Tag Archives: fear

American Males Biggest Fear

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My previous post suggests an idea of why we think and feel many of the things we do. You may be wondering why it matters, and more importantly what is the point? How many people care why they think, feel, or believe what they do?

Does taking on another’s belief really happen? Are some of our beliefs really given to us by others? If you are an average heterosexual male you may unwittingly contribute to a major heterosexual male fear belief: Homophobia.

An amazing number of Men in America are Homophobic. Some Men arrive at a high level paranoia. Men are terrified of being around a possibly gay man. Mortified if he is a ‘real’ Gay Man. Men are always publicly aware to not do or say anything that can vaguely be perceived as a Gay Man Behavior by people around them. Men are not always sure what those identifying behaviors are, so men stick to using a limited field of behaviors.

Typical male behavior in a public bathroom is a prime example. American Men’s behavior in public bathrooms is neither natural or sane. The younger the man, the more pronounced the scripted behavior is. Tunnel vision, no speaking to another man, exhibits of overly manly acts are typical examples. Straight Men are terrified another straight man will think they may secretly be gay by a misinterpreted public behavior.

In general Men talk, act, and perhaps think their sexual preference will be switched forever if they are in the close proximity of a Gay Man. Too many straight Men are terrified of talking to let alone being propositioned by a Gay Man. Though a man talking to or being propositioned by a Woman is a different matter.

Men waste a tremendous amount of energy holding onto this fear! Men’s public conversation generally revolves around sports, cars, the outdoors, and women. Conversation is generally about sports, preferably football. Football is huge testosterone territory. There is nothing effeminate in Football. Cars are talked about if they are fast or big. ‘Real’ Men hold these conversations to show the world they are straight. These are types of approved subjects for public conversations of ‘real men’.

http://venagozar.com

Men's irrational fear

If you are a Man and discovered your Brother is gay, you dropped this unfounded homophobic behavior. Your Father gave it up due to his love for his son. Other male family members mostly drop this behavior too. Everyone involved is forced to acknowledge sexual preference has nothing to do with the person.

The American Military overturned keeping sexual preference a secret almost a year ago. Today the American Military is proof of concept in this matter. Openly Gay Men and Women are pulling their own weight, accepted by their units, achieving and excelling at the same rate as their straight counterparts. Their straight counterparts have learned that homophobia is irrational. They dropped this belief because it took too much attention and energy away from what is important for them in the moment, staying alive and safe.

It is hard to admit some of our beliefs we so strongly defend are nothing more than implanted beliefs from Adults of our childhood. Your favorite teacher, Aunt, or Uncle played a major part in what you think is important. Much of what we think or believe about people, animals, politics, and places is a result of these people. Our Parents and others around us told or showed us what is important.

When any thought or belief pops up and you know it is not held by reasonable people, let it go. Irrational beliefs use up a lot of energy as you try to hold on to them. Rationalizing and justifying ideas that can not be justified or rationalized means important parts of your present life are being neglected.

Situations where you suddenly realize you have an emotional stake in the outcome are sometimes not all that important if you slow down and think about them. Is it really you taking this stance or someone from your past?

You may not have had time to examine where your thoughts and beliefs came from and why you have them. You should take a little time each day and examine why you think and believe what you do. Serious belief examination allows our everyday life to be more enjoyable.

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Trick or Treat a Fool to Eat – final

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Continued from part one:

“I talk to them from the bushes. They can’t see me hiding. At first they think it is funny, someone they know, then they get scared and their voices start to shake. They always run away, sometimes whimpering! It is lots of fun, but it is over much too quickly. I can’t do it often, because they might catch me if I do it too much.”

Over too quickly? How long will it take before I am over too quickly? THINK I screamed inside my head. “How would you like to talk to someone, who no matter how scared they become will not let you stop talking to them?” After a short pause it said, “That never happens.” I noticed it’s breath did not smell good and my shoulder was hurting. “What if I show you how it can be done?”

“How?” I had only one chance to do this, or I was going to be dead. “With a cell phone”, I squeaked got out between waves of panic. “What is a cell phone?”, it asked. “This is a cell phone, you use it to talk to people. You can talk to them and scare them as much as you want.” I pulled out my cell phone and opened it. “See it works like this”, I said as I held it against my ear. “I have seen them on my food; they are no use to me”, It said.

“But they are useful, you see, you can talk to someone who won’t get away, no matter how scared they get.” Slowing down slightly and then stopping it said, “I don’t believe you.”

“Look, here, you press these places and the person answers who will keep talking no matter what you tell them.” With eyes that looked more interested in playing with a toy, than being hungry it said, “Let me see it work.”

I dialed a number and waited for the ring. When they started speaking I said, “Hurry please, wait, someone else wants to talk with you”, and I held out my cell phone. It took the phone and after a few seconds learned how to hold the phone so it could both talk and hear as it held on to me.

It started talking innocently enough, almost a friendly voice. After twenty seconds or so, its conversation started to change. Its voice undulated between silky and sinister. I did not like listening to it talk, and I was terrified of hearing what it was saying.

After what seemed to be forever it took its hand off my shoulder. It became fixated with the conversation it was having. I stood like a statue, too scared to move. Another moment or two went by. It was becoming excited by having someone listen to it for so long, hearing what it was going to do to the person it was speaking to. Another time space went by, and it was so engrossed in the conversation, it turned slightly away from me releasing its hold from my shoulder. It wasn’t interested in food at the moment.

I moved so slowly at first, it felt like I was not really moving. It felt like minutes were flying by and I had moved maybe a foot. I took a little step. It ears flicked but it did not turn to face me, focused on the conversation.

Another little step, and another, and before I knew it I was running like I had never ran before. I didn’t know it was possible to move that fast! I was running so hard, I was scared I was going to fall face first in the road!

I was running back towards the center of town into the light. I was too scared to look back. The mess in my pants was starting to chaff, but I didn’t care. I did not care that I stunk, I ran as fast as I could looking for a house with lights on.

I saw a car pulling into a driveway, and ran towards it, praying that Thing was not behind me ready to crush my skull with its paw. The Man and Woman in the car were scared, both from my story and my looks and smell. I begged them to let me in the house with them. Once inside I asked where their phone was because I wanted to call 911. As I was explaining to them I had an emergency, I heard a gun shot, then another.

I received a summons in the mail to appear in court back in that Little Town, or pay a hefty fine. My Cell Phone Company sent me a final bill and cut off my service on the grounds I was abused their service. The State Police and 911 Emergency Services sent me a certified letter containing a large bill for misuse of the 911 emergency system, and threatened severe legal action if I did not pay immediately. The letter never mentioned what had happened.

When I called the State Police and the 911 Systems Manager, they both agreed I was a public nuisance and I should go to jail. They finished stating the fines could become more serious if I did not pay them immediately, and legal action would follow, meaning jail time.

I know the 911 operator who took that call from my cell phone feels a shiver of fear every time their phone rings whether they are working or not. I know I am lucky to be alive. I sold some things as fast as I could, took out a loan, and quickly payed off my new bills all in the same day.

My cell phone and 911 saved my life! I never want to go within five-hundred miles of that Town again. I tried to get another cell phone from another company, but it seems I am banned from all area providers without any real explanation or recourse. I try hard not to think about that night.

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Fear Based Life is No Life

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I read a recent post on a forum of a person who writes they hear knocking and being touched by something unseen. They write they are scared to the level of being terrified. I wonder what there is to be terrified of?

If someone knocks on a wall from the next room is that scary? If they touch your leg and you did not seen them is that scary? If there is really something close to him (as he thinks there is) he can not see, is that a good reason to be scared?

The majority thought of what is happening to him is collectively it is something bad. He hears some noise he can not find the source of. He feels something touching him he can not see. He sometimes feels a presence next to him that he can not see or touch, but it does not feel normal. He knows it must be something out to harm him. All the replies he received to his post were about various ways to either protect himself, or make it stop.

He is scared because this is something foreign to him. Why he would remain  scared is conditioning he learned growing up. What we as humans usually do that other large animals do not is we rarely transfer out of our fear state soon enough.

If you have a pet, or know someone who does, pay attention to what the pet does in a new situation where the pet is initially scared. When something happens that scares your pet, they react with fear as a healthy normal response.

After a few seconds if nothing hurtful happens, curiosity takes over and the pet becomes more interested in what is happening. It calms its fear because it understands fear is no longer an appropriate response.

The pet becomes curious as it tries to understand the new situation. What is in it for the pet, is there food, or is it something to play with? We humans on the other hand, stay stuck in a fear state knowing it must be something bad.

We allow ourselves to remain afraid even though nothing happens to be afraid of. Fear is a healthy emotion and has contributed to our being alive, however it is an emotion we overuse and abuse.

Unlike a normal animal, the poster won’t let go of his fear. He is more comfortable remaining in a state of heightened fear, than embracing the possibility of having nothing to fear.

One of our former Presidents in his Inaugural Address repeated an old quote, “[The] Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself“. Fear leads to inaction. Inaction does not contribute to our health and wellbeing. Inaction caused by fear leads us down the path to victimization.

Fear stops us of thinking of other possibilities. This poster, hearing noises and being touched is terrified. Perhaps there is a good reason for this happening. Maybe the poster’s attention is wanted, and this is the only way it can be garnered.

What would the poster have written for example, if the first time he heard the knocking and felt something touch him, he awoke and his home was on fire? What would he be writing then? I doubt it would be a fear based post about how terrified he is. The poster would have posted about how fortunate he is that something touched him, waking him up from a sound sleep, and saving him from a horrible end.

The Poster and his fear based state, who is the main subject of this post aside, it is time to change the focus to us. How many fears do we carry around, allowing them to shape the direction our life, and keeping us from what may be the best changes we ever made in our life?

Some amount of fear is good. Fear is a healthy emotion when used correctly. Allowing fear to take over our life, fear becomes a debilitating disease. We allow ourselves to become so overwhelmed with fear we cease to make choices we know are best for us.

As for the poster, what is causing his fear may have stopped already, or it may be with him for the rest of his life. To the end of his post, nothing had happened that could even be vaguely dangerous to him. Holding a detached view at what is happening to him, there is no reason to be terrified. Annoyed, upset, or angry are possibilities, but fear is not.

For a more in depth reading of our new fear based culture, here is a good read on the subject: The only thing we have to fear is the ‘culture of fear’ itself, a PDF file, which can be viewed in your web browser with a plug you may already have installed.

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Seance By Candle Light

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In Elementary school my class had to do a individual demonstration. As I remember the topic did not matter as long as it was something we were interested in and was appropriate for our age. For most of the kids in the class, we had the opportunity to show off something we were interested in.

I would be fibbing if I told you what I did for a demonstration. It may have been fly tying most likely, but for now it has slipped away into the mish mash of experiences in a young life. What I do remember is what a boy named David did for his project. David performed a seance and wanted to invoke the spirit of the assinated president, John F Kennedy.

David explained to the class that he would have some people sit around a table holding hands like we all have seen in the movies. Instead of drama and special effects, David used a candle. A candle was lit and placed in the center of the table, and the lights in the class room were turned off.

David started asking for the spirit of John Kennedy to make itself known by directing the candle flame. After a few minutes the candle flame started responding intelligently to questions by moving in the appropriate direction for yes, no, or maybe.

View from the other side?

View from the other side?

We kids were both awed and sceptical at the same time. One kid who was not part of the seance said the kids around the table were causing the movement of the candle with their breath. Almost half the class agreed.

David had everyone move away from the table, sitting or standing no closer than ten feet to the table. The candle flame continued to respond, but we all seriously doubted a dead president of the United States had nothing better to do than entertain us. A few more questions confirmed our suspicions when the candle flame movement changed to the ‘no’ position when asked if it was really the John F. Kennedy the former President, and after that answers became nonsense.

At recess I remember talking with friends about it. Someone ventured, “We might have created a spirit.” Another responded, “If we did where does it go and what happens to it?” We thought that was a great question. We decided it was possible with our combined energies we may have created something that moved the candle flame. Where it went and what happened to it was an unsolved matter.

I know now we did not create something, we attracted something. Across all cultures and religions candles are lit as part of an invocation ceremony. Whether it is a prayer request in a church, or a pagan ceremony, lighting of candles or making a fire is part of the process.

What happens to what we attract depends on what we do next. Once we attract something, it could be bribed, trapped, but most likely it scares us. Not everything we may attract plays well with others. When that happens, people, houses and places become haunted. People are terrified and harrassed by something they can not see.

I have come to think of these things as ‘fear thought probers’. They probe our minds for our deepest darkest fears and project them back making us really scared. Invoking thoughts or visions that absolutely terrify. They mix thought and vision, making you think you almost see or hear things that are not really there.

These ‘thought probers’ as I think of them have no ability to do anything other than effect thoughts – unless you feed them. Media is filled with stories of people bitten, pinched, or levitated. Items in homes flying across rooms and smashing into walls. Terrified people fleeing for their lives barely escaping what is attacking them.

What really happens only happens in your mind. You are seeing images of what could be. You are hearing noises having thoughts projected with them at the same time. What happens when you take a shower. Don’t you sometimes here a voice, knocking on a door, phone ringing, etc. Yet when you turn off the water, there is nothing.

It would take an enormous amount of energy to do any of the things you see or read about in a haunting. If anything had that much energy (power) would they waste time scaring you, or would they do something? When, or if this happens to you, think of being at the Zoo reading one of the signs posted everywhere, “Do not feed the animals”. They feed on fear using your imagination. Once they realize they won’t get fed by you it will soon stop.

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Night After Halloween

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outhereI heard it as I walked. I saw its shadow slide into dark corners when it thought I was not watching. Every now and then I could see it move from the corner of my eye. It followed me for blocks as I walked down one dimly lit street after another.

I wanted to walk faster to get away from it, but I knew that was impossible. It was keeping a distance from me so maybe it was not sure yet. Maybe it was waiting for a moment when there were no lights and no cars.

Then it would strike. The noises it made grew louder as it grew bolder and moved closer. It was hurrying to get into position to strike. Now almost beside me. No, wait it was to my right. A few seconds earlier it was on my left. It can move very fast when the streets are dark.

I walked faster. It was no longer trying to be sane. It knew I heard it. Had it decided I was it? I could feel the hair on the back of my neck starting to stiffen. I wanted to yell out, but who would hear?

If they did hear would they bother to go to a window or door and look out? I doubt it, they would not want to be involved. They would choose to remain distant. They and theirs were safe and accounted for, what did I matter.

It was a mere feet behind me now. My heart was beating wildly, and I was beginning to pant from moving ever faster. My feet seemed to barely touch the ground, but it wasn’t fast enough. I could hear it catching its feet on the uneven surface. Maybe it wanted to raise my fear level a little higher?

Through the fog of my panic I had a thought. They don’t like the light, and they don’t want to be seen. If I could just make it to the light I would be okay. Only another one-hundred feet and I would be safe. Could I make it? It sounds like it is right next to me!

I gave up walking fast and started to run. I could hear it starting to move faster too. Its feet hitting the pavement as it hopped towards me. Only another few seconds, that is all I need to get to the light!

I reached into my jacket, pulled out my cell phone, and fumbled trying to open it. In mindless terror I pushed the camera button. It was taking forever. It was inches away from me. I could feel its closeness like hot foul breath on my neck. I threw my arm backwards and prayed I pushed the camera button to make the flash go off.

It hissed loudly sounding only inches from my ear! The flash worked! It slowed and loped off into the darkness. Temporarily blinded by the light of a neon flash on a cell phone! I made it to the light. Traffic was picking up, and I knew I could get away from it before its eyes healed from the flash of light.

As an after thought I looked to see if I got it on camera. The rational part of my mind said it was the leaves falling from the trees. The rest of my mind knew what it really as because it remembered ten thousand years worth of well founded fear.

night terror

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Surviving the paranormal world

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New age, paranormal, or occult as it is known comes and goes, cycling through our lives, much like our taste in books, movies, and food. Everything has its season and the paranormal is no exception. Every generation has some people who want to be known as discovering some new or long lost knowledge. Bad news, there is no new knowledge when it comes to certain subjects, only knowledge that has not been passed on for any number of reasons.

It certainly is funny to listen to people talk about any experiences they may have had with something they do not know how to explain. If they are not scared someone in the group they are talking to probably is. I have trouble with the fear part as it is self generated fear and really has no basis in a rational thought process. If someone who is a Christian calls upon God, or asks to have angels sent to complete a task, and it happened no one would blink an eye.

We seem to think that God just sits wherever God sits and waits for us to command something. We think for any number that this thought is completely rational and viable. We pray, implore, beg, or command, and God of course complies with our request. We have this thought so ingrained into our psyche, that in a prayer circle,  if a number of Angels showed up and told the group they were going to do what was asked, most of the group would be nonplussed. After all that is how religion works.

Take the same group of people and put them in a new environment and let them hear, say scratching on a door from a room they know no one is in and panic erupts with fear coming a close second. If someone experiences something that does not fit into their idea of life, it must be the work of some unknown evil entity. There is no room in most peoples thinking that allows for something to exist that is neither there to help nor hinder, but it must always be one or the other.

The more rational people of times passed understood that not everything in the world of the unseen was either good or evil from their personal perspective, but in our fast paced life where we file and catalogue everything we have lost most categories of anything past the first two. Those two categories being either good for us or bad for us. We have not left room for very much in between those two places.

Most people over the course of a lifetime experience something occult or paranormal. Whether it is a ghost, noises, vision, or visitation, very few people are immune from the paranormal. A few people will have many such experiences, and most of them come to understand and accept there is a lot in the world that they know very little about.

In most cases when you find yourself in a position of experiencing something you have never experienced before, the first thing to remember is not to panic or get scared. Once panic or fear rules, rational thought goes out the window. Once rational thought goes out the window, you are no longer in charge of yourself. Once you are no longer in charge of yourself, you have opened a door that you may prefer remain closed.

Try to remember to not to jump from an adult orientation to a child mindset. You need the adult part of yourself active and functioning. Keep calm, and observe whatever is happening. In scary movies people become frightened of the silliest things. It could be something as inane as a glass sliding, or a picture moving, or something floating. Really what is so scary about those things other than you have never experienced them before?

If you feel you can not control your emotions, then pray. It does not matter what you pray about as prayer has a calming effect on us. If praying is not part of your makeup, simply downplaying whatever is happening, and focusing on something else has the same effect.

One more thought to remember, probably the most important idea, one which you have been told since you were a child and have forgotten is this. Anything you experience can not harm you in any way unless you give it permission to (let it). A feeling of something unseen touching your shoulder is just a touch, no more, no less. There is no reason to lose control of yourself over the situation because there is nothing you can do about being touched, it is already in the past.

Now that I have your attention I want to mention in passing that the above ideas work just as well in our everyday lives too. Stay within yourself, and do not get rattled every time something changes in your world that you do not like and probably can not control. Nothing stays the same, and never has. Change what you can, and let the rest take care of itself.

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