Tag Archives: choice

Driving, and life choices

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I was driving on a four lane city street with a center turn lane. The speed limit on this street is thirty-five, and at this moment there was my car, and a second car in the lane behind me about sixty feet back. No other traffic in either direction, and we are between stoplights.

I turn on my right blinker to inform the car behind me that I am going to be make a right hand turn into a local cafe. I did this about four seconds before the turn, plenty of time for the other driver to notice me, and switch lanes. The parking lot entrance is above curb level, and there is a  short ramp to go up from street level to drive into the parking lot. I had to slow way down to make the turn.

The car behind me did not change lanes. As the car came closer I saw there was a woman and at least two children in the car. She was still in the lane behind me, but now she was forced to slow down. The woman slowed, and instead of changing lanes, she starts honking her horn, yelling behind closed windows, and flipping me off!

Normally, I am a pretty laid back happy type of person, and I didn’t give her behavior much thought. Instead of her simply changing lanes as she should have done, I wondered, why she chose to slow down, yell, and flip me off? Her changing lanes would have been much simpler. My first thought was maybe she had been drinking? Drinking seemed a remote possibility for her, as she would not want to draw attention to herself if she had been drinking.

After thinking of a few possible responses I flipped her off. It was not done with malice or anger on my part, just flipping her the bird in return. It was the best response to her anger. Once I flipped her off, she swerved out to the next left lane, still angry, and yelling at me through the closed windows. Now however, she seemed happy with the result. I felt bad though for the children, wondering if this is how most daily conflict is handled by their parent(s)?

So often we feel we know the right thing to do. We turn the other cheek, or act above someone else, and many times this is the right response. In certain types of situations people expect a different payoff for their behavior. I could have responded with anger, but it was not a correct choice for in this instance. So I responded with the action this woman wanted, but not the emotion that goes with it.

Sometimes, doing the right thing means giving the other person what they need even though it goes against how we think, or would like in return. As we have expectations of how people treat us, other people should be treated in a manner they wish to be treated. There are situations and people where unfortunately the best thing to do is something you may feel least comfortable doing. In these situations, I have found, other people want a payoff of a certain type. As odd as it sounds, my giving this woman a response she solicited, instead of myself taking a different path, gave this woman something she needed to help her with her life, which is the right thing to do.

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Life’s purpose, and life lessons

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I had a few extra minutes on my break yesterday after I finished eating lunch. I decided to read a blog, something I do not usually do. No real reason why, some are very interesting, and should be fun to read. Maybe when I have more free time I will do more blog reading myself.

As things go, in this particular blog there was a request for information, and I had some of what the blog owner wanted. I gave what I had that was pertinent to their request, and still had a  few free minutes. I noticed there was a story section on the list of things to do while visiting this blog. I clicked on the story link, looked at the choices and picked one of them. Some things we read can bring up some pretty powerful emotions, and this story hit me hard. I did not get to finish it all, maybe later.

I do know I could have written a similar story myself. My comment is not meant as something negative, or the idea that the story is a run of the mill read. It is just that after the first few sentences I knew exactly what the author was feeling when they wrote the story. I knew what would come next, not the exact wording but the general flow. There was a twist that surprised me as I read, and I am happy for that. But the story sure rocked me to my toes.

All of us are here for a special purpose, even though we may not know what that is, or what we are to do. Some people spend their whole life, and never even think they have a purpose here. Others are only too aware of why they are here and what they have to do. For some of those folks, it is a very hard road they travel at times. It seems to me, the story author and myself are traveling different roads with the same purpose. There are differences in our approach because we are individuals after all, but the journey is the same.

One thing interesting about going on a journey, or relating a journey to someone else. I can tell you where I have been, and I can take you there, but I can’t take you where I am going. This is a difficulty the author of the story and myself share perhaps. You can not take people where you are going, and I can not take you where I am going. We each must travel on our own because our path is where we need to go. We can only show another person our path, but a journey can only be taken by the one to whom the path belongs.

When an animal has spent most of its life in captivity, they forget that the world beyond the edge of their view is real, and there is more out there than the little they see from their cage area. But people, just like animals, will seldom venture beyond their cage even if the door is left open. The cage represents safety and security because it is familiar. It may not be the best, it may be a hardship, but it is known and that makes it safe.

I imagine, you are wondering why I did not identify the blog or the story? It is not for any other reason than when you are where you are supposed to be, will find your own story. If you are not on the same path, and you read a different story, it will mean nothing to you. You may even think it was a bad story having nothing to do with your world. You do have a purpose here. You may not know or remember what it is. You may have already accomplished it, only you know – and then only sometime.

Today, as I swirl about in the clouds of my memories this story brought up, take a few minutes of quiet time, and try to remember what your purpose of being here is. It may make your life more fulfilling.

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Take a risk and be rewarded most of the time

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I was in Milwaukee seated in a Chinese restaurant at a table with a guy who went by the name of Boo. We worked together, and were friends of a sort. Boo had never eaten Chinese food, so I assured him there would be many offerings on the menu that would be made from food he had eaten all his life.

We were seated in a corner next to the kitchen, semi screened off from the formal diners due to our clothing. We were given menus, and now Boo did not want to eat. The food he saw coming out of the kitchen did not look anything like he was used to. I asked what he liked for meat for starters, chicken, beef, pork, or seafood. Boo said he liked chicken. I suggested a chicken and vegetable dish such as Chop Suey, and explained it was everything he had eaten before and he would like it. Boo reluctantly agreed that he would try Chop Suey, but wanted to hear again what was in it.

We ordered, and talked while we waited. Our meal showed up and mine looked terrific. One of the finest Chinese meals I had looked at in a long time. It was the kind of meal that not only should taste good, but looks good too. This was indeed a fine restaurant. Boo started off good, but suddenly he said there was something in his food. I looked and he was pointing to a Shitake mushroom. I laughed and said it was an oriental mushroom. Boo said with his voice rising, no it was some sort of bug, or something slimy from the ocean! I laughed and said no, that is a mushroom, and that is how they look.

Boo became louder and started to panic. I did not know what there was to panic about, but he was doing it. His voice was rising and he was talking loudly about bugs and slimy things in his food. Of course the owner was on his way over to see what the problem with us was. Boo did not make a good case of describing what he thought was in his meal. Some customers had stopped eating and were looking at us. The owner said it was time for us to leave. So much for a nice dinner…I do not remember what I ate that night, but I know it was not as good as what I wanted.

More often that not we are like Boo. We refuse to see a new situation as an opportunity. We choose to see it as something to be avoided. As a result, just like Boo, we end up missing something that may have been a great experience. Generally people are the same across all areas of their life. If they are adventurous you will find them trying out that strange looking plate of something. If they are more conservative, you will find them looking for reasons why they can not even try a little taste.

It is important to each of us to take a personal risk once in a while. Otherwise there is no opportunity for growth, or for that matter for opportunity. Being afraid to try something new is not always good for us. Besides limiting ourselves to our small circle of comfort we may be missing on what could lead to the greatest life change we have ever seen.

Don’t be hesitant to try that new meal. Many people before you enjoyed eating it, that is why it is on the menu. My life has been much fuller, knowing I have tried different things than it would be if I had stayed with what I was used to. If I always chose what was safe, I would have missed out on a lot of good friends and good times, not to mention satisfying work over my lifetime. Try a bite of that new dish! You may not always like it, but it won’t hurt you.

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Self management by example

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I sometimes joke about all the positive life values poker teaches anyone who wants to play a reasonable game. One of the top needs is learning and studying the game you want to play. A crucial skill is knowing your opponents. The most critical aspect of the game is to be truthful with yourself and know why you are playing. Do you aspire to be a pro, have fun, or beat yourself up?

The better poker players are chameleons. They will try to represent any type of personality necessary to help separate you from your money. They know why they are sitting there, poker is their livelihood and knowing that is part of what they need to maintain their lifestyle.

I had read an interesting book over a decade ago, by an author named Chin-Ning Chu. In her book, Ms. Chu makes an interesting case about an aspect of business that most of us never think about. Ms. Chu suggests that your business must rate at the top in your life. Once you understand this, and other concepts she suggests, you know what you need to do to excel in business.

Professional poker players understand this concept perfectly. If you sit down to play poker, it is their responsibility to do their best to take your money. Anything less than their best effort is a waste of their time, a flaw on their character, a threat to their livelihood, and an insult to you. Everything they do is focused on their ability to win money. That is the career they have chosen for themselves, and they do their utmost to be better at it than anyone else.

Thanks to Ms. Chu, I understood this idea when I started playing poker, I was not aware it applied to gambling. There was a poker game where a regular player was terminally ill. I came to learn that a few regular poker players at the poker room had wagers on when the man would die! I was appalled at the time to think that I was sitting down, next to people who would bet money on when a person would die from their illness.

A few weeks ago, Ms. Chu’s thinking made perfect sense to me, as this betting on death memory popped into my thoughts. In a flash I understood there was nothing appalling about those players! These were businessmen who correctly placed profit above everything else in their life. These people are a shining example of the American Dream for business! Admittedly, in many other cultures, particularly Ms. Chu’s, their action would not rate a second thought.

I have mentioned in a previous post that many business owners will not do whatever needs to be done to maximize profit. These players acting correctly as businessmen, attempted to maximize their profit. There is a lot to learn from this example, as distasteful as you may find it.

Like it or not, we are running our own business. When we are out in public, be it a social event, workplace, or somewhere else, we are selling ourselves, whether we are conscious of it or not. We belong in the business of self management in our daily lives.

People we come into contact with rate us, evaluate us, and put us on some scale of their own making. The question I have for both of us, is what do we do about it? We can’t ignore what is. We rate other people on our list, moving them up or down as we think they fit in our lives, and now we know they do too. Knowing this our options come down to one simple question. What are we willing to do to excel at our own lives and maximize ourselves?

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Desire a full content life? Here is a secret

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I have been hearing and reading a lot about the book, ‘The Secret’ in the last few months. I can not say I have read this book yet. I feel I do not see a need to read this book or watch the movie. There is no secret to ‘The Secret‘, as it has been around in some form or another for as long as we modern humans have been around.

I first saw this principle being used by my mother when she sold products for a home based business as she generated extra income for our household. I first read about this idea many years ago, in a book written by Norman Vincent Peale , “The Power Of Positive Thinking”. I have seen this idea in many different shades during the plethora of books being dumped on the market during the, ‘New Age‘.

I have listened to this principle being hinted at at every marketing scheme and get rich quick program my friend dragged me to. Unfortunately for my friend, he never listed to the part of the pitch where work and giving were mentioned.

That being said, you may be more satisfied with a business oriented book, Napoleon Hill’s book, “Think and Grow Rich“, was published in 1937. You can go into almost any bookstore and they will probably have at least a few copies on the shelf. I know Napoleon Hill had a strong understanding of The Secret. Napoleon Hill writes a number of times that he learned the secret from Andrew Carnegie as a young man, but had to figure it out for himself. He leaves those who read his book to figure out the secret for themselves, even though the knowledge needed is on almost every page.

Why are so many of us struggling to make sense of our lives? Why are we not all benefitting from this or other form of the Law Of Attraction? If we take the time and most importantly the honesty to be able to examine our own individual lives we would realize we are receiving exactly what we are attracting. We would also understand why we have what we have in our lives. For most of us, we are getting out of our lives exactly what we are putting in.

Life mimics life, and most of us want something good out of our lives. For the most part we need other people to give those things to us. That is the tricky part, is finding people who will give us what we want. If I do not give anything of myself, I can not expect anything of value to be given to me. If I have a need I want filled usually I have to do something. It is no hush hush secret about how to have the things in your life that are most important to you.

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