Whether you peruse Supermarket Rags, follow Celebrity gossip on television or internet, or pay attention to what is happening within your circle of friends and acquaintances, there is always one underlying theme. Ms. Christina Aguilera made the cover of a Supermarket Magazine recently. Other celebrities made the front pages of other magazines, and still more celebrities are making the gossip pages on the internet. In your world and mine, we know someone who is suffering the same fate, or is about to. The shock of finding your friends life dissolving is not restricted to somebody the media can exploit to make a few nickels.

What these people who’s life has fallen apart for no obvious reason share is feeling distanced and cut off from the rest of the world. Try as they may, what they have been doing all these years, no longer works. Pretending everything is fine, or burying themselves in something exterior to dull the pain, does not help the pain of isolation and surging feelings of loneliness. Temporary relief for some people it is food, for others, some other form of personal abuse. For any who have been in this situation, we feel like we are standing with toes over the edge of a bottomless pit, and we have not quite made the decision to jump yet.

In America (at least) we are conditioned to treat everything with a physical response. If it hurts, there is a pill for it. If we are lonely there is someone waiting for us. We use in excess food, alcohol or drugs, and other forms of self abuse. When our cure does not work, we try harder and at times add something else to the mix. A famous singer from the sixties is an example, food, alcohol and drugs, and none of them helped in the end.

There is also an internal perception problem. Our perception is the world has cut us off. No matter what we do we can not connect in any meaningful way. We try different ways of trying to connect. We join to groups we never really become a part of. We try sports, religion, or attachments. We search Boyfriends or Girlfriends who will be sympathetic to how we feel. No matter how they try, they can not make us feel complete. That emptiness is always hovering in the background, just out of site.

I made a post, The Dark Night of the Soul which captured some of what I learned from the process. To put everything in a cookie cutter mode, if you feel this way, the world has not shunned you, you have shunned the world. If you find that offensive, it is because there is truth to be found there. Life to be lived properly is lived through the heart. Life lived any other way is an empty shell of a life.

Two real choices exist when this state is realized. Go on living the same way, knowing nothing will change. Or decide that life in such a state is not worth living, and make the decision to change your life no matter how painful change may be. The quickest way to change, and that does not really relate to quick as in a timeline, is to acknowledge that everything you believe to be true about yourself and the world is most likely incorrect.

Beliefs encompassing physical and spiritual domains, yourself, and your reality is most likely faulty. Of course there is always the other option and that is the idea that live will start improving any day now, even though life has only become more difficult over the last years.

The bright side to finding ones self in this situation is the knowledge that if it has not happened already, hitting rock bottom is a certainty and not too far away. At that moment the choices become very clear. Either continue to exist in a life one would not wish on their worst enemy, or make the decision to let go of everything one thinks is true and start over. Starting over, is by far the more pleasant of the two choices though it comes with some amount of pain before any gain is realized.

Marion Jones, the former Olympic sprinter is now the oldest rookie ever in the WNBA. I hope Marion Jones succeeds, and proves to be a long awaited inspiration for young women the world over who I believe she is.

Sometimes to get to where we should be, we have to go through any number of trials and tribulations. In some cases these challenges prove to be almost too much for mere mortals. For those that survive their downfall, a new opportunity arises. I hope this is that opportunity for Marion Jones.

For all of us, life throws choices in our lives that we are not prepared for. Sometimes our choices, no matter how sincere and well meaning at the time, go awry and we are left with tiny pieces of what was our life dream. It is not an easy matter to pull yourself up, put your life back together, and start out from the beginning in yet another quest to finish the journey long ago started.

The world needs role models, and unfortunately not all role models are perfect in all areas of their lives. Most role models are merely human. A few role models have made  grave mistakes in their lives. Others have made mistakes which in the end have only hurt themselves. Some have done both. Not all survive their downfall, get their life back together, and begin to create their destiny one more time.

I think I have been one of the few who have thought even in the face of strong adversity, and a few less than stellar life choices, Marion Jones will someday show her real self and become all she was meant to be. I hope this is the start of what I hope will be true.

Good luck Marion Jones, I am cheering for you!

On the back was a shiny new greek letter that looks like a fish which some Christians place as their symbol on the back of their cars. The license plate had one of those plastic covers that make the numbers hard to read from more than a few feet away. On the bumper was a sticker promoting America and her values. On the back window was a Green sticker. Hanging from the mirror was a crucifix, and a dream catcher. The driver who had just thrown some trash out the window onto the street was smoking a cigarette.

This person has no solid direction, focus, goals or values. The fish on their trunk announces their Christian values. The bumper sticker promoting America announces their supporting of American values, and the American way of life. The green sticker speaks for itself.

The plastic license plate cover tells everyone of the drivers disregard for the traffic laws and the personal safety of drivers around them. The cross hanging from the mirror is not appropriate hanging with a pagan dream catcher. The driver was throwing trash onto the street as they smoked giving a clear message of their disregard of their neighborhood, themselves, and the spirit of green.

I wonder how, when I see people with all these life conflicts can have anything even close to a happy and productive life. How can a Christian display their belief  on the back of their car, yet intend to speed and deceive the police. How can one person promote America and her values, and trash the very neighborhood they want others to be proud of. How can one person have a fish and a cross, yet smoke cigarettes, and have a dreamcatcher hanging with their cross?

The choices we make in life are seemingly endless. Everything we do or having our life is a choice. What we believe is a choice, with those choices spanning the horizon of religion, sex, and politics. What we choose is our own personal choice and we have every right to choose what we wish to choose as long as no one else is harmed.

What happens to us when these choices conflict with each other? How do we be a practicing Christian who intends to break the law, defiles themselves and the land they live on? Promotes their countries values, and holds Christian and pagan ideas as being equal? I think what happens is someone is in a place where their life is spinning out of control.

This is living a life of constant contradictions. Be Christian, but be attracted and promote things not Christian. How does one love their country and neighborhood, yet take no responsibility for its upkeep? Promote law abiding values, yet intend to speed or drive recklessly. This is what they are showing the world on their car. Any guesses what the rest of their life is like?

Of course it is important to have strong ideals and beliefs. It is more important not to trip yourself up with conflicting beliefs that have you talking of one thing and doing another. No one can be happy while being tugged in two opposite directions. it is important to choose one or the other and follow only that path.

Consistency is one of the more important attributes you can add to your life. Whatever you choose, be consistent about it. Allowing inconsistencies to creep into your life, is allowing your life to be thrown about and shredded to pieces. Be consistent and be happy.

Any person in charge, whether it is a Mom and Pop shop, or a world wide company needs to have certain granted authorities to be effective. For the Military, this authority is even more critical. No company, especially a military organization, can be effective if its leaders do not have the authority they need to perform or complete tasks in their area of responsibility.

Imagine what would happen if a leader of a company was not informed of the companies tactical and strategic plans? The company leader when meeting with high level customers would not have the confidence to pitch the company to those customers. Nor would they be able to do the normal give and take of business negotiations. The company leader would not even be able to know if they were making round or square widgets a year down the road. Their position would be severely compromised.

Any business needs a certain minimum number of people to get the job done. The military, same as high tech, or other niche company, spends a lot of time and money developing people to do a specific job. For jobs in the military, it may take months of training and practice to obtain basic proficiency in a certain task.

In my senior year of high school, there was a draft board and a draft. I was appalled at the number of people I knew who were my age, that were desperate to evade the draft. Not because they believed war was wrong for whatever reason, but were scared to serve their country because they could be wounded or killed.

When my orders were called out as I was ending initial military job training, I was aghast to hear I was going overseas for three years. I steeled up and decided I signed my name on the dotted line, and I was responsible for keeping my end of my contract. I broke the news to my family, and made a conscious choice to make lemonade out of the situation.

During my first year overseas, some of my fellow workers decided they did not want to be either in the military and/or overseas. Suddenly there was a rash of people who ‘got religion’ and became pacifists. Others went to the First Sergeant and declared they were ‘Gay’. This was 1980 when it was not well accepted to be Gay in most places of our society.

A decade later when we were in the first of what seems to be a long term conflict in the Middle East; Men I worked shoulder to shoulder to for years suddenly were having back, knee, and other hard to disprove ailments trying to cheat their way out of their commitment.

Women have always known that allowing themselves to become pregnant was a free ticket out of the military. In a peace time environment, the numbers of pregnancies were low, and I imagine it did not matter that much. In a war zone however, the situation is completely different. All women soldiers signed up to rake on an important role, and all are needed and depended on for being there to do their job.

These groups, and even the Senators are wrong in trying to step in and halt the Commander from imposing a penalty for a soldier becoming pregnant along with her partner. There are penalties for becoming over weight, taking illegal drugs, and pretending to be ill when you are not. Sanctions such as Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo’s newest are no different.

Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo  should be left to manage his manpower as he sees fit. We as citizens do not make good arm chair military policy makers. Let the sighted lead the sighted, and do not mix up personal choice, civilian rights, with military policy. Most women and men in todays armed forces are doing the best job they can, and they serve their country with pride, what about them, what is fair for these proud soldiers?

Self help is a space filler of hollow promises promoted by people chasing a fast profit. Perusing the internet for unhappy self help victims one can find many instances where the promise was not only not filled, but not even partially filled. Of course there are no refunds which further sparks the fire and fans the flames.

Go into the local bookstore and shelves are filled with books claiming they can help you make your life better. If you have read the ‘about’ page of this blog, you read a similar thought there. here is a quote from my about page, “I have a lot of life experience, so I feel I have something to share with you, that you may enjoy or benefit from. “

If you believe that nothing anyone writes, said to you, or tries to sell you, will make your life any different, you are absolutely correct. Nothing you read or hear will likely make any changes in your life. The idea of any self help material, no matter the source helping anyone is an illusion.

It does not matter if you manage to bring Lester Levenson back as your personal advisor, the Roman Catholic Pope moves in next door to be closer to you, Lillith appears because she is going to be your personal mentor, or the Dali Llama agrees to be your life guide. Anything anyone could provide for you is only so many words or ideas.

This is the plain and ugly truth about self help. Nothing you can read or hear will help you. Your life is what it is and that is the end of it. Writing this certainly clears the air. Someone at last admits that every written or produced to improve your life is wasted effort. I am glad I went ahead and made this statement. If you are in agreement there is no need to read any farther. Nothing anyone can say will change your life.

However, I am glad for the person last week who took the time to make those comments. Perhaps this is the moment that needed to be said to me. Was I wrong seeking a way of living which improves my life? Maybe it was a mistake to get beyond anger, blame, and dislike. Maybe living my life would have been more rewarding by not trying to change it.

If I was happy living a life of anger, blame, and dislike, I think I would not have decided there was a better way to live and I was going to find it, or die trying. This beginning was frustrating and difficult. What books I read where written by people who never seemed to have to struggle once in their life, with the exception of the bible and we all know what happened there. What little changes I decided I could make in my own life seemed trivial and petty, and of no consequence.

I did not have a clue on how to make my life better. I started at the very beginning. The first thing I did was I admitted I knew nothing about living a happy contented life. Starting here I made small changes I hoped would make a difference in my life.

When I spoke with people who seemed to live a better life than I did, I listened to what they said about their life. I paid attention to their outlook, and expectations for their life. I especially listened to what they thought about themselves and other people in their daily life.

Life is a struggle from the moment of our conception. We struggle to grow enough to be born, we fight off disease when we have few tools to fight with. We struggle from the moment we drop onto the bed sheet. We struggle to learn how to take our first breath.

Life is a challenge, a struggle, an adventure, or an experience. Wether we are happy and enjoy our life or not, we are the person living it. We have the power to change our life, reshape, and remold it into a life we want.

All anyone has to do, is for a split second seriously ponder if there is a better way to live. That is the seed that starts the process of changing ones life into something we want to live. One second of wondering if there is a better way opens a portal, allowing all the help in universe to offer you a helping hand. Open your mind, reach out your arm, stretch out your hand and grab on, your new life is waiting.

Decision making and the rule of three is a simple way to categorize our options and choices which we use to make our decisions. We almost always have a choice to do something. We almost always have an choice to not do something. We generally have a choice of not making any decision.

Making a decision is an active process. Making a decision changes your life direction and is a proactive action. You are making a change to move your life in a certain direction. Making decision to not do something is an active process. Deciding to not do something is changing the direction of you life by eliminating a certain direction, or life path you could have taken.

Not making any decision is at best a semi-active decision. No choice is made to make a decision. Not making a decision – most of the time is correct – as long as any likely result is not important. Allowing friends on the spur of the moment to take you to lunch is an example of not making a decision. You don’t know what will be served, but you are going to eat something somewhere. Whatever you eat will nourish your body. It is only one meal; what the meal is comprised of does not really matter.

Because we are the one making or not making a decision we are surrounded by the decision we need to make. Being at the center of a decision clouds our ability to make the best decision. Our ability to make better choices is clouded because we cannot see all the choices or option available to us. We can only see those options pressed upon us by those around us. We do not have the pleasure of stepping back and looking at our options from a more distant unbiased perspective.

A good example is when you are playing a game, verses watching someone else play a game. When playing a game you make continuous decisions based on what you see from your seat and what you did previously. Watching a game and observing what is happening, a different perspective is achieved.

Being able to watch from a distance allows you to see what is influencing the game direction. Being able to see what other players are doing and why allows you to make better decisions because you see more going on than you can see when playing in a game.

At times is not possible to stand back and see all your decision choices from a distance. The decision may be too serious, too emotional, or a decision needs to be made now, not later.

My rule of three in helping to make the best decision are:

1. Is it important? If it’s not important, whatever I decide makes little difference. I save my decision making for another time.

2. Of my remaining choices which decisions will cause the least harm to my life, family, or other peoples life’s?

3. Of my remaining choices, whether no matter what I personally think about it, which choice is best for my life and future life path?

When decisions are difficult and an easy choice is not present, using these three rules will help you to make choices that are the best choices you can make in the moment. Later if you find your decision was not the best you could have made, there may be a possibility of modifying your previous decision to something better.

In any case use what you learned from previous decisions for the tough decision you have to make using little information. If you know you tend to make bad decisions when you have to make quick decisions, postpone your decision as long as you can. If you find you do not consider all possibilities, share your decision with someone you trust.

Someone you trust may not agree with your decision, but they will provide you with options you may not have considered. Making decisions by a rule of three allows each of the three options to become more valuable by modifying any or all of the three choices of decision making on your past decision making learnings. As you refine your options your decisions become better. As your decisions become better, you will have less decisions to make.

We really believe that we can stop in mid-stride, change our whole self into some envisioned epiphany. In my experience it rarely if ever happens as we dream it.

Substituting addictions is a big reason we become swept away in an idea only to find ourselves drained and disappointed later. Pretending to be Neophytes to addiction one can not understand why others are not as excited or determined as they are. In their enthusiasm, they do not understand they are not the first nor the last to suddenly want to change for anyone except themselves.

The addict is soon crushed by physical cravings and feelings of separation brought about by their previous life choices. it is hard to think of the coming disconnect in a moment of clarity shortly after receiving that last fix. Perception of what is compared to an idea do not meld together well. For example a heavy tobacco user right after a cigarette finds it easy to envision how easy it will be to quit.

Ideas powerful, finding religion, a better way to live, discovering a purpose to ones life that never before existed is one of the most powerful chemical free experiences we as humans will ever have. Roads, byways, and families are littered with shells of people who failed to conquer their new fervor.

The addict after suffering the pain of withdrawal, or the new convert instead of finding bliss and peace, find pain, loneliness and emptiness, and despair, slinking back into the previous lifestyle. The focus occasionally shifts initially from the process, to the idea of the process, and then collapses upon itself. The addict and convert all too often are the carnage on the road of life adding feelings of defeat and worthlessness to their list of life problems.

There are two major processes working against success. The largest block to success is the years or decades one spent getting to this moment in ones life. We can not live a life of any type for any length of time and walk away from it in a moment of revelation without weighty repercussions to follow shortly.

The second major block to success is in the change itself. Because one suddenly chooses to embrace change does not mean change is ready to embrace them. No matter how hard one tries to change, nothing has initially changed except the desire to change.

It is impossible for anyone to make an immediate and permanent change to ones life without the intervention of something powerful and life changing outside of what is normal life. One of the best examples is the life of Stanley Tookie Williams.

Stanley Williams’ life was one one of polar change. Unfortunately, even Stanley Williams in his dramatic life changes, could not or would not let go of portions of his previous life outside of prison. Yet every moment of every day, someone decides they are going to change and leave everything of their previous life behind and believes they are now walking down a flower lined path.

Change happens in small difficult to measure steps. Anything faster is not change but a series of coincidences strung together appearing as change. At some point along the series of coincidences, change stops, and one is forced to contemplate nothing big has changed other than minor external events.

Instant change is a harmful illusion promised in infomercials. Real life is a series of challenges. Every one of us faces a lifetime of challenge. When the fervor of instant change seeps into your mind, and you start to be swept away by possibilities, remember the idiom, “Rome was not built in day”. Real change is a slow process measured in little victories over a long period. Anything else is a false promise leading to self blame and pointless recrimination.

Such is this the basis of this post. I am happily thinking of nothing really when something shows up. To some people it may have been called a demon. To me that is like calling everyone on the other side of the equator southerners, while those of us on my side of the equator are northerners. It is just too broad of a brush stroke to define everything so generally. There are people who choose to live a fear based life, and almost everything is evil to them, I choose to approach this differently.

What it was I am not sure. It wanted to give me the psychic equivalent of an e-book. Offering me information that some people spend their life looking for and never finding. In this interaction – rather than conversation, because I find it hard to converse things that give me primal feelings of loathing and dislike, this creature told me it is hungry and was offering me with something of value to myself, and to itself.

At first when I realized what I was hearing, I thought it was some kind of odd joke. As I thought about it, I realized that children’s books, lore, and late night conversation, along with some angered conversation, have many instances of what was being offered. Enough instances in fact I can not say it was not a joke. What would you do with a manual on, “How to Turn Someone Into a Toad”?

Kind of funny at first thought. Not a literal physical change into a toad, more of a psychic or spiritual changing. The images I saw were of it feeding off an unfortunate ‘human toad’ were not appealing. I became repulsed at what I saw. It was not a tearing and rendering of flesh feeding, but a spiritual draining, knowing that no matter what the victim does, this feeding does not stop for long. Somehow this creature gets what it needs to sustain its life from our human spiritual side.

This is where occult, or hidden knowledge is learned. There is no book or other access to it. Unless someone, or in this case something offers to teach you, you would never find it. In this particular case it had already been offered to me, unasked, and accepting the ‘gift’ was my choice. Sort of like Eve tasting the apple, or George Washington chopping down the cherry tree. Once taken, it can not be given back.

Most people in the world have experiences that can not be explained. Most people in the world think those other people who speak of their experiences have something wrong with them. It is interesting, believing what I experience is normal and real, but your unexplained experience is a result of a hidden flaw in your makeup.

We are conditioned over our lifetime to think that any experience unless it can be explained by our physical laws and rules, can not happen. We are conditioned to assume there are no dimensions or realities other than this dimension and reality. We are conditioned to think there is goodness and evil. In our conditioned minds, if we have not been told or taught it is good, it is evil by default. We are allowed no alternative explanation.

Psychic experience, arcane, occult knowledge, or overactive imagination, this type of thing has happened to most of us. Whether this really happened or not, the idea of intentionally damaging someone, is not in my character. Though reflecting on children’s stories and childhood lore, something like this has been happening for a long long time. Perhaps without our even being aware of it because we are conditioned to not notice.

Entities like this one exist. They are neither good or bad, light or darkness, even though we want them to be. If someone is approachable because they are in the correct mindset, or right frequency to hear, they approach and make an offer. What one does with what they offer is either good or evil. The choice of accepting a gift such as this is always ours to make. Choose carefully and with respect for the outcome, if or when an offer is made to you; when something slips up on you and offers you something before you are even aware of what is happening.

When fishing for any species of fish with a rod and reel, and probably in commercial fishing too, it is important to know a few things about the fish you want to catch. Like we humans, fish have their likes and dislikes. There are endless species and subspecies of fish in the world. Most species of fish with the exception of being salt water or fresh water fish can tolerate a wide range of environments, the same as we humans. It may not be what we prefer, but we can tolerate vast extremes in our physical world.

Certain fish enjoy being in warm water filled with plant growth, other fish prefer rock. Some fish prefer flat shallow water, and other fish prefer a few feet of shallow water close to the shore line, and a sloping drop to deeper depths beyond that. Some fish prefer overhanging brush to hide under; other fish prefer low handing vegetation to hunt around.

It is the same with temperature and sunlight. Some fish thrive in cool to deep waters, and other fish need sunny shallow water. Most fish are adapted to daylight, and use the day time to forage for and capture food. Other fish of course have decided that the night time is the right time, and are dormant during the day, becoming active as the sun goes down.

Food sources are another determining factor when fishing. Knowing what food the fish you wish to catch prefers, is a determining factor in where you will do your fishing. Some very big fish are hooked and landed by young children, who don’t know that certain types of big fish hunt for food close to the waters edge in hopes of a small animal falling in the water. Other fish forage in the depths where the type of food they prefer lives.

How all this relates to my rule of three is simple. Once you decide what three things are most important to you in your own life, you know then determine how those effect the fish you want to catch. Fishing now becomes much simpler. The top four needs on most people’s lists are food, shelter, temperature, and lifestyle. Think of lifestyle as where you hang out, or what you like to do with your free time.

Of those four things if you learn enough about any three of them and how they apply to the fish you want to catch, you are on your way to becoming a respected fisherman. The general unaware fisherman walks up to a body of water, puts some bait on the end of their fishing line and casts as far to the middle of the lake, river, or pond as they can. Obviously they have not bothered to learn much about the fish they want to catch.

It may be where their bait lands is a underwater island, the water is two feet deep, and the fish they want to catch prefer deep water. Or it may be they are out trying to catch a species of fish that prefers being active opposite of when the fisherman is out fishing.

It may be they are fishing in water that is too warm, cold, turbulent, or still for the fish they want to catch. As the saying goes five percent of the fisherman catch ninety-five percent of the fish. I am guessing about five percent of the fisherman are the total amount who took some time to learn about the fish they want to catch.

Which type of fisherman do you want to be? Find out what three of the top four needs are for the fish you want to catch and use your knowledge to decide when and where you should be fishing using what type of bait.

It was not a flower lined garden path to get from where I was to where those people were and are. It was one heck of a hard trip actually. While I would not quite say it was up there with deciphering the Rosetta Stone, it was not too far from something as puzzling and exotic. Perhaps more like trying to read a book in Braille, without any idea of what the book is about or what language it is in.

What eventually happened to me was acceptance of myself, and the limitations I imposed on myself. My life was what it was because I made it that way – spending years to create my life such as it was. I could either accept that this was my life, and there is nothing more to life, or I could allow the possibility those people I almost admired were living their lives on a different level than I was.

I chose the second option. What makes change difficult is all the previous hours, months, or years we spend perfecting this exact moment in our lives. No matter what your age is, or what you have done in your life, you have spent your entire lifetime perfecting this exact moment.

It does not matter if you are reading this and are totally focused on the thoughts behind the words. You may be reading this to kill time; wondering if when you get to the end you will find something you can use in your life. Or you may be like I was knowing that your own life can be better, but not knowing what to do to make it happen.

What to do next is easier said than done. What you can do from this moment on is quit living in what your life is, and start living what you want your life to be. No matter what your past is, or current situation may be, let everything you do not want in your life go. Start living in this moment, and live in every moment from here onward and you will change your life into what you believe your life should be.

The alternative, if what you read sounds like baloney is to do nothing. Doing nothing is the surest way to keep yourself from any possibility of change from happening. This is the only moment when you will read this for the first time. When you finish reading, there will never again be a first time to read it. As in your life, you could copy and paste it into a text file and read it as often as you want. Of course your life won’t change, unless you go in and edit the file.

If your life is perfect right now, reading this is an affirmation of what you already know or learned. If what you have read makes you a little uncomfortable, or there is a voice in the background suggesting you wasted your time reading this, you may want to take it as a sit up and pay attention message?

You have all the control over your life that you need. If you are a reasonable person, and I imagine you are, you know every correct answer to all your life questions. You can stand toe to toe with anyone on this earth and discuss what is right for your life and be one-hundred percent correct – at this moment. All you have to do is acknowledge that there is a life you want to life out there and moment by moment, you are going to live your way to it.