Tag Archives: help

The little things make a difference

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When I was about eight years old I was ran over by a car – actually having a large ‘N’ of tire tread scabs on my back from my lower left to my upper right shoulder. I only had some bruises as a result. This happened in the sixties when cars were large and heavy.

In my rather short career as a sailor I had bets placed on my life in South Chicago as to whether I would make it back to the boat alive. Once there was a bet on whether I would survive one eight hour night on a dock in Ohio without being stabbed and robbed while I worked.

I survived not drowning on the Edmund Fitzgerald because I made a rash decision not to go winter sailing because a friend was not going. I once had a disagreement with some gang members and had a pistol stuck in my face a year or so later. I swore I could have walked down the barrel of the pistol with my arms outspread and not touched either side of the barrel.

There were the inevitable Friday or Saturday nights out on the town, when some redneck did not like long hair, wild ways, clothes, or something else about me…and wanted to fight me.

Those are just highlights of some almost times when my earthly existence could have ended. Because of my good fortune I started to believe I was here for something special. I was going to accomplish something very big. I had no idea what it was, but I knew it was going to happen.

If that big event ever happened, I missed it…. As far as I know that big thing never happened. Life went on, and of course both myself and the world slowly changed. Whatever my big moment was I either never showed up, or it came and went, and I never noticed.

Something did happen, and it took a long time before I was aware of it happening, but happen it did. One way or another circumstances created situations where I did something good for someone. It was never any big event that took place. Being at the right place at the right time with a willingness to listen, or simply being there – giving someone a chance to talk and change their mind. Things as simple lending or giving someone a few dollars when they were broke. Sharing a different perspective on what looked like a desperate situation. I found myself adding my (tongue in cheek here) sage advice when an important decision was made.

I imagine about now you are thinking this is a pretty self centered focused post on me. I would if I were reading it for the first time. What it is really about is what I never noticed during those years. What I never noticed were those people who appeared in my life and gave me a nudge changing my life course ever so slightly.

Without allowing people help me, I would probably still be angry at the world, standing on wayside, waiting for the world to conform to me. I would be living my life trying to overcome one problem at a time. I would ponder where the wonder was to my life, and what purpose I had in being here.

I have learned over the years, is that changing the world rarely happens with a bold sweep of the painters brush on the canvas of the world. Rather changing the world happens by changing the hues in the life of one or maybe a few people at a time. Over a lifetime I think we will discover that all those little things that seemed so innocent have in fact changed the world in ways we can never imagine.

I bet you are one of those people? Maybe you never entered my life and said or did something that changed the course of my life forever, but I bet you entered someone’s life? Because I know you are one of these people, I want you to take some time today and acknowledge yourself for the good you have done. Also while you are reminding yourself of the good you have done, think about the changes in the world you still have to make.

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Grease, sugar, and flour…learning how to eat correctly

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I started on a lifestyle change right before Christmas. I reached the point where I knew without a doubt that anything readily wrong with me was my fault, and if I did not change, I was not going to wake up healthier one morning. I thought about all the foods I eat that I knew I should not eat, and what they were doing to me. I had made the decision I was going to improve my eating habits, or I was going to die trying – hopefully a little literary extravagance in the expression. This time I was very serious, and I was going to make it work no matter what it took.

I started out well, at least I thought I was starting off well. I traded the man sized burgers, fries, and a coke for the woman sized portions, and the sugary soda for a diet soda. I added more vegetables to my meals. I ate a little less white foods, making up the difference in meats. Over the following two months I had lost about ten pounds. I lost that by eating little for dinner and waking up very hungry. Of course over the two months, I started making up for being hungry at night by eating more for breakfast.

It is really an interesting situation we Americans have ourselves in when it comes to eating. We generally eat more in some meals than we should be eating in a whole day. I won’t go on with what those meals are, other than to say they meet the taste requirements of the new American food groups are: grease, sugar, and flour. The more of these bad foods in combination the more we like them.

I used to work with a guy whose diet consisted of: Twinkies, canned vanilla pudding, and pop. That is all he ate every day. We all knew he was not going to live to long on a diet like that. We would talk about his poor diet while we ate burgers and fries. Later I worked with a woman who lived on toaster pastries and coffee. I was sure she was not going to make to another birthday. I thought these thoughts as I was giving up eating most pork, and all gravy – with a few exceptions of course.

Now it was my turn to really look at myself and help myself eat better. I thought maybe if I made sandwiches instead of burgers and had some corn chips, and diet coke my diet would be better. After a month of sandwiches, nothing had changed. Somehow my idea of eating better just was not working.

I did what I think I do best in these and similar situations. I decided I was suffering a case of wrong think. All I was really doing was substituting one poor food choice for another poor food choice. All the while thinking I was really changing my eating habits. All I was doing in reality was changing the composition of what I ate, while not changing what it was all made of. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it was better to admit I did not have a clue how to eat healthy, than to continue eating what I was eating. One meal out of the house I have always enjoyed was going to a salad bar. Watching other people at the salad bar, and their food choices started me down a whole new way of eating.

It is important to remember the idea that salad bar sounds healthy. Everyone there should be slim and trim, but they were not. Just like anywhere else, there was a mix of sizes. I grouped the people at the salad bars into two main groups. Those who were over weight, and those who were not. I started watching what the two groups ate for their meals. What I discovered really took me by surprise!

The more rotund people were eating about the same things I ate, a small plate of salad, followed by muffins, pastas, and ice cream with toppings. When I looked at the slim people they were eating salad, light soups, and one bread or muffin, and perhaps a small amount of ice cream for desert. What a difference in eating habits! I knew right then I needed to start eating like the slimmed down people were eating. I also knew I did not have a clue how to eat like they were throughout the day.

I found a book that promised to get me on the right track. The book suggested I would lose all the weight I wanted in the process, plus I would feel better each passing week. I had to ask myself, how many books make that promise? Well, when I went online to the bookstore, I found eighty-seven people gave this book an overall four point five stars on a five star scale. I thought conspiracy right away, what else could it be? There is no book that good. I read through some parts of it quickly and decided I liked what I read. It was straight forward, talked to me in a way I understood, and it made no frills attached sense. Except it was a vegetarian diet! A VEGETARIAN DIET! Who in the world ate like that? Obviously the authors and eighty-seven other people eat that way.

Thirty plus pounds later, I can attest to everything the book says is true, for me at least. Besides losing a lot of weight, I am still losing weight, and generally my health has improved more than I ever thought possible. I can’t say I am total vegetarian even though I ate tofu scrambled and spiced to look and almost taste like eggs today, along with a bowl of three bean chili and some bread that contains no grain, toast with almond butter, and an orange, all for breakfast! I still enjoy some chicken now and then, and I ate two pieces of beef, and two eggs, in the last month. Overall I can say I really enjoy the way I eat now, for no other reason than I am getting the results I want. I am also learning what it means to eat healthy, to eat right, and it feels so good!

I don’t have any intention of selling you on my new way of eating. Friends and family find it pretty bland, and can not believe I can eat the way I am learning to eat. For me it is the first of many baby steps as I learn how to eat right without following a manual of eating. What I am suggesting, is if you are willing to admit what you are doing in any area of your life is not working, there is hope and help waiting when you are ready to change. All you have to do is want to change bad enough that other things in your life become second to achieving your goal. If I can do it, anyone can do it.

That means you can do it too if you are willing to set aside what you think you know, and admit what you know does not work for you, whether it is eating, relationships, or life in general. Go to the book store, get on the net, or talk to people who seem to be doing it better than you do. When you want it bad enough, you will find a new way that works for you.

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Change, change, and change some more

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Change threads its way through my blog. Change is one of the hardest things for us humans to accept. Resisting change is a trait we share with cats, fwiw. Cat’s dislike change even more than we do. Most of us create our own internal schedule, and our own rhythms. We do not like our boat to be rocked at all. I have spent a great part of my working life doing jobs that thrive on change. I am one of the few people who like change –  at work.

I am not someone who likes impulsive things, but I do like change at work as I tend to get bored over time doing the same thing over and over again. One job I really enjoyed that that most people would find boring was being a dishwasher at a restaurant. For some reason I found being a dishwasher very relaxing. It had a nice rhythm, and I suppose there was enough movement, and task separation to make it fun – for me at least.

We need change in our lives. Even though most of us will say we like change, we tend to fight change whenever we can. Even when we are miserable, and hate our life situation, we stay in it rather than try doing something different in our life. And that is too bad. Like people in a bad relationship, no matter what the cause, we sit in our misery, because no matter how bad things are, it is comfortable. It may not be fun, but it is comfortable and knowable. We humans like constancy in our lives.

I can find a number of reasons why I did not want to change something in my life even when I knew deep down inside I should have changed it a long time ago. I could tick off those reasons into categories, sub categories, and sometimes even find referenced links between categories. I imagine most people are the same way. Eventually something comes along that will make me change whatever it is I am resisting.

Whatever happens is the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. One problem too many, and I can’t deal with it any more. I am forced to change, like it or not. Then once the change has been in place for a while, I wonder what I was so against? The change is good, even fun, once I finish pouting about it. Sometimes it is painful, but over a lifetime I have learned pain is all relative. I would rather a good friend move away than have them killed in an accident. I would rather have some ailment that is a reminder I am not a teenager any longer, than be told I have some terminal disease.

The point of all the above, is to say do not wait until you are in complete misery before accepting the fact that either you, or something in your life has to change. It is easier to start working that change when it becomes evident that you must make a change than wait until life really rains on your parade. Generally once people accept they have to make changes, and actually make a change in their life, they are happy they did.

Like the lyrics in the song tell us, ‘Change will do you good…’. Try it out change yourself. Try embracing change instead of putting it off. You may be surprised at the results. If you are someone who needs to practice, go to a clothing store and buy some shirt or top that you generally would never wear in public. Take it home, wash it and wear it the next day. Wear it every week or ten days. You will see that change is not as terrible as you thought it might be. We are all changing all the time, it can’t be stopped, but it can be less painful than we allow it to be.

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Master or struggling apprentice? Stages of life

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Life, just like learning a trade is done in small steps. When a master carpenter first takes up carpentry they are not immediately qualified to work at the level of a master carpenter. They have to go through the stages just like anyone else. They may have some experience at carpentry, and they may be expert at a task or two, but they are a long way from being a master class carpenter. They may be good at using a hammer, but have never used a carving tool or a chisel.

I remember watching a carpentry show about master carpentry in Japan. An apprentice carpenter may be an apprentice twenty or more years before he is allowed to work on a real project. When he is allowed to work on a real project, his work and his masters work are of the same caliber and skill level.

A lesson was given in the show about the difference between a master carpenters plane, and that of an apprentice plane. I thought the apprentice using his plane was doing a fine job until I watched the master carpenter plane off curls of wood thinner than a sheet of paper. The skill of the master was apparent both in the care he took of his tools, and in the quality of his work.

Some of us we have created, or live a right now life style. We want it all right now. For a few this lifestyle works well, but for most it is a struggle both to achieve and to try and maintain. Most give up trying after a short period of time because the energy required is just too great, having it all right now. Like the apprentice carpenter we need to take the time to learn what we need to learn before we move on to the next level of our life. Life is like the story of the blind men and the elephant. We all have hold of a different part of life, and we need to understand that this is likely the perfect place for us right now, even though it is not where someone else who’s life we may envy or want to emulate appears to be at.

Everything happens in its own time and at its own pace. The bigger or more complex our wants, the longer it generally takes to have them fulfilled. There are no shortcuts, and there are no free passes. When we want something, we have to work towards it, and not expect it until such time we are ready for it, and it is ready for us.

A good way to tell if you are doing the right things right is to pause. While you take a break in the flow of your life, decide how you feel at that moment. If you feel contentment and peace, you are on the correct path for you. However if you find you are tense, and are going through one problem, or crisis after another in trying to achieve your goal, it is then time to stop and evaluate what you really want, and how you are really trying to achieve it.

If you find you are struggling to arrive at the life point you have set for yourself, this is an indicator that what you think you want, and what you are doing are at odds with each other. You may have started out going in the right direction with the right intention, but somewhere either what you want, or what you are doing to achieve it have changed. You have to decide what has changed, and what is your real goal.

On the other hand, if you are content, and your life feels comfortable, you are doing the right things right and you should continue doing what you are doing. When what you want in your life is aligned with what you are doing, life flows smoothly. When they are not in alignment, life tends to get a little frustrating sometime.

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The young adult life purpose helper

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When we are born the world revolves around us. We are hungry, cold, tired, and so on. The basic things we need for our own survival consumes our world as infants, and as children. Entering school, we are a damp sponge waiting to be filled with knowledge. Our school system is intended to feed us the knowledge we need to be fiscally productive members of society. But that is not a life purpose, to be a skilled robot in the workforce. Everything in our life served a life purpose, but not the type we are looking for at this moment in our life.

If our parents belonged to some formal religion, and both practiced and attended, it is likely that we also received some level formal religious training. As we grew, we entered into different levels of religious training, but it is for the most part a one way feed of receive and regurgitate system of learning. This learning taught us a life style, but not a life purpose.

One day school is over, we have a McJob, or we arrive at a point in our life where we relax and look around. At this point we look around, and see that some people out there seem to have a mission that drives them and makes them happy. Many of us unfortunately do not have this built in mission. Suddenly we feel empty, and without purpose when it does not become immediately apparent to us what our life purpose is.

I wish to reassure you it is completely normal to feel this way. You do not need a life purpose right at this moment. You already have a life purpose going on in your life. For some of us this stage may last a day, for others it will be the rest of our life.

This stage we enter when we raise our heads, look around and realize for the first time in our life, there is more to the world than just us. People out there seem to have a life purpose but we do not seem to have one! This is the point when the posts appear, and all the questions are asked about life purpose, and how to find it.

If someone you know is at this stage, or you are here, there are probably a few major things going on in your life? The first is you no longer need to learn anything formally unless you wish to. Relationships with others also become strained at this point because suddenly you are figity, inside and out. This usually happens before you are even aware of it. All this thinking is sometimes painful, and it seems like a complete waste of your life and your energy. It really is important to do this thinking, as it is one of those pay now, or pay later parts of your life.

The best thing to do at this point is take the time to really learn about you. Find out about the person you really are. As you learn about you, you will find out many important things about you. What is acceptable and what is not have changed over time in the different venues of your life. Decide what you expect from your life in future years. What will make you happy inside, and let you feel good about yourself? This is ‘the’ purpose in your life at this time. Do a good job of learning about you, enjoying the exploration of you as a life purpose, and the rest will of your life will be emotionally richer, and fulfilling.

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Risk verses belief, providing and refusing help

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This is an old story I enjoy telling. This story could be classified as an allegory I suppose. For many of us the story fits our lives more often than it misses. Risk taking is not something we humans are programmed for. Either is examining our beliefs. This story is about risk taking, belief. Sometime we have to be aware enough to know it is time to take the hand that is offered us.

There was small town somewhere below one of the great dams, levees, or next to a river. One day it started to rain, the dam was giving way, or the levee was overran. The town started to flood.

The first emergency response was the town sheriff who drove around the town, announcing on his loud speaker that the town was going to flood soon, and everyone needed to pack up and move to somewhere out of the flood zone. There was a man living in one of the houses, who was reading his paper at the time, and when he heard the PA announcement to evacuate, he thought to himself, “The Lord will provide.”

Of course the water came into the town, and soon was at the door of the man’s house. The National Guard had been called out by this time to both help the folks evacuate, and to protect the town. When a truck drove up to help the man gather his important belongings and leave his home, the man refused saying, “The Lord will provide.”

Shortly thereafter the water was in the house. The water was muddy, knee deep and rising quickly. The man took refuge in his belief, and moved his most important belongings to an upstairs room. He said to himself as muddy water filled the ground level rooms, “The Lord will provide.”

At this time a federal government agency arrived in town to help. A few men in a boat thought they saw movement in an upstairs window of a house. It was the man moving his now meager possessions to the roof. They motored over to the house and told the man they were there to take him to safety. The man refused, steadfast in his belief saying simply, “The Lord will provide.”

As the man sat on his roof the water was rising higher and moving faster. The man could feel the pull of the water on the frame of his house. It was starting to groan slightly from the pressure of the water. A helicopter news team was in the area, filming the flood, and spotted the man on the roof. They could not understand how the man was missed by the previous rescue teams. They stopped filming, and flew over the house were the man sat on the roof. One of the men holding on with one hand, hung out the door of the helicopter and reached out with his other hand to the man to take hold of. The man sat where he was and waved off the helicopter. He said to them and himself, “The Lord will provide.”

The house started to groan loudly and twist. The opposite corner was torn away from the house and floated away in the torrent. As the man watched in horror as his house was breaking apart, a tree which had been uprooted, hit the house and stilled for a few minutes before floating away with the current. With a mighty groan, the house shuddered one last time and broke apart. The man was thrown into the muddy flotsam filled water and drowned.

Suddenly he was standing before the throne of God, awestruck in what he saw before him. God looked down and asked the man why he was there? The man was not sure, but then realized he had drowned, and he became angry with God for letting him drown when his belief was so strong that nothing could shake it.

God looked at the man standing there and asked the man this question. “I sent the sheriff to your house, I sent the National Guard, I led two men in a boat to you. I made sure men in a helicopter saw you, and tried to rescue you. I sent you a tree to hang on to as your house was swept away so you would survive the flooding. What else did you expect me to provide?”

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