I thought that was a funny observation, but after the conversation ran its course, I understood how and why the comment was formed. It is possible many who feel this way will take those beliefs feelings to their graves. We can make speeches, conduct marches, hold rallies, and pass laws. What we can not do is change the mindset of people most affected by these limiting beliefs.

It is my understanding that Share Cropping was ‘created’ when it became obvious that newly freed slaves were not emotionally or financially equipped to leave their old lives behind and go out into a mostly foreign world and create new lives. Newly freed Americans who knew little or nothing of life as independent persons. People who could go anywhere and do anything, did what most of us would do in the same situation. They reached out for the closest life to life before emancipation. It was a bad choice with little chance of success, but it was comfortable.

For any people having family members who were once not free to make their own choices about their lives, is a hard to understand those choices. For some people whose forbearers lived in those circumstances, life today is not too far removed from those times in their minds eye. Some of the older people alive today have almost firsthand knowledge of what life was like in those days. They were raised with limiting thoughts and feelings around them each and every moment. They were or are people not to likely to change their thinking.

Some more recent peoples coming to the United States feel as if they are shut out of main stream culture for other reasons. They may feel others think they are not ‘American’ enough by the standards of those around them. Some over compensate by going overboard on American culture. Others live deep within their old culture, or whatever adaptations of it exist around them in the United States. Others do their best to become part of American Mainstream as best they can.

Living apart from what some non-white Americans perceive as American Mainstream Culture, from my perspective is their view of American Mainstream culture does not exist anywhere other than the eyes of the beholder. American Mainstream, sometimes thought of as  ‘White Culture’ as some view it, is no more a cohesive group than people living above the Arctic circle with those living in the Amazon Rain Forests. Religion, perception, politics, nationality, and economics continue to fracture and reinvent the American Mainstream.

Not being outside of the ‘American Mainstream’, I can only give my impression of what it is like on the inside. I believe there is not much difference between being inside the American Mainstream and looking in at American Mainstream from a perceived outside view. Imagine living in New York, or any densely populated city with most of the population living somewhere between self sufficient and wealthy. Whatever city picked must have mass transportation as the major form of commute. Now place yourself in that population going and coming from work, shopping, and generally living in that city.

People appear to be insensitive, blunt, rude, all socially derogative behaviors one sees in a large city. That to me is a snapshot view of the American Mainstream. If you feel you are not part of the Mainstream, you probably are. If you feel like people ignore you, they probably do. If you feel that people are willing to take advantage of you, they probably do. Everything anyone considers roadblocks to joining ‘Mainstream America’ and their trying to be a part of it is likely true. Welcome to Mainstream America, you are likely experiencing life in the primordial plasma of the American Dream.

If you want to change Mainstream America, you have to get off the sidelines and join in. You can help shape the culture, thinking, and mannerisms of your community. You have to be willing to give of yourself for that to happen though. Programs all over your community need your help, and not just your money. If you don’t jump in make changes, don’t expect for change to happen. Join in and be an active part of the American Mainstream.

I think it is kind of funny to me, some of the time when I look at people around me and they are wrapped up in the moment because they have forgotten. (I am that way occasionally myself. It is fun being that way for a short time, then it gets old.) Maybe people become wrapped up in the moment so they can forget? I am never sure. I doubt they give themselves permission to know the answer either.

What I know about you, that you likely do not know about yourself is probably going to make you want to quit reading as soon as I tell you. You will want to quit reading because to ponder the idea of it being true is something you may not want to think about or do. After all, you must have wanted to forget at some point and time?

I suppose I will go ahead and, “Let the cat out of the bag”. I don’t know the significance of that saying, but I have heard it since I was a child, and it seems appropriate. Or maybe I used to hear it as a child, and I do not hear it any more.  At any rate, think of the time you will save when you quit reading this post, or maybe even reading anything else from my blog because I have fallen off the log one time to many.

Here is what I know about you, that you do not know about yourself. You live a life of duality! Whether you know that, think you know that, did not know that, or maybe don’t believe it, you have a spiritual life going on, and you are very active in your spiritual life. Who you are and what you do in your spiritual life away from your earthly you, I can only guess. You will have to learn this yourself.

You do have something going on though. I am not the only one who knows this. I don’t mean you have some form of religion, and you go to church for a few minutes each week. (That is sometimes used as part of the coverup that people use to forget who they are.) You have a mission or quest you work towards continuously as your spiritual self.

Here in your earthly self you live a spiritual life. You also have at least two spirit beings who are with you every second of your life. There are what we like to call Angels, but they are not really angels in that the way we think of Angels. If you become seriously ill, you have three or more of these beings around you. If you want to know more about them, you can. You can learn for yourself, from yourself, about yourself. You are all you need to find out who and what you are, and what is around you.

You also have other beings that come close to you on occasion. Some, you may think of as allies, they want what you want. Some of these beings want to destroy you, and failing that, help you remain ignorant of who and what you really are. For the most part, the second group is succeeding. If they weren’t succeeding, you would not be reading this in disbelief. Other beings could care less about you and what you want, or don’t want, they have their own agenda and you are not part of it.

You do not have to try to attract a spirit to you, they are already around you. You are just too numb to realize they are there. If you were aware enough to realize their presence, you may find you interact with them in some form or another. You can change your earthly self thinking and know more about your spiritual self other than the occasional unexplained events that happen in your life. Or you can keep that side of yourself a secret and go one as you have.

The choice is always yours. If you choose to start to remember who you are, Pandora’s Box comes into play. Think and decide carefully. Once you lift the lid, you can never pretend you do not know.

The morning starts out bad. The power went out, the alarm clock died, I wake up late because of of the clock and the power, and because I went to bed later than I should have the night before. I start my car, and think if I drive fast to work I will make it faster than if I take my time and follow the speed limits. The time saved is really only a minute or two, and the speed limits are fast enough. That is reasonable thinking although I am not thinking reasonably at the moment.

I am almost to wherever I am going, and suddenly there is a police car behind me with red lights flashing. The Policeman has done his duty, no slacking off for him, and I am looking at a hefty fine. Checking my watch I see I have lost ten minutes when I only was two minutes ahead anyway. Now there is the matter of my insurance company finding out, and depending on what I do for a living, the company I work for.

Getting to work in thirty-two minutes late instead of thirty-six minutes late is not a life changing event. A speeding ticket in in and of itself is not a major life changing situation. Hitting another car, and injuring the other driver, or running over someone crossing the street because I was racing along, would be a life changing event I would live with the rest of my life.

The issue of abortion for example; in the thinking of some people is getting the abortion is not the whole issue. What is the whole issue, is the behavior that led up to getting pregnant in the first place. Why would anyone get pregnant with someone they do not wish to have a baby with? Why was someone having unprotected sex if they did not wish to be pregnant in the first place?

Pregnancy and abortion are trigger words for high profile articles, and are used here to point out a thinking flaw most of us tend to share at one time or another in our lives. We find ourselves taking an action even though we dread one of the possible outcomes. We somehow prevent ourselves, or downplay that outcome while we are making the decision.

If you have not guessed by now the remark, and I bet you thought I forgot about it and went off on a tangent, was a word picture about getting pregnant when not planning to, by someone you do not want a baby with. The actual wording is of little importance, but the idea behind it should be on the top of everyones decision making list.

As I thought about what was said, I saw another ‘Rule of Three’ in the making.

What are the worst possible outcomes within reason?

Is the best outcome worth the risk of the worst outcome(s) actually happening?

How seriously will the outcomes you do not want, if they happen change your life?

When looked at through those three lenses, what seems like a good idea at the moment is not worth the risk of what could happen if something goes wrong. If something goes wrong, looking at yourself in the mirror every day, knowing a poor choice you made, because you can not make it right, is the real painful result. Who wants to wake every day knowing it easily could have been a different choice if only?

I am not sure what the temperature was at the lake, but warm it was not. There was a steady cold breeze with some gusting. The lake is popular with sailboaters because of the winds. The wind was frigid coming off the surrounding mountains which still have snow on them.

I only had a few hours to fish, as it takes most of the morning to warm up, and  it starts cooling off quickly towards sunset. Even though it is winter, the lake was free of ice except for one point about one-half mile away which seemed to be holding the remaining ice on the lake.

I was not sure I would catch any Carp, as they tend to move to deeper water in cold weather. I used a basic setup. I had a light sliding egg shape weight, swivel, about eighteen inches of leader and a number six Salmon egg hook. I used whole kernel corn for bait.

Most of the corn went into the lake for chum. If you chum for Carp, ensure chumming for Carp is legal before you try it. I only held back a small handful to use on my hook. A car pulled up with a man and women in it. The woman walked off to look at the dock and the man came to where I was and we chatted.

He was recently from California, and was familiar with the Mammoth Lakes area where I lived for a few years. He was an avid fisherman too, I could tell because he brought up some of the places I used to fish at while living in Mammoth Lakes. He is also a Carp fisherman. I thought this was unusual because he talked on some about Ocean fishing.

The Man said he took up Carp fishing a few years back. I knew he was a dyed in the wool fisherman because one of his Carp grew five pounds over the telling of his story. Or maybe I was a little envious of the story. He was telling me about a big Carp he landed on Ultra Light tackle and six pound test line. I could see in my mind what a battle that must have been. Using ultra light tackle and hooking a big fish!

A few minutes later, he left because he was cold. The rest of the hour was uneventful, and I thought I was wasting my time. Thirty more minutes and I was sure I was wasting my time. I put on more clothes to warm up. Getting warmer, I was getting sleepy, or maybe it was the lazy day at the lake. One impatient soul showed up with his sailboat. I guess he could not wait for spring either. I lazily watched him launch and get his sails up on a cold day.

I started to nod off as there were no more distractions other than wind humming in one ear. The sun was warm, and my chair was comfortable. A few seconds later, off in the distance I heard a clicking sound. I have two baitrunner reels and the sound came through the fog of almost sleep. I opened my eyes and one of rods was twitching opposite of the wind!

It seemed only an instant and I was standing holding my rod, and releasing the bait runner drag, ready to see if I actually had a Carp on. The line tightened and my rod bent. I wish I could say it was glorious fight. In very cold water fish are sluggish, and this Carp was no exception. It gave its best fight, but nothing like I would have had in the middle of summer.

I landed a nice, very bronze sided Carp of about twenty-five inches. Unfortunately, it was on the hungry side, and not carrying a lot of weight. Not unusual for this lake, as there is not enough food to grow heavy fish in this water. Catching one Carp had me wide awake and ready for more. Unfortunately, one Carp was my fishing excitement for the day.

It was a good fishing day. I know as spring creeps up and I can not resist the urge any longer, there may be at least one hungry Carp waiting for an irresistible piece of corn, or a little dough ball of homemade something to snack on.

Feeling Lost Because You Are

Accept or Change your Life

Want More Out of Your Life

Feeling Lost In Your Own Life

Life Plan 101

If you are looking for general help with your life, one or more of these posts will help you get your life where you want it to be. One thing I have never touched on in these posts is feeling spiritually lost in your religious life. I wrote a post called: Dark Night of the Soul, an overview about going through the process of finding ones spiritual self, mainly through ego destruction you may be interested in.

An area I glossed over about until now, is feeling lost in your spiritual life from a Christian perspective. Feeling spiritually lost happens easily. With so many people telling you how, and what to believe it gets very confusing. What makes it more confusing is they all come on like midway Carnies at the County Fair. Step right up folks, I have what you are looking for. If this is why you are reading this post looking for an answer, perhaps this is a good post to find direction for problems of this type.

At first the new church is fun, then the finish starts to tarnish and the cracks start to show. At some point listening to what they say, it becomes apparent, this is the same song with a different melody.

Instead how about reading one thought what is important to being a Christian? The central theme of being a Christian is not about being pure or donating money. It is not about volunteering to clean your church. Those are important things, and should not be ignored, but are not one of the best reasons for being a Christian.

If you are or wish to be a Christian, the one fundamental reason you want to be a Christian is because you believe there is a God who is good and just. Because you know and accept there is a God, you also must accept that there is an anti-God named Satan who is the opposite of God.

That is what you should know before you consider anything else about being a Christian of any type. Knowing this, and keeping it forefront in your religious thinking is why you are living this moment as a Christian. Everything else in your life is secondary. Christian churches may merge or disappear. You may change churches yearly, or decide not to go to church at all. One day a fire might wipe out the building that was your church.

You are a Christian because for all your life there has been war fought between good and evil. Like it or not, you are a very important part of that war. You may not feel like you are a good Christian or a Soldier. You do not hear any gun shots, see any bombed out building, or dead bodies laying in the streets.

The war going on is for this world, and you must believe this above everything else about being a Christian. If you think there is no war, think about the poorest sections of your city. The gangs, drugs, the violence, and the hate. The burglaries, car thefts, and violent acts around you. You are a Soldier in this ongoing, never ending battle.

You think you are not any of these labels. Your friends are not any of these labels. Chances are your family do not fit any of these labels. So why are those other people, like you, but across the street or across town so destructive? Because of the battle for this world. Whether they actively chose sides, or are ignorant of their actions, they are part of the war. If they are the gang members, drug dealers, pimps, thieves, etc, they are not on your side of the war.

I am not a fan of preaching, and this sounds awfully preachy to me so that is all I will say about it. If you have not known before, now you know why you are a Christian. You were created to fight in the war. Everything else is in life is secondary to the battle.

What you do or do not do, and whether you are successful or poor is not important in the spiritual world. The only thing that matter is you do what you know is right for yourself, friends and family, neighborhood, and city. That is how you do battle in this war. The balance constantly shifts. We move closer to, and then a step away from destroying ourselves, and the earth.

Now you know why, and what you should be doing. When you get to the other end of your life, the question, ‘Did you do your part to make the world a better place by resisting evil?’, is the only question that matters. Sometimes answers come from surprising sources.

Somebody has to be something. You can decide what something is. Someone has to be everything you are thinking about. It does not matter who is what, or how you fit in. It is not important if you are not the prettiest, funniest, or best dressed. A few years from now these things won’t matter to you very much. The only thing that really matters is you like the young woman you see in the mirror.

You are in such a rush to look older. Companies are stealing from you. Helping you look ten, fifteen, possibly twenty years older than you are is theft. Take a minute or two and look at the older women shopping the same cosmetic aisles you are next time you are shopping. You know what older women want? They want to look like you without makeup! It is true, I guarantee it! A few of the women standing in the aisle with you have already wasted thousands of dollars trying to look as young as you. You will never look this young again, so don’t hide yourself with makeup you do not need. Perfect faces are for fantasies.

No matter what you do, you can only do so much with the body your parents gave you. Take care of your body by eating right, getting good exercise, plenty of sleep, and don’t worry about things you can not do anything about, which is about everything you worry about.

Most young men have two heads until they are in they reach their early thirties. Around thirty something, they start to think more often with the one their shoulders. No matter what a young man tells you, or how he makes you feel, he wants sex; and not a lot else from you. This is the way we men are made. We do not have deep emotions when we are young.

He will make you laugh, buy you trinkets, and spend time with you. All he really wants is sex. I imagine you do not believe this is true, especially if some young man is doing all the things for you I just mentioned. He will tell you this is not true. Which of his two heads do you think is thinking with?

I offer you a challenge if you do not believe me. Go to Walmart, or your favorite large discount store for an hour or so. Look for young women with small children in tow. As you find them, look at them closely. How are they dressed. Do they look happy? Look at their left hand and see if they are married. Most of those women believed what some young man told them because he made them feel good. He’s now long gone, and a dim memory.

It is hard to know what life will be for you. If you make good decisions, you have a better chance of it being a good life. You will find work you really want to do. You will have fun with your friends, do new things, go on dates, see new places, eat new foods. In general you will have fun.

Your life will slowly evolve. What other people think of you will become less important. You will start to learn about yourself. You will figure out you really are not feeling lonely for some guy. No man will complete you. You are feeling distanced from something you can’t define. If you a observant, you will notice others around you feel this way too. You will see it in them when they are not wearing their public face. Being married, having children, or having a serious relationship does not make this feeling go away for long.

Eventually when you are not paying attention, someone will slip up on you. You hopefully will fall in love, get married and start a family. If you married for reasons that go deeper than he has cute dimples, or he’s good in bed, your marriage has a chance of surviving more than a few years.

On the other hand, if you let your emotions run your life, and believe what young men are telling you, your life will be a little different. Go to Walmart again and look at the miserable, single, poor young women with children, trying to make ends meet on a Friday night at Walmart that you saw. Soon you will be one of them.

You want to make good choices based on reality, not emotions, what your friends are saying, or what some guy is telling you. You are my future, and I want your future to be one filled with happy adults who know what is important in their life. Happy adults have happy children. Happy children need all the help they can get, so they too make good decisions.

As adults in America we have the right to choose how to live our life. We are the proverbial butchers, bakers, and candlestick makers – and everything else under the sun, moon, and stars. We all have differing interests and passions in the living of our lives. Sometimes our beliefs, passions, and endeavors merge, and at other times we and our interests are tangential.

Some people view marriage differently than those holding a traditional view. Unless one lives in isolation, I find it hard for anyone to imagine alternative relationships, whether one chooses to call them marriages, unions, or shacking up, were invented in the last few years.

A few facts and thoughts:

According to Divorcereate.org , the divorce rate for first time marriages in America is a fifty percent.

From what I read at ReligiousTolerance.org, the percentage of population in America that can be classified as Christian was 76% in 2008.

I think it is safe to assume that a majority of first time divorce claims are filed by Christian couples.

The divorce rate does not concern itself with those people who stay in failed marriages because for whatever reason they do not feel they can not end the Marriage.

Unfortunately this does not leave a lot of wiggle room for the Christian community unless one allows that while Christianity tries to take the moral high ground, the moral high ground is a slippery slope wholly attainable and sustainable by very few. Most of us are mere fallible mortals doing the best we can with what we have to work with.

People do marry or form unions for reasons other than love and fidelity. Some people marry or form unions for money, some for companionship, others for as many varied reasons as there are hobbies. Not all people need or want traditional marriages, and all the encumbrances that comes with it. Nor do all people want the stigma and isolation attached when a formal marriage fails.

It has not recently been openly acknowledged, or close to obvious in the recent past, but these types of relationships have been happening as long as there have been formal communions between men and women.

My hope is our thinking and tolerance is maturing. We in America have matured our opinions about women’s rights, children’s rights, animal rights,  and skin color.

We are maturing our opinions in other areas of life, such as caring about where our food  comes from, how it is treated, where our fuels come from and how they effect the environment, sustaining the earth for a few more generations, and trying to help the worlds poorest people without making their plight worse than it is now.

Is it really important how two reasonable adults choose how to form a relationship as long as they are not harming each other or those around them? Whose business is it how coupled adults spend their private time? Are we immature enough to believe same sex relationships were confined to the Mediterranean a few thousand years ago then recently, some deviants became activists and went public with their life style, contaminating a percentage of our population?

I have yet to meet any balanced, moral, ethical person who controls who they like, love, and what they believe when they have enjoyed exposure to the real world, and know why they think what they do. How wonderful it must be to be a real Christian, and know of no one who is not ‘normal’ like themselves,  their family and their friends.

I can not guess what God really prefers, but there does seem to be a prevalent thread that God does want us to be happy. God also demands we intentionally cause no undo harm to others. The Christian world, or parts of it, want God in all adult relationships as long as the same Christian world controls both the participants and the confines of those relationships.

I can’t speak for online games, because I am not an online player, but I imagine the same general problems are online as they in Brick and Mortar (real cards and table) poker. Those softer games are there, you just need to change what you are doing.

First and foremost is game selection. Everyone who has read more than one article about beginning poker knows game selection is one of the key points. Let me say that again, GAME SELECTION is critical to poker success. Many players with a year or more of play B & M time under their belts are already wondering if they should quit reading right here. I hope they do.

We don’t like change. We like things to stay the same. Even if we are miserable we usually do not change what we are doing. It is no secret and every poker shark after your money knows this.

What is your normal poker playing routine? You work all week, go out on a Friday or Saturday night and play some poker? If this is you, you are probably doing this because you started playing poker this way. The best games were on the weekend nights.

The bad news is the best games are no longer happening at the times you decide you want to play. If the best games were when you normally play, you would not be reading this. You would be out spending your winnings on something more fun than this article. Think about it. It’s Friday or Saturday night and the poker tables are full, and hopefully there is a waiting list of people ready to give you there money once you get on a table.

Maybe you get there a little early to ensure you are there when the crowd arrives. maybe you get there in the middle of the surge. Perhaps you are one of the players who like to show up when the crowd starts thinning, as part of the clean up crew, waiting to feast on tired players and fat stacks.

The fallacy in this thinking is for the most part, with few exceptions, almost every player at the tables is there for the same reason you are. When was the last Friday or Saturday night game, or whenever your favorite to play, you showed up and were seated at a table full of beginning players? It rarely happens any longer.

When the poker boom started, there were a few books out there and very little on the net for beginners to actually learn from. What was there to read was some pretty heady stuff and a lot of disagreement on whether it was true or not. Today when with a few dollars for software and a local library, and a few months of serious poker study time, almost anyone can learn to play well enough to make it difficult for you to take their money.

Almost everyone at the table you usually play at, is at least close to your level of play. This makes for a pretty hard game.  Everyone (almost) makes  a few fundamental mistakes per hour as they play. It may not be noticeable by you or I, but they are making them. So are we making those same mistakes.

It is a hard game to actually make a profit in because those few mistakes are actually made that are exploitable for any real gain. They are mistakes such as calling a small bet when really the starting hand is not correct for the situation. Calling or making a small bet will cost a fraction of that bet over time. Nothing really noticeable except when you notice your stacks are shrinking.

If you are not happy with poker as it is, it is you that has to change. Try playing at different times, maybe early Saturday, or Sunday mornings. Another morning when the other weekend Sharks are sleeping off their feeding sessions. Learn to play better short handed. Learn a different game. Perhaps the best changes may be to play at stakes that have a better possibility of showing a profit for the same amount of play time.

When phrases like these are uttered, someone is generally given a free one time use pass. They are forgiven or excused for not knowing. Used more than once in a while, the utterer is not well thought of.

For a few people, these phrases and others like them, are over used excuses. While exceptions occur, exceptions should be the exception and not the rule.

What is your common response when asked why you are or are not doing something? Are you one of the few, guilty of uttering not being told, or not knowing? Do you find yourself uttering these phrases a little too often?

Not knowing, is a sign or symptom of more going in the background than the few words each phrase contains. No one told me, for example, has hidden meanings other than the obvious one. No matter where you work, no one has a job to make sure you know what you need to know after you are trained.

When something changes in your workplace, some form of communication is used telling you what has changed. If you hear yourself using these phrases more than once in a long while, below are some ideas you can use to ensure you rarely utter them again, if ever.

The key to knowing is to be proactive. Being proactive is a very effective tool you can use in your work and personal life. Being proactive, you always learn or know about changes that are important to you.

One of the best ways to be proactive is to pay attention. Some way, somehow in your place of work, there is a system in place of how information is passed on. Learn how important information is passed on.

Find out if  your company uses email, a bulletin board, a formal shift meeting, or the person you relieve is supposed to tell you. Make your first job of the day reading, listening,or asking about: “What is going on, anything new today?”

Asking a simple question like this and actively listening to the answer will save you from ever uttering a hollow excuse again. Once you get used to reading, and asking questions, you will know what you need to know. You will know about any changes, and you will look sharp, and become more valuable at work.

Occasionally something changes and you really had no way of knowing. Instead of reaching for a new way of saying you did not know, or were not told, you can use a much more powerful tool.

You can say: I read, listened to, or checked for changes, and there was nothing posted, sent, or mentioned. I asked ‘somebody’ who I took over from, and they did not mention any changes.

If the power of response escapes you, go back and read the first paragraph of this post and compare the two responses. Which reply would you rather give, and which reply would you rather hear? There is a lot of power in words used correctly.

If you are new on the job, and you truly did not know, be honest about it. Follow up honestly with a good question. “I was not aware of this, how and where do I find out about these changes?” Phrasing your reply like this, you will be way ahead of others, who automatically fall back on those old, worn out, ‘I didn’t know’ type phrases.

Now you know how to be on top of your job and your life, you can identify how important information is not being passed on to you. If you find that there is no formal way information is passed on, suggest a way! Using your new proactive way of being, suggest a new or better way of passing on information or changes. Think of a method that is easy and everyone see, hear, or read and let someone know in a professional manner, who can make it happen. It may get you a raise!

Occasionally I find myself wondering, if the whole situation whatever it is, was contrived for the sole benefit of the other person and I am cameo in the scene? Have they lived all these years and lived through untold trials and tribulations waiting for this moment to enter my life, and tell me in a few seconds, something that I need to hear, but keep choosing not to hear?

In other circumstances when life becomes difficult, I wonder if I spent my life and went through all my life experiences to enter someone else’s life with a different way of approaching a problem? Perhaps, my ‘different way of approaching a problem’ contributes to more frustration on their part. Maybe the interaction was contrived to make this one day even worse than it would be had I not appeared in their day?

Before I learned, or perhaps understood that the type of people I would normally have problems with will keep showing up over and over again until I see myself in them and accept them; that without fail, these same types of people showed up over and over with nothing better to do than frustrate and make me miserable.

Now that I am (mostly) beyond that way of thinking about why they were always in my life, maybe it is now my life responsibility to enter into the life of others and frustrate them with the way I act. Maybe myself and others like me are constant problem in their lives, bouncing from one situation and conflict to another, causing stress in the lives of others without realizing it.

If I know the answer to that question, I am am not aware at the moment that I do know it. I do know that knowing that life is a long series of challenges and conflict since I was born is enough to know at the moment. Whether I would become bored, or not with my life if I was not challenged on all fronts, is not really that important any more.

It is much more fun to take each day as it is, and know that some days are better than others. In the end of my life there is no prize given out, or listing of where I finished in comparison to whatever imaginary group I was being compared to. Often, we tend to forget that thought.

At the end of my life, if I am fortunate not lose my life in a split second accident, there is no prize given out at that moment for how I lived my life. There is no one standing by with a scale measuring how I handled each life event, good or bad, and rating it against an imaginary group.

What is real is the knowing that life is not stagnant. Because I have worked towards a goal for an hour, week, month, or lifetime, does not mean I am entitled to always see the fruit of my labor. What I am entitled to is knowing what I did or did not do.

Knowing that I accepted change, struggle,  and adversity for what it is. Change, struggle, and adversity are benchmarks in any life. Because of them I know I am alive, and taking responsibility for my life and how I live it.

It is not hard to live life going which ever way I am moved by the winds of those around me. Though that is not living life, that is going through the motions of waiting to die. I prefer to live my life as best as I can, and take responsibility for myself and my actions.

It is knowing that I did the best I could with what I had to work with that is important. Living my life the best I know how, like my future death is not a team event.

I share my life with you and those around me, but I am the only person living my life. In those instances I may wish to live someone else’s life if only for an instant, it is up to me to do the best I can with what I have to work with. Unfortunately what I have to work with is not always what I would prefer. That’s life.