Category Archives: Wisdom

Know what the Rod and Staff are, Really

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A splinter Christian group made the news lately with a statement to the effect that if a child is not occasionally bruised from a spanking, the beating was not performed well enough. What a ignorant bunch of people! They are likely the same people who think a baby should be ignored at night so it can learn to be alone, while they cuddle up to their spouse in another room listening to the baby cry.

Humans are about the only animal in the world that punish their Children for silly infractions and offenses, holding them to some code of behavior set down and memorized only by the Parent.

Many Children’s punishments are meted out because the Parent is angry and the Child committed some infraction of their rules – rules that really do not matter anyway. The Child is spanked or beaten, and the Parent feels vindicated. The Parent feels they taught the Child a lesson, and the Child won’t commit the same infraction out of fear for their physical self – for a few days any way.

I have seen Animal Parents punish their offspring severely, though only in cases where the animal baby is in immediate mortal danger. The lesson is swift, and effective. I have never seen an animal punish their offspring simply for behavior modification. Animals provide direction to their offspring, Humans often Punish and we think ourselves superior to mere animals.

That is not to say I am against correcting a child, or even giving a child a swat when they are too young to reason when it centers around their physical safety, and other measures have failed. After a child reaches the age of three or four years old, and children are still getting spanked, there is an issue with the Parent’s ability to effectively parent. Unfortunately some Parents enjoy punishing their Child because that is how they were brought up. This is often cited as a reason molester’s molest; it happened to them as children. The only difference is in the action.

Ineffective, uneducated Parents often misquote a Bible verse that is not even in the Bible, “Spare the Rod and spoil the Child”. What they think they are referencing is an early King James verse in Proverbs 13:24: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes”, as their reason for spanking or beating their child.

Notice the word spanking or beating is nowhere to be found?  Ignorance also is apparent  in their understanding and usage of the word ‘rod’ in the biblical verse. They easily ignore or forget the Bible Psalm 23:4, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

In King David’s period the Rod and Staff had only one function, and that was one of providing comfort. A Shepard’s use a Staff and a Rod to sort and tend their flocks. Ever hear of a Shepard beating his Goats or Sheep? Of course not, that would be foolish, not to mention a way to lessen the value of ones Goat or Sheep. Damaged goods do not return the highest profits.

Animals living in fear are animals that are hard if not impossible to control. How could a Shepard control his flock if his flock feared him? The animals would cower and run, and the Shepard would be out of a job in no time.

Shepard’s used and still use their rod and staff to separate, direct, and defend their flock, not to punish them. If a Wolf or Bear came close to the flock, the rod was used to poke and stab at the predator. The rod was used with a flock to direct their movement, as was the staff, which was also used when footing was poor.

It is beyond the time for all of us to put and end to the ignorance. When I was child, a ten year old boy was thrown through a wall by his father, but he was not beaten. In school one day, a Teacher put his hand on a Boy’s shoulder. The Boy flinched in pain. The Teacher lifted his shirt and his back was covered with blue, green, and black welts. One of his Parents had beaten him with a garden hose. All those two Boys leaned from being beaten and abused was they could act that way when they had children of their own.

In some cultures around the world, Children are not forced to mind. In those cultures, Adults correctly believe a Child who modifies their behavior because they understand it is wrong, grows into a more responsible adult and better community member. Here in the United States and other countries. where we lead the world in per capita people behind bars, too many of us believe that punishing a child by spanking or another form of punishment makes for a better adult.

Perhaps it is time for Adults to learn how to become effective parents, instead of abusive parents. Punishing children to satisfy parental frustration is obviously not working, nor does punishing children creat good citizens.

As an effective parenting tool, Parents need to be role models, providing direction to their Children. This is the true meaning behind ‘sparing the rod’. Provide your Child with the direction and guidance to grow into wholesome adults. Spanking or otherwise punishing Children is unhealthy for all and leads to emotionally stunted adults who follow rules blindly out of fear of violence and abuse.

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How to Become the Best

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During my work work day, I have the privilege of observing several workers who are here in the United States on temporary assignment. I do not work directly with them, although I do see them frequently throughout the day. I think it is a privilege to watch these Japanese workers accomplishing various tasks, because of the their approach to everything they do while at work.

In brief, they are respectful and meticulous in each and every aspect whatever they happen to be doing at the moment. Japanese workers are respectful of everything pertaining to their work environment.

The Japanese workers pick up after themselves. They take the extra step of cleaning up after someone before them if they occupy the same work area. They are publicly polite to the point of being over polite. They are obviously grateful when the same level of politeness is returned to them. I am guessing return politeness does not happen often.

If the number of Japanese workers I come in contact with in my daily activities, over thirty are all outwardly respectful and polite, it is obvious to me this is a learned behavior. Whether they are taught this type of behavior as children, or see it and have it reinforced in the work environment, it is a learned behavior.

I read a short blip on the famous investor Mr. Warren Buffett. The paragraph mentioned that Mr. Buffett bought his first share of stock at age eleven, and his first company at age fifteen. Whether those dates and my memory are correct or not is not as important as the fact it happened early in the life of Mr. Buffett.

Mr. Michael Jordan, President Obama, Mr. Buffett, and one of my personal hero’s, Mr. Mohammed Ali, also bring special skills to the table at which they reign. None of them however achieved what they achieved in their life through blind luck.

There is a (presumably) Eastern saying, that when the Student is ready, the Teacher arrives. I like this saying. It reflects the same type of thinking as King Solomon when he penned the thought that there is nothing new on the earth, and everything has been done before.

King Solomon had a lot of good insight on how the world works. Certain behaviors are intrinsic to each of us. We have areas where we excel, areas in which we aspire to, and areas where we are not so good at. For every Super Human, average people like myself, and you too, there are teachers to help us find our way if we wish to improve.

The idea of sitting under a shady tree relaxing and having a Teacher show up telling us they are here to teach us how to excel in eaching our goals is a wild fantasy at best. Not that there are not any Teachers out there to show us what we want to know, only that we have to take the initiative ourselves to be taught.

How do we get in touch with these great teachers, and how do we get them to teach us? Bribery sometimes works, but for most of us, the cost of hiring a true expert to guide us is out of our financial reach, not to mention our current needs. Fortunately there are other resources, and most of them are free.

The simplest is simply to watch someone who does a task well which we want to learn. If you want to be a great table waiter, watch Waiters where you are currently working. Watch how they talk to and treat their customers. Watch how they subtly take charge and direct the experience of dining.

If you wish to become a financial wizard, odds are a good number of people you know good financial advice to share with you. Even if you do not ask them, how they manage their own finances is a form of teaching you can learn from. If they may not know how to manage finances well, they sure can show you how not to do it. This is as valuable as any free lesson can be.

If you aspire to be or do something great, look around you. There are people who do whatever you want to become or do better than you do. Watch them and act like they do. Eventually with enough practice, you will know why they are doing what they do, and why they do it that way. Once you have learned all you can from them, look for other teachers, and learn from them. Keep the process going, and before you know, people will be looking to you as an expert, and asking you for advice or help.

Mr. Jordan, Mr. Buffett, President Obama, and Mr. Ali, all have a tremendous amount of natural ability to have achieved what they have achieved. They also had years of watching, studying, and learning how to take what they have and make it better. They also had more than a few great teachers who showed them a better way to accomplish their goals. Neither Mr. Jordan, Mr. Buffett, President Obama, or Mr. Ali would have accomplished what they did unless they received help in achieving their life goals.

It is the perfect time to start creating your life dream. If thousands, if not millions before you achieved their dreams, you can too. All you need to do is watch and learn, and you are on your way to greatness!

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How and Why to “Do The Right Thing”

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Most of us like to pride ourselves for, ‘Doing the right thing’, when we have the opportunity. We like the feeling it gives us knowing that we stepped out of our private world for some small amount of time and did something good for someone else.

It is important we do these things. Making life better for, or helping someone make their life better, in turn makes our life better even though we may not notice any immediate change.

There are differences in how the act of, ‘Doing the right thing’ is carried out. We do not always do the right thing because we want to. Often we have ulterior motives behind our actions.

We occasionally ‘Do the right thing’ because it makes us feel good. Whatever we do is no real hindrance to us, or our time, and we know it will make a difference, so we do it. The feeling of knowing we did something for another is a good feeling and above all else we like to feel good.

Other times we ‘Do the right thing’ because we will feel guilty if we do not. Someone asked of us some help, and we feel guilty because we are thinking of saying no. We do not say no because it is simple request and well within our ability. Doing it keeps us from feeling guilty.

In public with people we know around we ‘Do the right thing’ because we do not want to give the people around us a bad impression. If they observe the need and asking, and we refuse what may they think of us for saying no?

If you have a belief system you are likely to ‘Do the right thing’ because you think there is a reward in doing the right thing in there somewhere. Perhaps it is a test, or maybe it is an angel or God in disguise coming to see if we really are who we appear to be. Possibly we think that doing good works here on earth will add to our benefits due, maybe giving us a little more than the person next to us when we reach heaven or paradise.

While all these reasons have there merits, I propose there can be real reward in saying no, when we are asked to, ‘Do the right thing’  and we do not want to. Maybe we are better off in our private world where we are lone with ourself. Maybe we are on our way to somewhere and we already feel about as good as we can feel, and the distraction of doing the right thing would only darken our otherwise bright and bubbly mood.

It is possible that we need not feel guilty about anything we do not do. Maybe we were asked if we would ‘Do the right thing’, but we choose not to and we do not feel guilty about  refusing at all. Even if it is a test of sorts imposed upon us by some immortal being or a directive of one, that should not be reason to stop what we are doing in our own self centered selfish world, and reach out a hand to a stranger in need because we think it is a test of some sort that we must pass.

Even if it were a test, even if our family and friends are watching our reaction, and we think it may make us feel guilty later on, or ‘doing the right thing’ will make the world a better place for a few moments, these are not the better reason for ‘Doing the right thing’.

The better, and the best reason for doing the right thing is this: Do the right thing because you want to, nothing more. Do the right thing whether you think God will reward you or not. Do the right thing because you want to whether or not your family and friends are present to see what you will do. Do the right thing because you want to no matter who you think might be in disguise asking you.

Doing something only because you want to is the highest form of giving. You are ‘Doing the right thing’ not because it will make you feel good. You are ‘Doing the right thing’ not because you will be embarrassed if you do not. You are ‘Doing the right thing’ not because it may be a test of your faith or humanness.

Doing the right thing because you want to is the highest reason to do the right thing. You are not expecting reward, punishment, accolades, or suspect it is a test. You do the right thing because you want to. Doing the right thing because you want to brings real meaning to what you do when you choose to ‘Do the right thing’.

When you ‘Do the right thing’ because you want to, you have freed yourself from those hollow props and supports most of us are prone to using. You have freed yourself from being artificial, shallow, and a handful of other reasons that make ‘Doing the right thing’ something less than the ultimate kindness it is.

When you are out and about and someone asks you for something, think before you act. Find the right reason to ‘Do the right thing’ before you act. Both you and the receiver(s) will feel empowered in the act if the reason is the best reason – Because you want to. Settle for no other reason than ‘You Want To’ the next time you are asked.

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Career changes and lasting relationships

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If I were a carpenter, and you were a Lady…. If you listen to old country music, or happen to be a Johnny Cash fan, you know this song was sung by Johnny Cash back in the day. If you are not familiar with the song, the song is questions asking the woman different trades and if she would still love him.

What I enjoy about the song, is the different ways the man asks the same question. If I were a carpenter, tinsmith, so on and so forth will she still love him? It may seem that the man is not sure that the woman would love him and be with him, so he keeps asking to make sure the answer stay the same.

And of course the answers are the same throughout the song. June Carter sings that, yes, she would still love him and support him at whatever he does. That is a pretty strong bond the man and woman have between them, and her validation that she will and would love him no matter what came down the pipeline shows how sure they are of their relationship.

I think this song has a lot of relevance today with our world as it is. For some of us, this is our second, third, or maybe fourth major career change in the making between the job we were going to do the rest of our lives and today. For others the track record is the same in the relationship department. It seems many of those truths we were given as children are no longer true. Rarely is there a one lifetime job, or a lifetime long relationship.

Where is the balance in our lives? How do we as individuals meld our personal values, wants, and needs into something that fits our life, where not everything is forever any more? How can we go through a lifetime full of ups and downs, where the downside brings up stressors and pressures that ripple out and back, rocking our personal values, wants, and needs to there very core?

Most of us follow some variation of two main methods. One group tries to maintain order in their life, and the other group takes life as it happens. The key of course is balance. If a healthy balance is maintained between being a control freak, and letting life take you this way and that, it is possible to live a happy contented life most of the time.

In the song, what the man does for a living is not important. The relationship between the man and the woman has nothing to do with his past, present, or future career(s). The relationship is not centered on money. The relationship does not revolve around what they have or do not have. The relationship does not center on how they look, or how witty they are. The relationship is centered on the love each has for the other. As long as love is the center of their relationship, nothing else matters.

Nothing else matters to the couple in the song. They know what is important for them and why. They know that not compromising what is most important to them by life’s other distractions brings them the most happiness possible. Letting yourself be distracted away from what is most important to you is the second biggest cause of unhappiness. The biggest cause of discontent and unhappiness is not knowing what is most important in your life until after you have given it away, or otherwise compromised it.

Take time at the end of each day before you fall asleep and review at what you are doing with your life. Is what you are doing bringing you closer or farther from what you truly want? Is what you are doing making you happy, or does it tug on you, stealing a little of your happiness away every day? Decide what is most important to you each night, and start each day trying to make it happen. Before you know it, you will wake up and realize you are there!

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Argue less and find more happiness

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There was a time if I was in an argument, it was not over until one of us admitted defeat. The argument would go on until there was a clear winner. It would even go on longer if it was a heated debate. After all what was the fun of stopping at just winning if I could really rub the other persons nose in their defeat?

It sure felt good when on the winning end to really punish the other person. Taking it one step further. Adding a few extra hurtful comments because I knew I could was extra frosting on the cake.

Over time, I learned, or maybe unlearned, that I was not doing myself any good going above and beyond when I won an argument. It made me feel good for a few minutes of course. Or maybe I should say it made my ego feel good.

What I found was the price I extracted in collecting my proverbial pound of flesh from the other person would eventually turn out to be very expensive for me. I found out my behavior I was really hurting myself in the long run.

Over time, I find it better not to let arguments become that heated if at all possible. The more battles I took on, even more battles would make their presence known. In the end there are only a few battles worth fighting.

What I learned to do was stop arguing when I won. When losing, I found it is less painful to concede immediately. Stopping at the first opportunity is something practiced in martial arts where the idea is to stop the violence as quickly as possible with the least amount of harm to the opponent.

Fighting battles can be fun. Winning them is fun. Punishing the loser is even more fun. It is a blast in fact, until I needed something that only the person I hurt could do for me. Then suddenly it became obvious that the price they paid was much smaller than the price I would end up paying.

At first it was hard to stop. Hard to make myself stop when I had a lifetime of taking arguments too far, too often. With practice it became easier, and when done long enough, stopping before an argument became heated and something painful was said, became second nature.

So what is the benefit in not taking an argument too far? The most obvious is the other person does not feel like they have an enemy. They know what they were saying was actually heard and understood. In the future they may be may be more likely to help you, or at least not do anything to hamper you because they are not your enemy.

Being perceived as more mature comes in third for me. Not letting a disagreement become personal, and therefore heated, allows me to stay focused on keeping the disagreement respectful.

I find I have more energy. I have more energy because I am not wasting energy and effort on something that is not that important.

Life becomes easier and simpler. Not wasting time and energy on something that when compared to the bigger things in life are not really that important, allows more time and effort for what really matters. Not spending my energy trying to win an argument at any cost, gives me more time to notice those little things that make a big difference in the quality of my life.

When enough time is put into not arguing for the sake of arguing, I now understand other peoples arguments may be valid when they disagree with me.

Because I learned other people are not always wrong, I started seeing the person. When I start seeing the person, I know they are trying to enjoy their life just like I am. They may be going about it differently, but they are not wrong.

Reaching this point, a happier more filling life starts to happen, and life becomes happier and more enjoyable because almost everyone is moving in the same direction I am.

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Life is what you make it

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In the movie Forest Gump, the main character Forest was asked many times if he was stupid. Forest always answered the same way. Forest would say, “Stupid is as stupid does”. It worked well for Forest and took him from situations where perhaps he would have found himself out of his element of comfort.

In our personal and working life we are the same way. We have a set of practiced responses that work for us and we use them whenever a problem pops up. Since we were toddlers all we have done is improve responses to situations, rarely do we explore alternative actions.

We tweak them, make them funnier, more cutting, or more defensible. Our repeat responses work for us even today. We have use the same life scripts so many times we rarely think any longer. We just reach into the bag which is is our past experience, filter for the best choice we made in the past, and repeat what we did before in the same situation.

In my life, I have seen many many people do what Forest Gump says many times, “Stupid is as stupid does”. This is not inferring that I live my life surrounded by stupid people. Rather I notice people tend to repeat the cycle and expect different results.

For example, if you can not get out of bed in the morning, and are continuously late for school, or work, buying a louder alarm clock does not fix the problem. Yet people who are always late in the morning repeat a series of scripts they have been using their whole life time to help them get out of bed. None of the changes they make help. but each time they think this time will make a difference.

Obviously if getting out of bed in the morning is a problem, the best solution is to go to bed earlier the night before. More sleep before the alarm goes off is more effective than buying a louder alarm clock. The alarm clock is not the problem.

Other problem areas of life are exactly the same. In family situations where conflict can not be resolved people play out the same scenario time after time. Yet each time at least one of the people involved initiates the conflict thinking this time the outcome will be different. Jeffrey Krames wrote a book, ‘Inside Drucker’s Brain’. I came across one interesting reference to Krames’ book which is: “Results are achieved by exploiting opportunities not solving problems.”

The main trigger words caught my eye when I read the comment about Krames’ book. The first is the word achieved. Achieve means to accomplish or bring about.

The second word is opportunity. Opportunity is a set of circumstances that make it possible to do something. Doing something means having different results than from previous attempts.

The third word is exploiting, meaning to make full use of and derive benefit from. Not repeating the same failed scenario but making use of a situation and getting something out of it.

The fourth word is problems. Problems in this context is a situation regarded as unwelcome, needing to be dealt with and overcome.

It is a lot easier going through life exploiting opportunities than it is to re-enact a situation that always arrives at the same frustrating end. When anyone finds they are in a situation with no good outcome the best choice is to make sure the situation never repeats itself.

Ignore the same old problems. If they could be solved they would be. No one gets stuck in a rut by exploring and exploiting opportunity. They do get stuck in a rut trying to solve old problems. Save your limited energy generally spent on a repeating problem that have no easy solution. Use that extra energy as your opportunity to achieve a better outcome!

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