Tag Archives: Character

Be who you are, not who you were

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I am sure you have heard, or read the (possibly mildly offensive to some) joke about the young bull and the old bull? In a cleaned up version, two bulls on top of a hill see a group of cows in the valley below. One, a young bull, being young, wants to rush in and mate with one of the cows. The old bull wants to walk down slowly, and mate with a number of the cows.

This joke is probably thousands of years old. There was a form of it in the movie, ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’, in the parking lot scene. It is also a premise in many other books and movies. At the end of all of these, the logic is immediately apparent: Why waste energy on small stuff when there are more important matters coming up? When you are older you will have more to contribute. While youth is great it is not the end all of existence, there is much more to life.

We should be who we are. When I was younger I enjoyed knowing there was someone around who was older and had more life experience than myself. I could go to and use them as a sounding board to help me through a hard decision, and present choices I had not thought of. I have never wanted to live in a world like that of Time machine, Logan’s Run, Brave New World, or any of the other books and movies where young is all there is, and life is controlled. Where and once you reach a certain age, you disappear. That’s not living, thats a lie in action.

It is a disservice to younger people to be much older, and try to be one of them. A much better tact is let someone younger than yourself be younger, and you be yourself at your correct age. There is much more to be gained from the relationship, and more satisfaction for both parties.

Take advantage of your life knowledge and life experience, to help young adults make the world a better place rather than helping them repeat the same mistakes that have already been made. If you are a young adult, take advantage of your enthusiasm, and energy to make the world a better place, but stop once in a while and ask directions.

No one would seriously argue the generally hasty decision making processes of some young adults. They do things on an instant. They are driving to a friends house, and they show up late, but with a new car. They push too many limits, and sometimes they pay a tragic price, either in themselves or the harm they have done to someone else. Thankfully, our society is set up in such a way, the damage they can do is limited.

There is a reason why people must meet a certain age requirement, either by law, or by general consensus. The reason for an minimum age, is peoples life experience, and decision making abilities have to be at a certain level before they can be effective in certain life roles.

I think it is a disservice to yourself, and young people, to be much older pretending to be young. A much better tact is let someone younger than yourself be younger, and you be you. There is much more to be gained from life, and more satisfaction for everyone. Take advantage of your life knowledge and life experience to help young adults make the world a better place rather than helping them repeat the same mistakes we did.

If you are a young adult, take advantage of your enthusiasm, and energy to make the world a better place. There is a lot to be said for youth, and there is a lot to be said for the knowledge and wisdom of age. Think about how much can be said when the two combine forces! Don’t be afraid to be the age you are. If you do not be your age, the only person you are fooling is yourself. You are also cheating yourself of some very good years in your life, and you probably do not like the person in the mirror to much either.

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Men, men, trust, and us

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I remember when I was small child, my father talking to me about adult matters. More specifically it was grown male matters he spoke of. How Men behave, and how Men should act. My father never came right out and said so, but he left me with the vague impression there were grown men who were not Men. They inhabited adult bodies, but never quite fit the mold needed to be called Men by him.

When I grew up I understood what he was trying to make clear to me all those years ago. What I believe my father meant was that there are certain rules that Men follow. In my father’s opinion all Men were held to certain standards. Men are expected to keep, or exceed these unwritten standards. On the other hand there are male adults who did not make the grade of being Men in my father’s system, would be placed in the category of men.

Men had virtues, namely integrity and honesty. In a Man’s world, a hand shake was a Man’s bond. Whatever was agreed upon was sealed when Men shook hands on it. There was no need to clarify major or minor details. It was understood between the Men involved that there was no hidden agenda, or plan to cheat one another. A Man who dealt with another Man knew the other Man would uphold the unwritten standards they both lived by.

There are also men in the world. These men could not be trusted, and were not dealt with in the same manner as Men. These were men who thought the world existed for them to take advantage of others. As such, Men only dealt with men when they had to. Because men could not be trusted, dealings with them took longer.

Every point had to be agreed upon and discussed, every question needed to be asked. It was important in these dealings that a Man ensure everything is addressed. It was not good enough for example to sell something, and expect to be paid on Monday when promised by a man. When dealing with men, the transaction was never really complete, there could be problems later on.

I know the main beliefs my father used in his scale was one of  trust – obviously. If a Man could be trusted, he was trusted, otherwise he was shunned and ignored. A Man would never do anything that would tarnish his name or reputation. In those times, for many people, their name was the most valuable thing they owned. People tended to their name the way they would care for a prized possession.

Today our society is a mobile society. Unfortunately, it is now a poor personal choice to treat strangers with the level of trust they would be shown in my father’s time. We do not know people as we used to when the world was bigger and life slower. Some people do not put as much value to their family name as they used to. Moving to a new city is easier than cleaning up a bad reputation. In some social circles lying and cheating, are not only acceptable, but praised, and valued as something worthy.

The number of people we trust is probably about the same number as it was in my father’s day. The number of people we can not trust has grown much larger. I do not think it is because we have thrown virtue and good behavior by the wayside. I think we can not be as trusting, because there are more people in our lives, both Men, and men.

There are still pockets of people around the world, who believe someone’s word is their bond, and they try to live life with trust and integrity. These people will never go away because they are a group of people who keep the world in balance. They are also people we can judge our own morals and values against. I hope you are one of those people!

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Woman, politician, and role model too?

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I recently read, and heard on television about a woman in Los Angeles who is trying to do something very good for her community. She wants to halt the issuance of permits that would allow new fast-food restaurants in her local neighborhoods for at least two years. What an apparent waste of her time, or so it seems until you know a little more about the story.

Jan Perry is a Councilwoman who represents a South Los Angeles district. Areas in the district suffer from low wages, high unemployment, too few grocery stores, and too much fast-food according to what I have read on the net, and heard on television. In an area where CBS news correspondent Bill Whitaker visited, a comment was made, “…In an area where there are 40 fast food restaurants within a mile of where Whitaker visited and only one grocery store – the city council is taking a bold move – proposing a two year moratorium on all new fast food restaurants in south central – calling it “health zoning….” “

What a good thing for those areas, if they can change around the ratio of grocery stores to fast-food restaurants. I do not think that will be enough, though it is a great start. There will also need to be education put in place to help the people living in areas such as this understand about making better meal choices. It would not hurt for a program to go into effect for our whole country, as many parents today are second, or even third generation fast-food diners.

As much as I would like to rant on fast-food, and how it is making us sick, the real purpose of this blog entry is the work Councilwoman Perry is doing for her community, and indirectly the country. I am one of the least familiar with the biographies of public figures, but Councilwoman Perry sure sounds like a woman who is really working to make life better for her constituents.

While it is easy to present arguments against what Councilwoman Perry wants to do with fast food, she has done a lot for her community as her biography on her website reads, and she is trying to do even more if you read more of it. I think some minor and major politicians could learn from what Councilwoman Perry has done and is trying to do. I think Jan Perry is a role model for our country. It is too bad Jan Perry, and others working just as hard as she is to improve community life lose out to better selling news stories. We need to read and hear about people like Jan Perry, and what she is doing.

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Female heroes discovered!

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I had some interesting musings collide together which I think are worth writing about. Together they make for an interesting landscape, and a platform to promote a couple of Female Heroes right in the family! The other day I was thinking about female heroes, Matt Langdon’s Hero Workshop, and chats I had with with some family members.

Matt at HeroWorkshop reminds me that a hero is not some mythical being, but heroes live and breathe sitting or standing right next to me. Too often we just do not see them for what they are. Unfortunately, many of us have been programmed to replace true heroes with movie stars, gangsters, or band members.

I was talking with a family member who is trying hard to make positive changes in people’s lives by giving of herself, and her time. She meets and speaks with people who are lost and deserted due to personal circumstance. She is in there doing what she can, showing them there can be a better future if they choose it. This is a noble undertaking. This is awesome stuff. What a great thing to do to, and a great way to help others!

A second family member is a Case Manager for a very specialized group of people. She works in their life removing obstacles for them, and helping with problems they can not manage on their own. I am sure most of the people she helps appreciate what she does for them.

To some people, her career, or life choice may sound pretty ho-hum. And my writing about it just some yada, yada, as I fill in another paragraph. From my viewpoint, she has become a true hero! When I think of all the people she must have helped over the years…wow! I sure am proud of her, and now very mindful of what she is doing for others, making their life a little better, and helping their life go forward, which sometimes is no easy task!

I am as lazy as many others in the hero department. I throw a few bucks into the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas, and slip a few dollars to a homeless person now and then. I also donate some of my income to a few formal organizations. But as far as using myself as a tool to directly help make the lives of others better? I would do a better job herding cats across the prairie.

Everyone who chooses to take on a role of service to others is someone to be admired. Anyone can look good, or say something witty in front of a camera for a few seconds. For a few hundred dollars we can all look a little like the rich and famous for a few hours. I say a real hero in comparison is someone who climbs out of bed everyday, go to a job, or calling that not many people could do at all, let alone be any good at, and does what they can to make lives of others better.

At the end of the day these modern day female heroes know they are making a real difference in the lives of people who really need their help. Too many of us coming into direct contact with someone who really could use our help, we normally look away and pretend we do not see them. What these woman do almost every day serves to remind me, how big of a difference one person makes when they choose to. I sure am proud of these two women, and what they are doing! I hope others are too, and they let them know about it also.

I hope when you think about someone you know who chooses to serve others, you think about how they make important changes in people’s lives. What they do is not a dream job, and is probably heartbreaking and thankless at times. Yet they still get out of bed and do it the next day. Maybe you are one of these folks? If you are doing a service for others, be very proud, for you are a hero too!

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Grateful for family, friends, and you too!

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Today is my Sunday. Some special things have happened since last week. First was getting together with family for Thanksgiving. It is always fun when the family is together in one place. Old stories are told because they are always funny and everyone laughs. New stories are told, and laughed over. We take time to see how individual families are doing, how the kids have grown up, who the the grandkids look like, and ourselves. We sit down and play games, and I get to watch the interaction as family members change back to the time when they were all kids playing Monopoly on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Once home, I found an email waiting for me from a family member I haven’t spoken with in a long while. It sure was a surprise and a special treat for me on the end of Thanksgiving weekend! The world is so spread out and vast in some  ways these days. We move, move again, and we lose touch with each other as we mold our lives, and our future. One day turns into a week, then it’s a year, and before we realize it, a long time has gone by. Perhaps that is one of the things that makes this time of year so special. We think about friends and family we have not seen or spoken with in a long time. We have those special memories from times long past, when our world was another shade of perfect.

Back at work, some of my friends asked how my blog was doing, and some probing questions around it, audience being one them. I talked about the subjects I find I enjoy writing about.  They offered some tongue in cheek suggestions for increasing readership. Among their suggestions is becoming more political and move out towards the edge, any edge, or both edges where people have strong feelings. They offered up many suggestions which include:

Pro Bush

Pro Clinton

Take an anti green stand

Global warming is a lie

Global warming is going to end our world

Support abortion

Support pro choice

Animal rights – either side

Support baby Seal hunting

Cheer for the whale hunt

Support fur clothing

Motivate people to support burning more coal for energy

Reducing emission controls

Gun control – either side

Pro War, anti War, more war

Suggest we all send money to the helicopter wolf hunt in Alaska

Cheer for China’s use of the U.S. and perhaps World market as a dumping ground for its use of lead and other contaminates in their exports, in a covert effort to dominate the world by poisoning our children with deadly toys

Support RAP and Gang Banging as the American way of life

The list went on of course, the more we talked about it. While I am grateful for their suggestions, and I have no doubt people would get worked up no matter what stance I took on any of those topics, it just is not somewhere I want to be. It took me years to understand that people have their opinions. They usually do not change their opinions for less than very compelling reasons. So if I went down any of those paths as blogging topics, I be forced to move from a place where I feel comfortable to an area where argument and controversy reign. I do not care to be the blogging version of a radio Shock Jock.

While my friends are being supportive of my efforts and want me to quickly move up the ranks in blogger-hood, I will stick topics that I feel are worth my time. I want to come home from work, and write about what I enjoy, and feel is important. I do not want a blog about  something that I may not only not enjoy, but find it gets in the way of my enjoyment of life.

This brings me to the final piece of what I am grateful for this week. I am grateful you take the time to read what I write. I hope you continue to find it worth your attention and more importantly your time. Further I hope somewhere along the line, you read something that helps you or someone you know. Thanks for reading!

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Life and character around the family table

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It is surprising how common everyday objects that we hardly notice become a crucial part of our lives and we don’t even realize it. I am writing of the humble table we all have in our homes. About the most time we ever spend thinking about our table is before we buy it. After that about the only attention it really receives other than cleaning, is when company is coming, and we are trying to make it look as pleasing as possible.

When we were in school most of us did our school work on our table, either in the kitchen or in the dining room, before or after dinner. When there was no homework, it was the weekend, or we could not go outside, we play games on the same table. Fortunes are won and lost, as properties were traded and real estate moguls were created. Both amazing, and lucky plays are made playing our board and card games. Pacts are made with other players only to be broken when it seemed it was the worst possible time for us. We were heroes or zeros in the roll of the dice, or the flip of a card.

The real character of our family members, and friends comes through depending on how they conduct themselves while winning or losing, and how they play the game. Cheating is found out and dealt with severely in this game, or encouraged in another game. Losing poorly is punished, as is gloating too much when winning. Our opponents around the table are quick to point the weak spots in our play, and our personality, of course they smile as we lose, and they push our buttons to make us angry.

As we became more worldly, games with real money take the place of our other games. Small but real mini fortunes are made and lost, bragging rights established, and we learn a little more about the value of money, especially if we lose some of ours. After a given time most of learn that money is too hard to earn and too easily lost to play with in games of chance. Unless it is a holiday, and the family is getting together, and we feel lucky.

As we became older, we sit at the table and make life decisions. We plan out our future, our weddings, funerals, and pay or not pay our bills depending on how life is going this month. We listen to salesman trying to make a buck by selling us something we really do not need, and probably can not afford. We share meals with family and friends. We listen to the woes of others and others listen to ours, across the table.

We peel potatoes, slice carrots, do science projects, and hopefully learn the value of service to others at the table. When we are setting the table we usually think about the person’s place we are putting the plate down for, and what we think of them that day. Whether we are happy with them, angry, hurt, or indifferent to them. If we are angry with them, they will get the worst plate, cup, and silverware. If it is company, we are wondering why they are here, and what stories they will have for us to hear since their last visit. They always see and use the best we have in the cupboard.

At the end of the day we sit around the table and talk about times past. Those stories someone thinks are important to family knowledge. They tell a story they learned from someone no longer around any longer. Sometimes we have coffee, milk, or tea to make the time either special, or bearable depending on how important it was to you that day. Don’t forget the pie or cookies….

In many cases, our lives, when they come to an end, there is no need for scales to weigh the good and bad, to see how they balance out. All that is really needed is all the tables we sat at throughout our lifetime. Such stories those tables could tell about the real us.

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