Tag Archives: personal growth

Misunderstood Roadblock to Growing 2

Posted on by

Then one day we suddenly have a need to improve our spiritual self.

We start out in our Mothers body growing from a tiny piece of flesh waiting to being born in what will be our vehicle for this life. We grow into childhood, teenage years, adulthood, old age, and eventually we die, unless our life is cut short by an accident or other cause. It is an automatic process, and whether we want it to happen or not, whether we appreciate it happening, or hate the fact we get older, it happens. This is our physical body as it conforms to the concept of time, and the wear and tear we place on our physical self.

Our non-physical self, no matter what you choose to call it, and please call it whatever you are comfortable calling this part of you, does not have a need to change with the years. Almost all of us have certain behaviors we use that we learned and used as toddlers. If a behavior works, why bother changing it? So we do not change certain behaviors because they have worked – more or less – since we were toddlers.

Then comes a day when for some nagging yet vague reason, we start out on our journey of  spiritual growth. We want to become more than we are. At first with the help of books and copying successful behaviors, we find we are very successful. In fact, we find it amazing how much easier life has become since we started out on our path.

We are not satisfied of course, because it has been pretty easy up until this moment. If it is this easy getting here, why stop now? That is how I felt, and I bet this is how you feel if you want to grow even more. Next, we go out and find books, articles, and people who use all these jumbled words I mentioned in part one. We try our best at doing what we understand those words and phrases to mean, but nothing really happens.

We do not seem to be making progress, and our development, growth, path, whatever you choose to call it, grinds to a halt. “What in the heck are they talking about and why isn’t it working for me?”, you find yourself asking in your head, in a hundred different ways.

If you want to further personal growth, you can not grow much further only reading books, listening to someone talk, or sitting at your computer. You may not be able to grow because of the life style you have, or the career you are in. You may not be able to grow because of how you choose to live your life. You may not be ready to hear the truth. Truth and direction does not arrive until you are ready.

If you want to change and grow beyond where you are now, it is not easy. Here is a start of what you need to do. You must to develop real and true empathy and compassion for all people. Step out of the center of the circle, and know there is no circle with you in the center.

Find a way to care for people around you. Help them in and with their struggles, but let them do the struggling. Know you are in each and every person, and they are in you. You need to drop, “me” from your thinking and your speech. Learn, know, and believe that you are part of everything and everything is part of you.

Until you can do these things, you may as well go back to what you were doing before you came to the spot on the path you are now on. There is no other way of finding and understanding what all those words and ideas mean otherwise.

This is why a few people have found their way, while so many remain stuck. This is how your new spiritual growth, path, journey, whatever you choose to name it will progress. None of us may ever make it as far as we want to go along our path, though we all need to keep growing.  My best to you on your path.

Share

The Art of Who You Are

Posted on by

When we were young children, we went through our days following someones preplanned agenda. Someone, usually our parents, have decided what we are going to do, when we are going to do it. A few years later and we are absorbed into a school system, on our way to being Borg’d.

Around ten or eleven most of us are becoming aware we have an identity or our own. We have not given more than a fleeting thought or two of who we are, but we know we are our own something.

It all starts falling apart when we reach our teenage years. We were doing fine, being a part of the whole, and having fun. We sit in our class with our friends and a few not so friends, and we start thinking we need to be a little different. We feel a need to stand out and have our own identity.

Where this urge comes from some think is peer pressure and media influencing us without our ever realizing it. Perhaps we participate via applying peer pressure on other teens. What I find so obvious looking back on the whole process is: I was changing, or at least trying to, and I had no real idea who I was to start with! Does that thought sound familiar?

Almost all of us, except for that little group we never want to be seen with, were all busy trying to be unique, be different, and find ourselves. We wanted to discover who we were and find our life path. It turns out after the fact, we not the best at placing the idea of finding ourselves in action.

What we did instead was find everything and anything we could that generally led us as far away from ourselves as we can possibly get. The clothes we wore were suddenly not good enough. We have to have different clothes, and we were not happy until we have enough clothes to wear through the school week, plus different clothes on the week ends.

We looked for others ways to change. For teenage girls, makeup was the beginning. In a rush to be different, young girls suddenly need to wear makeup. With teenage boys it was usually a change in behavior. We no longer wanted to be seen doing or watching anything that may be considered a child’s activity. We did things in private that we always did, but in public we never mentioned a word of it and chastised those that admited to doing childish things.

In our teenage quest to find ourselves, we turned to those a few years older than us and tried to emulate them. Of course they were trying to emulate those people older than themselves, so in essence we were picking up their discards. A few of us looked for ourselves in less savory activities, mainly the worlds of addiction.

Our actor who is living our life for us continues acting into our forties. Without warning, we relive a memory from our past, see a picture or movie about when we were young, and it all comes rushing back. Like hitting a wall, we realize that in our rush to find our unique selves, all we did was create an acting role. Like falling off a bicycle, we realize we are no closer to finding ourself than we were twenty years ago.

Suddenly that small group we never wanted to get close too seems more appealing. It all makes sense, now that we have left the fog we were living in. That small group of people we shunned, maybe they had it right all along. They too were trying to find themselves.

What separates them from us, is they were smart about it. They somehow understood that what makes us unique had nothing to do with clothing, looks, or language. They spent all these years working on developing themselves instead of the actor we created all those years ago. Now the addicts our age, who have not perished of their personal poison start hitting bottom. They die, or they too finally decide to start looking for their real self too. They too realize that what they are doing is hollow and has no meaning.

Lucky for most of us, we can find out who we are, and uniquely qualified to be us fairly quickly if we want to. All we have to do is take the actor which has been living our life, and send him or her into retirement. Once the actor in us is retired, we begin to have a glimpse of who we really are, and what we are really about.

While completing the process, for real this time, of finding us, we can add another skill and chapter to the book that makes up our life. We all were actors at one time or another. Some of us better than others, though we can all add acting to the book of our life.

Some say it is the media influence, others peer pressure, yet others Satan in the shadows working his evil, which takes us away from what and who we are meant to be. It may one or two of those things, it may be hundred more, but most of us seem to fall the same piper. In the quest to find ourself we get lost in the wilderness. We wander around in a fog, wondering why we are not happy, or at least content.

It feels so good to see those waiting for us, holding up the sign at the end of our trail. The sign that says, “Welcome Back, We have been waiting for you, and we are so very glad you showed up!

Share

Accept or Change Your Life

Posted on by

We are our own worst enemies, no one else is. We do more to hurt and frustrate ourselves each day than a a group of people can do as a concerted effort. How much time each day do you spend thinking about yourself compared to the amount of time you spend thinking about other people? Other people are exactly the same. They may spend a few moments thinking about you, but they spend a majority of their time thinking about themselves.

One of the most frustrating experiences of my early years were the people that always seemed to be around me. Most of them were good solid people, but there were always one or two who I preferred not to be around. Yet when no one else was around those people would manage somehow to be the only people around when I needed help.

It took many years for me to figure out that these people were in my life because I was drawing them to me. Everything I disliked about these people were a part of me. Once I figured that out and accepted everyone for what they were, these abrasive people disappeared into the woodwork, and rarely made any further appearance in my life.

decisions1Our world and the people around us are our creation and choice. No matter if our life is very good, very frustrating, or run of the mill, it is all of our doing. We are the masters of our creation. We create ourselves and as a result we create an environment for for everything around us. As green plants do not live in darkness, everything in our world is there because it is like us in some way.

While that may on the surface sound very self centered and selfish, nothing is further from the truth. Think about your life and the people around you. Everyone in your life is more or less like you are. They generally have the same hopes, fears, and lifestyle as you do.

People in your life you enjoy the most are those people who exhibit those parts of you that you want to display or promote in yourself. Those people you would rather were somewhere else share those traits that you actually exhibit, whether you are aware of it or not.

The easiest way to remove people from your life you would prefer were not in it is to accept them for what they are, and accept that they are a reflection of what you show the world. No matter what people do to aggravate or frustrate you, they are only reflecting back to you what you are showing the world.

Accepting people who frustrate you and appreciating them for what they are is accepting yourself for what you are. Once you accept people you dislike in your life, and learn to appreciate them, you are accepting and appreciating yourself too. As you accept them for what and who they are, they will slowly start to distance themselves from your life.

One day you will realize that they are no longer a part of your life, and you will wonder when and how they disappeared without you noticing.

We all are the creators of our own life. Our life’s creation is our free will at work. When portions of your life are unpleasant, remember you created situations that allow them to occur. Knowing you are responsible for what they are, accepting them, and learning from them helps you get your life where you want it to be.

Share

Under fifty and making very mature choices

Posted on by

As a kid, I used to go to a YMCA camp for a few weeks at a time. I mentioned a little of those days in an earlier post, ‘Canoeing and decision making in the BWCA’. If you run a search at my blog for YMCA you will find it, or click on the link.

Camp was a place where everyone was made to feel special. The councilors and staff were very special people. They each had many gifts that apparently I lack. More likely I just would not have the patience to hone my skills day in and day out as they did at camp. They were our Mom’s, Dads, Teachers, and Baby Sitters twenty four hours a day, a week at a time. They took care of us kids – from all walks of life, different life experiences, needs, and problems. They did a spectacular job, and I admire them for what they did for all of us that were fortunate enough to attend their camp.

I was watching television last week (?), The Tonight Show. I rarely watch The Tonight Show, but there is a die hard Tonight Show fan in the house. If I am in the front room when The Tonight Show rolls around, I watch the show by default. I was doing something this particular night when Jay finished his monologue, and was talking with his guests.

Jay had someone on who has their own show, and they were discussing politics of course in a round about fashion. The talk turned to the presidential candidates and they danced around race without really naming race as an issue in the debate.

The guest, (wish I knew who he was, so I could give him credit) made an interesting observation from some data collection, or surveys, or other data mining. The guest said that there is division among voters that is driven primarily by age. The dividing line seemed to be around fifty years old. Americans over fifty were more likely to take race into consideration than younger voters who appear to be ignorant that the race of an individual might be taken into consideration of their ability to do a job.

Growing up as a kid, I experienced ‘The Pill’. The pill caused a huge ripple in society because for the first time in history it allowed women to be as sexually indiscreet as men if they so wanted to be. That was the biggest freedom to come into woman’s life in decades!

A few years later, and fortunately for me I was in my teens, the Woman’s Rights movement was in full swing, and burning bras became a national pastime for some women. As a teenager, I had no idea of the full impact of the movement, but I sure was a happy camper when I saw the first women walking down the street bra-less! That was about the extent of my understanding, and I did not realize the political overtones of her actions.

One summer at the YMCA camp we were in line to go swimming, and two boys were making fun of a third boy. One of the boys and the odd boy out were to tag up for safety while swimming, and I was to be the buddy of the other boy. I did not understand why they were making fun of him, but I said I would be his buddy. We hit it off, and we were swimming buddies all week long. There were a couple more incidents as I remember. The situation repeated itself with a few boys who were black the same summer.

Each time when I got home I would ask my parents why these boys were being singled out and teased. My folks would frown and look troubled as they thought out a good explanation. It was my introduction to the world of social presumed inequity and intolerance. It seems after watching Jay Leno the issue continues, at least for people over fifty.

I am glad I was there for, ‘The Pill, Martin Luther King, bra burning, equal rights, and every other social change that happened during those years. While it seems apparent that we as a generation did not cure ourselves of afflictions that should have been laid to rest years ago, our children thankfully have a more mature view of the world. I am happy I was a small part of that, even if only as a ignorant, ogling teenager.

Share

Find your right job

Posted on by

There was a famous WWII American flying Ace, and Medal of Honor winner named Greg Boyington. I read his autobiography years ago so I doubt it gets much press today. What made Pappy Boyington unique was he was the Squad Leader of a group of misfit fighter pilots named the Black Sheep Squadron in the pacific. The Black Sheep Squadron as you can guess, was made up mostly of pilots who could not fit in a normal fighter pilot squadron. They had personality defects, or other problems that made them not play well with others.

Boyington took these men in and somehow he made them all work as a team. They worked so well as a team they became famous for their skill and daring in spite of themselves and their known lack of getting along with others. They were some of the most daring and most decorated fighter squadron in the pacific arena.

Pappy Boyington said something in his book that has stuck with me all these years. He was talking of his time as leader of his squadron. He would be drinking all night and somehow get himself into a plane and complete what was sometimes a very long and difficult mission. Some of the longest missions flown by any fighter pilots of that day. He wrote of how he would tie up is joy stick so his plane flew in a straight line as he napped and recovered from his hangover.

Boyington said he was accused of not having any self control during his military career. Pappy Boyington disagreed with everyone about that statement. Everyone else was wrong, and Boyington knew he was right. How can that be? How could Gramps Boyington who was a drunk, disrespectful, and a generally terrible example of an officer and leader possibly think he was right and the world was wrong?

As Pappy Boyington explained it in his book when he wrote, everyone was wrong because he had more self control than anyone he knew. Pappy Boyington said he had more self control than anyone he knew because, in his words (from memory), he did whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He didn’t care who threatened him, or what they threatened him with. If he, Pappy Boyington wanted to do it, he did it.

Of course Boyington eventually settled down and became somewhat normal. Greg Boyington learned that trying to be normal took a lot more self control than being wild and crazy. During the war his iron will was victorious and he stepped into the role he was made for. Pappy Gramps Boyington was first a hero to his men, and eventually a hero to the whole United States!

There is a second more profound lesson here in the life and times of Greg Pappy Boyington. Pappy Boyington had the tight tools for the job. It just took Pappy Boyington some time to find out what the right job was! We all have our job to do. For some of us it just takes longer to find it than for the rest of us.

Share

Little boxes of bad memories

Posted on by

Little boxes, Malvina Reynolds sings about them, and most of have at least one among our possessions. We like boxes because they are a nice safe place to store those things we wish to keep. We keep all sorts of knick knacks, books, small items, and memorabilia in little boxes. And as Malvina Reynolds sings about somewhat irreverently, we live in them, one type or another.

What about those other little boxes though? Those little boxes inside us that we store things in? Some of us store memories that we do not want to lose. Some of us store memories in little boxes that we do not want to remember. Sometimes those little boxes fall out of their storage space, and then what do we do? We have whatever we were storing in that particular little box overlayed on what is going on in the present.

These little boxes in our memories fall open on the floor of our minds at the worst posible times. We are deep into conversation with someone important to us, something is said, and just like magic, a little box falls out on the floor spilling its contents all over the floor. Suddenly our past comes rushing in to remind us what happened once upon a time. Hopefully it is a good memory, but sometimes it is not. The contents in that box, we thought we put away where we would never see it again, and in an instant it is out on the floor. Poisoning our thoughts with something that happened before, that we thought we had boxed up and put away.

What makes these situations hard, is we are no longer acting in the present, but we are acting in the present on past memories. Past memories that happened when we were probably a different person than we are now or we viewed the world differently than we do now. It is hard to be objective in times like these because those past memories show up and feel just like they happened yesterday.

If you have never cleared out your stash of little boxes, there is never a better time than right now to go through them all and let those little boxes of bad memories go. They can not do you any good, and they fall off the shelf at the worst possible times. Make some time in your day today and start cleaning up your stash of little boxes. This will make some room for a few big boxes you can fill with happy thoughts and memories, and you won’t have to hide them in the closets of your mind!

Technorati Tags: , , ,

Share