream culture for other reasons. They may feel others think they are not ‘American’ enough by the standards of those around them. Some over compensate by going overboard on American culture. Others live deep within their old culture, or whatever adaptations of it exist around them in the United States. Others do their best to become part of American Mainstream as best they can.
Living apart from what some non-white Americans perceive as American Mainstream Culture, from my perspective is their view of American Mainstream culture does not exist anywhere other than the eyes of the beholder. American Mainstream, sometimes thought of as ‘White Culture’ as some view it, is no more a cohesive group than people living above the Arctic circle with those living in the Amazon Rain Forests. Religion, perception, politics, nationality, and economics continue to fracture and reinvent the American Mainstream.
Not being outside of the ‘American Mainstream’, I can only give my impression of what it is like on the inside. I believe there is not much difference between being inside the American Mainstream and looking in at American Mainstream from a perceived outside view. Imagine living in New York, or any densely populated city with most of the population living somewhere between self sufficient and wealthy. Whatever city picked must have mass transportation as the major form of commute. Now place yourself in that population going and coming from work, shopping, and generally living in that city.
People appear to be insensitive, blunt, rude, all socially derogative behaviors one sees in a large city. That to me is a snapshot view of the American Mainstream. If you feel you are not part of the Mainstream, you probably are. If you feel like people ignore you, they probably do. If you feel that people are willing to take advantage of you, they probably do. Everything anyone considers roadblocks to joining ‘Mainstream America’ and their trying to be a part of it is likely true. Welcome to Mainstream America, you are likely experiencing life in the primordial plasma of the American Dream.
If you want to change Mainstream America, you have to get off the sidelines and join in. You can help shape the culture, thinking, and mannerisms of your community. You have to be willing to give of yourself for that to happen though. Programs all over your community need your help, and not just your money. If you don’t jump in make changes, don’t expect for change to happen. Join in and be an active part of the American Mainstream.
John Meunier’s blog in this article, makes a case for the distinction of traditional Christian marriage, and other forms of union or marriage. You may read his thoughts here, “Forsaking All Others [is] Necessary For Marriage”.
As adults in America we have the right to choose how to live our life. We are the proverbial butchers, bakers, and candlestick makers – and everything else under the sun, moon, and stars. We all have differing interests and passions in the living of our lives. Sometimes our beliefs, passions, and endeavors merge, and at other times we and our interests are tangential.
Some people view marriage differently than those holding a traditional view. Unless one lives in isolation, I find it hard for anyone to imagine alternative relationships, whether one chooses to call them marriages, unions, or shacking up, were invented in the last few years.
A few facts and thoughts:
According to Divorcereate.org , the divorce rate for first time marriages in America is a fifty percent.
From what I read at ReligiousTolerance.org, the percentage of population in America that can be classified as Christian was 76% in 2008.
I think it is safe to assume that a majority of first time divorce claims are filed by Christian couples.
The divorce rate does not concern itself with those people who stay in failed marriages because for whatever reason they do not feel they can not end the Marriage.
Unfortunately this does not leave a lot of wiggle room for the Christian community unless one allows that while Christianity tries to take the moral high ground, the moral high ground is a slippery slope wholly attainable and sustainable by very few. Most of us are mere fallible mortals doing the best we can with what we have to work with.
 People do marry or form unions for reasons other than love and fidelity. Some people marry or form unions for money, some for companionship, others for as many varied reasons as there are hobbies. Not all people need or want traditional marriages, and all the encumbrances that comes with it. Nor do all people want the stigma and isolation attached when a formal marriage fails.
It has not recently been openly acknowledged, or close to obvious in the recent past, but these types of relationships have been happening as long as there have been formal communions between men and women.
My hope is our thinking and tolerance is maturing. We in America have matured our opinions about women’s rights, children’s rights, animal rights, and skin color.
We are maturing our opinions in other areas of life, such as caring about where our food comes from, how it is treated, where our fuels come from and how they effect the environment, sustaining the earth for a few more generations, and trying to help the worlds poorest people without making their plight worse than it is now.
Is it really important how two reasonable adults choose how to form a relationship as long as they are not harming each other or those around them? Whose business is it how coupled adults spend their private time? Are we immature enough to believe same sex relationships were confined to the Mediterranean a few thousand years ago then recently, some deviants became activists and went public with their life style, contaminating a percentage of our population?
I have yet to meet any balanced, moral, ethical person who controls who they like, love, and what they believe when they have enjoyed exposure to the real world, and know why they think what they do. How wonderful it must be to be a real Christian, and know of no one who is not ‘normal’ like themselves, their family and their friends.
I can not guess what God really prefers, but there does seem to be a prevalent thread that God does want us to be happy. God also demands we intentionally cause no undo harm to others. The Christian world, or parts of it, want God in all adult relationships as long as the same Christian world controls both the participants and the confines of those relationships.
 I heard it as I walked. I saw its shadow slide into dark corners when it thought I was not watching. Every now and then I could see it move from the corner of my eye. It followed me for blocks as I walked down one dimly lit street after another.
I wanted to walk faster to get away from it, but I knew that was impossible. It was keeping a distance from me so maybe it was not sure yet. Maybe it was waiting for a moment when there were no lights and no cars.
Then it would strike. The noises it made grew louder as it grew bolder and moved closer. It was hurrying to get into position to strike. Now almost beside me. No, wait it was to my right. A few seconds earlier it was on my left. It can move very fast when the streets are dark.
I walked faster. It was no longer trying to be sane. It knew I heard it. Had it decided I was it? I could feel the hair on the back of my neck starting to stiffen. I wanted to yell out, but who would hear?
If they did hear would they bother to go to a window or door and look out? I doubt it, they would not want to be involved. They would choose to remain distant. They and theirs were safe and accounted for, what did I matter.
It was a mere feet behind me now. My heart was beating wildly, and I was beginning to pant from moving ever faster. My feet seemed to barely touch the ground, but it wasn’t fast enough. I could hear it catching its feet on the uneven surface. Maybe it wanted to raise my fear level a little higher?
Through the fog of my panic I had a thought. They don’t like the light, and they don’t want to be seen. If I could just make it to the light I would be okay. Only another one-hundred feet and I would be safe. Could I make it? It sounds like it is right next to me!
I gave up walking fast and started to run. I could hear it starting to move faster too. Its feet hitting the pavement as it hopped towards me. Only another few seconds, that is all I need to get to the light!
I reached into my jacket, pulled out my cell phone, and fumbled trying to open it. In mindless terror I pushed the camera button. It was taking forever. It was inches away from me. I could feel its closeness like hot foul breath on my neck. I threw my arm backwards and prayed I pushed the camera button to make the flash go off.
It hissed loudly sounding only inches from my ear! The flash worked! It slowed and loped off into the darkness. Temporarily blinded by the light of a neon flash on a cell phone! I made it to the light. Traffic was picking up, and I knew I could get away from it before its eyes healed from the flash of light.
As an after thought I looked to see if I got it on camera. The rational part of my mind said it was the leaves falling from the trees. The rest of my mind knew what it really as because it remembered ten thousand years worth of well founded fear.
As you cruise into your thirties, you start to notice that possibly you are mortal like everyone else. Nothing specific happening between you and your body, but now and then there are little signs that you are not a teenager any longer. Some things unlike childhood days where you played all day long. You can not multi-sport unless you do it all the time. If you eat as if you are seventeen, you pay a price later in the day or night, or the next day.
One other thing you may have noticed is you start to pay a little more attention to your overall health. You may decide it is time to see a doctor for a first in a long time checkup. Perhaps you really aren’t feeling as good as you used to and you want to find out why. Want to or not, sooner or later you find yourself making that first phone call to the doctor.
Initially when you visit your Doctor, he or she will may some pretty firm ideas on how you are tending to your body. You will be quizzed on what and how you eat, exercise, sleep and a few more intimate questions. It is a good idea to do some thinking about your life style before you are asked these questions. Your doctor can only make decisions on the information you supply. Lying to your doctor, or letting your doctor guess is not the best course of action. Your doctor has heard it all and there probably nothing you can say that will be a surprise or shock.
 In my experience we tend to lie to our doctors. We modify our life story as we tell the doctor what we are doing or not doing. If we drink every day, we tell the Doctor we have a few drinks a week. If we live on coffee and doughnuts we modify that to two small cups of coffee and an occasional doughnut. Our fifty step daily walk from our car to the job, or store becomes a twenty minute stroll, or perhaps a daily mile jog.
While it feels good to tell our doctor we are living healthier than we do, it is a mistake to do so. First off your doctor will order up blood tests. These tests are thorough enough to separate fact from fiction of your story. At the very least they are precise enough to raise some doubt about your real life. The downside is, when your doctor questions you again, and you again fudge how you are living, you are painting a picture of your over all health that is not accurate.
It is no secret that we tell little half truths and partial omissions every day. Mostly we do this to keep the peace or save someone’s feelings. We all do it to some extent and we all except that everyone around does it too. There are too places where you need to be brutally honest in what you admit to. The first place is between your ears. If you can not be true to yourself and acknowledge what you know to be true, your life is less than should could be. If you are not truthful with your doctor, your doctor can not be as effective in helping you as they could be if you tell the truth.
As your life progresses from this point on, you will discover there are things you never knew about until now. Suddenly pizza gives you heartburn, and too much sitting makes one knee stiff. You may discover are more serious problem, as in a ‘health condition’.
Welcome to the real world. Like it or not, all of us as we age, discover body problems we never knew we had. We slowly start to fall apart. We share this with everyone who ever drew a breath. Most health problems you will have are not new problems. In fact they have probably been present since the day you were born. Until now they stayed in the background unnoticed. It is a tough thing to accept at first that like everyone else, you are slowly getting older, and eventually like everyone before you, you will get old
Acceptance is taking a positive approach to a life situation you can not change, denial is putting off until tomorrow what is easier to start accepting today. Be truthful to your doctor and yourself when it comes to you. It is natural that sooner or later, something about your body will not work as well as it used to. Do yourself a favor at the Doctor’s office; tell the truth about you.
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We allow ourselves to remain afraid even though nothing happens to be afraid of. Fear is a healthy emotion and has contributed to our being alive, however it is an emotion we overuse and abuse.
