Congratulations Marion Jones, making the cut for the Women’s National Basketball Associations Team roster for the Tulsa Shock!
Marion Jones, the former Olympic sprinter is now the oldest rookie ever in the WNBA. I hope Marion Jones succeeds, and proves to be a long awaited inspiration for young women the world over who I believe she is.
Sometimes to get to where we should be, we have to go through any number of trials and tribulations. In some cases these challenges prove to be almost too much for mere mortals. For those that survive their downfall, a new opportunity arises. I hope this is that opportunity for Marion Jones.
For all of us, life throws choices in our lives that we are not prepared for. Sometimes our choices, no matter how sincere and well meaning at the time, go awry and we are left with tiny pieces of what was our life dream. It is not an easy matter to pull yourself up, put your life back together, and start out from the beginning in yet another quest to finish the journey long ago started.
 The world needs role models, and unfortunately not all role models are perfect in all areas of their lives. Most role models are merely human. A few role models have made grave mistakes in their lives. Others have made mistakes which in the end have only hurt themselves. Some have done both. Not all survive their downfall, get their life back together, and begin to create their destiny one more time.
I think I have been one of the few who have thought even in the face of strong adversity, and a few less than stellar life choices, Marion Jones will someday show her real self and become all she was meant to be. I hope this is the start of what I hope will be true.
Good luck Marion Jones, I am cheering for you!
I have written some number of posts about integrity, honesty, and focus in hopes of helping someone live their best possible life. I have written why guidelines, goals, and direction are important if you wish to live the best life you can, but not all at once. My attention was drawn to a car in front of me in traffic today that pretty much visually explains why some people have so many problems in their life an consistency in life is so important.
On the back was a shiny new greek letter that looks like a fish which some Christians place as their symbol on the back of their cars. The license plate had one of those plastic covers that make the numbers hard to read from more than a few feet away. On the bumper was a sticker promoting America and her values. On the back window was a Green sticker. Hanging from the mirror was a crucifix, and a dream catcher. The driver who had just thrown some trash out the window onto the street was smoking a cigarette.
This person has no solid direction, focus, goals or values. The fish on their trunk announces their Christian values. The bumper sticker promoting America announces their supporting of American values, and the American way of life. The green sticker speaks for itself.
The plastic license plate cover tells everyone of the drivers disregard for the traffic laws and the personal safety of drivers around them. The cross hanging from the mirror is not appropriate hanging with a pagan dream catcher. The driver was throwing trash onto the street as they smoked giving a clear message of their disregard of their neighborhood, themselves, and the spirit of green.
 I wonder how, when I see people with all these life conflicts can have anything even close to a happy and productive life. How can a Christian display their belief on the back of their car, yet intend to speed and deceive the police. How can one person promote America and her values, and trash the very neighborhood they want others to be proud of. How can one person have a fish and a cross, yet smoke cigarettes, and have a dreamcatcher hanging with their cross?
The choices we make in life are seemingly endless. Everything we do or having our life is a choice. What we believe is a choice, with those choices spanning the horizon of religion, sex, and politics. What we choose is our own personal choice and we have every right to choose what we wish to choose as long as no one else is harmed.
What happens to us when these choices conflict with each other? How do we be a practicing Christian who intends to break the law, defiles themselves and the land they live on? Promotes their countries values, and holds Christian and pagan ideas as being equal? I think what happens is someone is in a place where their life is spinning out of control.
This is living a life of constant contradictions. Be Christian, but be attracted and promote things not Christian. How does one love their country and neighborhood, yet take no responsibility for its upkeep? Promote law abiding values, yet intend to speed or drive recklessly. This is what they are showing the world on their car. Any guesses what the rest of their life is like?
Of course it is important to have strong ideals and beliefs. It is more important not to trip yourself up with conflicting beliefs that have you talking of one thing and doing another. No one can be happy while being tugged in two opposite directions. it is important to choose one or the other and follow only that path.
Consistency is one of the more important attributes you can add to your life. Whatever you choose, be consistent about it. Allowing inconsistencies to creep into your life, is allowing your life to be thrown about and shredded to pieces. Be consistent and be happy.
On the news tonight, Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo has made it a punishable offense for women and their military partners becoming pregnant in Iraq. Of course some of our nations most powerful Women’s groups, and some U.S. Senators are sending out letters, phone calls, and are putting their political influence into the equation to have this general order overturned.
Any person in charge, whether it is a Mom and Pop shop, or a world wide company needs to have certain granted authorities to be effective. For the Military, this authority is even more critical. No company, especially a military organization, can be effective if its leaders do not have the authority they need to perform or complete tasks in their area of responsibility.
Imagine what would happen if a leader of a company was not informed of the companies tactical and strategic plans? The company leader when meeting with high level customers would not have the confidence to pitch the company to those customers. Nor would they be able to do the normal give and take of business negotiations. The company leader would not even be able to know if they were making round or square widgets a year down the road. Their position would be severely compromised.
 Any business needs a certain minimum number of people to get the job done. The military, same as high tech, or other niche company, spends a lot of time and money developing people to do a specific job. For jobs in the military, it may take months of training and practice to obtain basic proficiency in a certain task.
In my senior year of high school, there was a draft board and a draft. I was appalled at the number of people I knew who were my age, that were desperate to evade the draft. Not because they believed war was wrong for whatever reason, but were scared to serve their country because they could be wounded or killed.
When my orders were called out as I was ending initial military job training, I was aghast to hear I was going overseas for three years. I steeled up and decided I signed my name on the dotted line, and I was responsible for keeping my end of my contract. I broke the news to my family, and made a conscious choice to make lemonade out of the situation.
During my first year overseas, some of my fellow workers decided they did not want to be either in the military and/or overseas. Suddenly there was a rash of people who ‘got religion’ and became pacifists. Others went to the First Sergeant and declared they were ‘Gay’. This was 1980 when it was not well accepted to be Gay in most places of our society.
A decade later when we were in the first of what seems to be a long term conflict in the Middle East; Men I worked shoulder to shoulder to for years suddenly were having back, knee, and other hard to disprove ailments trying to cheat their way out of their commitment.
Women have always known that allowing themselves to become pregnant was a free ticket out of the military. In a peace time environment, the numbers of pregnancies were low, and I imagine it did not matter that much. In a war zone however, the situation is completely different. All women soldiers signed up to rake on an important role, and all are needed and depended on for being there to do their job.
These groups, and even the Senators are wrong in trying to step in and halt the Commander from imposing a penalty for a soldier becoming pregnant along with her partner. There are penalties for becoming over weight, taking illegal drugs, and pretending to be ill when you are not. Sanctions such as Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo’s newest are no different.
Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo should be left to manage his manpower as he sees fit. We as citizens do not make good arm chair military policy makers. Let the sighted lead the sighted, and do not mix up personal choice, civilian rights, with military policy. Most women and men in todays armed forces are doing the best job they can, and they serve their country with pride, what about them, what is fair for these proud soldiers?
I had a visitor at my site last week who felt my posts on self help and life changing in general are hollow wasted words. I agree one hundred percent with their thought. In fact there is not one article, lecture, or event one can attend that will make the slightest difference in any ones life.
Self help is a space filler of hollow promises promoted by people chasing a fast profit. Perusing the internet for unhappy self help victims one can find many instances where the promise was not only not filled, but not even partially filled. Of course there are no refunds which further sparks the fire and fans the flames.
Go into the local bookstore and shelves are filled with books claiming they can help you make your life better. If you have read the ‘about’ page of this blog, you read a similar thought there. here is a quote from my about page, “I have a lot of life experience, so I feel I have something to share with you, that you may enjoy or benefit from. “
If you believe that nothing anyone writes, said to you, or tries to sell you, will make your life any different, you are absolutely correct. Nothing you read or hear will likely make any changes in your life. The idea of any self help material, no matter the source helping anyone is an illusion.
It does not matter if you manage to bring Lester Levenson back as your personal advisor, the Roman Catholic Pope moves in next door to be closer to you, Lillith appears because she is going to be your personal mentor, or the Dali Llama agrees to be your life guide. Anything anyone could provide for you is only so many words or ideas.
 This is the plain and ugly truth about self help. Nothing you can read or hear will help you. Your life is what it is and that is the end of it. Writing this certainly clears the air. Someone at last admits that every written or produced to improve your life is wasted effort. I am glad I went ahead and made this statement. If you are in agreement there is no need to read any farther. Nothing anyone can say will change your life.
However, I am glad for the person last week who took the time to make those comments. Perhaps this is the moment that needed to be said to me. Was I wrong seeking a way of living which improves my life? Maybe it was a mistake to get beyond anger, blame, and dislike. Maybe living my life would have been more rewarding by not trying to change it.
If I was happy living a life of anger, blame, and dislike, I think I would not have decided there was a better way to live and I was going to find it, or die trying. This beginning was frustrating and difficult. What books I read where written by people who never seemed to have to struggle once in their life, with the exception of the bible and we all know what happened there. What little changes I decided I could make in my own life seemed trivial and petty, and of no consequence.
I did not have a clue on how to make my life better. I started at the very beginning. The first thing I did was I admitted I knew nothing about living a happy contented life. Starting here I made small changes I hoped would make a difference in my life.
When I spoke with people who seemed to live a better life than I did, I listened to what they said about their life. I paid attention to their outlook, and expectations for their life. I especially listened to what they thought about themselves and other people in their daily life.
Life is a struggle from the moment of our conception. We struggle to grow enough to be born, we fight off disease when we have few tools to fight with. We struggle from the moment we drop onto the bed sheet. We struggle to learn how to take our first breath.
Life is a challenge, a struggle, an adventure, or an experience. Wether we are happy and enjoy our life or not, we are the person living it. We have the power to change our life, reshape, and remold it into a life we want.
All anyone has to do, is for a split second seriously ponder if there is a better way to live. That is the seed that starts the process of changing ones life into something we want to live. One second of wondering if there is a better way opens a portal, allowing all the help in universe to offer you a helping hand. Open your mind, reach out your arm, stretch out your hand and grab on, your new life is waiting.
If you have been reading my posts for a while you know I like things in three. Three is easy to remember and easy to do. Doing things by three feels natural and simple to do. Three is easy to do in sequence. More steps add confusion and get in a the way of the process needing to be accomplished.
Decision making and the rule of three is a simple way to categorize our options and choices which we use to make our decisions. We almost always have a choice to do something. We almost always have an choice to not do something. We generally have a choice of not making any decision.
Making a decision is an active process. Making a decision changes your life direction and is a proactive action. You are making a change to move your life in a certain direction. Making decision to not do something is an active process. Deciding to not do something is changing the direction of you life by eliminating a certain direction, or life path you could have taken.
Not making any decision is at best a semi-active decision. No choice is made to make a decision. Not making a decision – most of the time is correct – as long as any likely result is not important. Allowing friends on the spur of the moment to take you to lunch is an example of not making a decision. You don’t know what will be served, but you are going to eat something somewhere. Whatever you eat will nourish your body. It is only one meal; what the meal is comprised of does not really matter.
 Because we are the one making or not making a decision we are surrounded by the decision we need to make. Being at the center of a decision clouds our ability to make the best decision. Our ability to make better choices is clouded because we cannot see all the choices or option available to us. We can only see those options pressed upon us by those around us. We do not have the pleasure of stepping back and looking at our options from a more distant unbiased perspective.
A good example is when you are playing a game, verses watching someone else play a game. When playing a game you make continuous decisions based on what you see from your seat and what you did previously. Watching a game and observing what is happening, a different perspective is achieved.
Being able to watch from a distance allows you to see what is influencing the game direction. Being able to see what other players are doing and why allows you to make better decisions because you see more going on than you can see when playing in a game.
At times is not possible to stand back and see all your decision choices from a distance. The decision may be too serious, too emotional, or a decision needs to be made now, not later.
My rule of three in helping to make the best decision are:
1. Is it important? If it’s not important, whatever I decide makes little difference. I save my decision making for another time.
2. Of my remaining choices which decisions will cause the least harm to my life, family, or other peoples life’s?
3. Of my remaining choices, whether no matter what I personally think about it, which choice is best for my life and future life path?
When decisions are difficult and an easy choice is not present, using these three rules will help you to make choices that are the best choices you can make in the moment. Later if you find your decision was not the best you could have made, there may be a possibility of modifying your previous decision to something better.
In any case use what you learned from previous decisions for the tough decision you have to make using little information. If you know you tend to make bad decisions when you have to make quick decisions, postpone your decision as long as you can. If you find you do not consider all possibilities, share your decision with someone you trust.
Someone you trust may not agree with your decision, but they will provide you with options you may not have considered. Making decisions by a rule of three allows each of the three options to become more valuable by modifying any or all of the three choices of decision making on your past decision making learnings. As you refine your options your decisions become better. As your decisions become better, you will have less decisions to make.
When we have identified a flaw in ourselves, and believe it is serious enough to fix, we tend to place our focus in changing what is wrong with us. Running the gamut of addictions, from food, drugs, sex, religion, or personal growth, we blindly jump on the band wagon consumed with the idea of life changes we are going to make.
We really believe that we can stop in mid-stride, change our whole self into some envisioned epiphany. In my experience it rarely if ever happens as we dream it.
Substituting addictions is a big reason we become swept away in an idea only to find ourselves drained and disappointed later. Pretending to be Neophytes to addiction one can not understand why others are not as excited or determined as they are. In their enthusiasm, they do not understand they are not the first nor the last to suddenly want to change for anyone except themselves.
 The addict is soon crushed by physical cravings and feelings of separation brought about by their previous life choices. it is hard to think of the coming disconnect in a moment of clarity shortly after receiving that last fix. Perception of what is compared to an idea do not meld together well. For example a heavy tobacco user right after a cigarette finds it easy to envision how easy it will be to quit.
Ideas powerful, finding religion, a better way to live, discovering a purpose to ones life that never before existed is one of the most powerful chemical free experiences we as humans will ever have. Roads, byways, and families are littered with shells of people who failed to conquer their new fervor.
The addict after suffering the pain of withdrawal, or the new convert instead of finding bliss and peace, find pain, loneliness and emptiness, and despair, slinking back into the previous lifestyle. The focus occasionally shifts initially from the process, to the idea of the process, and then collapses upon itself. The addict and convert all too often are the carnage on the road of life adding feelings of defeat and worthlessness to their list of life problems.
There are two major processes working against success. The largest block to success is the years or decades one spent getting to this moment in ones life. We can not live a life of any type for any length of time and walk away from it in a moment of revelation without weighty repercussions to follow shortly.
The second major block to success is in the change itself. Because one suddenly chooses to embrace change does not mean change is ready to embrace them. No matter how hard one tries to change, nothing has initially changed except the desire to change.
It is impossible for anyone to make an immediate and permanent change to ones life without the intervention of something powerful and life changing outside of what is normal life. One of the best examples is the life of Stanley Tookie Williams.
Stanley Williams’ life was one one of polar change. Unfortunately, even Stanley Williams in his dramatic life changes, could not or would not let go of portions of his previous life outside of prison. Yet every moment of every day, someone decides they are going to change and leave everything of their previous life behind and believes they are now walking down a flower lined path.
Change happens in small difficult to measure steps. Anything faster is not change but a series of coincidences strung together appearing as change. At some point along the series of coincidences, change stops, and one is forced to contemplate nothing big has changed other than minor external events.
Instant change is a harmful illusion promised in infomercials. Real life is a series of challenges. Every one of us faces a lifetime of challenge. When the fervor of instant change seeps into your mind, and you start to be swept away by possibilities, remember the idiom, “Rome was not built in day”. Real change is a slow process measured in little victories over a long period. Anything else is a false promise leading to self blame and pointless recrimination.
|
The world needs role models, and unfortunately not all role models are perfect in all areas of their lives. Most role models are merely human. A few role models have made grave mistakes in their lives. Others have made mistakes which in the end have only hurt themselves. Some have done both. Not all survive their downfall, get their life back together, and begin to create their destiny one more time.
