When I became old enough to legally drive I bought a motorcycle. Life was pretty good. When weekends rolled around, and I was not working, it was a simple thing to grab my sleeping bag and fishing rod and head out to the lake for the weekend.
Weather was my biggest concern I did not have a tent so any rain meant I had to find a dry spot to sleep, or as dry as one could find at the lake. If I caught fish I had something to eat. If I did not catch any fish, a day or two without food was sufferable.
After I was asked not to return for another year of college, I went out and found a job and new friends because college was in another town in another state. Some of my friends were just like me. We had little to nothing except a job and a vehicle that would get us from one place to another – most of the time. Life was still pretty simple, pay the rent, have fun.
Of course about his time we start to get swept up in what every one around us is doing. It became important to find a better job, drive a better car, be a little more responsible. Before I knew it, all my single friends were getting married and settling down. I followed suit.
Suddenly life starts becoming more complicated; the easy days of only having to worry about myself were sliding into the past, as were casual days of camping by the lake, and generally lazing around having fun. I had to expand my focus from myself to my family. Taking a weekend off to go fishing became a luxury, not just another weekend. Fixing the car, buying furniture, clothes, baby food, and diapers became more important than me.
Nothing stays the same of course, but it did not seem like it at the time. The future looked like an unending need for diapers, baby food and kids clothes. Occasionally I would eke out a few hours for me, but those times were rare.
Of course those times went away, and slowly but surely I was not needed so much. In fact the biggest thing that was needed from me was an income. I started feeling like an ATM. I would look into the future and see years of working for a paycheck to have it disappear moments after it was cashed, only to start the process all over again.
This too went away, and my life became mostly mine again. Of course by this time, much of what I used to do was now something that young people do. Hanging out at the local bar did not have the same appeal it did years ago. Other hobbies were also left by the wayside for the same reasons. Other things like going to the lake for the weekend are now more involved because of all the things we need for going to the lake. What was once a two minute stuff a sleeping bag and one change of underwear into a rucksack is now a load the truck with everything process.
I wonder if this planning and packing is a form of ritual such as Thanksgiving or Easter, or is it something else. I find myself trying to simplify everything, but for some reason it is not an easy task to simplify. The line between what I need in my life and everything in my life is grey and convoluted. What once was clear and simple, now takes a little planning.
I was reading a few web sites about being homeless a few weeks ago, and it almost sounded pleasant to me. Not many cares with all the programs out there that would take care of me. All I would need is a safe place to sleep each night – and most of everything I have in my life at present.
Maybe being homeless is not as simple I perceive it to be. I imagine for now, I will be happy I can go to the lake, and not care about the three hours it takes to get ready to go. Being grateful enters my thoughts at moments like this.
