Tag Archives: life

When the Bottom Falls Out of Your Life

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Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has problems in their life sometime or another. No matter who you are and what you do you have some types of problems. Sometimes life is good, and then it rains on your parade. Occasionally the rain becomes a raging flood, and you wake up one day and wonder what happened. When this happens and you know there is no earthly cause why this happened to you, perhaps it is time to look into other areas for the cause.

Whether you peruse Supermarket Rags, follow Celebrity gossip on television or internet, or pay attention to what is happening within your circle of friends and acquaintances, there is always one underlying theme. Ms. Christina Aguilera made the cover of a Supermarket Magazine recently. Other celebrities made the front pages of other magazines, and still more celebrities are making the gossip pages on the internet. In your world and mine, we know someone who is suffering the same fate, or is about to. The shock of finding your friends life dissolving is not restricted to somebody the media can exploit to make a few nickels.

What these people who’s life has fallen apart for no obvious reason share is feeling distanced and cut off from the rest of the world. Try as they may, what they have been doing all these years, no longer works. Pretending everything is fine, or burying themselves in something exterior to dull the pain, does not help the pain of isolation and surging feelings of loneliness. Temporary relief for some people it is food, for others, some other form of personal abuse. For any who have been in this situation, we feel like we are standing with toes over the edge of a bottomless pit, and we have not quite made the decision to jump yet.

In America (at least) we are conditioned to treat everything with a physical response. If it hurts, there is a pill for it. If we are lonely there is someone waiting for us. We use in excess food, alcohol or drugs, and other forms of self abuse. When our cure does not work, we try harder and at times add something else to the mix. A famous singer from the sixties is an example, food, alcohol and drugs, and none of them helped in the end.

There is also an internal perception problem. Our perception is the world has cut us off. No matter what we do we can not connect in any meaningful way. We try different ways of trying to connect. We join to groups we never really become a part of. We try sports, religion, or attachments. We search Boyfriends or Girlfriends who will be sympathetic to how we feel. No matter how they try, they can not make us feel complete. That emptiness is always hovering in the background, just out of site.

I made a post, The Dark Night of the Soul which captured some of what I learned from the process. To put everything in a cookie cutter mode, if you feel this way, the world has not shunned you, you have shunned the world. If you find that offensive, it is because there is truth to be found there. Life to be lived properly is lived through the heart. Life lived any other way is an empty shell of a life.

Two real choices exist when this state is realized. Go on living the same way, knowing nothing will change. Or decide that life in such a state is not worth living, and make the decision to change your life no matter how painful change may be. The quickest way to change, and that does not really relate to quick as in a timeline, is to acknowledge that everything you believe to be true about yourself and the world is most likely incorrect.

Beliefs encompassing physical and spiritual domains, yourself, and your reality is most likely faulty. Of course there is always the other option and that is the idea that live will start improving any day now, even though life has only become more difficult over the last years.

The bright side to finding ones self in this situation is the knowledge that if it has not happened already, hitting rock bottom is a certainty and not too far away. At that moment the choices become very clear. Either continue to exist in a life one would not wish on their worst enemy, or make the decision to let go of everything one thinks is true and start over. Starting over, is by far the more pleasant of the two choices though it comes with some amount of pain before any gain is realized.

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Take On a New Life – 1 of 2

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I came across an interesting idea a few weeks ago I wanted to share as a possibility for someone to use in their own life. The idea is too good to be left alone, to die a lingering death in a long forgotten post.

We all have times when we feel our life is not all it should be. Maybe the forces opposing us have joined together and are exerting themselves against us as one unit rather than a number of individual smaller problems we have been ignoring.

Maybe life has been unpleasant for so long we have forgotten what normal life is like. Waking up every day to the same problems and no solutions, with no end in sight can be a pretty demoralizing existence. After some time, the thought of living a life of pain becomes so much it hardly seems worth the effort.

After a time people start to react to their environment. For some, their way of dealing with their problems is hard to detect. Way down inside they have come to terms with the idea that this is the best it is going to get and they blunt themselves to the future in a fugue of apathy.

Others escape into what starts out as a great way to escape, usually some form of reality altering brought about in the form of an ingested substance. For a short period all their troubles seem to disappear. Then they realize they have compounded their problems by adding another big problem to their life.

A small few decide their life in the state it is, is not worth living. Unfortunately, they are so overwhelmed they can imagine no other alternative than throwing in the imaginary towel, with the thought that whatever happens can not be any worse than what they are going trough at the moment.

The idea I read about was another form of leaving your problems behind. Instead of opting out, and ending it all, or practicing substance abuse, how about realizing that life is really all in the perception?

If your life stinks, quit living that way! Decide that from this moment on, your problems are all behind you. From this moment on you are trading in your old life for a new one. No longer will the pressures of your old life keep you down and wear you out. From this moment forward you are going to start living the life you want to live!

Sounds really good to this point this starting a new life. Just walk away and start living the life you want to live. The problem in this simplistic thought is there is no place you can walk to in leaving your old life behind. So what to do to start living a new and improved life? How does one go from the depths of despair to the upper side and enjoy the good life?

The answer is not really as difficult as it may seem. Start living someone else’s life! Quit living in the same downward spiral pattern of failure that leads to the bottom, and start living life as someone with a future lives their life.

Start living life as a new person, who inherited for the short term someone else’s problems. It really is not that difficult. All it takes is a little imagination, and a little willingness to be different.

Wake up the next day and know that all those problems that were dragging you down are now someone else’s problems. You no longer have those problems in your life. You have agreed to help out a struggling friend by taking on their problems and working towards a solution for them so they can get on with their real life.

All the unsuccessful behaviors they have, you do not. Those behaviors belong to another, not to you. You have agreed to help them because they need help and no one else is willing to lend a hand.

Start working on a new way of living. Look at each new day as a day of new possibility and not a day of same old. Reach out and give the old you a hand, and help them start living the life they want to live instead the life they are living.

It will not happen in one day, one week, or in one month. Reaching your hand back to your old self to find a new and better life is better than letting your old self keep you from enjoying a life lived the way life should be lived. Turn around, reach back and take the hand of the old you, and start leading the old you into a new life.

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Game Plans and the Path of Life

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One term at my work is also familiar to any business that uses detailed plans, though likely with a different name. No matter what the name, the thought process and the flow is always the same. A unit of work is selected, started, processed and completed. The scale of work may be different, and the presentation may different, though everything else is the same.

Fast food workers and airline engine mechanics both follow the same general process. An Airline with a plane needing engine work, can not use the plane until the engine maintenance is completed. Customer at fast food drive throughs can not have their food order until it is cooked, put together, and all parts of the order are completed and verified.

Life over a period of living, no matter how many hears that may be, lived successfully also follows a pattern. Those of us that follow the pattern in the most correct sequence are what our peers call successful in our lives. Others of us who neglect the sequence, or neglect early parts of the sequence jumping ahead of where they should be are rarely successful.

People who vaguely follow a life plan are not generally overly successful. They fail for reasons outside of their control. People who choose not to follow a life plan, and are successful, are usually successful because of conditions or results outside of their control. For others whose life is less than successful have made mistakes and outside influences outside of their control occurred worsening the outcome of their life.

While only you know the intimate details of your life, almost everyone follows the same general life plan whether aware of following a plan or not. The plan starts out with your birth, no surprise there. The next steps can be thought of as a tree growing branches and reaching out.

Your life is what it is. Your parents did their best to get you to this moment. Now you are starting to, or are in control of your life. You may be working on your higher education, you have friends, and hobbies or entertainment. The basic things we all want in our lives.

The next step is future building, and this is where risk enters your life. Life decisions become more serious and starting out on our own we have little experience to help us. What are you going to do for a living? We all held job for a paycheck, but it is always time to think about your working life. What are you going to do for a career, and will your job choice be there for your working life or will you have to change jobs in the future?

Thinking about and starting serious long term relationships is usually the next big step. What are you deep down? What kind of person do you think you can spend your life with? Is that type of person willing to spend their life with you? These are serious  questions. You may want to marry someone completely different than you are. Is it likely you will have enough in common with someone completely different than yourself to hold together a long term relationship? Long term relationships go well beyond sex, and the same taste in music, what you want in one needs some deep thought.

Farther in the future, we all get the urge to do something for our community. When this happens depends on a number of things. Generally we want to do something that aligns us with our family interests or values. Perhaps coaching, passing along skills like scouting perhaps. Something where you could include your family, as your time is more limited than your intentions.

Later on we have hobbies and interests which have probably changed over the years. We now want to branch out and teach or share our satisfactions with others. Finding and creating a balance is very important for in life at this time. We have more surplus time than at any point before and would prefer to do something meaningful and fulfilling with it.

This is the way most of go about living our lives, and generally we do a pretty good job of having a satisfying life. We also add warmth and pleasure to the lives of others along the way. Of course this is a simple glowing overview of life from a very high level. The details of our life is much more complex and at times gritty.

We have structured ourselves and our society for certain events to happen at certain times, or physical ages. We generally do not quit school to go to work, marry at a very young age, or have the luxury of retiring young.

Some of us reject this way of living. Being a rebel has its moments, but even Rebel’s have a life pattern they must follow to be successful, although it is different from the norm. We should all take the time to identify where we are in life, and what we should be doing as we go through our lives. Going with the flow is always easier than swimming against the current. It is also a little sweeter.

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Young Woman’s Small Resource

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It may seem kind of funny coming from a Man who was a teenager when the Viet Nam war was happening. I have some advice for young women. Having survived the male side of teenage life, growing into adulthood, and now talking about Grandkids, I may have a few thoughts you may want to take time to read. You may have heard it all before, but give me a few minutes anyway? You have a lot more time ahead of you than I do.

Somebody has to be something. You can decide what something is. Someone has to be everything you are thinking about. It does not matter who is what, or how you fit in. It is not important if you are not the prettiest, funniest, or best dressed. A few years from now these things won’t matter to you very much. The only thing that really matters is you like the young woman you see in the mirror.

You are in such a rush to look older. Companies are stealing from you. Helping you look ten, fifteen, possibly twenty years older than you are is theft. Take a minute or two and look at the older women shopping the same cosmetic aisles you are next time you are shopping. You know what older women want? They want to look like you without makeup! It is true, I guarantee it! A few of the women standing in the aisle with you have already wasted thousands of dollars trying to look as young as you. You will never look this young again, so don’t hide yourself with makeup you do not need. Perfect faces are for fantasies.

No matter what you do, you can only do so much with the body your parents gave you. Take care of your body by eating right, getting good exercise, plenty of sleep, and don’t worry about things you can not do anything about, which is about everything you worry about.

Most young men have two heads until they are in they reach their early thirties. Around thirty something, they start to think more often with the one their shoulders. No matter what a young man tells you, or how he makes you feel, he wants sex; and not a lot else from you. This is the way we men are made. We do not have deep emotions when we are young.

He will make you laugh, buy you trinkets, and spend time with you. All he really wants is sex. I imagine you do not believe this is true, especially if some young man is doing all the things for you I just mentioned. He will tell you this is not true. Which of his two heads do you think is thinking with?

I offer you a challenge if you do not believe me. Go to Walmart, or your favorite large discount store for an hour or so. Look for young women with small children in tow. As you find them, look at them closely. How are they dressed. Do they look happy? Look at their left hand and see if they are married. Most of those women believed what some young man told them because he made them feel good. He’s now long gone, and a dim memory.

It is hard to know what life will be for you. If you make good decisions, you have a better chance of it being a good life. You will find work you really want to do. You will have fun with your friends, do new things, go on dates, see new places, eat new foods. In general you will have fun.

Your life will slowly evolve. What other people think of you will become less important. You will start to learn about yourself. You will figure out you really are not feeling lonely for some guy. No man will complete you. You are feeling distanced from something you can’t define. If you a observant, you will notice others around you feel this way too. You will see it in them when they are not wearing their public face. Being married, having children, or having a serious relationship does not make this feeling go away for long.

Eventually when you are not paying attention, someone will slip up on you. You hopefully will fall in love, get married and start a family. If you married for reasons that go deeper than he has cute dimples, or he’s good in bed, your marriage has a chance of surviving more than a few years.

On the other hand, if you let your emotions run your life, and believe what young men are telling you, your life will be a little different. Go to Walmart again and look at the miserable, single, poor young women with children, trying to make ends meet on a Friday night at Walmart that you saw. Soon you will be one of them.

You want to make good choices based on reality, not emotions, what your friends are saying, or what some guy is telling you. You are my future, and I want your future to be one filled with happy adults who know what is important in their life. Happy adults have happy children. Happy children need all the help they can get, so they too make good decisions.

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Reflections On My (Occasional) Day

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There are moments when I am going through my day and I think I am merely a bit player in my own life, following a script that was written long ago. I find that thought interesting, especially when involved in a painful conversation, or receiving advice from someone about something.

Occasionally I find myself wondering, if the whole situation whatever it is, was contrived for the sole benefit of the other person and I am cameo in the scene? Have they lived all these years and lived through untold trials and tribulations waiting for this moment to enter my life, and tell me in a few seconds, something that I need to hear, but keep choosing not to hear?

In other circumstances when life becomes difficult, I wonder if I spent my life and went through all my life experiences to enter someone else’s life with a different way of approaching a problem? Perhaps, my ‘different way of approaching a problem’ contributes to more frustration on their part. Maybe the interaction was contrived to make this one day even worse than it would be had I not appeared in their day?

Before I learned, or perhaps understood that the type of people I would normally have problems with will keep showing up over and over again until I see myself in them and accept them; that without fail, these same types of people showed up over and over with nothing better to do than frustrate and make me miserable.

Now that I am (mostly) beyond that way of thinking about why they were always in my life, maybe it is now my life responsibility to enter into the life of others and frustrate them with the way I act. Maybe myself and others like me are constant problem in their lives, bouncing from one situation and conflict to another, causing stress in the lives of others without realizing it.

If I know the answer to that question, I am am not aware at the moment that I do know it. I do know that knowing that life is a long series of challenges and conflict since I was born is enough to know at the moment. Whether I would become bored, or not with my life if I was not challenged on all fronts, is not really that important any more.

It is much more fun to take each day as it is, and know that some days are better than others. In the end of my life there is no prize given out, or listing of where I finished in comparison to whatever imaginary group I was being compared to. Often, we tend to forget that thought.

At the end of my life, if I am fortunate not lose my life in a split second accident, there is no prize given out at that moment for how I lived my life. There is no one standing by with a scale measuring how I handled each life event, good or bad, and rating it against an imaginary group.

What is real is the knowing that life is not stagnant. Because I have worked towards a goal for an hour, week, month, or lifetime, does not mean I am entitled to always see the fruit of my labor. What I am entitled to is knowing what I did or did not do.

Knowing that I accepted change, struggle,  and adversity for what it is. Change, struggle, and adversity are benchmarks in any life. Because of them I know I am alive, and taking responsibility for my life and how I live it.

It is not hard to live life going which ever way I am moved by the winds of those around me. Though that is not living life, that is going through the motions of waiting to die. I prefer to live my life as best as I can, and take responsibility for myself and my actions.

It is knowing that I did the best I could with what I had to work with that is important. Living my life the best I know how, like my future death is not a team event.

I share my life with you and those around me, but I am the only person living my life. In those instances I may wish to live someone else’s life if only for an instant, it is up to me to do the best I can with what I have to work with. Unfortunately what I have to work with is not always what I would prefer. That’s life.

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Option Of Changing The World

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Are you going to do it, or not? What will your choice be? Every day when we are actually awake and paying attention, there are available options. Because you are reading this, you have many more options than half the people in the world. You more than half the population of the world can take and option that may change the world forever in ways never imagined.

As we go through our day most of us are not aware of making any choices. The way we tend to think about our day is everything is pretty much planned out. We know what we are going wear, what we are going to do, when we are going to eat, and what we will do with our free time.

In the course of thinking what we are going to do we will have made a number of decisions. The simple act of waking and deciding what we are going to do with our day involves any number of decisions we are not even aware we are making.

Do we really have to wear the clothes we picked out, spend our day doing what we know or decided we need to do, and end our day in the manner we determined we would when we woke? For the most part we do have to do what we have planned because we are on autopilot. If we do not do what we planned, it is possible we will have made some choices that take us down avenues of life we never thought possible.

When paying attention to how the day unfolds, there are small decisions that need to be made depending on circumstance. These are the options that pop up every day. Subtle small choices that really seem to have no impact on anything we are doing or are likely to do. Big things sometimes come in packages so small we never even notice they exist.

For example, it is not uncommon in these times to have people at intersections holding out their hands, a can, or a hat, asking for money. Some hold signs, some stand dejectedly looking at nothing in particular. It is so common most people hardly notice any more.

Someone you see everyday looks like they are having a really bad day even though you were not told about it. Maybe you are the only person to notice, or maybe you are the last person to notice that something is wrong in their life. Do you pretend you do not see their pain and suffering like everyone else has today?

The phone rings and it is someone asking for donations for some charity. They spend whatever seconds you give them trying to convince you that the situation is desperate and it is practically your civic duty to part with some hard earned dollars for their cause. Maybe it is important, and maybe it is a scam to part the unsuspecting from their money.

These are options that enter life almost each and every day. Some are so small and slippery they enter and leave without being noticed. Others are larger, and demand not only attention, but possibly time or money.

There are the few and far between well disguised big options. Everything in your life has happened for this very moment. The chaos of life has collaborated to create a sequence of events to put you into a position where you are the only person who can take the option to act on something that needs to be done.

It may not be an option of epic proportions such as Jason and the Golden Fleece, Sacajawea, or Marie Currie, but it may be as big, or bigger. When everything falls into place at the right, or wrong time, you may well be the only person in the world with the totally unique qualifications to accept this particular option and follow it to its end.

Of course there is always the option of passing. Saying no, or doing nothing. That is the most painless way away from the situation. In doing that the world will go on as it always has, and the option of doing something meaningful and making a difference will slip into the future somewhere, to appear again in another form. Waiting until the time is right for you to be given an option.

Life options such as these can be though of as entrances to a building you have never entered before, and know nothing about. WIthout realizing, you have the option of going through the door – or not. If you do nothing, nothing will change. If you choose the option to go through the door, you may change the world in ways you never imagined.

It doesn’t take courage to take an option. It doesn’t take strength, stamina, or athletic ability. It does take an awareness to know the seriousness of the option you are presented with and wisdom to make the correct decision. Will you take the option?

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