Category Archives: Responsibility

Self respect and love, teenage pregnancy – a few ideas

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Wandering around the city today it is obvious that spring has arrived and love is in the air. There is nothing like spring weather to bring out the joy and wonder of the world we live in. People of all ages are out and about with someone they have hopes will become or stay their significant other as the days pass on. There does not seem to be any age group left out, but it is obvious that the different ages of different couples have different things on their minds.

The been married, divorced and trying out dating again crowd appear to place more importance on real communication and compatibility. The younger people, especially the high school age group are focused on the same things most people of their age are focused on. Once spring arrives mother nature and our drive to procreate takes over part the thought process.

Some young women who thrive on this type of attention from young men from the same mold. I wonder how many are going to find themselves in an uncomfortable future, when spring has sprung, summer has sung, and a baby is on the way. The boys play their part of course, but unfortunately it is the young girls who have their lives changed in ways they never dreamed of.

My biggest concern with teenage pregnancy, is how it starts in the first place. In my sliver of worldly view it starts with a lack of self respect in both parties. I am not talking about simple respect shown to young women, and young men, but the basic idea that these young people who find themselves on this path have little or no love and respect for their individual selves. Because of they have no respect for themselves, they have an overwhelming need for attention from others. In our teenage years that need for attention turns to the opposite sex. Any attention is good attention. When a Teenager is desperate enough for acceptance and acknowledgment, they crave attention, even if that attention is a only a sexual urge the other party wants filled.

I looked around the blogs to see what others thought, and I found some interesting ideas. Charles H. Baker has great post where he has listed ten items of personal gratitude and self acknowledgment from his life. Charles H Baker has found a powerful secret to self respect and happiness.

David Stambaugh, with an insightful post suggests that to build self esteem one needs to keep mementos, and keep track of accomplishments. David writes that the way our mind works is we remember the bad more often than the good. Being a poker player I can relate to this thinking, as it is a common problem among poker players.

Helen Williams, a parent counselor and family educator in New Zealand, has a wonderful article that identifies what self respect is, learning how to respect yourself, teaching children how to respect themselves, and the imprtance of having respect for yourself. I wish she could come over to my portion of the world, and educate here. We have too many people who need what she writes about on her site.

For my part, I think self respect comes from self love. Too many of us suffer from a lack of self respect and self love. We only have one body and mind, good, bad, or indifferent to take us through our life. It is hard to break free of the programming that enforces feelings of little self respect, but like walking, it can be learned on step at a time. Take a minute to love and respect yourself each day. Find something worth loving in yourself each day. If you do this it will become easier to respect others, and they will have more respect for you.

Enocia Joseph wrote a post that says it all better than any other blog post I read today, including this one. You can find it at Being the Magic.

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Death and the choices we make getting there

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For the first time in over a month I feel really alive and healthy, mostly the spring weather. I had been thinking while I was feeling poorly about a few people I knew who ran their race, and have passed on. Three of them in particular stand out in my mind as unique.

What stands out about their dying is something they each said near the end of their time. I do not think they thought what they said was anything profound, but their comments have become a sort of life jacket for me. The first person had more wrong with them than right. Their doctor on one of their last visits was surprised to see them and expressed awe that they were still alive? It was not the Doctors greatest moment, and I am sure the Doctor would play that scene over if they could. When the doctor blurted this out to them, they simply said, “What am I supposed to do, fall over dead?”

The second person in my thoughts spent most of their life trying to kill themselves smoking cigarettes. After fifty plus years they got their wish. As they lay on the last bed they would ever lay on, they were very scared, and kept saying over and over as if it would make a difference, “I can’t breathe, I can’t catch my breath.” While I felt their pain, and I could see and feel their fear, a part of me couldn’t help but wonder what they thought two packs of cigarettes a day was supposed to do for them, except this end?

The third person was crippled from a stroke, and also suffered other serious health problems. One day towards the end of his time on a warm sunny July day, he asked me to take him to a lake where the young women would be out sunbathing. I complied and pulled him in his wheel chair through the deep sand as he was ogling the young girl’s working on their tans as we passed by. Eventually he had enough, and motioned we could go back to the car. I asked him why he wanted to see the young girls out sun bathing? He had a vocabulary of about one hundred words, but he made me understand that inside the crippled, tired body, was a man, and for him there was nothing in the world more beautiful on that day than a woman, or in this case a number of women out sunbathing.

I never thought much about what they had to say as their end happened. In fact I never thought about it much at all until many years later when I started to realize that I was mortal too. Two of them met their end knowing they had lived their lives as full and completely as they were able to. The third person met their end in fear, and perhaps shock in their final moments, wondering how they ever arrived at that point, and what they did to deserve it.

I choose carefully about my life, and I think everyone should choose to live life as it comes. This is our one way ticket in this life, and we need to take the ride with our eyes open, and our brains turned on. We have our one body, whether it is healthy or sickly, beautiful or plain, it is all we have. It seems apparent that we are here for a reason, and we have to see our time here through to the end.

What I learned from two of these people is life is worth living – every breath of it. Their is no tragedy, or health problem that can stop us until our bodies quit that should be allowed to keep us from wringing every joy and happiness out of our lives while we still can. From the third person I learned the value of making responsible decisions with my health. Doing something stupid, but taking no responsibility for my actions is not a life choice I make. What a shame to end life that way – terrified and incredulous, looking for something else to blame, looking for anything to blame except us, and not accepting we created this end our self, and we alone are responsible for it.

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Roe verses Wade 35 years later

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Roe verses Wade anniversary is here again. In America there are still a couple of groups who believe they need to fight over a woman’s right to control her body, and her destiny. What a waste in my opinion when there are so many more serious issues in the world!

In parts of South America, slums are rampant, and thousands of children are living on the streets feeding off of the mountains of trash and filth that even the adults living in those slums do not want. The poorest parts of Africa are the same way. Thousands of children die each day from hunger and disease. I don’t ever recall getting any junk mail from a Right To Life group in Africa wishing to perpetuate the daily regime of death by famine and disease. I have never heard of any Right To Life group in South America, or Africa encouraging women who find themselves pregnant to have that baby. How bizarre….

I never see any Pro Life people standing up when some baby is boiled, beaten, drugged, or shaken to death proclaiming their own individual guilt for making it so difficult for the Mother’s who never wanted a baby to start with.  You won’t see those people standing up and saying, “I am responsible. I am at least as guilty as she is. I could have done something to stop it, but I did not.” When these stories come across the television or the news paper, you never see anyone come forward and admit they had a hand in creating the situation that led to an unwanted baby’s death.

What you will see unfortunately is some of these same people who are committed to seeing every pregnancy result in a baby do is come forward and demand their pound of flesh payment from the Mother who had the baby that was cruelly murdered. They come in droves for their pound of flesh.

These good people who can not stop espousing their controlling Pro Life agenda are not thinking. They don’t think about the babies and children in the countries I mentioned. They don’t think or care because those are not American babies that are dying each day. They are those other babies. The less than babies, and in their eyes, not as important as American babies.

Those who want to repeal Roe verses Wade can sleep very well at night knowing they forced some young girl to stay pregnant while tens of thousands of children in other countries will died while they slept. Their caring does not cross into other countries.

I would be wrong if I claimed all people who want to repeal Roe verses Wade thought this way. I know they all do not, because some of them are not even thinking. They haven’t had a thought in a long time. They are too busy running on emotion. They are too caught up thinking about some pink cheeked smiling giggly baby laying on the little white rug, dressed in a spotless little baby outfit, while Mommy beams a smile from ear to ear a few feet away.

They miss the reality of that too. They do not see the child who is put in a dresser drawer after being drugged, up so Mommy doesn’t have to deal with them. They do not see Toddlers in rags that have not been fed or washed for two or more days, locked in a room, while Mommy is out on the streets working on her next fix. I am afraid many of these people have very selective vision, and it does not stray very far from a fairy tale vision they hold of these babies they are saving.

I am glad I live in the real world. I live in the world that contains human ugliness, starvation, and death. I am glad my world is not so limited I can not see beyond my rose colored glasses. I am glad I can sleep at night, because I do not have to lose sleep worrying about what woman is going stop a pregnancy tomorrow. I am glad I can see bigger problems that need fixing in this world.

I wish I could go vomit, and feel better about all of this, but I can’t….

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Character, choices, responsibility, and wisdom. 2008 version

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I do not know if you are familiar with the old story, “The Ant and The Grasshopper”? For a refresher, here is my 2008 version of what the author had in mind when the story was first told. It may be a little different from the written version, but times change, and so does my perspective.

In the story from the book I had as a child, Ant laid around, or played around, and really was not trying to do anything with his life that was worthwhile. Ant slept late, lounged around the house, and was generally lazy. Depending on your perspective this may not be such a bad life. Seems kind of fun to me as part of a life balance.

Grasshopper on the other hand was an over achiever. Grasshopper started at the crack of dawn tending his retirement fund, and working overtime to increase his net worth. He was not fussy about what he did to generate money, as long as he thought he was being productive he was happy.

What is not obvious in the story is both Ant, and Grasshopper are very good at their life choices. Ant never changes character, and actually worries about the future, or thinks of working for a living. Grasshopper’s character on the other hand never thought about enjoying life, as he was too busy working for some future time.

They both may be considered role models for people who think as they do. In the story, there is something else not mentioned and not readily apparent. The Ant spent an extraordinary amount of time visualizing how his future was going to be, and not really doing anything about achieving it.

Grasshopper on the other hand had little imagination. Grasshopper could not look to the future, and imagine what life would be like. Grasshopper spent his time getting ready for winter, and did not take time to enjoy the summer, and be happy for what he had at present. Grasshopper generally was moody and morose. With all of Grasshoppers good points, Grasshopper could only see his faults.

Some might think the Ant and Grasshopper were using some form of LOA, or other belief system. Ant was certain in his thinking that what he needed would be provided somehow, and everything would be okay. Grasshopper knew that any kind of LOA, or other belief system needed his help to be successful. The summer went on with Grasshopper prodding Ant to get a job, so he would have what he needed for the hard times coming. Ant was young, and carefree, he did not realize no one was going to help him survive come winter.

Of course after summer, winter came. Ant was now cold, and starving. On the other hand, Grasshopper had too much of everything. Some of his food must have been spoiling, because it had been saved for so long. While once again (as far as memory serves me) we do not know the whole story of Ant, or Grasshopper, some things are obvious:

  • Too much of anything is not good. Whether it is our work ethic, belief system, or relationships, we need to strike a balance.
  • Too little of anything has the same end result. Too much focus on one area of our life leaves us empty and cold in other areas. Emptiness, and want tend to make us bitter.
  • To have a good life balance, we must be aware, and think. Blindly following any life path does not lead to happiness.
  • We should be thrilled with our good parts, and accepting of the other parts, as Ant accepted his plight from playing, and goofing off all summer. Grasshopper demonstrates this in the story too, where he did not care to help Ant, but turned Ant away to fend for himself. Grasshopper accepted himself for what he was. Ant did the same, but not in such an obvious manner.

After the story ends, we can see both characters have their good sides, and their flaws. They both accepted that they each had their individual flaws. Ant apparently died from cold and hunger. Grasshopper died of loneliness because he no longer had Ant to talk with.

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Christmas, humanity, and the American Dream

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Sometimes, I think we have lost our real American Dream. Our substitute vision is the television commercial stating the American Dream these days is a few kids, and a white picket fence in Suburbia. Of course the speaker goes on to discredit this idea, and empowers us, but we need more voices in the choir to make a difference.

Back in the sixties John F. Kennedy, encouraged us with this quote during his inauguration address:

And so, my fellow americans: ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

John F. Kennedy, Inaugural address, January 20, 1961
35th president of US 1961-1963 (1917 – 1963)

We have done a lot since the sixties, most of it in line with the vision the Kennedy era left us. As with all good things there are a few things we do these days that I do not think are part of the American Dream. I think we have left behind parts of the American Dream. We have turned the American Dream into a few kids, a house, a steel, barbed wire topped fence, and isolation.

Humanity and compassion seem to be left somewhere along the roadside between the sixties and now. Even our own personal enjoyment of life seems to have diminished. We have lost the vision of neighbor, city, state, and country to a large extent. We are spending too much time in personal cocoons where we participate but we do not share. And then we wonder why we are some of the loneliest people on the earth today.

It is believed that President Kennedy took inspiration and maybe a little liberty with his quote from a gentleman of a generation before him. The man who Kennedy is thought to be loosely quoting is Dr. Howard Thurman. Dr. Thurman was a world traveller, meeting with many great leaders of his day. Dr. Thurman was a prolific author, and a human rights activist as well.

I would like to see more people like Dr. Thurman about in our world today. Perhaps someone like Dr. Thurman would teach us once again the importance of a balanced life. How to have respect, and compassion for others in our world. Maybe Dr. Thurman would show us how to practice what we hear in our churches weekly, and from the mouths of our leaders when desire is not the pressing issue.

I think what parents living anywhere in the United States today wants for their present, future, and their children’s future is the same across our country, and probably the world. The opportunity to live in peace, and pursue whatever future we may individually dream.

The original quote that President Kennedy was thought to have modified in his speech is this:

Ask not what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive… then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

- Howard Thurman 1900 – 1981

How great life would be if people of the world came alive! If we would stop and think our own thoughts, instead thoughts fed to us daily – thoughts intending to create fear and uncertainty. I think most of us would be surprised at what we, not the controlling influences surrounding us, think are important.

Dr. Thurman had another quote that I think is appropriate for this time of year. Dr. Thurman’s quote sure does read like the American Dream wrapped up in the Christmas spirit. My wish for you is you enjoy experiencing some of Dr Thurman’s quote over the next few weeks!

“When the song of the angels is stilled, When the star in the sky is gone, When the kings and princes are home, When the shepherds are back with their flock, The work of Christmas begins: To find the lost, To heal the broken, To feed the hungry, To release the prisoner, To rebuild the nations, To bring peace among others, To make music in the heart.”

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Military Christmas overseas

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This is a military story, Air Force, overseas…years ago. I think often of the men and women serving overseas, because I spent three years serving outside the United States, and I remember how quickly during the holidays I started missing home, especially Christmas at home.

Starting about this time of the month radio stations would start playing Christmas music along with regular songs. It was nice to hear Christmas music playing on the radio just like I would at home. Of course the DJ running that segment had his own comments about the season, and what his family was doing for Christmas. That part was okay, because with a little remembering, I could guess what my family was doing each day.

I would remember they would like to get together as a group and shop on this day. Christmas meal planning would usually be coordinated over the phone for the Christmas feast. They would meet at one of their homes, bake cookies this day, and maybe the next day too. Then there was the individual family baking. Those little treats that one family may enjoy, that were too time consuming, or costly to share with everyone.

So it really was not too hard to be home for the holidays in my imagination. I could keep track between the calendar and my imagination what was going on at home. I think we all did this. Unfortunately being in security, and guarding something in the middle of the night with my M16 rifle, flak jacket, helmet, and flashlight for company, it was a little hard to keep the holiday spirit going. Some of the other guys in my Flight would get care packages, which would be sometimes shared at work, so that helped some.

When television was less than spectacular, and I was not working, I would occasionally listen to the radio. As I mentioned there were the regular Christmas songs, so it was easy to pretend I was close to home, but off doing something, so no family, or friends were around at the moment.

When the date moved around to about the fifteenth, it seemed one Christmas song in particular managed to be played what seemed like four times an hour. Care to guess the name of the song before you read on?

If you guessed, “I’ll be home for Christmas”, give yourself a pat on the shoulder for a good guess! It seemed that every other Christmas song played was, I’ll be home for Christmas! After about a week of it, I could hear it in the back of my head while doing other things. I could even hear it in my sleep, or so it seemed!

Every December, since I came back to ‘The World’ (as it is was called then), portions of some days, and some nights only part of me is here, and sleeping in my own bed. Another part of me, is standing next to some nineteen year old who is out in the rain, or cold, with no light, heat, or company, thinking about what his or her family is doing for Christmas, and how he or she would really like to be there too, even for a few hours.

Before I spent my time in the military, I never gave the people serving a second thought. Since then, I am very aware of how even the ‘safe’ folks overseas are sacrificing for me, so I can have a happy fun filled holiday season. I won’t even attempt to account for how the folks in combat zones are fairing. I know none of them will be home for Christmas this year, but when they do get home for Christmas, it will not be the same for them either. So when I seem a little preoccupied, it is probably because I am thinking about what Christmas means to those who are not here to enjoy it. It is hard to know what it is like serving overseas during an important holiday, unless you have been there. Lots of fun, is not one the phrases generally used to describe the Christmas season.

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