Tag Archives: Character

How To Create a Crappy Life

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I have written some number of posts about integrity, honesty, and focus in hopes of helping someone live their best possible life. I have written why guidelines, goals, and direction are important if you wish to live the best life you can, but not all at once. My attention was drawn to a car in front of me in traffic today that pretty much visually explains why some people have so many problems in their life an consistency in life is so important.

On the back was a shiny new greek letter that looks like a fish which some Christians place as their symbol on the back of their cars. The license plate had one of those plastic covers that make the numbers hard to read from more than a few feet away. On the bumper was a sticker promoting America and her values. On the back window was a Green sticker. Hanging from the mirror was a crucifix, and a dream catcher. The driver who had just thrown some trash out the window onto the street was smoking a cigarette.

This person has no solid direction, focus, goals or values. The fish on their trunk announces their Christian values. The bumper sticker promoting America announces their supporting of American values, and the American way of life. The green sticker speaks for itself.

The plastic license plate cover tells everyone of the drivers disregard for the traffic laws and the personal safety of drivers around them. The cross hanging from the mirror is not appropriate hanging with a pagan dream catcher. The driver was throwing trash onto the street as they smoked giving a clear message of their disregard of their neighborhood, themselves, and the spirit of green.

I wonder how, when I see people with all these life conflicts can have anything even close to a happy and productive life. How can a Christian display their belief  on the back of their car, yet intend to speed and deceive the police. How can one person promote America and her values, and trash the very neighborhood they want others to be proud of. How can one person have a fish and a cross, yet smoke cigarettes, and have a dreamcatcher hanging with their cross?

The choices we make in life are seemingly endless. Everything we do or having our life is a choice. What we believe is a choice, with those choices spanning the horizon of religion, sex, and politics. What we choose is our own personal choice and we have every right to choose what we wish to choose as long as no one else is harmed.

What happens to us when these choices conflict with each other? How do we be a practicing Christian who intends to break the law, defiles themselves and the land they live on? Promotes their countries values, and holds Christian and pagan ideas as being equal? I think what happens is someone is in a place where their life is spinning out of control.

This is living a life of constant contradictions. Be Christian, but be attracted and promote things not Christian. How does one love their country and neighborhood, yet take no responsibility for its upkeep? Promote law abiding values, yet intend to speed or drive recklessly. This is what they are showing the world on their car. Any guesses what the rest of their life is like?

Of course it is important to have strong ideals and beliefs. It is more important not to trip yourself up with conflicting beliefs that have you talking of one thing and doing another. No one can be happy while being tugged in two opposite directions. it is important to choose one or the other and follow only that path.

Consistency is one of the more important attributes you can add to your life. Whatever you choose, be consistent about it. Allowing inconsistencies to creep into your life, is allowing your life to be thrown about and shredded to pieces. Be consistent and be happy.

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Do Not Let Anyone PWN You!

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When playing poker, after winning a big hand and you know you took everyone for more the most money possible, an interesting situation occurs. As the dealer pushes you the pot and the other players look on in various states of anguish, you scoop their chips to your little section of the table.

This is a moment when you really want to stand up and shout, “I fooled you all, I pwn (own) you! You didn’t have a clue!” What you do instead is sit quietly and stack chips looking as uninterested as possible. After all the people who lost money the hand are momentarily bitter about it, and you do not want to do anything to make their mood worse. Doing so however is not in your best interest.

This behavior is not limited to the poker tables. It happens at the dinner table, office meetings, church services, driving, just about anywhere two or more people gather to decide something, or compete for something. You can not stop or control this behavior until you know how.
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What can be controlled is how it affects you as an individual. Do you find yourself angry in certain situations without understanding the reasons why? Do you suddenly lose your temper and make remarks or do something you later regret? If this sounds like your day, I know a few tricks that may help you.

Pay attention to the people around you when these ‘anger’ moods suddenly come upon you. Do you notice a pattern? Were you in a good mood until you spoke with one or two certain people. Afterward, you find yourself angry or lashing out about something that you did not care about thirty seconds before the conversation? Do people say things to push your buttons?

It is important to know there are people in everyone’s social group who love to spend their day making others angry, then walk away. If you call them on it, they will act innocent, pretending they do not know what they are doing to you. Then, same as the person stacking everyone else’s chips at the poker table, they let an almost undetectable smirk cross their face for an instant. It happens so quick, you may not realize it happened. They are getting in one last button press before they leave you alone for the day.

You can protect yourself from these situations easily once you realize they are happening. The secret is simple. Once you know that one or more people in your social group are trying to manipulate you, you are ready for them. When they stop by and start what appears to be an innocent conversation, ask yourself, ‘what is the purpose of this conversation?’ If you listen for the purpose of finding the reason they are talking with you, it is easy to spot what they are doing.

Do they want you to do something they would not do themselves? Perhaps they are trying to anger you into confronting someone they are angry with? Do they enjoy it when they make you angry? Do they use you as a tool to fix their problems?

Knowing the hidden reason for a particular conversation, you are empowered to act, or better still, not act on what you hear. Some people, who make other people angry, do so without any intention of doing it; it is rare, but it happens. They may see you as a good listener, an empathetic ear, or someone they feel they can safely blow off steam to, or a victim.

No matter what the real reason for someone trying to manipulate you, once you know what is happening, and you do not follow through doing what they intended, the other person(s) will come to realize that you are no longer their property. They no longer own (pwn) you, and they can no longer create a situation where you find yourself doing what they will not do themselves.

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Handicaps, everyone has at least one

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Once upon a time a long time ago in bar far far away, there was a young fraternity guy out with his frat brothers having a glass of beer, or maybe two. A young woman arrived who the young man thought was very pretty. He watched her from across the room and over the top of his beer glass. She was out with friends, and there was no boyfriend around.

He worked up his courage and walked on over to speak with her and eventually asked her out. Of course she declined. Eventually they made a tentative agreement to meet in a few days. They talked for a few minutes when she asked him a stop in your tracks question. He never showed up for their meeting.

What she asked really took him by surprise, and after he thought it over, he knew it would stand between any type of healthy relationship that might evolve. She asked him if he realized she was crippled and sitting in a wheelchair?

That was me some years ago when I thought a cold glass of beer made the world a better place. The young woman was a paraplegic. I thought of that night while strolling along today. I had not thought about it for so long it was a surprise, I do not know why it popped into my thoughts today.

My father spent the last six years of his waking life in a wheel chair by that time. I was well used to a wheelchair and knew what it meant for the occupant. I was not asking her hand in marriage, I was asking if she would meet me again under different circumstances.
I did not see her as handicapped, she obviously did and wanted others too also.

I do not know if she wanted my pity, or she wanted me to feel guilty. We are all crippled, and we are all handicapped. Some of us hide it better than others, but we all have our flaws, problems, and personality faults. Whatever flaw(s) we have are just that, they are not a life stopper or we would not be here to start with. Pushing my father around for those six years, let me experience a physical handicap life by proxy, I understood that at least.

When you are out and about and see someone who is handicapped, there is no reason to feel anything about them you will not feel for other people you will see today. We are spiritual beings, and our bodies have little to do with us. Our bodies whatever condition they may be in are our default vehicle for getting around in this world.

Look for the person, not what is wrong with them. When you do this you will find a very unique someone hanging out in a body that may not quite function right. There is a bible verse that applies here. It says something to the effect that to those whom much is given, much is required…. For anyone with a physical handicap, parts of life are a little more challenging, but they have learned to adapt – as we should.

The world is full of people who martyr themselves and complain about their lot in life. Most of them have nothing more than a want of someone to make their wrongs right. For someone with a disability, their world is quite different. Some days are good and some days present challenges that are difficult to overcome. They do not have any options.

People with disabilities I have known tried to show me life can be good and complete be if I chose to make it that way. I was a slow learner of course, I always thought they were putting on an act because it was expected of them. I have since learned I was the one with the disability and not them.

What we think and believe, we are. No one else decides who or what we are, we do. None of us is complete, we all have something lacking in us. It is up to each of us to use what we do have to make our life everything it can be.

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Integrity of nations, and ourselves

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Wow, am I having a problem with the integrity issues this week! Two of the blogs on my blogroll to the right, sonalismrules, and heroworkshop, share some pretty strong feelings about integrity. Both of them incidentally over the India verses Australia Cricket test match (?) this week. The match definitely ups the visibility of world class athletes’ and starts to question the status they hold, referees too. This problem is also going lower down in sports in the last months.

While the big news here in the US has been around steroids, Marion Jones, and Floyd Landis seem to hold the spotlight there. Some athletes did not learn anything, or thought they were immune to normal human expectations. Baseball once again is having its already shaky reputation dragged through baseball mud once again with widespread steroid use reported. In late December Florida State college came under the spotlight for group test cheating where as many as twenty athletes may be involved.

Integrity seems to be the issue at hand. I am grappling with the word integrity and I can understand why it is defined with a standard definition, a conceptual view, and a philosophical view. It seems we all have an idea of what integrity should be, but we have different thoughts on how and when it applies.

As a poker player, I have sat with some pretty immoral people. I have seen people who are willing to cheat me, but if they give me their word on something it is as good as gold. I have seen other players give their word, and take any advantage they can to ensure they get what they want. Both types of people act with integrity in their dealings. The biggest difference between them is one type of player goes by the general rule of what is right, and the second argues over what was agreed upon.

Obvious integrity examples for me are in presidential politics. I watched Richard Nixon state he was not a thief. I saw Bill Clinton adamantly claim he did not have sex with a certain woman. The current president has been caught making claims that have shown to be not quite true. In their view they all acted with integrity, in the view of their public they acted with something less.

In the world I was brought up in, the value I was taught that is most important is integrity. I was once asked by a close friend to lie for him, saving him from a serious problem. It was a simple lie, and no one would have known. My integrity would not have been impugned if I had agreed. Well, that is not really true, for I would have known. In the end of all things integrity is one of the things no one can take from me. I can only give it away, and I refuse.

In the current state of sports, people are willing to give up everything for the money. How much money do these people need to accumulate before they can like who they see in the mirror? How much money is needed before a family member, or friend can look at someone who is a liar, and a cheat decide it is okay because they made enough money that they are beyond it all now.

In the stories making the media today, these are not little things that someone was caught doing, or lying about. In the case of Cricket, a whole nation now has their integrity drawn into question due to the act of a few people. India is outraged because they have been wrongly cheated out of something they have every right to.

What is done, can not be undone, in the near future at any rate. No amount of reparation will ever undo the sting of what has been done. No amount of sorry will ever fix the damage done to Cricket, and other sports too. Like it or not, now the integrity of a country – all the way down to an individual – is no longer on the line. In the eyes of many in the world it has been lost, and may possibly never be regained. Was it worth it, I would not do it?

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Character, choices, responsibility, and wisdom. 2008 version

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I do not know if you are familiar with the old story, “The Ant and The Grasshopper”? For a refresher, here is my 2008 version of what the author had in mind when the story was first told. It may be a little different from the written version, but times change, and so does my perspective.

In the story from the book I had as a child, Ant laid around, or played around, and really was not trying to do anything with his life that was worthwhile. Ant slept late, lounged around the house, and was generally lazy. Depending on your perspective this may not be such a bad life. Seems kind of fun to me as part of a life balance.

Grasshopper on the other hand was an over achiever. Grasshopper started at the crack of dawn tending his retirement fund, and working overtime to increase his net worth. He was not fussy about what he did to generate money, as long as he thought he was being productive he was happy.

What is not obvious in the story is both Ant, and Grasshopper are very good at their life choices. Ant never changes character, and actually worries about the future, or thinks of working for a living. Grasshopper’s character on the other hand never thought about enjoying life, as he was too busy working for some future time.

They both may be considered role models for people who think as they do. In the story, there is something else not mentioned and not readily apparent. The Ant spent an extraordinary amount of time visualizing how his future was going to be, and not really doing anything about achieving it.

Grasshopper on the other hand had little imagination. Grasshopper could not look to the future, and imagine what life would be like. Grasshopper spent his time getting ready for winter, and did not take time to enjoy the summer, and be happy for what he had at present. Grasshopper generally was moody and morose. With all of Grasshoppers good points, Grasshopper could only see his faults.

Some might think the Ant and Grasshopper were using some form of LOA, or other belief system. Ant was certain in his thinking that what he needed would be provided somehow, and everything would be okay. Grasshopper knew that any kind of LOA, or other belief system needed his help to be successful. The summer went on with Grasshopper prodding Ant to get a job, so he would have what he needed for the hard times coming. Ant was young, and carefree, he did not realize no one was going to help him survive come winter.

Of course after summer, winter came. Ant was now cold, and starving. On the other hand, Grasshopper had too much of everything. Some of his food must have been spoiling, because it had been saved for so long. While once again (as far as memory serves me) we do not know the whole story of Ant, or Grasshopper, some things are obvious:

  • Too much of anything is not good. Whether it is our work ethic, belief system, or relationships, we need to strike a balance.
  • Too little of anything has the same end result. Too much focus on one area of our life leaves us empty and cold in other areas. Emptiness, and want tend to make us bitter.
  • To have a good life balance, we must be aware, and think. Blindly following any life path does not lead to happiness.
  • We should be thrilled with our good parts, and accepting of the other parts, as Ant accepted his plight from playing, and goofing off all summer. Grasshopper demonstrates this in the story too, where he did not care to help Ant, but turned Ant away to fend for himself. Grasshopper accepted himself for what he was. Ant did the same, but not in such an obvious manner.

After the story ends, we can see both characters have their good sides, and their flaws. They both accepted that they each had their individual flaws. Ant apparently died from cold and hunger. Grasshopper died of loneliness because he no longer had Ant to talk with.

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Stubborn about life precepts, concepts, and truths

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Family and friends at one time or another have told me in various ways, that I am one of the most stubborn people they have ever met. They have used some descriptive words like arrogant, condescending, and well, you get the idea. One coworker once said I was a bulldozer, because I bulldoze over anyones ideas or thoughts that I did not agree with.

I have been told in times of anger and frustration that in my world, no one’s opinion matters except mine. I have been told I also know it all too. A doctor I saw once that performed a day surgery for me, mentioned I had skin as thick as a horse. I imagine that is quite fitting.

My conclusion after completing what some may think is a fairly lengthy introspection of myself, my thoughts, and beliefs is they are correct. I am usually guilty of all charges. Yes, I am a culmination of all those adjectives people have used to describe me. I choose not to be a grammar expert, so adjective may not be the correct word.

There is a test given to people, to help the individual, teacher, or instructor identify an individual’s primary learning style. The test is simple though what is does is amazing. We have four basic learning modes we like to use.

The first learning behavior is someone who wants to do first, and learn later.

The second learning behavior is someone who prefers to learn as they go

The third learning behavior is someone who wants to know much more than the task, they want to know why the universe was created, and how it applies.

The fourth learning mode, and the one I was enmeshed in is a reflector. People who are reflectors do not want to do anything until they have thoroughly absorbed every part of the learning and how it fits in with everything they already know. You have shown them, told them, or demonstrated something so many times, you are sick of it. Fwiw, if you read yesterdays blog entry, you now know why I was hung up on math….

I was a statistical flyer in this learning style, out there past the standard three sigma range. How this learning style applies to what people think of me at times is interesting. It also makes me a human blender of ideas and thoughts. I later became a trainer which brought me close to the statistical center over time.

The ‘frustration’ people have with me, is I can not read, hear, or experience something, and take it as truth. I compare it with everything similar that I know already. This compare and blend process may take anywhere from a few seconds to a few days. When I am done, I know without any doubt at all whether I agree, disagree, why something is right, or wrong, and how far away from correct an idea is.

For example, if I read or hear somewhere about some human attribute being less than acceptable, it goes into my whole brain database of knowledge, and is compared to what I know already. If it does not agree with every other source that is in agreement, well then it is simply not correct. Not a bad trait, but I do it with most things.

Once it is faulty, it is faulty – this is where people mention to me I have a problem. Some people however can not accept that what they choose to believe (choose being a keyword) is not correct. For some people to be correct, almost every thinker in human history has to be wrong. I can not imagine for a second that the greatest thinkers on earth are wrong, and one little printed thought is correct.

World religion is a good example. Major beliefs, and religions share many fundamental precepts. Be good, and love one another is a precept all major beliefs share without exception.

When concepts deviate beyond what is shared in other major religions, it is possibly tainted thought injection, and should be treated as such. That does not make it immediately wrong, it does make it suspect and needing more looking into and thinking about.

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