Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has problems in their life sometime or another. No matter who you are and what you do you have some types of problems. Sometimes life is good, and then it rains on your parade. Occasionally the rain becomes a raging flood, and you wake up one day and wonder what happened. When this happens and you know there is no earthly cause why this happened to you, perhaps it is time to look into other areas for the cause.
Whether you peruse Supermarket Rags, follow Celebrity gossip on television or internet, or pay attention to what is happening within your circle of friends and acquaintances, there is always one underlying theme. Ms. Christina Aguilera made the cover of a Supermarket Magazine recently. Other celebrities made the front pages of other magazines, and still more celebrities are making the gossip pages on the internet. In your world and mine, we know someone who is suffering the same fate, or is about to. The shock of finding your friends life dissolving is not restricted to somebody the media can exploit to make a few nickels.
What these people who’s life has fallen apart for no obvious reason share is feeling distanced and cut off from the rest of the world. Try as they may, what they have been doing all these years, no longer works. Pretending everything is fine, or burying themselves in something exterior to dull the pain, does not help the pain of isolation and surging feelings of loneliness. Temporary relief for some people it is food, for others, some other form of personal abuse. For any who have been in this situation, we feel like we are standing with toes over the edge of a bottomless pit, and we have not quite made the decision to jump yet.
In America (at least) we are conditioned to treat everything with a physical response. If it hurts, there is a pill for it. If we are lonely there is someone waiting for us. We use in excess food, alcohol or drugs, and other forms of self abuse. When our cure does not work, we try harder and at times add something else to the mix. A famous singer from the sixties is an example, food, alcohol and drugs, and none of them helped in the end.
There is also an internal perception problem. Our perception is the world has cut us off. No matter what we do we can not connect in any meaningful way. We try different ways of trying to connect. We join to groups we never really become a part of. We try sports, religion, or attachments. We search Boyfriends or Girlfriends who will be sympathetic to how we feel. No matter how they try, they can not make us feel complete. That emptiness is always hovering in the background, just out of site.
I made a post, The Dark Night of the Soul which captured some of what I learned from the process. To put everything in a cookie cutter mode, if you feel this way, the world has not shunned you, you have shunned the world. If you find that offensive, it is because there is truth to be found there. Life to be lived properly is lived through the heart. Life lived any other way is an empty shell of a life.
Two real choices exist when this state is realized. Go on living the same way, knowing nothing will change. Or decide that life in such a state is not worth living, and make the decision to change your life no matter how painful change may be. The quickest way to change, and that does not really relate to quick as in a timeline, is to acknowledge that everything you believe to be true about yourself and the world is most likely incorrect.
Beliefs encompassing physical and spiritual domains, yourself, and your reality is most likely faulty. Of course there is always the other option and that is the idea that live will start improving any day now, even though life has only become more difficult over the last years.
The bright side to finding ones self in this situation is the knowledge that if it has not happened already, hitting rock bottom is a certainty and not too far away. At that moment the choices become very clear. Either continue to exist in a life one would not wish on their worst enemy, or make the decision to let go of everything one thinks is true and start over. Starting over, is by far the more pleasant of the two choices though it comes with some amount of pain before any gain is realized.
This is the plain and ugly truth about self help. Nothing you can read or hear will help you. Your life is what it is and that is the end of it. Writing this certainly clears the air. Someone at last admits that every written or produced to improve your life is wasted effort. I am glad I went ahead and made this statement. If you are in agreement there is no need to read any farther. Nothing anyone can say will change your life.
Because we are the one making or not making a decision we are surrounded by the decision we need to make. Being at the center of a decision clouds our ability to make the best decision. Our ability to make better choices is clouded because we cannot see all the choices or option available to us. We can only see those options pressed upon us by those around us. We do not have the pleasure of stepping back and looking at our options from a more distant unbiased perspective.