Tag Archives: discovery

Quest For Truth

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Chances are you are on some type of quest. What your individual quest is and whether it is defined in your being is something only you know. Most quests are completed silently in solitude. They range from rampaging emotions through to quiet desperation, always looking for a speck of confirmation telling you that you are on the right path.

Once the basic three needs were solved, who knows long ago, regular amounts of food, shelter, and offspring, we started to have have time to ponder other life mysteries. The search for, The Fountain of Youth, goes on yet today, as does the quest for ruling the world, the secret to creating and sustaining life, and the search for our own personal truth(s). Searching for our own personal truth, whether it be religion, lack of religion, or fairies in the hedge row, we all are on the same search, hoping to give meaning to our life.

Michael Ayers has been on a quest for his personal truth for some time now. Michael’s blog has a dedicated following who have stood along side of Michael at various times and topographies, as Michael set off to pursue his own personal truth looking for answers to the question of his own reason for being alive.

You will have to read Michael’s blog yourself to find what Michael has found to be true for him. Michael searched and suffered, hitting deep lows and reaching new heights, only to be plunged into new lows, a repeating cycle of ups and downs. Perhaps Michael’s search is not over yet. Maybe Michael has only reached a higher plateau, and is unknown to himself resting and regrouping, before his insatiable curiosity spurs him onward to find more.

My own quest for what is true for me took decades. I tried to fit everything I knew to be true into a hand me down mold. What I believed to be true was always at odds with my inherited package of what was supposedly true. It was not until I accepted almost everything I was told to believe was not quite true, and my flighty willingness to accept what I knew rather than what I had been told, that I started to believe my own truths.

I am curious if you are your own quest for your own personal truths? Does the version of truth you were given by your family meet your needs, or is there a little niggling voice coming out of the background of your mind every now and then suggesting what you think you believe is not quite true?

If you have heard the voice, have you done anything about it? The first steps as Michael can attest to are the easiest. It is once you are well down the path when the cobble stones beneath your feet start to crumble, and the way becomes slippery, frustrating, and difficult. During these times a second voice is heard. Every explorer and risk taker who stepped out from the herd knows this voice. It is a voice of steeling.

You rarely hear the second voice when the sun is shining and you are sure of the route. You know the truth you are seeking is just around the corner, you can almost see it if you strain your eyes the right way and bend your neck in the correct position. Our final truth is only a short way up the path, we are almost there.

Maybe we become too needy in this moment. We are worn and haggard, and we want to find what we are looking for and be done with it. We are tired from our journey. The quest that seemed so romantic, simple, and fun in the beginning is taking more time and energy than we bargained for.

As the sun sets, and we are tired we hear a new voice, “Maybe we made a mistake? Maybe there is no truth to find? Maybe what we were told is the only truth we need to believe?” The same question formulated into a hundred different doubts makes its presence known. Maybe we should quit it say’s

Putty or steel, what are we made of? To give up the search because it is not fun and is becoming painful, or move one foot in front of the other to the end? Fall back into the fold and safety of the herd, accept their murmurs of welcome, or continue on?

Moving on means more of the same, deprivation, restlessness, loneliness, and doubt become our companions if we choose to continue. It is not an easy choice, and there may not be a correct answer. It is a test of your spirit, and everything you are made of. If you are like Michael and others like him, you too may find what you are looking for.

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Forks, Pins and Discoveries

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I wrote a first post on chess here, and I mentioned I would update my thoughts or lack thereof as I had something I wanted to note for myself. Here is the first of the updates.

Chess it seems is like any serious undertaking. To become skilled takes time and dedication. I can appreciate why so many people prefer to do something other than sit at a chess board. On another note, I think those few now dusty games that have been around forever, will be making a comeback soon.

The world of electronic gaming, unless some new genre is discovered and catches on, will grow old in the most developed countries. How many ways can you shoot ‘em up, track them down, or whatever else is the game play before one game starts to run into one another game. The movies are already experiencing an exhaustion of usable material, resorting to remakes and remakes of remakes. Electronic gaming can not be too far behind if it is not way ahead already.

Trying to play better chess is a lesson in humility and some frustration. One Sage suggests concentrating on opening moves, the next promotes learning the end game (when only a few pieces are left), while a third thinks the middle game is most important. I can appreciate all points of view.

Without an understanding of, or at least the mimicry of a good opening, most players worth their salt almost immediately turn into aggressive serial stalkers. Systematically removing my pieces from the board faster than I can get them in front of the the pawns they stand behind and the middle game is a dream that never happens.

On the other hand without learning how to checkmate your opponents King, excellent winning opportunities are missed and the win happens with something akin to dumb luck. Playing the few others around my level of play, I occasionally see potential checkmates my opponent would probably make if they were aware enough of the end game to see them also. Instead they miss their opportunity allowing me to save my King, and play on to at least a drawn game, if not a thundering win.

I am getting better at creating a drawn game. Having your King run for its life every other game gives me solid practice on the fine art of not being forced into checkmate too quickly, and occasionally winning a fifty move draw. Of course with better players, fifty moves is a pipe dream, let alone not having my King in a steady state of fleeing across the board trying to avoid checkmate.

Learnings that have helped most are spotting simple Forks, Pins, and Discoveries. Being able to identify them in the process of being conjured up, or noticing I myself am creating a Fork, Pin, or Discovery has helped my game more than anything else to this point. Of course there may be learning’s that are helping me of which I am not skilled enough to realize I am getting value from.

I am also learning to think well for longer periods. I find myself myself thinking, “I am doing better”, as I notice my army is being decimated a few moves slower than my previous personal best. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it when I replay some of the games from the best players in the world, and notice they too make mistakes.

Replaying games played by some the worlds greatest players and noticing they make mistakes has helped my game. I know there is a ratio of errors in a master game compared to the games I am able to play. Master mistakes are noted in mistakes per hundred, while mine are easier to track  because I can count in sets of five moves per mistake.

It is easy to draw inspiration from sports figures and gamblers when playing chess. If I can keep my skill level creeping along, I may make it to the (for me) coveted pinnacle of ‘average’ in the chess world. From there life is not so bad, because from average there is still a world of room for improvement.

Yes, the board is backwards, unless White moved his camp from one end to the other chasing Black away in the process.

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Your life in your time

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I remember as a teenager wanting an identity of my own, rather than being my parents child. I used to set out on long weekends away from home looking for me and who I was. I would camp out at the lake, or by streams and rivers fishing and looking for me.

I never did find myself which at the time was frustrating for me. I thought once I was physically away from home finding out who I was would be an easy matter. After all anyone I was likely to meet or talk to would have no idea who my parents were, and should have a clear idea of who I was.

All these years later, I know now, that what I was doing was writing the story of my life. It was not out there for me to find, but rather there was a large empty blackboard waiting for me to fill. Who I ‘was’ is a lifetime of living and discovery.

Of all things that appeal to us, the first sought after are usually not the best for us. The best we can become take some searching and planning. I discovered a few things that may be of interest to you in the process of finding me.

Of the many things I have become, a few of them should not happen until their time. Getting married and having children are two that come to mind rather quickly. Many of us want to get married and we want to have children. That is the way we are, at least we want the try to have children part.

Getting married and having children though should be a farther along the road of becoming who we are rather than an early life goal. It is pretty difficult to become a parent and raise a family when we have not given ourselves a chance to discover who we are.

Other things should be done as soon as possible. For example, going to college or traveling across the country should be early life goals. College has obvious benefits and should be completed before life gets complicated. The same goes for wanting to strike out on our own or do some traveling. Traveling is much easier when there are no other responsibilities in our life.

Some things should be avoided all together. There are some roads where one should not venture when creating our future us. These are determined by what we think and feel, and vary from person to person. What is okay for one, is not okay for a second person.

Don’t be afraid to take reasonable risks. Because our life is basically empty until we start living it, taking risk is part of the process of defining who we are. Doing something you have never done before can lead to new friendships and interests. Be careful and make sure that what you are about to do is something you can tell your parents you are doing. It is a long lifetime, and it is easy to do something starting out in life that is regretted forever. The old saying, ‘look before you leap’, applies. Some new adventures can put you in a wheelchair or prison, or worse for life. Think long and hard before you act.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes when you are finding you. If you are not making mistakes, you may not be reaching far enough. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, just make sure the mistakes you could make, do not harm yourself or others.

As I was out there making my own mistakes, and trying out new things, and discarding things that no longer worked for me, somewhere along the line I found myself. I found out who I am, and clarified my likes and dislikes. I learned what I wanted from my life.

Who you become is who you become. It takes time to create your life, and if you find it is not working for you, it will take time to change your life again. It is not possible to change who you are overnight. It is not possible to write the complete book of your life and who you are until the final page is written. Until then we are on a sometimes rambling journey down the path of life.

Enjoy where you are at in your journey and make the most of it, the next chapter will start in it own time and rushing it does not speed the process up but only adds frustration. Enjoy today and tomorrow will take care of itself is a good though to end on.

Happy New Year, happy new life!

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