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I do not wish to sling mud, but the International Olympic Committee which stripped Marion Jones of her medals, may be throwing out the baby with the wash. They still have not decided who is worthy of the medals and redistribution of medals may not happen at the Beijing Olympics as many are hoping.

One of the athletes who stand to receive a gold medal stripped from Marion Jones, is, “…currently locked in a bitter dispute with the IOC over her eligibility to compete at the Beijing Games. …drugs rules violations after she missed a drugs test.”, according to an article by Karolos Grohmann - BEIJING, Aug 1 (Reuters). Another story released on the same afternoon, says she has been cleared and will compete.

Doing a quick search on the keywords, ’steroid banned athletes beijing’ is the web version of opening Pandora’s box. Articles on world class Olympic athletes either testing positive or being banned for steroid use goes on for pages. Now that there is swim-wear for those that can afford it shave even more time off of incredibly fast times, it brings forth a nagging little thought about what the real difference is between steroids and a suit? On the side of steroids, they at least are available to almost any athlete.

Beijing this year, as in Olympic games of past years are sending very mixed messages. This year I read that some athletes can expect to have their DNA tested to determine what their real sex is. Being inspected in the nude is not proof enough of your sexual identity any longer. Makes steroid use a rather moot point when addressed from this level, don’t you agree?

I have to ask myself again, if I were a world class athlete where rumors are rampant that many of the world class athletes I am going to compete against are potentially using steroids, what would I do? There are only two real forks in the decision from my perspective. Use steroids and hope you are not found out, or do not use steroids and diffuse into the land of could have been, working a McJob, knowing you lost your shot at fame to someone who is as likely to have used steroids than not. When I think deeply about using steroids or not as a fantasy land world class athlete, it all comes down to leveling the playing field. The field is either level or it is not. Not being found out for steroid use does not make the field level, and possibly losing out to someone who has probably used steroids provides no satisfaction either.

Again back to Marion Jones and her situation. Marion Jones is serving penance for every athlete who either has or is bending or breaking all published rules in an ever more difficult quest to keep up with the pack. It still feels as if there was no justice in this situation. The sporting news was and is rife with many other athletes who either confessed to steroid use, or voluntarily stepped down from their sport and laughed all the way to the bank. What was accomplished by the sentencing Marion Jones received really?

The law was followed in one case and ignored in a number of others. Of course other names attached to steroid use are not important, after all they are just one name among many, it is safer after all when you are a part of the herd. The message from professional sports appears to be it is not the right thing to do, to really take a stand on steroid use and abuse in professional sports. The message I still see in all this controversy is once again, what matters is whether you are found out, not whether or not you committed the crime. If you are found out, then it may become a matter of simple economics. The world in general is very comfortable with law and economics.

As a kid, I used to go to a YMCA camp for a few weeks at a time. I mentioned a little of those days in an earlier post, ‘Canoeing and decision making in the BWCA’. If you run a search at my blog for YMCA you will find it, or click on the link.

Camp was a place where everyone was made to feel special. The councilors and staff were very special people. They each had many gifts that apparently I lack. More likely I just would not have the patience to hone my skills day in and day out as they did at camp. They were our Mom’s, Dads, Teachers, and Baby Sitters twenty four hours a day, a week at a time. They took care of us kids - from all walks of life, different life experiences, needs, and problems. They did a spectacular job, and I admire them for what they did for all of us that were fortunate enough to attend their camp.

I was watching television last week (?), The Tonight Show. I rarely watch The Tonight Show, but there is a die hard Tonight Show fan in the house. If I am in the front room when The Tonight Show rolls around, I watch the show by default. I was doing something this particular night when Jay finished his monologue, and was talking with his guests.

Jay had someone on who has their own show, and they were discussing politics of course in a round about fashion. The talk turned to the presidential candidates and they danced around race without really naming race as an issue in the debate.

The guest, (wish I knew who he was, so I could give him credit) made an interesting observation from some data collection, or surveys, or other data mining. The guest said that there is division among voters that is driven primarily by age. The dividing line seemed to be around fifty years old. Americans over fifty were more likely to take race into consideration than younger voters who appear to be ignorant that the race of an individual might be taken into consideration of their ability to do a job.

Growing up as a kid, I experienced ‘The Pill’. The pill caused a huge ripple in society because for the first time in history it allowed women to be as sexually indiscreet as men if they so wanted to be. That was the biggest freedom to come into woman’s life in decades!

A few years later, and fortunately for me I was in my teens, the Woman’s Rights movement was in full swing, and burning bras became a national pastime for some women. As a teenager, I had no idea of the full impact of the movement, but I sure was a happy camper when I saw the first women walking down the street bra-less! That was about the extent of my understanding, and I did not realize the political overtones of her actions.

One summer at the YMCA camp we were in line to go swimming, and two boys were making fun of a third boy. One of the boys and the odd boy out were to tag up for safety while swimming, and I was to be the buddy of the other boy. I did not understand why they were making fun of him, but I said I would be his buddy. We hit it off, and we were swimming buddies all week long. There were a couple more incidents as I remember. The situation repeated itself with a few boys who were black the same summer.

Each time when I got home I would ask my parents why these boys were being singled out and teased. My folks would frown and look troubled as they thought out a good explanation. It was my introduction to the world of social presumed inequity and intolerance. It seems after watching Jay Leno the issue continues, at least for people over fifty.

I am glad I was there for, ‘The Pill, Martin Luther King, bra burning, equal rights, and every other social change that happened during those years. While it seems apparent that we as a generation did not cure ourselves of afflictions that should have been laid to rest years ago, our children thankfully have a more mature view of the world. I am happy I was a small part of that, even if only as a ignorant, ogling teenager.

I wanted to make a short post about my Carp fishing posts. I enjoy any fishing, and Carp fishing is especially fun. The Carp fishing site The Carp Times came across my blog and liked what I had. To make a short story shorter, my future Carp fishing articles can be found at The Carp Times.

Not exactly restricted to Carp fishing, there is an article in the works about thickening sauce with some Carp centric flavoring. If sauce or gravy making is an area you always wanted to know about, but were scared to ask, it will be published on the next site update of The Carp Times.

It is a great site, and still on the ground floor with a lot of good ideas to become a Carp fishing site with something for everyone. Even if you have never been Carp fishing, fishing at all, or choose not to Carp fish, it is worth checking The Carp Times to see what is going on in the fishing world. There is also a Q & A, if you have any Carp fishing questions you may have your question answered there.

In finishing, for my own and other great Carp fishing related articles, see you over at The Carp Times.

August 5, 2008 Edit:

After chatting the admin at The Carp TImes and sharing thoughts about The Carp Times, I have decided to publish Carp fishing articles here and The Carp TImes will link to them. The time involved in managing content on fast changing site such as The Carp Times is a lot more time and effort than anticipated. Hopefully this will reduce some of the load of the administration of the site. Thanks.

I was reading a few blogs the other day, and I thought two posed interesting ideas. The first was prose about Perfect God, the second about brainwashing not being possible (Of course I can not find the blogs now). Later that night, the movie, “Last Temptation Of Christ” came on. I had a little nagging feeling that there was a link between the blogs and the movie, but I could not put them together.

As life works, today I found myself in a discussion about handguns and drugs. The talk was about how much better our worlds would be if handguns could be kept out of the hands of gangsters, and if drugs could be controlled and legalized. What a great idea, but we do not have what it takes to make the world a better place overnight. Maybe in three or four generations we will see those changes but not next week.

One of the people mentioned the bible parable of the seed sower. If you are not familiar with the parable, it goes something like this. A man was planting (sowing) seed by hand. Some fell by the wayside and was eaten by birds. Some seed fell in rocky places where there was not much soil, sprouted and died. Other seed landed where it was supposed to, received everything it need to grow, and grew beyond the norm. At least that is how I remember the parable.

Suddenly I had this flash of insight about the blogs, the movie, and the conversation - a Perfect God, brainwashing, and the sower parable. To me the diction following the parable of the sower parable does not flow with the sower parable. It seems to me as if it were taken from somewhere else and dropped in as an after thought, or a clever deflection lest a truer meaning be found?

Stepping out on a limb, what if the parable is not about the general interpretation people attribute to it? Some people believe it is a veiled admonition to be the grain in the best earth, and develop strong roots, and thrive. That is all the story is about, and there is nothing to understand or decipher, or bring forth from the teaching.

Those who refuse to live a wholesome life are the seeds eaten by birds. Birds are all the things that befall those who do not live a wholesome life. Other people are the seed cast on stony ground, sprouting, growing quickly and dying (literally or not) way too young.

That is the general explanation I have heard since I was a child and that explanation certainly meets the needs of the self righteous. It provides them with everything they need to confirm that they alone are on the right path and doing the right things, and the rest of the world is lost. I thought for many years, that this explanation is all there is the the sower parable. It certainly feeds the ego if nothing else.

What if it is really a literal reflection on life as it is? Some people never have a chance at a good life. Other people start out with the best of everything, but they make a wrong turn, and their life is ruined along the way, drugs, violence, or something else? Only some people - of all the people on earth will become what they were meant to become and reap the fruits of a wholesome life?

That would be where the Perfect God fits in, the parable tells us that is how life is, not that we all are able to become the wheat planted in the best soil! The brainwashing not possible idea would be the thought that the parable is exactly what it states, and nothing more. Perhaps some of us have been blinded (brainwashed) to its true meaning? The movie, and the conversation both talked about the sower parable. William Dafoe stated the parable in a matter of fact manner in the movie, and today we all took the generally accepted version of the parable, seeing gangsters and dug users as the poor seed by their own choice.

These are the things that go through my head when I have too much time to think..about seed planting, and life.

Over the last weeks I have been around a few people with really funny quirks, not that I have any myself. Oddly enough the oddities are all around eating. Because eating is a major part of our existence, it strikes me as kind of funny that well balanced intelligent people have amazing gaps in their thinking.

One of the things about my eating habits is people find it odd I do not eat always eat foods at the proper times. One person told me they could not eat dinner food for any meal other than dinner. They find it odd that I occasionally eat what they consider a dinner food for breakfast, or I eat what most people consider breakfast food at dinner time.

For me, it is a non issue, food is food, and if I have an urge for a roast beef sandwich at breakfast, and a bowl of oatmeal at dinner time, there should be nothing there to raise an eyebrow over. There is the idea of skipping breakfast which was a point of some discussion. In my thinking, for most people skipping breakfast, they are eating too much food the night before. Sleeping very late in the morning also happens from eating too much the night before.

I have found in my experience that if I eat a reasonable amount at night, it is very hard to sleep too late in the morning due to feeling hungry. I am sure there are a few people who just can not eat breakfast, but I do not think they are people who get ready for bed by knocking off three scoops of ice cream preceded by an evening of foraging through the cupboards and refrigerator.

As children we pretty much think whatever our parents and our friends think. We do not have any reason to think any differently. Our world is contained and controlled for the most part. Unless we are exposed to some completely different type of thinking it is doubtful that we have much original thought in us.

As we grow into adults and our world becomes larger, we start to think about ourselves, and our place in the world. We open ourselves up to other possibilities than those that have been given to us by family and friends. We become aware that there is a whole world out there and most of those people out there in the world live much differently than we do, and they seem to get along just fine too.

But then we have these little oddities that somehow we never think about. Back to food again. I can not see myself eating say a beef and kidney pie. I spent three years in England, and never had the urge to try one, even though many people told me they were very tasty and worth trying. Give me a nice slice of roast beef, or a beef steak and I am one happy camper, but no kidney thank you very much. I also eat hot dogs, and occasionally have been observed enjoying a bologna sandwich.

Bad news for me, because beef kidney and beef steak all come from a cow. Hot dogs, and bologna contain most parts of a cow, that I would rather not think about. Waste not want not comes to mind for the making of hot dogs and bologna. Most prepared foods are also proud that their meat is 100% beef, they just do not lay any claim to specific parts of beef, or chicken for that matter.

This is where our thinking goes off on a tangent, not only about food but other parts of life too. All those people in the world we wish would disappear live in the only world there is, just like us. We can pretend we don’t eat soft meats, but we know we probably do. We just don’t see them in their natural state.

So it is with people in our world. Some of us dislike certain groups of people for hundreds of reasons. We may not have any real sound reasoning around out thinking, and we overlook it. We need those people to make our world complete, and they need us for the same reason. It’s all beef when we look a little closer.

Living with anger was quite an experience. I found out late in my teenage years that anger simmered away in me. I never suffered from the bully type of anger thankfully. That anger only surfaces when it is ‘safe’ to do so. My anger was deeper, and it was a surprise when I discovered it. There comes a time in our teenage years when introspection starts creeping in to our psyche. For me it was more obvious, I was tired of being angry all the time.

It was during this time that I discovered the amount of anger I had. Looking back from that time, I could point out various times when I was driven by anger, but I was not able to find a time in my life when I could say, my anger started at this point. In my life, my anger seemed to have started before my first thoughts. I remember being a small child knowing I was tricked into coming here. I remember not wanting to come, of being immensely happy and content where I was, and now I was angry that I was here. Not your typical child thought, but it was the earliest anger thought I could remember.

Everything we experience has a reason. So was my anger. It had to be there for a reason, and just like feeling alone (previous post), I wanted to find out everything about anger. At first I tried to keep it under control. I would become angry, but anger is not socially acceptable, so I would try to hide it. All keeping my anger hidden did was to ensure that for the next three or four days I would be angry. It was not fun being angry for three or four days in a row. You find yourself mad at everything and everyone. I denied being angry, not wanting to explain to anyone that I was seething with (usually misplaced) anger.

The next step was to let my anger out. I looked for positive ways of getting rid of my anger, usually through doing something physical. That helped with my anger, but it never made any change in me. It just tired me out, so I cared less about other things. I used other parts of life trying to expel my anger, but they did not have any lasting effect either.

The next outlet I found for my anger was expressing it. Letting people feel the full force of my anger. Seething, cutting remarks, constant arguing, bickering, and generally making sure other people felt my anger as deeply as I did. It worked! My anger was diffused much faster, and I was able to get on with life much quicker. I could go to sleep at night and wake up without insatiable anger burning through my mind.

Over the course of time I found myself alone more often than not. I knew no matter how much my friends cared about me, they would only allow themselves to be a whipping post for my anger so long. Once that point was reached, they wanted no more of me, and I understood completely, as ironic as that sounds. One day I woke up and realized that what I was doing with my life was just plain dumb, and was of no value to me. At that point all that was left was me and my anger. I had done all I could with anger, and although it was a useful tool, it had its limits, and obviously I had abused those limits many times.

I was left with two choices. Either use anger as a positive in my life, or stay angry and let the world know feel my anger too. As with any other serious problem that we refuse to address, it always comes down to two very hard choices. Either continue to knowingly do something that is very harmful to deadly, or let it go. I chose to let my anger go. As with all changes, it took time. My whole life had to be reshaped, and I had a lot of ground to cover before people were willing to trust me not to hurt them. But I got there, and so can you if you see yourself here.

For years, late at night, especially when I was feeling tired, that empty feeling would start to creep into my consciousness. It would hang out on the fringes, biding its time. For it knew that sooner or later, I would lose focus on whatever it was I was doing, and I would start to focus on that feeling.

Sometimes, I would go outside and look at the night sky. I was fortunate to usually live in very rural areas, and the night sky would be filled with millions of stars. At times they were so jammed together that it would be impossible to separate one from the other, especially if they were part of the Milky Way on a cold clear night.

After a few minutes of looking at the stars, it would have me. This feeling of utter aloneness and desperation, that no matter what happened, the feeling of being a single spec in all the universe would never change. It felt at those times that it was my lot in life to be alone. Completely, matter of fact, written in stone, it was my destiny to be alone. The cold from space would start to chill my thoughts. Living my life from day to day with nothing to look forward to, nothing to be happy about.

Today when I am alone, I never feel alone. I know without a sliver of doubt, that even through those years of feeling distant from every other living human being that it was only a feeling that I allowed to pervade my thinking. It fed and took on substance from my feeling of smallness. Because I was allowing myself to wallow in this false feeling of being alone, the universe did its part to enhance the experience better than any theme park could do.

So, what does someone do when they feel like I had felt all those years? How do you cope and how do you find happiness when it seems all the world is together and you are separate from it? The answer has two parts. In retrospect , it is all so simple, in reality, it is about the same as the Indiana Jones film where he steps off the cliff believing that there is an arch present that Indi can not see, but he has faith that it is indeed there.

What I did was wallow in my feelings of complete separation and of being completely alone. I felt it was important to know that feeling, to explore it to the bottom of its depths. To learn and know, and understand just how large feeling alone was and finding out how small and unimportant I could feel. I did that each time that feeling overtook me. I did it until I knew I had travelled every boundary and stopped at every corner. I knew the full measure of that feeling.

Then I let it go. Just like an old toy, or an old shirt, that I knew without a doubt I would never wear again, I let it go. I was done with it. I knew I was not alone, and everything that happened around me happened because I was a part of it. I started searching for the vapor of a feeling that had to be there somewhere letting me know that everything was perfect. Eventually, I found a single thread, and I clung to it and followed it until I found the source. Then I came to the realization that I was never alone for an instant, I was simply not paying attention to the knowing that was in me all along.

If you feel this feeling of being alone, explore it to its end, wallow in it and get your fill of it. Then let it go and search for the feeling of completeness that is there in you. When you first feel a glimmer of it, you will never wish to let it go, and that is as it should be. The world is perfect, and once we learn all there is about being alone, there is no more to learn, and it is time to find the source once again.

Between, or out of a relationship, feeling like you are the only person in the world who is not really part of the world? Everywhere you look people seem to be happy, enjoying the company of the person(s) they are with and enjoying life in general? Yet you feel alone and isolated from everything? Sound familiar? If so, guess what? The only difference between you and the people you see around you is the color of the grass.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, that is our nature. It is one of the truisms of our lives in this reality. Everybody looks happy at the particular moment you are looking at them because that is what you expect to see. You are expecting a whole world of happy people, and the world does everything it can to help you achieve your desire.

Don’t believe me? Let’s make a test out of it where you can verify the results for yourself. When you are going out in public the next time look at the people around you. I bet you will see exactly what you expect to see. Mostly happy people, paired or in a group, smiling and having fun.

The second time before you go out, make it a conscious effort to see people how they really are. Look at them expecting to see the real person, not the actor or actress because they know they are being watched. Look for those moments when they let their guard down because they think no one is watching them. What did you see after actively looking for people as they really are, not what they are pretending to be?

The third time you are out in public, ignore all the couples and groups. Spend your time instead observing those single unattached people. The people who are all around and walking around just like you are. How happy do they look? If you live in a big city or work for a big company this exercise is much simpler, because your pool of test subjects are there every day.

People in big cities like the world to think that generally they are really happy, but few are. Seeing the the real them, you rarely see any happiness radiating out. They generally mirror a look that ranges anywhere from mild determination, to barely disguised anger, on their faces and in their posturing.

In this experiment did you see yourself in any of the people you observed on the three different occasions? If you did, which group of people would you place yourself with? The happy, life is great people, the people who look like they are just trying to get through and escape out the other end, or those people who are really not happy, and do not care if the world knows it?

The wonderful thing about whatever group you think you fit in, is you are there by your choice and not by any misfortune, or anything you do not control. The world is a funny place, and at the same time it is full of mystery and the unknown. The slice of the world you are experiencing is the world you expect to see, and the world bends itself to your will.

Change how you think; put a smile on your face and the world will change to fit you. Think about how unfair life is, and how unhappy you are, and the world will do its best to bring events and people into your life to reinforce your expectations. You control and mold the world around you to whatever you want the world to be, but you probably are not aware you do this. The world as we experience it waits for you to decide what you want to experience and then makes it happen.

Just like the commercial about what’s in your wallet, you control what is your world. You will always be somewhat alone unless you make it your life’s goal to meld with the world, but you do not need to feel alone in the world, either, you are the creator of your reality. Create the reality you are happiest in, not the one you think you belong in.

It is now the middle of summer, and what a glorious summer it is for me! I have been outside a lot this summer enjoying nature, walking, relaxing, fishing, a little hiking. I listen to the birds, watch the rabbits, and squirrels. It makes me feel good just to be alive.

I see many people around me, whose only clue the seasons have changed from cold to warm is the fact they turned off their heat, and turned on their air conditioning. They are in a constant cycle, or rut if you will. I bet if I ask them if they had any song birds around their house, they would be hard pressed to remember if they have seen a bird. If I ask them about rabbits or squirrels, their only response would be as it relates to their driving.

They live in this little protected cocoon. The temperature is always just so, it never rains, the wind never blows, the birds never sing except when they are trying to sleep in. These same folks if they exercise at all, exercise in the air conditioned comfort of a gym, either at home, or a club. Their only contact with the natural world they should be a part of is going from a building to their vehicle, or vehicle to a building.

I do not think that we should be outside every possible moment. I do think we should make time each day to enjoy the world around us. Not just marking time in an indoor environment where nothing ever changes. What motivates me to get outside besides the fact that I enjoy nature, is I know my death is just around the corner. I do not know when that time is, but I know that every minute of every day my death is closer than it was just a moment ago.

I want to feel the sun on my face. I want to feel the wind blow. I want to feel cold. I want to be too hot and break out into a sweat. I don’t get upset over the shower water being a little cool because I am the last one in the shower, and we have to leave soon. It is either a cool shower, or no shower, but I know that I am alive in the shower. I want to feel my fingers get stiff from cold at times. I want to get a little sunburn now and then.

Because my death is just around the corner, I want to feel all these things, and sometimes I search them out. When I was not quite as mortal as I am now, I would take some risks with my body, and perhaps my life. I want to know I am alive. Because before I know it, my body will be in a refrigerator somewhere. My body will spend a day to two there, but it won’t feel any cold, it won’t know the lights are out. My body won’t know it has been taken out of the refrigerator and placed in a coffin. My body won’t know what happens after that either.

When I look around and see people driving with their ac on, and their favorite music playing, I wonder if they realize that there will not be a big change between how they live at present, the day of their death, and the few days that follow their death?

For myself, I want to know I am alive, and I am as much a part of the natural world as I can be. I do not want to go from a temperature controlled life to a temperature controlled death. How about you? Have you given any thought to the natural world, and your part in it? Is the natural world a part of your life? I hope so, because if the natural world is not a part of your life, you are cheating yourself out of half of your life.

If you live an inside life, go outside, get hot, get cold, get wet when it rains. Know you are alive, and the world is real!