If you think you are truthful with yourself, try a little experiment. Think about something that someone has mentioned to you about you that you know is a an area in your life that could use some type of change.

When someone mentioned this to you, how did it make you feel? If it makes you feel angry, it is likely something in your life you are ignoring. If you are ignoring this, and you were aware of it before it was mentioned to you, you are not being honest with yourself. If you are not honest with yourself, how can you expect to be deep down happy?

It is not easy being honest with yourself. It takes courage and it takes some amount of work at times. A simple example is someone who you feel drinks too much, or gambles too much. What you observe about them, and what they perceive about themselves are usually very different.

For most of us, being happy, is nothing so dramatic as admitting we have an addiction or other problem. It is generally more subtle, because we do not make the connection between one action and another consequence.

For example my really losing weight instead of pretending to. I found out a lot about my thinking about food and eating habits when I seriously decided I wanted to lose weight. Up until that moment I knew I should lose weight, but never followed through. I would have these thoughts as I was at a buffet having a second desert after a second helping. It was easy to justify my actions telling myself I would eat less over the next few days to make up for this meal where I ate too much.

In this situation it was impossible to be happy with myself, and the contradiction I placed myself in. Yet for many years it was the norm for me. It was not until I came to terms with what I was doing, that I found happiness in this area of my life.

Another example from my life is my post, Dark Night of the Soul. I lived for decades being miserable because I refused to accept what I was and who I am because it did not fit into my definition of what I thought I should be. More to the point, I let my ego run my life, and I followed along in the distance. Of course if we let our ego decide who and what we are it will never match reality. Having our own idea of who and what we are is a side effect of ego.

Of course these are major life events, they are also good examples of how we let ourselves get in the way of our being happy. Happiness is not a switch we turn on and turn off, at least for most of us. Many of us have to struggle. Going to a lake and watching people is a good example of how we get in the way of our own happiness.

A good written picture I read recently to clarify my thoughts: There are two groups of people present, those people standing or sitting along the shore and those in people on the water in boats. Due to our nature, the people on the shore are thinking about how nice it would be to be in a boat floating or moving slowly along the on the lake. The people in the boats think about how nice it would be to be on shore, be able to stand up and stretch, or even lay down on a blanket and take a nap.

When we spend our time living our lives in one of these two groups, no matter what our personal situation, it is a real limiter to our being happy. Be aware and do not let yourself get caught up in what you are not, or can not do or be, your personal happiness is at stake.

They were the four windows, pyramids, and there were numerous scales where you could rank your projects, line up you meetings, your day, your life, other peoples lives. I lived in California at the time in the Sierra Nevada mountains. There was only so much to do, and I had a lot of time to read when the money ran out and I was partially homebound.

I read another version about how to live life to its fullest and to get the most out of life explained in a new way. At least if you left off the main purpose of the books and distilled what was left - that is what I came up with.

Except I did not really understand what I was reading…. How could I have a very full day generally doing nothing at all? How was it possible to get up each morning and enjoy one boring day after the next? Some years later I started understanding. I started having little short glimpses of how life is supposed to be.

I think it started with an old worn out man. An old man, and not good for much by a younger man’s standards, and pretty much a waste of space by an average teenager’s view of the world. But he had something I had never seen before. This old man who could not walk twenty feet, enjoyed going outside every day, sliding around on his butt and taking care of his yard!

An old happy man sliding around the grass digging up dandelions and tending flowers, drinking a beer, and not really caring that he could barely walk, I was curious enough to spend some time with him - an hour a week maybe spread across summer afternoons.

He used to tell me about when he was a younger man and able to do more. He said he lived pretty much the same as everyone else. He told me he thought life was okay back then, but nothing to get overly excited about. He said he drank a few beers, smoked cigarettes, and went through the motions of raising a family.

Eventually the kids grew up and started their own lives, his wife eventually took ill and died. His only boy left in town did not spend much time with him, had his own family. He figured that was pretty much the way life went.

Then he told me he became ill himself. He was in the hospital for a while, I am not sure with what, but as he lay in his bed, he started thinking about his life and how special it was even though by everyday standards it was pretty simple and common. Work, eat, sometimes sex with the wife, and sleep. Do it again, play with the kids on Saturday, and go to church on Sunday.

Somewhere in thinking about his routine he said he realized just how special those days were. He told me of those days were special, and every day was special, even if it was spent in a hospital bed. As time went on, I found a few more people like him, men and women both. Usually older, but they all understood just how precious their life was, even if it seemed dull and average looking in. It was the only life they were going to get, and they looked at the world with new eyes each day.

I know some of what they learned rubbed off on me, because eventually I too started to find life more exciting. I could even enjoy going to work most days! My life is what I choose to make of it. Once I decided to enjoy mine, time became short and precious. Now even the simplest things are more enjoyable, although my time is much more precious than I ever thought possible.

A world of memories returning. Thinking thoughts I haven’t thought in decades. Old friends and family members I have all but forgotten will become my closest companions. If my body is wasting away in a corner, or perhaps a bed, waiting for me end, my memories will help comfort me.

If I am very lucky, I will go to bed one night, lay down, turn out the light, think about those most important to me and how much they mean to me, how perfect the world is, and go to sleep. Never to waken again. Someone will find what is left of me, and go through the motions that we go through at times such as those, but my race will have been run.

I can not be sad about it, I have spent my life knowing death waits with me, marking time behind me, over my left shoulder. I am grateful for this knowledge. Death has been my councilor and guide for many years, and there is nothing to fear in death for me. Whenever I question what I should be doing, all I have to do is look over my shoulder, and I see that little swish, the flash of what is visible changing into what is not.

I make my best decisions at that moment. Decisions are easy to make in that instant, because everything I have done up until that moment is weighed, and my path is laid out before me. I can move forward confident that the path I take is the correct path. Consulting death brings me calm, knowing what is important and what is not.

Life is what is important. Making decisions that benefit others without impairing or causing harm to myself is important. My life is my most important possession. Something I do not own, and have so little control over is the most important thing in the world to me. Without my life, I can not do those things I must do. I am not even a spec of dust in a sunbeam.

So when the music, darkness, and my thoughts are aligned, I can feel death behind me, marking time. I know my time is not this instant. I also know that I can not waste what little time I have. Time is too precious, and there is too much to do.

When you look at me, and it looks like I am doing nothing, wasting my time, remember that wasting time is not something I do. I may be resting, or collecting my thoughts. I may even be consulting my final end, to determine how whatever weighs me down at the moment ranks in importance to my final end.

Even if I am lounging about, taking naps between sips of now cold tea, know that I have received my guidance from an honest source. Even now as I type this and listen to the music dancing through the air, I know this is exactly what I should be doing. I also know that when I am done with this task my most important tasks of today are almost done.

The dishes did not get washed, the grass and weeds did not get cut, and dinner did not get cooked. But none of that is important when weighed against those things I did that really matter. If tomorrow I do not wake, I will have passed over knowing that I took care of those most important things in my life with all the thought and care and attention to detail that I was capable of. If I do wake up in the morning, it will be a wonderful day, because I will already know those things which are most important and which things do not matter.

Stepping away from myself, these are the things I wish for you too. It is my desire that you too finish each day knowing that if you do not wake in the morning you have completed those things which mattered the most in your life. If you do wake in the morning, I pray you know what matters most, and what is idle distraction at best. Unfortunately, and it makes me sad to write it, but your time too is short. Make the most of each minute, and when it looks like you are wasting time doing nothing, you and I will know the truth of your actions, and how well your time is spent doing what is most important in your life at that exact moment.

If you are thinking about dieting, but scared of starting this may be a blog entry for you. If I can do it, so can you.

Between last Christmas and last May I dropped 56 pounds. I learned a couple of things along the way I am happy to share with you.

Eating less of the same food(s) does not work!

For the first two to three weeks I was feeling poorly. I have a friend who’s wife is a dietician, and he told me that is normal to feel fairly ill the first couple of weeks.

For the next weeks, I was teetering between hungry and very hungry. It goes with the territory. I wanted to lose weight at an optimum rate, so I chose to be very hungry. After about three weeks of very hungry it does not bother you any longer. It is like having a sore toe, you get used to it.

I woke up a some nights because I was hungry. I also needed less sleep because I was hungry. Hunger must make us want to go and find food to eat. You get used to it.

I also went through different types of cravings. Calcium, salt, vitamin C, etc. I imagine it was my body adjusting to new foods and not getting vitamins and minerals from junk food. This too does pass.

Over the months, even when I felt really ill in the first few weeks, I remained consistent, both in my eating and my exercise which was twenty to thirty miles of walking each week. Three times a day after eating I hit the pavement for anywhere from a mile to a six mile slow walk depending on how much time I had free.

I can honestly say, that other than the first few weeks when I felt like I was going to fall over from a puff of air, I never ran out of energy walking. I think I may have tanked out from running, but at walking speed my body was able to convert fast enough that I always had enough energy.

If you plateau, it may be you are not getting enough good fat in your body. I had to increase my extra fat intake to two teaspoons of walnut oil a day, up from a little less than one teaspoon to keep the weight loss going.

I find now that many foods I used to love, look and taste terrible! That is a good thing, although I know from experience you can make yourself like them, but the pounds will sneak back on.

Find a diet you can live with, and forget about the word ‘diet’. Think instead, New Lifestyle. Find a plan you can eat/live with/on the rest of your life. There is no going back to the way you used to eat, once you arrive on the other side, so make sure your choice is enjoyable, easy, and simple. Be creative when eating out, a few sides and some mixing makes a good meal too!

I picked the 30 Day Diabetes Miracle Diet, which is a plant based diet. I lost between 2.5 to 3.5 pounds a week. I like it because I like oatmeal, beans, and vegetables, and you can get them anywhere. It is cheap and healthy eating. I enjoy eating these foods even now, and will mostly eat this way the rest of my life, with some meat in the mix now and then.

McDonalds salads and wraps are good choices when you need to eat and are away from home. Salad bars are as bad as burger joints if you do not watch what you are eating - they hide fat and too many calories in soups and bread stuff.

Once you start losing weight, dieting experts will come out of the woodwork and tell you how you are doing it all wrong. Stick to your plan, and politely tell them you are happy with what you are doing. A doctor and a dietician argued against my diet, even though they could not argue with the results, or find anything lacking in it.

Fat breaks down to water and air, so get comfortable to the idea that there will be more output liquid than input.

As I drive, a need to eat at Denny’s takes hold of me. I guess Denny’s is as good as IHOP. A couple of eggs, some well cooked bacon, and toast. Before I know it, I am making a hurried right turn into the Denny’s. It’s not even six am, and I am wondering if they are open.

As I open the door, I know without a doubt I am to meet someone inside the building. There is exactly one customer sitting against the far wall, in the corner, trying to be invisible. There is no doubt in my mind I am supposed to request that I be allowed to sit at her table. Not my thoughts, but thoughts that are filling my mind. She and I have something important to talk about. What that will be, I have no idea.

I am seated two booths away in the same section. I do not have enough courage to do what I knew I was supposed to do. After a few seconds I make up my mind to ask her if I may join her at her table. I look over my left should to make eye contact with her, but she is sitting against the wall on my right. I turn around…another failed attempt, this is not easy. As I eat my breakfast, a waitress walks past me with a purpose.

An argument ensues over the food and the bill. The woman complains the there is something wrong with the food, and she could not eat it. The waitress says the food was fine and she should pay for it. I know this is not a part I am to play in this scene because I am not at her table. It ends with the woman insisting she is not paying for the meal, something is wrong with it. The waitress walks away to the kitchen. The woman in the corner booth walks by me with determination. A waiter asks if she is going to pay and she says no, she is not, but she stops. After about thirty seconds she leaves.

When he comes by with refill coffee, I tell him, I will pay for her meal. He tells me no, and says this is a common ploy of homeless people, and they see it all the time. He says there was a man with her most of the night and he left just before I walked in. (Of course, it makes sense, he was her place holder) He does not mind that they can not pay for their meal. He does mind the extra work that the situation invokes. He fills my cup and leaves. I am feeling miserable, I didn’t do what I knew I had to do.

I missed my time with this woman and now I am going to spend my day wondering what business we had, and what was my part in her life, or perhaps her part in mine. As I finish my coffee, the woman comes back in, and walks towards the bathroom. I assume she is going to hide out in a bathroom stall for a while until she is found out and is forced to leave. How can I speak to her without being a complete fool, enters my mind. I can’t knock on the door, I can’t walk in the woman’s bathroom and explain my need to talk with her. I am feeling lost, because time is getting short and I have to get to the airport.

As I pay my bill, I offer once again to pay for her meal, and I am told no. They are really adamant about this for some reason. I would say sure, it’s is seven bucks, plus a tip! As I turn around I see the woman. She is sitting on a bench by the bathroom, not hiding. It is now or never, and I have to see this compulsive feeling through or wonder forever.

I walk towards her and speak. Her eyes are stormy angry, and I can see what I said has not penetrated her anger. Suddenly her eyes grow soft and we share a moment of staring into each others eyes. I speak another few more words. She say’s, “Thank you.” As I turn away, she calls out, what is your name? I turn and say Michael…. It was the best I could do. The woman softly says, “Thank you Michael.”

A minute or so later I am on my way to the airport. I feel the power of prayer hit my heart. It feels like a very warm bath and a bright light on my heart all at one time. I know it is the woman praying about me. She knows without a doubt her prayers will always be heard, and she means well for me.

I have felt her praying or thinking about me a couple of times since then. I don’t know what part I played in her life. I had such a small part, only a few seconds, but at those moments, we are the same, and I know she is working out something she has to do. I must have changed whatever her course of action was going to be, and for that I am grateful. She will make a difference herself in someone’s life someday. I hope she has more courage than I had when her time comes.

Everyone in the class with was responsible in their behavior both in and away from the training. I made a contrast comparison one evening while enjoying a Japanese style dinner, how it was when I was in the military and we were half way around the world. Some people who at home, were community pillars, and role models did a one hundred and eighty degree turn when they realized that what they did would never be discovered by their social circle back home. It was quite surprising to see how a few people really act when there is no direct consequence to their behavior. Similar to, ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’ commercials.

The Olympics are going full steam and it is always amazing watching  talented dedicated athletes complete sets, or finish runs and swims in times that were thought impossible a few decades ago. When I watch the Olympics and think we have reached the pinnacle of what is possible for a human is shattered by the time the next Olympic meet. I remember when the four minute mile was shattered; it was thought to be a one time one person phenomenon.

It was thought that there would never be another boxer who could compete at the level Mohammad Ali had reached, nor a gymnast of Mary Lou Retton’s caliber, and never another swimmer like Mark Spitz. ‘Never say never’, is one constant I have learned. The ultimate moment people spent their whole life trying to achieve makes a new dream possible for hundreds, perhaps thousands of others who are struggling with the basics of their endeavors. Those struggling so hard have now raised their own personal expectations to the level those before them achieve with so much struggle, sweat, and tears.

I was watching CNN this morning, and one story caught my eye, and fired up my thinking. The presidential candidates, Senators McCain, and Obama were at a Q & A of a certain bent, and were answering identical questions. Senator McCain in response to a question stated that he saw the biggest failure of his life as his first failed marriage.

I really hope Senator McCain expanded on his answer more than the few seconds the news story gave it. Claiming a failed marriage is the biggest failure of ones life is selling oneself short in the value of all things. I would suggest that if Senator McCain really failed at his first marriage and did not learn a single thing from it, why is his current marriage a success? Without going into the obvious negative response to that question, I would suggest that Senator McCain learned more from his failed marriage than he learned in any and all relationships that preceded his failed marriage.

It may be a stretch to suggest that the Senator’s previous relationships were all failures too as he took something away from all previous relationships he had to arrive at the point where marriage was the next formal step. That being said, failing at a first marriage, the Senator gained (after a time of course) everything he needed to make a second marriage more successful.

Learning through failure is the biggest part of our emotional and spiritual life. If we never experience failure, we would never grow, and most of us would never discover those things we need to bring our life journey to a satisfying end. If we never experience a failure whether it is something as major as an Olympic event, failed relationship, or even a game during recess as a child, we have failed ourselves. The worst part of failure is never having tried in the first place.

I am sure all Athletes in this Olympic event, Senators McCain and Obama, and many others have learned at least as much from their failures as they have from their successes, if not more. We should never be afraid to fail. Failure is one of the greatest opportunities we have in our lifetime to learn and grow. If you observe the statistics of any successful individual from the world of any chosen field, if their rate of success is not at least matched by their rate of failure, they have not challenged themselves to their full potential, and have cheated themselves of possibilities that never came to fruition.

I suppose it is easier for Burger King as they do not have nearly so many complaints they have to listen to daily. Now they can guess whether I am happy or not. I used to eat at Burger King about once a week, for say an average of $5.50 a meal. that works out to about $206.00 a year. I became tired of the frequency of substandard meals so I do not eat there any more.

Of course I tried to call Burger King, but with a 305 area code, it is my dime calling to Florida, prime time. I figure Burger Kings, choice of customer care has saved me some money. I know eat in for that meal instead of Burger King.

QWest the communications company is another poor service provider from my past dealings with them. They thought I should resign up for their package deal that looks inviting until you add in all the extra fees and charges. They also said they could give me internet at a connection rate of somewhere between 56K and 256K because I am too far away from a hookup. When I used to use Qwest they were always quick to explain how any problem I was having with my phone lines was my problem. Of course they would be happy to work the problem for me for a service call. I am glad Vonage arrived in my home town.

Comcast Cable network is another representation of how not to run the customer service portion of a business. Comcast in many cities has a monopoly. You either use Comcast or you do without cable. They enter into a package deal with individual cities, so if they win the bid, they are the Cable provider of choice. I have been using Linux and a Mac for over five years now (Linux). Yet when I go to the Comcast home page, the page tells me my browser of choice is out of date. I should be using IE7 to have he best experience.

I sent Comcast an email about this issue, and of course I received a canned reply about where to look for information regarding my internet problem, whatever it may be. There was quite a list of resources to cover all bases. I received a phone call from Comcast the next day in reference to my internet connection problem and how they were ready to help me.

I explained that if my email had actually been read, it would be obvious I have no internet connection problem. Comcast web page has a standards problem. I explained that I use web browsers using the same engine that Firefox web browser uses, completely compatible with web standards. Of course no one had actually read my email, and the person I spoke with was from a technical background, but they promised me they would look into the issue and let me know what they found out. I feel bad for that person to be placed in that position.

Am I a happy Comcast customer? About as happy as I would be with flying cows. It seems whenever I call Comcast, they either read me a canned script, or they do not know the answer. I see Comcast using an apologetic business model. Don’t go for customer satisfaction, apologize and claim ignorance.

On the other hand, there is McDonalds. I never thought I would ever find anything good to say about McDonalds. I was seventeen when McDonalds first hit my little town. What a deal, double cheese burgers with extra grease with fries and a shake, all for a low price. What more could a teenage male want for a meal? As the years went by, and I learned more about nutrition, I realized that the McDonald’s business model worked very well. Serving customer wants was their number one priority even if there customers were killing themselves with what they ate. Business ethics and personal ethics are light years apart, and McDonalds did what McDonalds does best. Serve some meat, fat, and sugar better and cheaper than anyone else on the planet.

McDonalds has changed lately, and still remains one of the best in the world at what they do. McDonalds is starting to do business a little healthier these days. I now eat there about twice a week, McDonald’s salads are a great value and healthy too. No wonder McDonalds keeps growing at such a rate, and other companies struggle to keep what they have.

Customer satisfaction wins every time.

Melanie Roach told a story that caught my attention over and above the highlighted Olympic Athlete portion of her very full life. It was very affirming for me, and honestly more of an earth shaking moment than Melanie Roach conveyed in the few seconds she had in front of the camera.

Melanie Roach related than when she learned her son has autism, that she went to see her Pastor. Melanie Roach told her Pastor that having a son with autism was not something that she thought she had signed up for [in her life]. The Pastor who is obviously very wise countered that Melanie Roach was getting exactly what she signed up for.

Melanie Roach is now making a very sweet lemonade of this opportunity once she understood this was something she needed in her life, and said that her son and his illness has enriched and fulfilled her in ways she had never imagined. My best wishes for Melanie Roach, and her Olympic trials. No matter what the outcome, Melanie Roach has vibrant full life, and the Olympic trials will be another gilded page in her scrap book of life.

What struck me about Melanie Roach sharing her simple story is the Pastor’s insight on what life is all really all about. Our individual life is not always about having one fantastic day after another. Our life is not even about having one fantastic weekend after a long hard work week. The Pastor understands this, and also knows that we never have anything occur in our life that is not perfect for us, and that we are not ready for.

Trails and tribulations in our life, no matter what form they take are in our life because we asked for them. When we asked for problems in our life, is a point of debate on when and how it happens, but the Pastor is correct, what happens in our life happens for a reason. Nothing in our life happens just because.

When any situation happens to us, no matter how terrible, it is not something outside of our control, brought into our lives from what appears to be an outside influence. When bad things happen in our lives it is because we need them to. We need to experience, what it is like waking each day and seeing no resolve to our situation. It does not matter if it is loneliness, loss of a job, family member, friend, or even our own impending death, we need whatever it is in our life. We need those unpleasant situations happening in our life at that exact moment.

As a friend and I were talking about breaking addictions, he told me, “there is no good time”. He is right, there is no good time, but the time when something bad happens in our life, is the perfect time, and the perfect situation for us.

When something bad happens, do not approach it as yet another obstacle to be overcome, or suffered through. When bad things in our lives are approached from this perspective, that is exactly what they become, another obstacle to overcome. When bad things enter into our lives they need to be seen as opportunities.

Not only opportunities, but opportunities that have arrived at exactly the right time and for all the right reasons. The way we approach what seems to be an insurmountable problem is a defect in our perspective. What is really happening no matter how terrible, unjust, or wrong, is happening for all the right reasons at exactly the right time. No more, no less. Turning problems into something to struggle through, is removing all possibility of personal growth and spiritual learning that should come out of the situation. That is, if we embrace and accept our life’s problems as being perfect, instead of fighting them.

I wish I had some secret recipe that knock Carp dead, but I do not. I search the net for recipes, and have used basic recipes. So far my results are mixed, but it is still fun catching Carp using a bait I made. Instead of sharing some secret recipe that I do not have, I thought I would provide a few thoughts from cooking in general that you may not be aware of. Thickeners are a good place to start for those that want to try or use dip baits or gunk baits.

Thickeners besides thickening, do two basic things. They either make your sauce shiny or they make it dull. Generally if you want your dip or gunk to be shiny corn starch is the thickener of choice. If you want your gunk to be dull, flour is a better choice.

There is an old not much used any longer thickener out there, but I have not used it in so long I do not remember if it makes a sauce shiny or dull. It is called Arrowroot. It is also the main ingredient in baby teething crackers. If you do not want a slight flour, or corn flavor in your dip or gunk, arrowroot may be worth a try.

When it comes time to thicken your sauce, there is an easy way to get started. Use cold water, and better yet use water for your clothes iron. Failing that use bottled water, rain water, or lake water. There is some talk on the net about the chlorine and fluoride in tap water, but I am not an expert, and you may know if it makes a difference or not. Put your water in the refrigerator long enough to get it cold before you need it. It works better the colder the water is.

Use a cereal bowl, or other small bowl and add the dry thickener of your choice to a dry bowl. Add a few drops to a teaspoon full of water and mix with your just cleaned (odorless) fingers. If you get clumps, press them against the side of the bowl and they will disappear. If you end up with clumps you can’t get rid of a tea cup sized strainer does the trick. The mix should not be be watery, and it can not sit too long, especially if you use corn starch. Corn starch does not really mix well with water so larger particles will settle to the bottom of the bowl.

Once you have it well mixed, and the sauce is simmering, add it little by little to the simmering sauce. Stir as you add, and do not add too much at one time or it will not thicken correctly. Also take care to bring your sauce to a simmer each time. The corn starch or flour will become clear in your sauce when it reaches a proper temperature. If you are desperate to thicken your gunk, but have no thickener, oatmeal, or crushed soda crackers, and instant potatoes work in a pinch. Of course there thickening power is not as good as the common thickeners. Instant potatoes only stay thick for a few minutes. Sometimes that could be just what you want.

One time saver I found for Carp dip or gunk bait is starting with a jar of something from the store. Already made pineapple, or strawberry preserves are a good starting point. You might also check out ice cream toppings. Check ingredients so you know what they are made out of. Ensure you are paying real ingredients and not some other flavorings made to taste like the real thing. Adding kool-aid to the mix, or baking flavors is also a possibility. One good thing about carefully made Carp bait dip or gunk, if it does not work for Carp, it can be a good ice cream topping…two scoops or three?