If someone knocks on a wall from the next room is that scary? If they touch your leg and you did not seen them is that scary? If there is really something close to him (as he thinks there is) he can not see, is that a good reason to be scared?

The majority thought of what is happening to him is collectively it is something bad. He hears some noise he can not find the source of. He feels something touching him he can not see. He sometimes feels a presence next to him that he can not see or touch, but it does not feel normal. He knows it must be something out to harm him. All the replies he received to his post were about various ways to either protect himself, or make it stop.

He is scared because this is something foreign to him. Why he would remain  scared is conditioning he learned growing up. What we as humans usually do that other large animals do not is we rarely transfer out of our fear state soon enough.

If you have a pet, or know someone who does, pay attention to what the pet does in a new situation where the pet is initially scared. When something happens that scares your pet, they react with fear as a healthy normal response.

After a few seconds if nothing hurtful happens, curiosity takes over and the pet becomes more interested in what is happening. It calms its fear because it understands fear is no longer an appropriate response.

The pet becomes curious as it tries to understand the new situation. What is in it for the pet, is there food, or is it something to play with? We humans on the other hand, stay stuck in a fear state knowing it must be something bad.

We allow ourselves to remain afraid even though nothing happens to be afraid of. Fear is a healthy emotion and has contributed to our being alive, however it is an emotion we overuse and abuse.

Unlike a normal animal, the poster won’t let go of his fear. He is more comfortable remaining in a state of heightened fear, than embracing the possibility of having nothing to fear.

One of our former Presidents in his Inaugural Address repeated an old quote, “[The] Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself“. Fear leads to inaction. Inaction does not contribute to our health and wellbeing. Inaction caused by fear leads us down the path to victimization.

Fear stops us of thinking of other possibilities. This poster, hearing noises and being touched is terrified. Perhaps there is a good reason for this happening. Maybe the poster’s attention is wanted, and this is the only way it can be garnered.

What would the poster have written for example, if the first time he heard the knocking and felt something touch him, he awoke and his home was on fire? What would he be writing then? I doubt it would be a fear based post about how terrified he is. The poster would have posted about how fortunate he is that something touched him, waking him up from a sound sleep, and saving him from a horrible end.

The Poster and his fear based state, who is the main subject of this post aside, it is time to change the focus to us. How many fears do we carry around, allowing them to shape the direction our life, and keeping us from what may be the best changes we ever made in our life?

Some amount of fear is good. Fear is a healthy emotion when used correctly. Allowing fear to take over our life, fear becomes a debilitating disease. We allow ourselves to become so overwhelmed with fear we cease to make choices we know are best for us.

As for the poster, what is causing his fear may have stopped already, or it may be with him for the rest of his life. To the end of his post, nothing had happened that could even be vaguely dangerous to him. Holding a detached view at what is happening to him, there is no reason to be terrified. Annoyed, upset, or angry are possibilities, but fear is not.

For a more in depth reading of our new fear based culture, here is a good read on the subject: The only thing we have to fear is the ‘culture of fear’ itself, a PDF file, which can be viewed in your web browser with a plug you may already have installed.

I tried three of the top five distributions and my new Laptop remained mute even though all the outputs from various posted references appeared to show all was as it should be. The biggest discrepancy I could find was a rev difference between two Alsa files in one distribution that possibly may have been the cause of no sound problem per the web comments I found. Due to the fact, that three popular Linux distros had the same problem, I decided it was a not the reason for no sound.

Having thought about what was happening and remembering this happening in the past, I decided I might know what the problem was. In the not too distant past, it was not uncommon for Linux to not be able to use the latest and questionably greatest components. Sometimes, if you were an average user, you had to wait until someone with more knowledge than yourself bought the same hardware and either wrote or updated a driver to use it.

Such is the case with Intel High Definition Audio on my  Sony model vpceb23fm Laptop with an i3 processor, and other similar Laptop or Desktop mother boards using “Intel High Definition Audio” using driver: ‘snd_hda_intel’.

The fix in this case is Ubuntu Linux with help from Ubuntu Backports. I installed Ubuntu 10.04 64 bit, enabled Backports and installed the latest version of Alsa from the backports. After a frustrating week of wondering how long it will take for sound to happen, I have sound.

My hunch appears to have been right, only the software is already available, though it has not made it to the mainstream distributions quite yet. Fwiw, I read about upgrading Alsa directly from Alsa.org and doing a manual install, but the process seemed a little more complex than simply going through the few steps to do a manual install. I chose what for me was the simpler route first, and it turns out it works for my needs.

The Laptops are baseline Laptops, built on the low end of the low end. They were perfect for their function, but no where else. This meant that the cheapest parts available were used in their creation. To their benefit they were less than two years old, so I knew they could run any distribution of Linux and that would be the end of their usability problems.

I tried Ubuntu first, as I thought Ubuntu would install on any computer and be the easiest  distribution to maintain. Ubuntu installed flawlessly as always. Upon connecting to the wireless network I ran into a show stopping problem. To get the wireless working, I needed to be connected to the internet to download the correct drivers. The show stopper was the only internet connection available was wireless.

I scrapped my plans of using Ubuntu and thought Zenwalk would carry the day. Zenwalk had the same wireless problem Ubuntu did. No matter what work arounds I put in place, the wireless card would not work.

I have mentioned PCLinuxOS in my other Linux posts because it is a good solid distribution, and works well with any computer I have installed it on. I downloaded the latest PCLinuxOS iso using Gnome desktop, and copied it to CD. It booted up and ran as it always does, perfectly. The real test was the wireless connection. I set up the wireless, and the network was waiting as it should be. The biggest hurdle was solved.

I proceeded to install PCLinuxOS on all the laptops, and for the most part they all work identically with the exception of two. One of the Laptops occasionally drops the wireless in Windows, and another occasionally drops it in Linux. I do not think that is a fault of the operating systems, but rather the nature of the network itself.

If you read some of what various Linux Guru’s write, they will tell you Linux is Linux. It is the Kernel that makes Linux unique and everything else is programming to support the Kernel functions. While there is no doubt this is true, it is PCLinuxOS going the extra step to include an older wireless driver in the right rev that made it possible for those Laptops to use Linux, and enjoy a solid eight month uptime as of this writing.

Windows is a truly fine operating system in its own right. If Windows were not the most popular operating system in its class, those laptops would have been running perfectly, and I would be looking for other volunteering opportunities.

Unfortunately, Windows is not always the best operating system for the job, especially when leaving laptops open for use by the general public. Due to Windows viruses, malware, and other malicious programs out there trying to infect every computer that is powered on and used, Windows in an open environment needs a lot of help in the form of virus protection.

The only PCLinuxOS, and Linux in general issue I had was access to the settings. Casual users really have no idea of what most programs on any given computer do, they like to click on different programs and see what they all do. My oversight led to a lot of people clicking on settings and making changes to the Laptops. Most changes did not add to the Laptop’s functionality of course. Of course the curious casual user does not know how to undo the changes they made.

A short post in the PCLinuxOS forum after doing my own search for a fix garnered a quick response instructing me to download the PCLinuxOS version of parental controls. A few quick downloads, and all important settings were only available to root which is the Linux version of Windows Administrator. The eight laptops at the first community center are now so trouble free, I have been asked to help a second community center with ten laptops in various states of usability. Care to guess what Linux distribution they will be using?

PCLinuxOS is available in all the major desktop flavors starting with KDE, to include Open Box and Enlightenment, , plus a Gnome Zen Mini desktop iso so you can create exactly what you want. My first Laptop install was PCLinuxOS using the Gnome desktop.

I use Gnome desktop myself, but it was not well received by the user community as it was foreign to go to the top of the screen to access the menu. My second choice was PCLinuxOS with the XFCE desktop, my other favorite desktop. That too was to different to be comfortably used by those casual users who were my target audience. I put on PCLinuxOS with the LXDE desktop and it was an instant success, or maybe instant no thinking required desktop.

From my perspective, PCLinuxOS with LXDE is perfect as it does not have the overhead of many additional programs, making it simpler to use and maintain. For the casual users who are my user group, it was almost like Windows. Enough like Windows, the Kids who use the laptops were not aware they were not using Windows.

The adults on the other hand, noticed the difference in menus and knew something was different. After explaining that common programs are common programs and do the same things whether being done on Linux or Windows, they bit their lips and decided to give Linux a try knowing Windows was there if they wanted to use it instead. Eight months later, and Windows rarely gets booted up any longer.

One small issue I had from not playing kids games myself was I was told some of the games on the websites most of the kids went to were not working. I asked the what the sites were, went to them myself, and found that all the sites with the exception of one required Java.  One lone website would not accept a connection from a Linux based computer. I have my own thoughts about why, and I do not think the kids are missing much from not going to one website.

The largest obstacle to overcome other than encouraging the users to try Linux is Grub. For a fix, I cut the wait time down to five seconds, which seems to be the solution. Most people turn on the computer and wait for it to boot up not paying attention to the process. I set the root password, and then created a Guest account with no password. The biggest task an user has to do is click on the Guest icon, which is something they are familiar with in Windows.

To date all users have followed the rules of the computer room, and have not tried to access any sites the Community Center does not approve of. If someone starts to access sites that are not allowed, the parental controls will come into play, allowing me to block specific websites and keywords.

If you have read all this way to find out specifics about PCLinuxOS, I do not want you to leave disappointed. PCLinuxOS has all the bells and whistles you could want unless your computing needs are out there on a tangent somewhere. PCLinuxOS at the time of this post is ranked number five, on Distrowatch.com top one-hundred.

PCLinuxOS is a very robust, yet simple to set up and use distribution. Yet it is difficult to outgrow because it is so problem free and adaptable to your needs, such as a small community distribution.

The biggest win for me is the work that goes into PCLinuxOS to ensure it will install and run on almost every reasonable computer a home user is likely to own. If you are not sure it is usable on your PC, they even have a hardware compatibility section on their website. Finally unlike a few other major distributions where you install the latest and greatest, and then six months later go through major upgrade pains, PCLinuxOS is a rolling distribution. What this means is you update monthly, you are assured that your system is up to date with the latest and greatest updates and changes.

The PCLinuxOS Forum is top notch, and I have never asked a question that no one could answer. Unlike larger forums, do not expect an answer within thirty seconds, and forty different answers a day later. PCLinuxOS runs on donations, and along with a few dollars sent their way, use the forums and share your knowledge with other as you can. This will help keep PCLinuxOS the excellent distribution it is.

I almost forgot the Magazine! A really dedicated and knowledgable group of folks put out a Monthly PCLinuxOS Magazine to help users such as myself get the most out of Linux in general, and PCLinuxOS in particular. The articles are comprehensive, yet easy to follow, many with step by step instructions which make following along and making changes to your own computer a breeze!

I watch the club players from a table or two away. Until recently I have not played chess  for many years other than a game or two on the holidays when the family is around. I tried to get serious in seventh grade when one of the teachers was a chess player, but chess ground to a halt as other interests took over.

I am grateful for modern computer chess, where I can tone down the computer opponent to a level where chess can be a challenge and not a slaughter. The last time I bought a chess game for my computer, the challenge was to survive longer than twenty moves. When I played the computer the first time a few weeks ago on the default settings, I made it to twenty-one moves before the game was over.

I found a few free online chess sites, and played a few games with them. One, a university site has one of those computer chess games who’s job it is to show you how bad you play. I made it to twenty-three moves

I was searched chess clubs around my local area, and saw there was a chess tournament coming up. I did not understand all of what the post said, but I did understand one-thousand dollars in prize money. That was enough to get me interested in chess again. Go play a few games and pocket some serious money? How hard could that be?

I read more chess sites, and I found a chess server where I could play online. The server gave me a preliminary rating of 1200 which I understand is an average rating of online players. I was not sure what 1200 meant, though I read about a teenage chess player who has a rating around 2800. I knew I was no where around 2800, but I was sure I would be rated over 1200 after I played a few games. The number 2000 had a nice sound to it. I decided that number was attainable. I decided I could improve from there as I became more familiar with chess again.

I have now played a few rated games. I can write with certainty that the number 1200 is indeed a fine number to be rated at. My rating as of this weekend is almost 800, with enough deviation to settle in at a lower level when the smoke clears.  It is always nice to know there is room for improvement.

I get to play a number of 1200 and above rated players so all is not lost. The reason I have been able to play them is there are so many of them, and so few players at my level. After having watched them take my chess army apart move by move, I can appreciate the effort they have put into achieving their ratings.

I played one bored player who rating was in the1400′s and it was like watching a Michael Jackson video the way his/her pieces danced around the board in seeming randomness, cleaning the board of my pieces no matter how I tried to save them from slaughter, or mount an attack of my own. The game ended with me capturing a pawn or two, and being offered a draw rather than accepting another loss.

I neglected to mention that before venturing online to find what my skill rating is I bought a book or two. When I checked the books out in the bookstore, they seemed to be pretty straight forward, and I thought they would be good for me to brush up with. After trying to follow the verbiage and envision the moves, I found a book or two geared towards those people in the lower ranks of the rating system. People like me who have a tentative rating of about 800 on a good day.

I may update my progress or adventure as as I progress, if I do. For now, if you think you may be interested in playing chess yourself , you can search: chess, chess tactics, and online chess. Your local library and bookstores are also good sources for books. If you want to find a chess club in your area, search chess club and your city and state.

At the moment, I am a little too humbled to think about joining a chess club. Maybe after I break the 800 level I will give it more consideration. What I have found interesting is the only difference between a high level book and the books on chess I can understand is the presentation. One book has lots of words and a few big pictures. The high level books have few words with lots of chess move annotation and small pictures.

On the artistic side, I have been able to watch some very skilled players play out their games. When I replay their play games what they are doing is pretty to watch and appears so simple. When I try to match their artistry, it lasts about nine moves. I have a little more understanding to grasp before I will be a danger to anyone with more than a few games under their belt.

I asked for, received, and paid for my coffee, and walked to a small table in the corner. The boys walked through the entrance, and the boy who appeared to be the oldest walked up to the counter where he was asked by the person running the counter if she could help him.

“Do you still have one dollar drinks?

“Yes, any size drink for one dollar.”

“I would like a large soda and three straws.”

Noticeable lack of manners on the boy’s end of the conversation, but that is another post. The boy was given his large soda cup and three straws. He paid his money and joined his friends at a booth to share their drink.

For about thirty seconds all was well with the boys. Suddenly one boy says loudly that he does not want any more of the soda because one of the other boys spit in it. Of course it was denied by both of them, and the accuser reaffirmed his accusation of spitting in the shared soda cup along with a name and pointed finger.

The questionably guilty boy stated he was not spitting into the soda. He was blowing bubbles, as he always did with his soda. The third boy sided with the accuser, stating how that is wrong to do that when they all three were sharing a soda. He finished saying he did not want any more soda either, pushing the cup to the bubble blower.

Both offended and defensive, the accused bubble blower did not know what to do. He had a whole soda to himself, but his friends were angry with him. They were telling him how they spent their money on a drink for all of them, and he ruined it by blowing bubbles into the soda and getting spit in the soda. The guilty boy, not being able to think of a way out of the dilemma, stood up and walked to the soda machine where he poured out the soda, and threw the cup away.

While this may be a short story of a small event concerning three young boys sharing a soda, there are valuable pointers and tips that may be gleaned from this situation.

The boys had a plan which was mostly successful. They applied previously tested and beneficial problem solving techniques to their small group. The boys had learned to cooperate getting to the fast food place, which was over one-half mile from the closest housing, and across a busy six lane street, which is at times no small feat in itself.

The boys had cooperated pooling their change to buy a shared soda. Arriving at the restaurant, the boys used sound teamwork techniques in finding a spot on the building where their bicycles could all be locked together. They behaved as expected once inside, with two of the boys going to a booth, while the third ordered their drink. They each had their own straw to drink from.

Up to this moment the boys were working as a team. They probably have been in each others company long enough they knew what to do without thinking about it. Each knew his role and each of them perhaps was pliable enough to exchange leadership roles and direct activities as needed.

Where their plan unravelled was in the actual drinking of the soda. The soda was the ultimate prize. All their planning, working together, and coordination was accomplished for this single goal of having a cold drink on a hot day for as little money as possible.

What the boys failed to plan for was how they would enjoy their soda jointly. Their planning and teamwork fell apart at this moment. They had not previously discussed their expectations of each others drinking habits before buying the soda. Each of them thought the other two would drink in a manner they all would find acceptable. As a result, their plan was not accomplished and they all lost something in the process.

Often we find ourselves in the same situations in our own life. We each have goals or end points of some type we are always working towards, wether business or personal. We flesh out our plans and start putting them into action. We make small adjustments and tweaks as we go. If we planned well enough, and we enjoy a little good fortune we arrive at our goal. Now what?

People who have achieved a long range goal, and then lost it shortly thereafter are all around us, all we have to do is look. Couples marry, and between the husband and wife they are working three jobs to afford the things they want for their life. Then they separate because they have grown apart becoming strangers.

Successful business people who spent years building their business lose it over something that has nothing to do with running a business. Each week we may hear or read of someone wins a lottery or receives a substantial amount of money, only to wake up broke a few years later.

It is important to have a plan no matter how vague it may be. It is vital to have a plan that includes the end point in it. Whether the end point is sharing a soda, working towards a future, or building a business, it is as important to plan through the process of achieving the desired result as it is taking the first step of turning an idea into action.

When you buy a Mac, you must be willing to make a trade off. You are trading easy access to thousands of programs for a rock solid, good looking, easy to use Operating System including life without virus, and little maintenance. The downside is an obvious lack of software outside of mainstream usage. As long as you are a general user, life is good, all the software you may wish to use is available, an it all works very well.

Make an excursion out of the main stream of computing, and the choices of software for your Mac becomes one, and if it is your lucky day, two or three software choices. Whether by design or default, with the advent of intel processor based Macs, a whole new world opened for Mac users. Suddenly, Macs had the ability to boot and run more than one operating system.

Windows was the big win in operating systems gaining a foothold on Intel Macs. Linux was only only one or two steps behind in the port. Apple either chose to, or felt obligated to make it easier, and provided an Apple based means to make it easier to put Windows on your Mac. Why one would want to run Windows on a Mac is another topic. For myself, after deliberating for some time, I decided the one or two Windows programs I would use were not worth all the things I do not enjoy about Windows.

I do like Linux though! Linux was the driving force behind my buying a Mac in the first place. Linux using a graphical desktop was always a love hate relationship. Linux had a few good choices in desktops, but when it came down to the program level, the program interfaces were a hodgepodge of what the programmer wanted. Each program had their own menu system, and ways of working. I went to Mac because while the scope of software was smaller, the consistency across programs was very integrated.

In the interim, Linux has caught up in the interface usability department. Most common programs have been absorbed by the desktop, and programs that were not are more likely to have an interface that is for the most part intuitive and usable.

I decided to install Linux on my Mac and dual boot Mac style. If you want to try it out, here is a quick explanation of what you need to do. It is written n a high level, so if you are not comfortable with tinkering with your software, you may want to pass on this article and find a more in depth explanation of the process. I can’t stress enough this is not a tried and true how to, only general overview. There are links below you should read before attempting this on your Mac.

I downloaded and installed a program named rEFIt, and had one Linux iso cd before starting. I can not suggest strongly enough to make a backup before starting. I used Rsync which is simple and works well. You can boot off your Rsync back up, and Rsync does not care if the hard drives are not the same size which is important as the Mac portion of your hard drive will shrink to make space for Linux. Once you install rEFIt and create a partition for Linux to reside on, the Linux install is the same as a Linux install on a Windows based computer.

Booting into Linux is a little round about due to the way a Mac boots up. There is a difference between the way a computer made for Windows and an Intel Mac boot up. Mac uses a system called EFI which sort of convolutes the boot process when dual booting on a Mac. Instead of using Grub as a boot loader, you need rEFIt, as Grub is pretty helpless as a boot loader on a Mac based hard drive and will likely cause you to run off your Rsync backup while you pull your hair out patching up your hard drive to do a reinstall.

The first task needing tending was downloading and installing rEFIt. rEFIt is a slick dynamic and versatile boot manager made for Macs and other computers using EFI.

The next task was to make a partition available for Linux to use. Using Bootcamp Assistant makes the process simple, with an exception. There is a minimum size and a maximum size for the Linux partition and the partition is named Windows. Boot Camp Assistant use is pretty straight forward as long as you ignore the syntax, and create a windows partition and stop before the actual Windows install portion.

Once my partition was created and I slid my Linux cd into my Mac, I did a shutdown. rEFIt needs a complete shutdown to activate itself and start working. If it does not work the first startup, it will on a second. The boot up sequence will seemed like it was hanging, but giving it a few more seconds and rEFIt does its magic. You will notice how dynamic rEFIt is once it becomes your boot manager. You will see an icon where you can select your Linux cd to boot from.

From here on the Linux installation is what it is depending on your distribution of choice. I took care not to install to my Mac partition by mistake, and installed to the Windows partition. I used Ubuntu, and manually created my partitions as I did not like the choices Ubuntu used. One important item was the Grub install. I installed Grub to the Windows (Linux) partition.

The boot up process is a little convoluted but it works. rEFIt will run, showing you your options. You may choose Mac, the Penguin, or a few maintenance type icon choices. Pick the Penguin and you are sent to Grub. On my Mac at least, the only real choice in Grub is choosing Linux. This can be edited out, but it is not a problem to leave it as is either. Once I choose Linux, my Mac becomes a Linux Machine.

It is important you get down to the nuts and bolts level of what goes on to complete the install. Here are a some links for you to read and understand if and before you start the process on your Mac:

• MacBook1,1 and Ubuntu 10.04 (Lucid Lynx)
• PowerPCFAQ

If what you have read sounds hazy, and the links make little sense for you, you might look into one of the virtual machine software programs and use them. Virtual machine software runs other Operating Systems inside a program running on a Mac, and not as a separate Operating System. If this sounds like a better option for you, here is a link for a program called a Virtual Box.

One final disclaimer, as with any major changes to your computer, Mac or not, do your home work and verify that what you read and think you understand is correct. This is a high level overview, and probably wrong in important areas, as I wrote it from memory, and we all know how bad memory is. If you have read the links, and you are uncomfortable,  let this slide by as something others have done to their Mac’s, but you won’t do with your Mac.

The living breathing Grub

Here are some links that will hopefully get your computer going again.

Grub Home Page:  The main source for everything about Grub

PCLinuxoS Forum article: Great article from a real expert!

Distrowatch Weekly 11 January 2010  Grub recovery: Very good source with a fairly comprehensive list of distribution and recovery iso’s to help.

Super Grub recovery disk: Grub recovery software

Linuxhelp.blogspot.com: Good article to get your system working again.

The best recovery is back up important information and files. Sooner or later your hard drive may crash and nothing will help. Secondly, try not to lose Grub in the first place. Install Linux after Windows, not before.

A side note, if you have a system with Lilo, Grub installs well after Lilo, but Lilo generally is not able to write over Grub.

If you have never played Chess, it is outwardly a simply game with a number of pieces most of which look pretty much alike. Once you understand what those wood or plastic curiosities represent, the game starts to take on new dimensions, and can jump realities if your imagination is up to the task.

The smallest pieces are lowly pawns, peasants of old who were probably conscripted to fight a war they have little chance of living through. Like all men, they have dreams of riches and power. They are the foot soldiers who generally make the first move starting the battle as the two armies stand immobile facing each other. The lighter colored conscripted soldier steps out of the ranks, scoffs at the enemy some yards away, and he pulls down his zipper and begins to mark his territory.

Next out of the ranks and into the fray are usually the Knights. Powerful servants or friends of the King. They ride powerful war horses on the battle field, looking for victims. Generally ruthless in close proximity, they fell pawns and pieces with ruthless cunning, and surprising strength.

Those lanky Bishops are another matter, their allegiance is to the King on the surface, but their habits always leave me wondering who they really serve. Bishops have a long reach in the form of distant power. They may have spies and friends in the enemy camp. Outwardly Bishops appear innocent enough, but they too are killers; with a little more discretion. It seems Bishops kill close up by virtue of their long reach. They get close and poison or stab between the ribs those who thought they were friends. After their fiendish acts, they wrap themselves in their cloaks, and slink off feigning shock and innocence over the ghastly murders.

Out on the edge of the field are the Rooks. They look like simpletons until they have a foe in their sights and they unleash their destructive power raining down death and destruction from far away and up close. Defending possibly many acres of territory, able to traverse the country side carrying their own protection with them, they are much feared by the opposing armies, as well they should be.

The King of course is very powerful in his own right. Young and strong, , directing his armies, and managing to a large extent his own safety. No member of the opposing army wants to get close to the King without some protection from other members of their own army. The King once he decides where his encampment generally does not like to break camp and travel to a new location. There are too many risks for the King to move across the country early in the battle. Plus it does not look Kingly fleeing across the board.

The Queen is the most powerful piece though it was not always so. Through her cunning and ruthlessness, even the King gives the Queen more than a little respect. With all the power and protection of a Rook, the long arms of a Bishop, and her ear on the gossip channel, the Queen is a formidable enemy most do not want to have the unfortunate pleasure of facing. The Queen’s weakness of course is she is female, and liable to be struck down by a lowly foot soldier if she does not watch her step.

Chess as it is played is also very dynamic. The soldiers take on different roles as the game progresses. They start out scanning the fields looking for the enemy, working as sappers, and snipers, picking away at soldiers who dallied around instead of forming strong defenses with their compatriots.

In the middle game, the blood flows freely. Pieces and foot solders hack, slash, and cry out in pain. Some soldiers on the board are trapped and/or tortured, others are cut down so swiftly they do not even have time to realize they are dying.

Later still, in the end game, the remaining Soldiers become wild dogs, chasing the scent of spilled blood. The few pieces that remain standing at the battles end, work together to hunt down the enemy King, and give him the death he deserves for making their life so miserable.

Occasionally, a foot soldier, a simple pawn, survives the bloodshed and makes it to the far end of the board. For that lowly peasant, the power and riches of the Kingdom await him. With that final step he can ask to be changed into any piece in the battle! Instantly his wishes are granted. Behold his wrath as he is transformed from a nothing, and given the power of a Queen! The enemy King shudders at the sight, knowing his end has come much closer.

At the lowest levels of play, the battles are horrid, slashing, spearing, and hacking. Resembling a rabid pack of wild dogs, hot on the scent of fresh blood, only dimly mindful there is victory and treasure if they win the battle.

On the highest levels of play, chess battles take on a unique form, almost a dance. Perhaps a choreographed ballet, where the battle is not only be fought with precision and maximum effect; the battle can also be visually stunning, carefully crafted to give the look of simplicity. For of course the spectators looking on from the sidelines might imagine their games look as good, and one day they too will rule battlefields around the world.

Around ten or eleven most of us are becoming aware we have an identity or our own. We have not given more than a fleeting thought or two of who we are, but we know we are our own something.

It all starts falling apart when we reach our teenage years. We were doing fine, being a part of the whole, and having fun. We sit in our class with our friends and a few not so friends, and we start thinking we need to be a little different. We feel a need to stand out and have our own identity.

Where this urge comes from some think is peer pressure and media influencing us without our ever realizing it. Perhaps we participate via applying peer pressure on other teens. What I find so obvious looking back on the whole process is: I was changing, or at least trying to, and I had no real idea who I was to start with! Does that thought sound familiar?

Almost all of us, except for that little group we never want to be seen with, were all busy trying to be unique, be different, and find ourselves. We wanted to discover who we were and find our life path. It turns out after the fact, we not the best at placing the idea of finding ourselves in action.

What we did instead was find everything and anything we could that generally led us as far away from ourselves as we can possibly get. The clothes we wore were suddenly not good enough. We have to have different clothes, and we were not happy until we have enough clothes to wear through the school week, plus different clothes on the week ends.

We looked for others ways to change. For teenage girls, makeup was the beginning. In a rush to be different, young girls suddenly need to wear makeup. With teenage boys it was usually a change in behavior. We no longer wanted to be seen doing or watching anything that may be considered a child’s activity. We did things in private that we always did, but in public we never mentioned a word of it and chastised those that admited to doing childish things.

In our teenage quest to find ourselves, we turned to those a few years older than us and tried to emulate them. Of course they were trying to emulate those people older than themselves, so in essence we were picking up their discards. A few of us looked for ourselves in less savory activities, mainly the worlds of addiction.

Our actor who is living our life for us continues acting into our forties. Without warning, we relive a memory from our past, see a picture or movie about when we were young, and it all comes rushing back. Like hitting a wall, we realize that in our rush to find our unique selves, all we did was create an acting role. Like falling off a bicycle, we realize we are no closer to finding ourself than we were twenty years ago.

Suddenly that small group we never wanted to get close too seems more appealing. It all makes sense, now that we have left the fog we were living in. That small group of people we shunned, maybe they had it right all along. They too were trying to find themselves.

What separates them from us, is they were smart about it. They somehow understood that what makes us unique had nothing to do with clothing, looks, or language. They spent all these years working on developing themselves instead of the actor we created all those years ago. Now the addicts our age, who have not perished of their personal poison start hitting bottom. They die, or they too finally decide to start looking for their real self too. They too realize that what they are doing is hollow and has no meaning.

Lucky for most of us, we can find out who we are, and uniquely qualified to be us fairly quickly if we want to. All we have to do is take the actor which has been living our life, and send him or her into retirement. Once the actor in us is retired, we begin to have a glimpse of who we really are, and what we are really about.

While completing the process, for real this time, of finding us, we can add another skill and chapter to the book that makes up our life. We all were actors at one time or another. Some of us better than others, though we can all add acting to the book of our life.

Some say it is the media influence, others peer pressure, yet others Satan in the shadows working his evil, which takes us away from what and who we are meant to be. It may one or two of those things, it may be hundred more, but most of us seem to fall the same piper. In the quest to find ourself we get lost in the wilderness. We wander around in a fog, wondering why we are not happy, or at least content.

It feels so good to see those waiting for us, holding up the sign at the end of our trail. The sign that says, “Welcome Back, We have been waiting for you, and we are so very glad you showed up!

Emailing someone is safe, and sharing your opinion is only a little step from making comments somewhere where no one knows you, so it is also safe. You also want to keep reading and commenting on what you read at least once every day. Reading and commenting is the foundation stone of your process of overcoming shyness. You may want to slip back to where you are most comfortable because it is easy, but do not allow yourself to do this, keep moving forward.

You should be doing two things every day now, reading and commenting. Reading something on the web, commenting on it, and emailing your friends about what  you read with a link, and how you feel about it.

Once you are comfortable doing this it is time add another step. This step is only a small step from commenting on posts and articles and emailing your friends about what you read still including a link. In fact it is a safe way of combining both tasks.  Your next step is find forums you have an interest in and join them.

Forums are everywhere and most are easy to participate in. Some forum examples are Craigslist, which some feel is more of a zoo than a forum. Other possibilities are forums on computers, gardening, hiking, bicycling, personal development, the list in endless. Both Yahoo, and Google have groups you can become a member of on hundreds of  subjects.

All you have to do is sign up and start participating. Groups are a great next step because you are a little less anonymous yet you are still largely unknown by anyone other than comments and thoughts you contribute to the forum.

While you are participating in your group, do not let your commenting on what you read on the web and sharing it with friends fall to the wayside. You need to keep at it until it becomes habit and you do not even have to think about it any more.

If you have done these things faithfully for a month or so, they should be pretty much ingrained in you by now, and you can proceed to the next level. This marks a change from interacting on the web. You will be using your new found skills and abilities to interacting with real people in real time. For this step you will need to be a little adventurous and creative. Check out Craigslist, Yahoo, and search the web for groups that meet where you live that you have an interest in and can join and contribute.

Any group you join does not need to be something you have burning passion for, but it does need to be a group which you can enjoy and participate in. The value of moving your skills from the web to the world, is you are now starting to make the change in yourself with real live human beings. The time and effort you have put into the web have given you a new skill set you may have never used, or became rusty. Now being part of a group, you can talk, debate, contribute, or debate with some modicum of distance between you and those around you.

After you have spent enough time in a group environment where you have honed your skills, and you have accomplished what you set out to do. You are no longer shy, unless you choose to be and you now have good skills to talk to anyone about anything, anytime.

Now you have experienced that worst that can happen face to face in a safe environment of the web. You have been disagreed with, argued with, ignored, and everything else people do when interacting with one another. You also have been agreed with, quoted, asked for your opinion, and started new conversations. You have been a part of most of the worst and most of the best of not being shy. The rest is up to you now. Good luck, and I hope you are happy with the changes you have made.

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