This is something I wish I would have understood when I was growing up, as it would have made some areas of my life simpler and more satisfying. Perhaps my thoughts will help you giving you a direction you want your life to go in, and make it more satisfying and fulfilling.

In the movie, The Edge, the main character Anthony Hopkins is Charles Morse, who is constantly asked, “What now Charles?” Charles is a business and book smart billionaire who finds himself stranded with his wife’s lover Alec Baldwin plying Bob Green in the wilds of Alaska. Only Charles knows enough about survival from his voracious reading to save both of their lives in the rugged wilderness. Before the plane crash, Charles was by perception in the movie, an extremely successful businessman having inadequate social skills.

I was or perhaps still am, as are many other people, like the character Charles. I spent years trying to fit in where I always felt a little out of place. My fitting in was always met with varying degrees of success depending on how one wished to categorize or rate what constitutes success. In parts of my life I was very successful, in others areas, which are the areas we tend to focus on when reviewing ourselves, I did not feel I was that successful.

When the plane crashes, Charles is now in a position to compete where he can excel, not to far removed from the business arena where Charles was a stellar performer. Some could say Charles was an illusionist, in that he chose not to excel in any activity that did not reward him financially. This may or may not be the case.

In the wilds of Alaska, with his extensive survival knowledge, Charles was in an arena where the other person did not even know the rules of the game. There was almost no chance of Charles being less successful than someone who had no survival skills experience or knowledge. Charles was unfortunately because of the plane crash in an arena where he would excel using all his knowledge and talents.

What came to pass was I realized that no matter how I tried, unless I changed myself and many things about me, I would never fit in with certain groups of people. That seemed to leave me two choices: Change, or always be a little bit of an outsider. I tried changing, but those clothes were not comfortable. Neither was being a little bit of an outsider, but it was the better feeling of my two options.

Somewhere along the way of living my life, I started to have an awareness that my not fitting in had nothing to do with me, or the people around me. We were all being ourselves, and doing what made us happy. Any conflict was a result of the situation, not them and not a flaw in me. I was trying to belong where I could never comfortably belong or fit in.

Almost by accident I stumbled into changing my circumstances into situations where I did fit in. I quit trying to fit in where I thought I should, and started looking for people and activities that fit the real me. In essence I became Charles after the plane crash. I had leveled the field and began spending my time in places where other people like me spent their time too.

During this time the way I felt about me and my life became much better, and more comfortable. I did not change myself in the process. I changed what I did and who I spent my time with. Phrased another way, I changed my reality. I am still the same person, but those around me, have a better understanding of my character, and personality, and therefore have a clearer perception of why I do the things I do, or not as the case may be.

If you are like me and you look in the mirror, are happy with the person you see, who does not quite fit in their life as you think they should, do what I did. Decide where you do fit in and with whom, and see if that agrees with who you think you are. If you find that those types of people share your idea of life, join them and don’t be surprised when you become like Charles too. Often it is not the person who is not quite right; it is the situation they are in that does not fit their character and personality.