When we have identified a flaw in ourselves, and believe it is serious enough to fix, we tend to place our focus in changing what is wrong with us. Running the gamut of addictions, from food, drugs, sex, religion, or personal growth, we blindly jump on the band wagon consumed with the idea of life changes we are going to make.
We really believe that we can stop in mid-stride, change our whole self into some envisioned epiphany. In my experience it rarely if ever happens as we dream it.
Substituting addictions is a big reason we become swept away in an idea only to find ourselves drained and disappointed later. Pretending to be Neophytes to addiction one can not understand why others are not as excited or determined as they are. In their enthusiasm, they do not understand they are not the first nor the last to suddenly want to change for anyone except themselves.
The addict is soon crushed by physical cravings and feelings of separation brought about by their previous life choices. it is hard to think of the coming disconnect in a moment of clarity shortly after receiving that last fix. Perception of what is compared to an idea do not meld together well. For example a heavy tobacco user right after a cigarette finds it easy to envision how easy it will be to quit.
Ideas powerful, finding religion, a better way to live, discovering a purpose to ones life that never before existed is one of the most powerful chemical free experiences we as humans will ever have. Roads, byways, and families are littered with shells of people who failed to conquer their new fervor.
The addict after suffering the pain of withdrawal, or the new convert instead of finding bliss and peace, find pain, loneliness and emptiness, and despair, slinking back into the previous lifestyle. The focus occasionally shifts initially from the process, to the idea of the process, and then collapses upon itself. The addict and convert all too often are the carnage on the road of life adding feelings of defeat and worthlessness to their list of life problems.
There are two major processes working against success. The largest block to success is the years or decades one spent getting to this moment in ones life. We can not live a life of any type for any length of time and walk away from it in a moment of revelation without weighty repercussions to follow shortly.
The second major block to success is in the change itself. Because one suddenly chooses to embrace change does not mean change is ready to embrace them. No matter how hard one tries to change, nothing has initially changed except the desire to change.
It is impossible for anyone to make an immediate and permanent change to ones life without the intervention of something powerful and life changing outside of what is normal life. One of the best examples is the life of Stanley Tookie Williams.
Stanley Williams’ life was one one of polar change. Unfortunately, even Stanley Williams in his dramatic life changes, could not or would not let go of portions of his previous life outside of prison. Yet every moment of every day, someone decides they are going to change and leave everything of their previous life behind and believes they are now walking down a flower lined path.
Change happens in small difficult to measure steps. Anything faster is not change but a series of coincidences strung together appearing as change. At some point along the series of coincidences, change stops, and one is forced to contemplate nothing big has changed other than minor external events.
Instant change is a harmful illusion promised in infomercials. Real life is a series of challenges. Every one of us faces a lifetime of challenge. When the fervor of instant change seeps into your mind, and you start to be swept away by possibilities, remember the idiom, “Rome was not built in day”. Real change is a slow process measured in little victories over a long period. Anything else is a false promise leading to self blame and pointless recrimination.
