It may seem kind of funny coming from a Man who was a teenager when the Viet Nam war was happening. I have some advice for young women. Having survived the male side of teenage life, growing into adulthood, and now talking about Grandkids, I may have a few thoughts you may want to take time to read. You may have heard it all before, but give me a few minutes anyway? You have a lot more time ahead of you than I do.
Somebody has to be something. You can decide what something is. Someone has to be everything you are thinking about. It does not matter who is what, or how you fit in. It is not important if you are not the prettiest, funniest, or best dressed. A few years from now these things won’t matter to you very much. The only thing that really matters is you like the young woman you see in the mirror.
You are in such a rush to look older. Companies are stealing from you. Helping you look ten, fifteen, possibly twenty years older than you are is theft. Take a minute or two and look at the older women shopping the same cosmetic aisles you are next time you are shopping. You know what older women want? They want to look like you without makeup! It is true, I guarantee it! A few of the women standing in the aisle with you have already wasted thousands of dollars trying to look as young as you. You will never look this young again, so don’t hide yourself with makeup you do not need. Perfect faces are for fantasies.
No matter what you do, you can only do so much with the body your parents gave you. Take care of your body by eating right, getting good exercise, plenty of sleep, and don’t worry about things you can not do anything about, which is about everything you worry about.
 Most young men have two heads until they are in they reach their early thirties. Around thirty something, they start to think more often with the one their shoulders. No matter what a young man tells you, or how he makes you feel, he wants sex; and not a lot else from you. This is the way we men are made. We do not have deep emotions when we are young.
He will make you laugh, buy you trinkets, and spend time with you. All he really wants is sex. I imagine you do not believe this is true, especially if some young man is doing all the things for you I just mentioned. He will tell you this is not true. Which of his two heads do you think is thinking with?
I offer you a challenge if you do not believe me. Go to Walmart, or your favorite large discount store for an hour or so. Look for young women with small children in tow. As you find them, look at them closely. How are they dressed. Do they look happy? Look at their left hand and see if they are married. Most of those women believed what some young man told them because he made them feel good. He’s now long gone, and a dim memory.
It is hard to know what life will be for you. If you make good decisions, you have a better chance of it being a good life. You will find work you really want to do. You will have fun with your friends, do new things, go on dates, see new places, eat new foods. In general you will have fun.
Your life will slowly evolve. What other people think of you will become less important. You will start to learn about yourself. You will figure out you really are not feeling lonely for some guy. No man will complete you. You are feeling distanced from something you can’t define. If you a observant, you will notice others around you feel this way too. You will see it in them when they are not wearing their public face. Being married, having children, or having a serious relationship does not make this feeling go away for long.
Eventually when you are not paying attention, someone will slip up on you. You hopefully will fall in love, get married and start a family. If you married for reasons that go deeper than he has cute dimples, or he’s good in bed, your marriage has a chance of surviving more than a few years.
On the other hand, if you let your emotions run your life, and believe what young men are telling you, your life will be a little different. Go to Walmart again and look at the miserable, single, poor young women with children, trying to make ends meet on a Friday night at Walmart that you saw. Soon you will be one of them.
You want to make good choices based on reality, not emotions, what your friends are saying, or what some guy is telling you. You are my future, and I want your future to be one filled with happy adults who know what is important in their life. Happy adults have happy children. Happy children need all the help they can get, so they too make good decisions.
There are moments when I am going through my day and I think I am merely a bit player in my own life, following a script that was written long ago. I find that thought interesting, especially when involved in a painful conversation, or receiving advice from someone about something.
Occasionally I find myself wondering, if the whole situation whatever it is, was contrived for the sole benefit of the other person and I am cameo in the scene? Have they lived all these years and lived through untold trials and tribulations waiting for this moment to enter my life, and tell me in a few seconds, something that I need to hear, but keep choosing not to hear?
In other circumstances when life becomes difficult, I wonder if I spent my life and went through all my life experiences to enter someone else’s life with a different way of approaching a problem? Perhaps, my ‘different way of approaching a problem’ contributes to more frustration on their part. Maybe the interaction was contrived to make this one day even worse than it would be had I not appeared in their day?
Before I learned, or perhaps understood that the type of people I would normally have problems with will keep showing up over and over again until I see myself in them and accept them; that without fail, these same types of people showed up over and over with nothing better to do than frustrate and make me miserable.
Now that I am (mostly) beyond that way of thinking about why they were always in my life, maybe it is now my life responsibility to enter into the life of others and frustrate them with the way I act. Maybe myself and others like me are constant problem in their lives, bouncing from one situation and conflict to another, causing stress in the lives of others without realizing it.
 If I know the answer to that question, I am am not aware at the moment that I do know it. I do know that knowing that life is a long series of challenges and conflict since I was born is enough to know at the moment. Whether I would become bored, or not with my life if I was not challenged on all fronts, is not really that important any more.
It is much more fun to take each day as it is, and know that some days are better than others. In the end of my life there is no prize given out, or listing of where I finished in comparison to whatever imaginary group I was being compared to. Often, we tend to forget that thought.
At the end of my life, if I am fortunate not lose my life in a split second accident, there is no prize given out at that moment for how I lived my life. There is no one standing by with a scale measuring how I handled each life event, good or bad, and rating it against an imaginary group.
What is real is the knowing that life is not stagnant. Because I have worked towards a goal for an hour, week, month, or lifetime, does not mean I am entitled to always see the fruit of my labor. What I am entitled to is knowing what I did or did not do.
Knowing that I accepted change, struggle, and adversity for what it is. Change, struggle, and adversity are benchmarks in any life. Because of them I know I am alive, and taking responsibility for my life and how I live it.
It is not hard to live life going which ever way I am moved by the winds of those around me. Though that is not living life, that is going through the motions of waiting to die. I prefer to live my life as best as I can, and take responsibility for myself and my actions.
It is knowing that I did the best I could with what I had to work with that is important. Living my life the best I know how, like my future death is not a team event.
I share my life with you and those around me, but I am the only person living my life. In those instances I may wish to live someone else’s life if only for an instant, it is up to me to do the best I can with what I have to work with. Unfortunately what I have to work with is not always what I would prefer. That’s life.
Are you going to do it, or not? What will your choice be? Every day when we are actually awake and paying attention, there are available options. Because you are reading this, you have many more options than half the people in the world. You more than half the population of the world can take and option that may change the world forever in ways never imagined.
As we go through our day most of us are not aware of making any choices. The way we tend to think about our day is everything is pretty much planned out. We know what we are going wear, what we are going to do, when we are going to eat, and what we will do with our free time.
In the course of thinking what we are going to do we will have made a number of decisions. The simple act of waking and deciding what we are going to do with our day involves any number of decisions we are not even aware we are making.
Do we really have to wear the clothes we picked out, spend our day doing what we know or decided we need to do, and end our day in the manner we determined we would when we woke? For the most part we do have to do what we have planned because we are on autopilot. If we do not do what we planned, it is possible we will have made some choices that take us down avenues of life we never thought possible.
 When paying attention to how the day unfolds, there are small decisions that need to be made depending on circumstance. These are the options that pop up every day. Subtle small choices that really seem to have no impact on anything we are doing or are likely to do. Big things sometimes come in packages so small we never even notice they exist.
For example, it is not uncommon in these times to have people at intersections holding out their hands, a can, or a hat, asking for money. Some hold signs, some stand dejectedly looking at nothing in particular. It is so common most people hardly notice any more.
Someone you see everyday looks like they are having a really bad day even though you were not told about it. Maybe you are the only person to notice, or maybe you are the last person to notice that something is wrong in their life. Do you pretend you do not see their pain and suffering like everyone else has today?
The phone rings and it is someone asking for donations for some charity. They spend whatever seconds you give them trying to convince you that the situation is desperate and it is practically your civic duty to part with some hard earned dollars for their cause. Maybe it is important, and maybe it is a scam to part the unsuspecting from their money.
These are options that enter life almost each and every day. Some are so small and slippery they enter and leave without being noticed. Others are larger, and demand not only attention, but possibly time or money.
There are the few and far between well disguised big options. Everything in your life has happened for this very moment. The chaos of life has collaborated to create a sequence of events to put you into a position where you are the only person who can take the option to act on something that needs to be done.
It may not be an option of epic proportions such as Jason and the Golden Fleece, Sacajawea, or Marie Currie, but it may be as big, or bigger. When everything falls into place at the right, or wrong time, you may well be the only person in the world with the totally unique qualifications to accept this particular option and follow it to its end.
Of course there is always the option of passing. Saying no, or doing nothing. That is the most painless way away from the situation. In doing that the world will go on as it always has, and the option of doing something meaningful and making a difference will slip into the future somewhere, to appear again in another form. Waiting until the time is right for you to be given an option.
Life options such as these can be though of as entrances to a building you have never entered before, and know nothing about. WIthout realizing, you have the option of going through the door – or not. If you do nothing, nothing will change. If you choose the option to go through the door, you may change the world in ways you never imagined.
It doesn’t take courage to take an option. It doesn’t take strength, stamina, or athletic ability. It does take an awareness to know the seriousness of the option you are presented with and wisdom to make the correct decision. Will you take the option?
Being grateful is a state of mind and a learned habit. Some people of course are naturally grateful, though the rest of us have to learn how. Once you teach yourself to see the magic in the world, and learn to appreciate what you observe you are well on your way to living a grateful happy life.
I was not raised to be a grateful person. Gratefulness was only mentioned in negatives. “Eat that food, do you know how many children are starving around the world?” “Do you know how long I worked for that?” “Do you know what I had to sacrifice for you…” That was my introduction to being grateful. How can anyone learn how to be grateful for being alive when gratefulness is wrapped in negativity.
Like anyone else I enjoyed some things in my life. For the most part enjoying something in my life was more of an observation, and not any realization of how special those things were in my life. Until they were gone, of course. Then the full weight of how special something was in my life weighed on me. The death of a family member, a pet, or a friend moving away. Only after the fact did I realize how important those people and animals were in my life.
 Growing up, I saw sunsets, sunrises, thunderheads, snow storms, mountains, and misty lakes in the early morning. All sights that make anyone think how lucky they are to be alive and be present in the moment. But being grateful was not part of my feelings. After all the mountains did not move, the sun rose every day, and snow fell every winter.
It was not until much later I heard someone say something that showed me there was more to life than observing what was important in my life. It was not directly related to being grateful, but started me down the path. I was fortunate to be introduced to a unique person. He was always happy, and he had a magic about him. He was Mason, but I know that was not it, because I knew other Masons and they were not like him.
I overheard him one day after relating a frustrating experience when trying to make a deal on a few cars he was trying to sell. The deal had gone sour, and rather than being bitter or frustrated, after telling the story, he smiled and said, “I sure like people”. Like people, I thought, some guy just took away your income for the month, and you say, “I like people”?
I heard him repeat the same phrase, “I like people”, a number of times while I knew him. One day I asked him why he said that all the time. He told me that he had a choice when things did not go right. He could be bitter and feel like he was not getting his fair share, or he could be grateful for the opportunity to have the experience and learn from it. He said he chose to appreciate the experience and learn from it.
I thought about what he was saying, and decided if he was so happy with his life, and he could be grateful even when plans went awry, there must be something to it. I started to think of one thing each day I was grateful for. At first it was hard to think of anything, as my world seemed so dull. Over time I learned how to be grateful, and allowed gratefulness into my life.
Here was my day of gratefulness thoughts from yesterday. Alarm goes off at 05:00. Not already, I am tired, maybe I should call in sick. My bed is nice and warm. My bed is nice and warm because I have a job that pays me enough to afford a place to live and heat. It’s freezing out here in my truck. At least I am alive and able to feel the cold. Every work day, a cook is in the cafe to make my breakfast. I sure am lucky to be able to afford to eat a hot meal for lunch. It’s late, I am tired, and I want to go home. I am fortunate to have a job I can get tired at.
And so it goes. As you can tell I am not a shining beacon of gratefulness, but I am getting better at it. As you allow yourself to change what and how you think, being grateful becomes easier, and life’s magic shows itself more often. One more short thought for gratefulness. I am grateful you took time to read this when there are other things you could be doing instead!
I have been living at the same address now for over twenty years now. That is a record for me. The longest time spent at one address in my life. It seemed odd after a few years at my present address not to be moving on. Once I became used to the idea of living in one place, it became comfortable, and even normal, not moving after a few years.
 One of the first visitors my back yard had was a Robin, which according to natures way became a pair of Robins. They only stayed in my back yard for the month of April which was the first month they flew up from warmer climes where they had wintered. The Robins would scratch about the few areas of mulch material that was left by blowing winds looking for insects for dinner.
After April was over they would move to greener pastures so to speak, I imagine where there were opportunities for real food, rather than the meager existence provided by my back yard. I used to let my cats outside in those days. In their third year, one of the cats killed one of the Robins. There were a second pair by then, offspring I am sure, but the old Robin remained stoically alone until its natural death. Or at least I imagine it was natural, it left end of summer, and never returned.
These days a descendant pair of Robins, many generations later think the bird bath is their property, which they allow other birds to use, but is their bath by virtue of being there first. Over the years, I have lost track of how many pairs of Robins have lived and died in my back yard, but I am guessing this must be the sixth or seventh generation of Robins who claim my back yard as theirs.
They also stay through most of the summer now, scratching and looking for a juicy meal. I know it is not their prime hunting territory for food, but it has become as much a part of their life, as seeing them in the back yard has become mine.
Watching them become agitated when a Dove comes to drink from their bird bath the other day reminded me of the way the Robins and I view our lives. I see the Robins, daily for a few seconds at a time. The Robins on the other hand, have an intimate knowledge of the ebb and flow of life in my back yard. They know when certain insects come out of the ground, and when other insects leave. All I see is them is scratching, and I watch the progress of their lives from first year birds to matriarchs of their Robin clan.
I drew an interesting contrast between the life of Robin’s and my own, and how it applies us all and our own lives. Some of us, who are Shepherds our lives pay attention to what is happening both to ourselves and those around us. We notice most subtle ebbs and tides of life around us, as the Robin’s notice the changes of time and season.
Others among us live pretty much the same as they did yesterday. Tomorrow will be pretty much the same as today. They go about their day out of touch with their lives, and the world around them. They are live their lives ignoring the idea that each day of their life is dynamic and special.
I hope to live my life more like the Robin’s who claim my back yard as their own. Trying to live and appreciate the uniqueness of each day. At my end, I may not be able to recall each and every day, or perhaps even remember my days and nights at all. I will be content knowing that up until that moment I tried to live each day appreciating the subtle changes as the season of life ran its course. How sad it would be to look back on life thinking, I am happy it is almost over. Believing my life was one long day never punctuated with anything special. That must be be a sad finish to ones life.
One of the greatest things about life is being alive. One of the worst things about life is being alive. The most excitement in each day begins with getting out of bed in the morning. The most excitement in each day is going back to bed. Every waking minute is filled with things that create feelings of wonder and awe. Every waking minute is drudgery, and a cruel lesson in suffering.
If those words and sentences could be placed in a square pattern with a third dimension, we could plot out each day of our lives within those boundaries. Over a period of time we would see there is a balance to our lives and we are generally right there in the middle somewhere. Generally is a pretty general term and does not say a whole lot.
For some of us our life would plot out around the top of the plot we created representing our lives. Each minute of every day is one big high pitched fast action picture book of wonders. By the time we lay our head on the pillow, we know it was one of the better days of our life.
 For some of us our life would plot out at the bottom of the plot we created representing our life. Each minute of every day is one big disappointment and the only wonder in our life is the fact we made it though another day without disappearing in a puff of boredom. By the time we lay our head on the pillow, we know it was another one of the worst days of our life.
For most of us however, we would see our life is more or less in the middle of the plot we created. Some days will have been very exciting. Other days would have offset the excitement with a day or two of tedium. Over all though we are satisfied with our life and the path we are on. The downswings are offset by an equal or larger number of upswings. We tend not to mind those ‘bad’ days, because it helps us better appreciate the good days.
In my experience where we find ourselves in this life plot has a lot to do with our age and expectations. Generally the closer we get to getting truly old the better we feel life is. The younger we are the more boring and tedious we tend to find our life. I am not sure, but I imagine our gender also has a lot to do with how we feel about our life too. In many cultures gender makes decisions for our lives which we have no control over or say in.
I used to find life tedious and boring. I would compensate by causing excitement in various ways in those people around me. Usually by pushing buttons and stirring them up. Some days I was not even aware I was doing it. Other days I tried extra hard to get people wound up. One day I realized the amount of pain I occasionally caused in peoples lives trying to amuse myself, and I decided I would not do those things any longer.
The problem then was I did not know what to do. I was very fortunate as luck would have it. I was lucky enough to read and be told a few thoughts that changed how I managed my life. It did not happen over night, but it did happen, and still does happen. I want to share them with you. Here they are:
1. I am going to die some day, and I have the opportunity and tools to change my life if I want to.
2. I like people
3. If I change my mind, I change my world
4. When I feel really sorry for myself, I read the obituary. Obituaries contain the names of people who would give anything to trade places with me.
They were tough words at first for me to understand and harder yet to make a part of my life. Every day I would catch myself and remind myself of these thoughts. I think if we distill life enough, we can find one basic premise: Life is what we choose to make it.
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Most young men have two heads until they are in they reach their early thirties. Around thirty something, they start to think more often with the one their shoulders. No matter what a young man tells you, or how he makes you feel, he wants sex; and not a lot else from you. This is the way we men are made. We do not have deep emotions when we are young.
