Tag Archives: change

Let Go and Start Living 2 of 2

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Unless we can somehow erase our memories, we never let go of whatever it is we want to let go of.  I snuck that thought in rather quickly so let me repeat it. We do not have the ability, any of us, to Let Go, nor do we have the ability to make person another Let Go.

If letting go were a simple process, we would never remember a skinned knee, smashed finger, or sore body part. If we hurt ourselves, we would pause, perform some simple ritual, and everything would be better. Fortunately for us, not letting go is a survival technique inherent in all of us.

What we do instead when we, Let Go, is we assimilate this present pain into us. We make it a part of us. We absorb it into ourselves. We take this pain inside of us and we mix it in with all our memories. We mingle and rationalize our present pain and emotion until we begin to feel a lessening of our pain.

We can go to others for help, though they can not really help us in the normal way we think of helping. We each have all the help we need inside us. What we need to do is decide we are ready to move on. At this moment when we decide to move on, our situation and our pain starts to change.

Generally whatever happened is the absolute worst thing we have ever experienced and it comes with the most pain we have ever experienced. Eventually we know we have to make a decision about our misery. Either we spend the rest of our life living in the moment of the pain, or we decide to start living our life again.

If we decide to start living our life again, we can see the pain for what it really is. The emotional pain we feel is a part of our life. Our pain is the result of our personal life experience. Our pain has happened and nothing we can do will ever make it disappear.

What we can do is stop thinking about hoe we feel, and start thinking about the events that led up to why we feel this way. What happened that was in our control and what happened that was beyond our control.

Whatever was in our control, we can ensure we do not do a repeat. By doing a repeat, I do not mean stop dating because this time it hurt so bad. Rather, slow down and think about what happened before. Were their signals the other person was giving off we chose to ignore? Did we emotionally invest more than we should have? Did we choose not to see the situation for what it was, and chose to create our own version instead?

It may well be there was nothing that could have been changed. It happens, and it is painful. It is also a part of life, and we can not quit living because we are hurt. Everyone of us is vulnerable because we are living our life the best we know how. Most pain of this type is a one time occurrence. It happened and it will never happen again.

If these situations are repeatable in our life, there is something we need to learn from them we are choosing to ignore. If you have one painful experience after another, perhaps it is time to change directions and not go down that path yet again. Going down a new path can be no worse than going down the same path  again. If this pain is a onetime experience, accept it for what it is. Learn from it, and keep on living.

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Promoting Bad Behavior

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There is always a lot of information available in Personal Development on how to improve yourself by changing your behaviors. Many sources emphasize changing what are construed as negative social behaviors for what are thought to be more acceptable behavior. I really do not think this behavior modification is possible from a deep level perspective.

Behaviors which some see as negative, anti-social, career limiting, whatever one chooses to call them, are behaviors which work for the individual at some level. These behaviors are tried and true, modified and tuned through the preceding years. When these behaviors are used they achieve the expected outcome. If these behaviors did not work for an individual they would have been modified out of existence.

What does one do if they are seen as, or they feel they have behaviors which hold them back from achieving their goals? Behavior substitution is the most promoted course of action. Substitute a limiting behavior for a behavior that is more accepted and helps achieve the desired result. That is what many experts say.

Take that behavior which is causing problems and replace it with a better behavior. For some people this is a healthy and positive way to fix whatever is wrong. The positive reinforcement of changed behavior should solidify and promote the use of the new behavior.

The only problem is it does not work for many people. People modify or replace one or more behaviors they feel are holding them back in some way. They adopt what they believe are more acceptable behaviors. Often just like the weight loss panacea, they find that after really trying and working on change for weeks or months, nothing changes.

Behavior based rewards are either non-existent, or not present in enough quantity to help the individual want to keep using modified or replaced behaviors. Little by little, just as lost pounds are regained, old behaviors start re-appearing.

Instead of enjoying all the benefits of everything one hoped would happen with behavior modification, the individual finds themselves back in the same rut they thought they were digging themselves out from. A  lot of work and effort and nothing really changed.

Maybe the problem is not in the behaviors themselves? Unless they are criminal or otherwise unlawful, maybe the behaviors are not the problem? After all these behaviors are part of the individuals personality and to some extent make them what they are.

Maybe the problem is using the behaviors at the wrong time, place, or manner? There are hundreds of jobs in multiple career fields where people use behaviors which do not work well in general social settings, and they use them successfully! Instead of trying to become someone else, be creative and look for opportunities, both social and career oriented where bad behaviors are both rewarded and encouraged.

Take those seemingly negative behaviors out, polish them up, and look for opportunities where they can be rewarded and not punished. With some tuning and polish, behaviors that many people want to change can be a fast track to success. It is more pleasant to look in the mirror and think, “This is who I am”, than look in the mirror and think, “This is me acting like someone else.”

The catch in this way of thinking, and there is always a catch, is self acceptance. Accepting who we are what we are, and knowing we are perfect for us is easier said than done. One has to throw away our families implanted ideas of who we are and look for our real self. We are what we are, and accepting ourselves is where our focus should be. We should not be focused on some ideal that we know we will never meet, or become.

Once self acceptance is second nature, it is time to find an outlet where we can be rewarded for how we are. Dismiss limiting beliefs about what we think we should be doing, for finding a lifestyle and career where we are acknowledged and rewarded for who we really are.

This takes effort and searching. The possibilities are real, they exist. Other people just like us are benefiting being themselves, doing work we can only guess at. All we need to do is be willing to break the mold we never fit in to start with, and get out there and find what we were created for and meant to do with our life.

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How To Create a Life You Really Want

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Have you ever heard anyone who is having continuous problems in their life, talk about what a happy life they are leading? Have you ever heard anyone in school with poor grades mention how they get good grades and mean it? How about someone who drifts from job to job talk about how easy it is for them to find a better paying job than the job they were last let go from?

I almost never hear someone utter those words or thoughts in reference to their life. If you have not read it here on this blog, you have read or heard about self limiting beliefs other places. If you have not read or heard about shaping and creating your own life on this blog, you have read it somewhere else.

It has frustrated me that so many people have read from many differing sources, ideas and ways to change their life; yet nothing ever changes for them. They read something here, or somewhere else, get all hyped up, and start trying to do what ‘everyone’ says they should be able to do, and nothing changes.

Until recently I was of the opinion that nothing changes because they do take not any idea of changing seriously. I thought perhaps they try out a suggestion they have read about over and over, and after a week or two give up on it.

A second possibility occurred to me that perhaps those people who were not able to realize any change were comfortable right where they were and they preferred the present circumstance of their life to the possibility of improving their life. I know a few people really do not what their life to change. Change is scary, what they have for a life may not be good, but it is comfortable.

I see it every day when a few people do the same things over and over again, expecting different results from their actions. It reminds me of an old computer saying, “input equals output”, which was a programmers pleasant way to say, “Garbage in, Garbage out’.

While reading last week I came across another explanation. Once I read it, I knew the reason people have trouble with ideas like LOA, and other Life Changing Strategies is because no matter how it is explained, people are not understanding what they should be doing. People read and read, practice, and practice some more, and nothing changes. All because what is so obvious to everyone who has used they strategies is omitted in the telling.

Law Of Attraction generally tells people in one form or another how to create a thought and then let that thought go out into the Universe. The Universe using some unknown magical ability is supposed to take your wish and make it reality. Poof, your wish has come true!

Other life changing strategies including my own, are to start living your life as if you have achieved your goal. Sounds pretty simple on paper from my side of the fence. If you want something to change, start living your life as if the change has happened. Works for me over my lifetime, it should work for everyone same as it does for me.

There are many who would rather I did not say what I am about to tell you. They are making a lot of money and really would rather not do anything to unset that proverbial apple cart. Some experts send desperate people down the path of pay for which does not really tell anyone anything they do not already know. Or they provide a multi step program, at so many dollars a step, never quite reaching the end.

People are using what they know to achieve what they want for their life, and the heck with the rest. The immediate goal is financial, with ulterior reason hidden away in private. The only thing separating you from them is either in the end they do not tell you what you need to know. Maybe they tell you what you need to know, but it is so disguised, that when you hear or read it, you probably gloss right over it. More to follow in the next post.

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Stop Being Shy – Only If You Want To 2 of 2

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Now that you are used to making comments on blogs and other articles you have read, share them with your friends. Speak to or email one or more of your ‘safe’ friends, and share the link to what you read and what you feel about it.

Emailing someone is safe, and sharing your opinion is only a little step from making comments somewhere where no one knows you, so it is also safe. You also want to keep reading and commenting on what you read at least once every day. Reading and commenting is the foundation stone of your process of overcoming shyness. You may want to slip back to where you are most comfortable because it is easy, but do not allow yourself to do this, keep moving forward.

You should be doing two things every day now, reading and commenting. Reading something on the web, commenting on it, and emailing your friends about what  you read with a link, and how you feel about it.

Once you are comfortable doing this it is time add another step. This step is only a small step from commenting on posts and articles and emailing your friends about what you read still including a link. In fact it is a safe way of combining both tasks.  Your next step is find forums you have an interest in and join them.

Forums are everywhere and most are easy to participate in. Some forum examples are Craigslist, which some feel is more of a zoo than a forum. Other possibilities are forums on computers, gardening, hiking, bicycling, personal development, the list in endless. Both Yahoo, and Google have groups you can become a member of on hundreds of  subjects.

All you have to do is sign up and start participating. Groups are a great next step because you are a little less anonymous yet you are still largely unknown by anyone other than comments and thoughts you contribute to the forum.

While you are participating in your group, do not let your commenting on what you read on the web and sharing it with friends fall to the wayside. You need to keep at it until it becomes habit and you do not even have to think about it any more.

If you have done these things faithfully for a month or so, they should be pretty much ingrained in you by now, and you can proceed to the next level. This marks a change from interacting on the web. You will be using your new found skills and abilities to interacting with real people in real time. For this step you will need to be a little adventurous and creative. Check out Craigslist, Yahoo, and search the web for groups that meet where you live that you have an interest in and can join and contribute.

Any group you join does not need to be something you have burning passion for, but it does need to be a group which you can enjoy and participate in. The value of moving your skills from the web to the world, is you are now starting to make the change in yourself with real live human beings. The time and effort you have put into the web have given you a new skill set you may have never used, or became rusty. Now being part of a group, you can talk, debate, contribute, or debate with some modicum of distance between you and those around you.

After you have spent enough time in a group environment where you have honed your skills, and you have accomplished what you set out to do. You are no longer shy, unless you choose to be and you now have good skills to talk to anyone about anything, anytime.

Now you have experienced that worst that can happen face to face in a safe environment of the web. You have been disagreed with, argued with, ignored, and everything else people do when interacting with one another. You also have been agreed with, quoted, asked for your opinion, and started new conversations. You have been a part of most of the worst and most of the best of not being shy. The rest is up to you now. Good luck, and I hope you are happy with the changes you have made.

Stop Being Shy – Only If You Want To 1 of  2

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Stop Being Shy – Only If You Want To 1 of 2

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If you are one of the many people who want to change yourself from someone who feels they are too shy to someone more outgoing I have a few ideas that may help you. Of course on the downside is you are the person who has to do the work. At first changing will be work that drains you emotionally, and perhaps physically. Once you get into the changing habit  those feelings will go away. You will begin to notice not being shy is not so difficult after all.

You have to really want to quit being shy to be successful. It is almost the same as learning a new subject in school, or learning a new job. If you want to be successful, understand success comes from within, not from anything you can read, listen too or watch. If you really want to change from being what you feel is being to shy read on. Otherwise you may as well find something else to read, as the rest of this post will be of little help for you other than a few pointers you may never use.

As you are still reading, here is the first task you want to accomplish on your path from changing from being shy to being more outgoing. You need to to decide what the worst is that could happen from changing from being shy into being more outgoing. Sometimes we prefer to be shy because it is safer, easier, or less stressful. Your reasons for being shy may include these reasons and more, and your reasons may be different.

No matter what your reasons are ensure you really understand what you are getting out of being shy. The reason for identifying the important  reasons you choose to be shy are important. After thinking about yourself and what you get out of being shy, you may decide that you really are enjoying quite a few benefits from being shy. You may find that being shy is comfortable, and now that you really looked at it you no longer feel any need to be something else, and shyness fits you quite well after all.

Heroine of Austin, TexasThink about all the reasons you want to not be so shy, and be more outgoing. Your reasons may be: you want to be more popular, you want to be noticed, you want to be able to talk to people. Spend as much time on this task as you did on your reasons for being shy. The purpose of these examinations of what you are getting and what you expect may cancel each other out. You may decide changing is more work than what you think will change.

I am going to proceed on the idea that after you have compared yourself now against you in the future, you decided you really want to change into someone more outgoing. I have one last task that you have to complete before you start on the process of changing yourself, sort of a sanity check to ensure you are making a good choice. I mention this because like all change this process takes a lot of time and effort on your part.

This last task is you need to define what is the worst that happen if you stay shy as you are. I am sure you are the perfect you right now, though you feel you can improve on you, and make yourself better. Next think about the worst that can happen if you quit being shy and expose more of yourself to the world around you. What is the worst that can come of not being shy?

Now, we are on to the actual process itself. The first step in moving away from shyness is like swimming in cold water. Taking little steps until you are sure you are ready to jump in and get it over with. While it seems simple to just make the change all at once, it is not the best way because too many things will have changed too fast, and that will take you way out of your comfort zone. Get too far out of your comfort zone and you will not want to stay there. We will be taking small steps instead.

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Lose New Years Resolutions Find Year Long Intentions

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I am guessing like most people, you have defined your resolutions for the next year. How do they feel?  Most likely your resolutions are maintenance type resolutions to take care of something with your physical self.

Resolutions such as losing weight, quitting something, or exercising more are common resolutions that are made each New Year. These resolutions are for the most part hollow, and generally groundless.

New Years resolutions are rarely followed over the whole year. The first days and weeks resolutions are fresh and part each days focus. As weeks three, four and beyond arrive, resolutions that were made so firmly, start sliding down the what is important today scale.

Should any of these resolutions really have been be made? Are any of these resolutions really important in life? Are those resolutions only space fillers or place holders, forgotten by the end of the month? Most importantly, do resolutions make anyone feel good way inside where it counts?

Perhaps it is time to make real choices that mean something, and will potentially make a real difference each and every day of the next year, and every year after. I suggest my rule of three to help make real resolutions. This rule of three creates a timeline of the year. Use the rule of three to split the year into: this week, this month, and this year.

Instead of making resolutions, add value to your life this year and create intentions. An intention is to have a course of action, resolution is simply finding a solution but not acting on it. When creating your intentions, make intentions having a path making real changes in your life.

Pretend it is possible this next year may be the last year you will be alive. If the idea of this next year being your last year alive is scary, think about people you knew or heard of, who thought they would be here this year, making yet another list of resolutions to be forgotten after a few weeks. Being alive means accepting we may be one of those people that someone alive pauses to think about this time next year.

Now that resolutions are out and intention is in, it is time to take the next step. Look at your next week, starting tomorrow, the day after, or whatever day you pick as the start of your week. What can you do to make a real difference in your life that will make you feel and those around you feel good? What will you intend for the next month that can not be done in a week? What will you intend for the remainder of what may be your last year that you can not do in a day or a month? What changes can you bring into your life that will actually mean something.

Here is my New Years rule of three. What are you going to intend for the next week? What are you going to intend for the next month? What are you going to intend for the next year? Thinking in this way is acknowledging our mortality, and focusing our intentions in manageable periods. Combined in this manner intention becomes a powerful reality, and a life tool everyone can use.

Each of our lives are unique, as are our life situations. Below are some suggestions of what you may wish to intend in your life. Intention will improve your life, and the lives of all who will enter and leave your life next week, month, and year. Read these thoughts over and change them for use in your life or use them as starting points for totally new intents in your life.

Resolutions are generally weak and lead to yet another failure on the list of many. Thought out meaningful intentions are powerful life changing tools which make you grateful to be finally alive.

Here are some thoughts to help create intention for your personal use:  Tell a parent, sibling, or friend what you really want to tell them; Find out peoples names who are peripheral in your life, and tell them how they change your life for the better by doing what they do; Be grateful and respectful to the once living things that are now your food; Learn about a people or culture you know nothing about; Learn more about your spiritual self.

Learn more about your religion and why you believe what you do; Read autobiographies, listen to audio books, or watch movies about people you admire; Learn another persons culture and beliefs; Create quiet time to be outside; Buy, plant, and care for a plant(s); Plant or place a potted flower in a needy public place and take care of it; Find someone you can help each _; Attend a church you have never been to; Eat a meal of food you have never eaten; Talk to strangers, strangers have something important to tell you about your life right now, ask them what it is. Look for ways to make a difference in someone’s life.

Here is an easy to remember thought: ‘To be resolute is to be unwavering, to intend is to have action and purpose. I create my life with intent.’

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