It is hard growing up when there is no one in your life to help you grow up. There is a change happening so quietly you do not even notice it. When you are trying to grow up on your own, you notice something is not working the way you think it should but you do not know what is wrong or why.
What is wrong is a tough message to hear. It happens to us who had no close by adult role models who we want to be like. What is wrong is you are trying to be an adult using the same tools in the same way you did as a child.
If you read on that sentence will make sense, and you will know what you have to do if you want to be happy and successful as an adult. Until now it did not really matter who you played with. If you hung around with friends who were in trouble often, and you did not do the things they did, they got into trouble, and you did not. If you hung around with people who had no ambition, did as little as possible, and acted up, it did not matter.
 Your life away from your home until now was always changing, but you came home to the routine of your life, whatever that may be. Now something is not working, and it does not make sense when you think about, because until now life was good, and it makes no sense all of a sudden.
When you start living on your own, there is no more routine or parents to go home to. What you do in or with your life is your choice, and other than your family, nobody cares whether you live your life well, or trash it completely.
Have you noticed the people you hang around with are getting expensive? They have no plans for their life, and they have little ambition while you want to have a better life than you have up to this point. Having a better life never has entered your friends thoughts. They think life is good just the way it is.
I know you do not think your friends are costing you much, but think about it. How many problems have you had over the last months while with your friends? How many times do you find yourself paying for something for them. I know you don’t think it is much, maybe a coke now and then, but if you watch closely you will see it is a lot more. Also what about the problems in your life that keep popping up? That stupid stuff that should not have happened but it does? Have you noticed your friends are always around when problems happen?
I am sure you have not really noticed, but other people they hang with are worse than they are. The people they hang with that you are starting to know have some pretty bad habits, to doing some things that will get them sent to prison some day, if they have not been in jail or something like it already.
You have to decide where you want your life to go, even if you do not know how to get there. You can no longer hang around with people who’s lives are going nowhere and expect your life to be different. The plain simple boring truth is: “You are who your friends are”, and there is no way around it. If you hang with people who’s lives are going nowhere fast, your life is not changing either except you are getting older. Notice how the people you admire are moving out of your life.
You are who your friends are because you start thinking more like them ever day. You do not notice that you are slipping when you want to move ahead. It is easier and less scary to do what you have been doing and not admit it is not working, and it is your doing. But that is exactly what you need to do. Take responsibility for your life, and the direction it is going. No one else runs your life any longer.
If you want to go nowhere in life, then think I do not know what I am talking about. It is a lot easier than the other choice. The better choice is start making choices that move your life forward. That is a painful choice because you don’t know how. You do not need to know what or how, all you need to do is decide not to. Decide not to hang with friends who have no interest in a better life. Decide not to be with people who want to be children in adult bodies. Make the right choice, and better thing will come your way.
 I was out walking last evening, and thought up another use for my rule of three. Perhaps it will change the world too, or at least your little slice of it. As I mentioned before, I enjoy doing things by three.
The number three is important or valued in some areas, a powerful number. The Christian bible being a good example. When there was a battle, and the good guys won, the army is a number divisible by three. On the other hand the defeated is usually a number divisible by four. The Trinity is another good example, the Stations of the Cross, and I imagine the list goes on and on. Three is thought to be a powerful number. I happen to like using three because it feels like a little more than one or two, but not as hard to remember as four or more.
I thought late last night, why restrict doing something good to just where I walk. Why not bring that thought or act into the rest of my life? I went through a number of ideas, and came up with this one. It will take some time to get it moving, but I think people will catch on and help because it makes our world a cleaner prettier place to be.
As I walked to the park yesterday, I slowed down where some tumbleweed was growing in the rocks next to the sidewalk. As few cars approached I saw my opportunity. I bent over and pulled some tumbleweed out and placed it on the curbside of the street.
Once on the walking path, I picked up some paper trash as two people were walking towards me. For my third act, I again pulled some tumbleweed and set it to the curb as a car drove by and a walker was walking towards me. I used three timed opportunities to attempt to influence neighbors and fellow walkers. If I do this every time I am out over the summer, say sixty times over the next months, I am providing almost two hundred people the opportunity to be influenced into doing something good for themselves and their community.
That is great for the few blocks to the park and the walking path, but what about the rest of my day. That is when I decided it was time to turn it into three. Three times during my day, I am going to look for opportunities to do something positive and helpful, in an effort to influence other people to do the same. I think it is a great grass roots movement in the making!
Doing something good in front of other people is modeling a behavior we all should be doing, but for various reasons do not. Some of us have become shy about standing out in a crowd and doing anything that makes them stand out and be noticed. Being noticed for role modeling a good action is a great thing.
I think it is time to end those behaviors and do something good for all of us at the same time. The rule of three can be a guideline, but by no means a stopping point if opportunities present themselves. For example today, I told a worker at a local salad bar, that I hope their boss notices how hard they work, and what a good job they do. I commented on a pretty blouse a woman was wearing who looked up as she ate, looking tired from carrying life’s burdens.
Please join in by looking for three opportunities every day to model a positive behavior in front of others or by doing something for someone else. Pick up a piece of paper on the ground, pull a weed from a city flower bed, offer to help someone with something simple, like carrying their books as you both walk home. I do not think it has to be anything big to start making a big difference.
It may feel awkward at first, but the feelings of happiness and contentment that follow later on make up for any feelings of standing out. Plus picking up a few pieces of trash and throwing them away where they belong will make your neighborhood a more pleasant place. And you will feel good about what you are doing!
I remember when I was small child, my father talking to me about adult matters. More specifically it was grown male matters he spoke of. How Men behave, and how Men should act. My father never came right out and said so, but he left me with the vague impression there were grown men who were not Men. They inhabited adult bodies, but never quite fit the mold needed to be called Men by him.
When I grew up I understood what he was trying to make clear to me all those years ago. What I believe my father meant was that there are certain rules that Men follow. In my father’s opinion all Men were held to certain standards. Men are expected to keep, or exceed those unwritten standards. On the other hand there are male adults who did not make the grade of being Men in my father’s system, would be placed in the category of men.
Men had virtues, namely integrity and honesty. In a Man’s world, a hand shake was a Man’s bond. Whatever was agreed upon was sealed when Men shook hands on it. There was no need to clarify major or minor details. It was understood between the Men involved that there was no hidden agenda, or plan to cheat one another. A Man who dealt with another Man knew the other Man would uphold the unwritten standards they both lived by.
There are also men in the world. These men could not be trusted, and were not dealt with in the same manner as Men. These were men who thought the world existed for them to take advantage of others. As such, Men only dealt with men when they had to. Because men could not be trusted, dealings with them took longer.
Every point had to be agreed upon and discussed, every question needed to be asked. It was important in these dealings that a Man ensure everything is addressed. It was not good enough for example to sell something, and expect to be paid on Monday when promised by a man. When dealing with men, the transaction was never really complete, there could be problems later on.
I know the main beliefs my father used in his scale was one of trust – obviously. If a Man could be trusted, he was trusted, otherwise he was shunned and ignored. A Man would never do anything that would tarnish his name or reputation. In those times, for many people, their name was the most valuable thing they owned. People tended to their name the way they would care for a prized possession.
Today our society is a mobile society. Unfortunately, it is now a poor personal choice to treat strangers with the level of trust they would be shown in my father’s time. We do not know people as we used to when the world was bigger and life slower. Some people do not put as much value to their family name as they used to. Moving to a new city is easier than cleaning up a bad reputation. In some social circles lying and cheating, are not only acceptable, but praised, and valued as something worthy.
The number of people we trust is probably about the same number as it was in my father’s day. The number of people we can not trust has grown much larger. I do not think it is because we have thrown virtue and good behavior by the wayside. I think we can not be as trusting, because there are more people in our lives, both Men, and men.
There are still pockets of people around the world, who believe someone’s word is their bond, and they try to live life with trust and integrity. These people will never go away because they are a group of people who keep the world in balance. They are also people we can judge our own morals and values against. I hope you are one of those people!
I recently read, and heard on television about a woman in Los Angeles who is trying to do something very good for her community. She wants to halt the issuance of permits that would allow new fast-food restaurants in her local neighborhoods for at least two years. What an apparent waste of her time, or so it seems until you know a little more about the story.
Jan Perry is a Councilwoman who represents a South Los Angeles district. Areas in the district suffer from low wages, high unemployment, too few grocery stores, and too much fast-food according to what I have read on the net, and heard on television. In an area where CBS news correspondent Bill Whitaker visited, a comment was made, “…In an area where there are 40 fast food restaurants within a mile of where Whitaker visited and only one grocery store – the city council is taking a bold move – proposing a two year moratorium on all new fast food restaurants in south central – calling it “health zoning….” “
What a good thing for those areas, if they can change around the ratio of grocery stores to fast-food restaurants. I do not think that will be enough, though it is a great start. There will also need to be education put in place to help the people living in areas such as this understand about making better meal choices. It would not hurt for a program to go into effect for our whole country, as many parents today are second, or even third generation fast-food diners.
As much as I would like to rant on fast-food, and how it is making us sick, the real purpose of this blog entry is the work Councilwoman Perry is doing for her community, and indirectly the country. I am one of the least familiar with the biographies of public figures, but Councilwoman Perry sure sounds like a woman who is really working to make life better for her constituents.
While it is easy to present arguments against what Councilwoman Perry wants to do with fast food, she has done a lot for her community as her biography on her website reads, and she is trying to do even more if you read more of it. I think some minor and major politicians could learn from what Councilwoman Perry has done and is trying to do. I think Jan Perry is a role model for our country. It is too bad Jan Perry, and others working just as hard as she is to improve community life lose out to better selling news stories. We need to read and hear about people like Jan Perry, and what she is doing.
It was another trash collecting day at the park. Only this time the world or at least the park portion of it conspired; although I am not sure it was a conspiracy with negative connotations as the definition suggests. The weather is a little drizzly, so I did not want to spend any time outside getting wet. I did not want to pick up soggy trash either.
I decided that at 2 o’clock if it was still drizzling, I would stay indoors and do something worthwhile inside. Just before the appointed time the drizzle stopped, synchronicity in action. Okay, I get to go spend a quiet hour outside, but no trash today, it’s too wet and muddy.
As I am walking around the path I noticed trash on the ground was worse than usual. Too bad, I thought to myself feeling smug, I did not bring a bag. As conspiracies go there was not one bag, but three bags laying along the path. Ranging in size of a small grocery bag, to a big forty gallon trash bag I felt a little trapped by the park. I ignored the first bag, also the second bag, but the third bag was too much. I resigned myself to picking up some soggy trash today, synchronicity in action.
There was also a junior high school class out for PE about the same time using the park. I imagine that at least a few of the kids are guilty of dropping candy wrappers, and other assorted things they suddenly did not want while walking home. They and their teachers had a first hand view of someone picking up trash who was not part of the city bed and breakfast program. I thought this was a good learning experience for them, to see little elves do not come out early in the morning and clean up their trash for them.
One thought I had while walking and picking put everything in perspective. In accelerated learning it is not important that the learner be actively engaged for the lesson to have an impact on them. They only have to be present and quiet when the lesson is given. Studies have found that in this state of mind we are at our most receptive even though from an observational view it looks as if we have checked out.
So these kids, and their teachers were being shown a small lesson in civic responsibility. Nothing as dramatic as the motivational movie, Pass It On as the scale is much smaller, but the idea applies all the same.
That led me to me wondering about other areas of our civic life, and our programming here in the United States. Somehow we have developed into a nation who think there are people who wander around behind us straightening up the mess we leave behind.
We throw our trash out the window of our cars because we are done eating whatever it was covering. Some of us can even find reasons to justify our actions. Along city streets where trash is prevalent, we walk past it knowing it is not our job to pick any of the trash up. Yet if you are anything like me, you are the first to complain about how unsightly an area looks, ironic as that sounds.
Rather than rambling on farther today, I thought I would end with what I thought is an interesting link. Between the blog entry and comments there is some food for thought about civic and personal responsibility. Here is a blog entry from the founding developer of WordPress software on which my blog runs, and some replies. Hopefully you will find Mathew Mullenweg’s thoughts, and the replies interesting too. Someday civic responsibility may be a non-issue, but for now, your neighborhood needs your help.
I had some interesting musings collide together which I think are worth writing about. Together they make for an interesting landscape, and a platform to promote a couple of Female Heroes right in the family! The other day I was thinking about female heroes, Matt Langdon’s Hero Workshop, and chats I had with with some family members.
Matt at HeroWorkshop reminds me that a hero is not some mythical being, but heroes live and breathe sitting or standing right next to me. Too often we just do not see them for what they are. Unfortunately, many of us have been programmed to replace true heroes with movie stars, gangsters, or band members.
I was talking with a family member who is trying hard to make positive changes in people’s lives by giving of herself, and her time. She meets and speaks with people who are lost and deserted due to personal circumstance. She is in there doing what she can, showing them there can be a better future if they choose it. This is a noble undertaking. This is awesome stuff. What a great thing to do to, and a great way to help others!
A second family member is a Case Manager for a very specialized group of people. She works in their life removing obstacles for them, and helping with problems they can not manage on their own. I am sure most of the people she helps appreciate what she does for them.
To some people, her career, or life choice may sound pretty ho-hum. And my writing about it just some yada, yada, as I fill in another paragraph. From my viewpoint, she has become a true hero! When I think of all the people she must have helped over the years…wow! I sure am proud of her, and now very mindful of what she is doing for others, making their life a little better, and helping their life go forward, which sometimes is no easy task!
I am as lazy as many others in the hero department. I throw a few bucks into the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas, and slip a few dollars to a homeless person now and then. I also donate some of my income to a few formal organizations. But as far as using myself as a tool to directly help make the lives of others better? I would do a better job herding cats across the prairie.
Everyone who chooses to take on a role of service to others is someone to be admired. Anyone can look good, or say something witty in front of a camera for a few seconds. For a few hundred dollars we can all look a little like the rich and famous for a few hours. I say a real hero in comparison is someone who climbs out of bed everyday, go to a job, or calling that not many people could do at all, let alone be any good at, and does what they can to make lives of others better.
At the end of the day these modern day female heroes know they are making a real difference in the lives of people who really need their help. Too many of us coming into direct contact with someone who really could use our help, we normally look away and pretend we do not see them. What these woman do almost every day serves to remind me, how big of a difference one person makes when they choose to. I sure am proud of these two women, and what they are doing! I hope others are too, and they let them know about it also.
I hope when you think about someone you know who chooses to serve others, you think about how they make important changes in people’s lives. What they do is not a dream job, and is probably heartbreaking and thankless at times. Yet they still get out of bed and do it the next day. Maybe you are one of these folks? If you are doing a service for others, be very proud, for you are a hero too!
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