Tag Archives: growth

Life growth and changes

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One of the biggest and most difficult hurdles in life is learning who you are and what you are about. Most people dabble with this process a little in their teens, then the drive to have a family take precedence. As the family grows we have internal rumblings of dissatisfaction and being lost in our thoughts from time to time. Usually with an urge to get away from it all, and rediscover who we are, then reality appears, and it rarely happens. When formerly married people find themselves single again, they go through a modified version of finding themselves, but usually complete only part of the process. They discover how and why they are ok, but their ex partner is not. They generally halt the process at this point for the most part.

For most of us, it is not until our kids leave home, or we are cruising through our forties when we realize we really do not know a lot about us. We know what our beliefs are, and what our likes and dislikes are, but most of us we have no real idea why they are who we are. We only really know that we have been this way all our lives. It is during this period when we really start to find out about ourselves. Some of us like what we find and some do not, but it is generally a time of both inner and outer exploration.

A lucky or perhaps not so lucky minority of people go through this stage early in life. Perhaps in their teens or early twenties. It is much harder to explore yourself when you are younger because a number of life’s tools that come from living are not present. To compound the difficulty many common ideas in the adult world are still new to us, and we think we invented or discovered them for the first time. For anyone who finds themselves in this position, it is best to remember that what you are learning is new for you, but perhaps not new to others.

One area we exploration is finding how we think about the world and our place in it. When we are growing how the world effects us, and our immediate family. People who hold a world view that encompasses the world first, and not themselves are a rare prize. Generally, great struggles have gone on within their core being before they found this new plateau of seeing the world and their place in it.

This is only a minor example of how we change as our life unravels. There is a good learning here that applies to all areas of our lives. If you have ever heard or read the story of the blind men and the elephant you may already know how and why our views change. In the story, some blind men all examine different parts of an elephant and have different ideas of what an elephant looks like.

Whether you are one of the few who have more advanced ideas on the world and your place in it, or are just starting out on the journey and have no idea of how you fit into the world remember everything is perfect in this moment and time, all is as it should be. All roads lead to Rome as the ancient saying proclaims. What is important to remember is that unless you and the person you are discussing life with are touching the same spot on the elephant, your views will be different, and that is okay. Of course each of you will grow at different rates and your views will cease to be the similar, and that is how it should be too.

Conflict in these situations starts when one party forgets that neither party holds the correct view. The correct view is still somewhere ahead on the path of life. As soon as one party involved remembers either holding that view in the past, or that the other person is speaking from a experience level they have not arrived at conflict goes away. We can not pull or force another into our level of life. We can only hope that we are on the right path ourselves, and eventually others will join us.

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Leaving your friends behind

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There was a time when the people I surrounded myself with were a very mixed bunch. On one hand I enjoyed hanging around with smart people who had vision for their lives. On the other side I hung around with people who apparently were going nowhere and were happy that way. This was before I was out of high school and starting life in the real world.

Once out of school not much changed except my friends who had vision for thier lives moved on to accomplish whatever goals they had set for themselves. For my own part, my friends were changing as the more focused people were leaving, and more unfocused people took their place.

It was a hard balancing act for me, I had ambition and drive, but the people I hung around with most of the time did not. I would spend my work time trying to do a good job, but in my personal life nothing was changing. It was the same old grind every week. Looking back I can see I was sliding backwards in my life by the people I chose to have around me. They had no real goals for their life, and I was keeping myself from mine by being with them.

I slowly changed my friends, and made a more serious attempt to change my life. It was not an easy task though, as I was acclimated to a certain group of people and a certain life style that goes with it. The groups I wished to be a part of saw me as someone who did not belong in their circles. It took a lot lot of time and frustration to change. Change is never and easy thing to do, and it is much harder when you are changing your whole life in the process.
 
I feel that at some point along the way I completed the change. I look back at the young me and I think I would not recognize him if I could somehow go back in time and meet myself. That is not to say my personality has changed, but the way I envision life these days definitely has changed dramatically.

The point of all this is who you are, what you want, and who you choose to have around you determine you, like it or not. If you have goals and ambitions you have not yet realized, you may want to take a close look at those people you choose to be with. On a day to day basis, do they help you, hinder you, or neither? Many of my friends were in a neither category, which was a hidden hindrance. It is hard to have friends who are leading a life style you are not a part of directly, but you are involved in by default, and not become like them.

If you find yourself in a position like I was, it is time to start evaluating what your friends are doing for your life. If your friends are not a positive influence in your life, and you want to change and grow, plan to see less of your current friends, and start making new friends. While this idea may sound selfish and self centered, and it is, at some point and time if you do not change yourself, you become who your friends are.

It is important to remember you are not leaving your friends behind, rather you are choosing to grow away from them for a chance to improve your life. Most of them will see you as moving on, although a few may not and there is little you can do about how they feel. You will notice they will find a replacement friend to fill the spot you left faster than you will find new friends to spend time with. Do not expect new friendships to replace old friends. Be patient, as there is little you can do to speed up the process. The best you can do is remember you are trying to improve yourself. If your friends are paying attention they may even want to follow you and improve their life too.

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Spirituality in the physical plane – mature content, 2 of 2

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Though it does seem on a physical level that here is some women with absolutely no self worth or self esteem being kept as a pet by one or many men over a period of time, spiritual thinking can see the relationship as something else. From a spiritual point of view these relationships can be thought of as quite dynamic. It can even be said that these relationships are an example of love at its highest representation.

If you accept as a basic concept that we are here on this earth to learn and become better human beings, these relationships are not terrible, and there is no exploitation. It takes is a rethinking of what we see from a physical to a spiritual process. For many people it is too big of a jump, and their minds can not accept that something horrible is being done as an act of unconditional love and growth for another.

I think this is true, and relationships like these are an obvious example. I think that growth and high level love are shown in many horrible things that take place in this world daily. Going back to the idea that we are here on this earth to learn and grow spiritually, who is it we are learning from? There is no supreme being that takes us by the hand and leads us through our life, and shows us what we need to know, and we understand the learning, and are grateful for the instruction.

We humans do not operate like that. We humans learn by making our own mistakes and committing our own crimes. For example, there is a savage murder yesterday. It is a terrible thing and the killer should be banished to prison for life, or executed as soon as possible.

This is the physical side of our thinking in action. What we do not think about is the spiritual side of what occurred. What about the victim, what did they learn from this experience? There is nothing obvious for the victim. Probably because of circumstances, or bad judgement they died a horrible needless death.

What about the possibility that they lived their life for this moment to happen, to willingly be the victim for the killer? While this thought is shocking and perhaps revolting, it can be seen as a possibility on a spiritual level.

The killer in this heinous crime needed to learn something from the killing. Why should someone who is here on this earth on their own journey, be randomly murdered, halting their path of learning and spiritual growth? There does not seem to be any balance or justice in this thought.

What about the possibility that these people agree to be in these positions for the sole purpose of being the victim out of love for the person(s) who need(s) to learn from this experience? While agreeing to be a victim, and be abused, tortured, or murdered is disgusting and repulsive on a physical plane, on a spiritual plane, it is an example of love on the highest level.

What more could a spiritual being do than volunteer to be a victim for another beings spiritual growth? Again the idea is repulsive, but history is full of people who have chosen to be a victim rather than allow another innocent person to be a victim. The most recent example to me is the holocaust. Many, many known and unknown people stepped up in place of another knowing full well what the consequences would be for them. Yet they did it anyway in an act of supreme love.

From that perspective, is the idea of one person living their life until some predetermined moment when they are to be a victim unreasonable? I do not think so at all. In a realm where everything is supposedly perfect, no matter how unjust it appears on the surface, it makes complete sense. Many of the worlds religions are of the belief that everything that happens is the will of God. The idea of a human being agreeing to be born to be a victim of another on the physical plane, is nothing different than Gods will being done on a spiritual level.

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Spirituality in the physical plane – mature content, 1 of 2

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This post and the one following is a two part post. You may find them, unsettling, disagreeable sick, or revolting. If you are not open to thinking from a new perspective, I suggest you skip these next two posts. Thank you.

From time to time I have been at social functions, where I see young women who I know are being exploited. They are willingly sitting in a chair ignored for hours at a time. The man shows up or summons them to him for something. That is their life purpose by all appearances, to be totally dependent on one man in a one way relationship.

It is not obvious unless you understand the type of man they are with. I imagine they are everywhere, but to me they are only visible when it is a social gathering of some type. These are men who think the whole world serves only them, and that is how they live their life. Perhaps they are sociopaths to some degree, or maybe something different, but their views on how the world works, are far from normal.

The women are usually young and of course pretty, who are not in the rocket science league of brain power, but I am sure they are smart enough to do something different with their lives if they made the effort. I am not sure how the process works, but it must start at home when they are children. They are somehow turned into possessions instead of human beings by their fathers I think, or so it appears.

So they grow up and graduate high school, and maybe try out college, or living on their own. But it is not easy for them as they are used to being Daddy’s pet, and they miss that life. All they had to do was be cute for Daddy, and make him laugh, and everything else was okay. Daddy took care of their survival needs and that is all they needed

When these women are out on their own, perhaps before, male predators know them as soon as they see them. That is what some men specialize in, finding these women. They know some Daddy’s raise their little girls like this, probably because they were raised in the same type of environment. They spot these young women, and start working on them almost before they have lived on their own in the adult world.

So here is young woman, some toy a certain type of man picked up, and can afford right now. As long as she doesn’t act too stupid, or start thinking she is important, she will be what most people think of as a kept woman. She will have clothes and things, and she will get her own, cell phone, car, and probably spending money. This is not a Sugar Daddy relationship, because the woman is not out on her own and living in her own place. She is totally dependent on a man taking care of her.

The worst part of it in my opinion is that these women, and their men see this type of relationship as totally normal. If you try to tell them how abnormal the situation is, they will look at you like you are talking in a language they have never heard of before.

Of course the time comes, when he starts thinking she is not quite what he wants, perhaps he wanted her to do his bidding once or twice and she was not home, or she is spending money a little too fast, or maybe her mouth is getting a little smart for his liking. It could be as simple as she is starting to get boring to him. At any rate, sooner or later he will get tired of her and throw her out, or give to one of his friends as a pet.

I am not sure what happens to these women as grow into middle age, but I imagine that life does not improve for most of them. There is an alternate spiritual view I have been introduced to over the years, and it paints a whole new paradigm of what is happening in these relationships.

Part two tomorrow.

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Grateful for life and death lessons from pets in my life

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My first day off of my work week today and it sure feels good to sleep in. It would feel better if my cat did not have to come and wake me up to see if I am really supposed to be getting up or not, but we sometimes have to accept the good with the bad. It provides balance in our lives. I am grateful for all the pets I have had over the years. They help me prepare for everything in my life.

I had turtles when I was very young. I only remember because I did not know how to take care of them when it was time for them to hibernate, they started to stink instead of sleep like I was told they would do. While I never learned how to create a place for turtles to hibernate, I did have a quick lesson in death.

Next it was Guppies I had in a glass one gallon aquarium. I was given some weeds to put in so the guppies had some place to hide. They hid so well, when my Mom decided to clean the aquarium we counted over ninety guppies in various stages of growth. Deciding there was too much weed, the population was quickly reduced by guppy cannibalism. I learned about predatory behavior from Guppies.

We also had dogs over the years. One was a Spaniel/Labrador mix who had been hit by a car as a pup. His stomach muscles were hurt, and his belly was very low to the ground. One of the neighbors accused him of jumping a six foot fence and breeding with their Chihuahua. I was too young to understand about sex, but I did learn that sometimes people tried to pass off stories that were not completely true. That poor dog could barely climb stairs without dragging his belly let alone jump.

A few years later another dog who had made into his late twenties was dying in a painful way. My Mom and Dad talked it over, and decided the best thing to do was put him down. Put him down meant a bullet in the head in those days. My Mom took out the vacuum cleaner, and furiously started vacuuming an already clean floor as my father went outside with the dog, and did what had to be done. He was gone a while, but when he came in my Mom and I knew the dog was asleep, never to waken again. I learned about sorrow, and loss from that dog.

Next was a horse my folks had bought me. He was a Tennessee Walker colt. I could not ride him as he was too young, so he roamed the pasture with my sisters horse. One week we had some friends horses in our pasture, along with our own, and they were close to fighting. It was cold outside, so I dressed in a jacket with a hood and went out into the pasture among the horses. My horse picked me up by the hood of my coat and shook me all the way to the fence, and then threw me over the fence. I did not know it at the time, but I was given a harsh lesson in love by animals for their human family members. I do remember crying for about thirty minutes though….

Some years later the Spaniel/Labrador was at the end of his life. He was arthritic, and moving even slightly was very painful for him He could no longer walk, and did not care to eat or drink water. A family discussion was held, and it was decided that I would be the one to put him down. I had to carry him from the basement to the appointed place. I remember how hard it was to see where I was walking, stumbling at times. I said what I could manage to get out, and pulled the trigger. As much as it hurt, I knew what I did had to be done for his benefit. I learned about life, and love that day – and the pain of loss.

Many more animals came and left over the years, all of them leaving me with those special lessons that only a pet can give. I am grateful for all of them, and hope there are many more pets waiting for their turn in my life.

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Grateful for Kids running

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If you read my flu post a few days ago, you know I just had my flu shot. I am still feeling a little run down, and really would rather sit around and do nothing. I know in a few days, I would feel I wasted a day when I could have done something worthwhile. I have not done much, but I did go out for a few mile afternoon walk, enjoying the fall flowers that are still out and the warmth of the sun mixed with a cool breeze today.

The park where I walk shares a property line with a middle school. As I was walking a Physical Education Coach was leading his class out for some outside activity before the weather becomes too cold. As I walked up to where he was standing, I stopped and we talked for a few minutes about the kids, differences in generations, and life in general. Sort of a quick comparison conversation of our respective generations.

The kids were supposed to be running around the mile loop as fast as they could, but of course as soon as some of them were what they considered a safe distance from the Coach, their run slowed way down. Some of them were running hard, and some had slowed their run to an ambling walk. I am grateful for seeing these kids do this today, and being able to understand why their running style applies to my life.

In my own life over the years, there have been periods when I went as fast as I could. there were times when I would be wondering why life would not move faster so I could get whatever plan I had set in motion accomplished. There were other times, such as today for example, when a slow walk would suit me just fine. I was in no hurry and there was nothing to rush for. Or really like today, I feel a little run down and slow is about as fast as I care to move.

That is one of the great things about life, as you grow older! You have a bigger base of experience from which to make comparisons with. When I received the very first flu shot that made me feel run down, I was angry that I did this to myself, and I vowed that I would never get another flu shot.

I remember a few years of going without flu shots. During one of them I actually caught a severe case of the flu. The kind of being sick where you feel like you are going to die any second, then you start wishing you would, just so you would quit aching all over? That was the flu I had that year, terrible stuff! Now days, I do not mind feeling a little run down for a day or two, because I know feeling run down for a day or so is not as bad as being in bed for a week, so sick that dying does not feel like such a terrible alternative to the aching.

Now you know what I am grateful for this week. Over the years I have gained the wisdom to know that a little inconvenience is sometimes a better choice than a lot of pain later. Also along with all that gained wisdom of dubious value, I know these situations do not only apply to flu shots.

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