There are so many influences on us growing up as children that having self respect and self esteem in one area of our lives seems to be something others have, but we can not find them in us. We think about us and we find we are too this, and too that. We think we are never perfect, or even okay. It is time to change this thinking and put some correct thinking in its place.

I think self respect and self esteem have everything to do with how much, or in many cases how little we love ourselves. Loving ourselves does not imply that we idolize ourselves and can not see past our reflection in the mirror we can’t put down. It does mean that we appreciate and focus on our strong points, whatever they me be, and we also accept our what we see as our weaknesses.

Weakness in our life mean we are human just like everyone else. Loving ourself should be a reflection where we think as much of us as we think of other people. Self love leads to self respect and self esteem, and also correctly loving others. This is because we are giving ourselves permission to see those things in us, that make us who we are. Self love means we allow ourselves to care about ourselves, and once we care about ourselves we care about others by default.

Once we give ourself permission to really look inside ourself and discover what makes us who we are and what makes us unique, we start to see things that we may have never noticed before. We notice that we have gifts that others do and do not have. We notice apply our gifts at times and in places where they are most useful. We may if we allow ourself to be open enough to our world to discover that others appreciate and value us for who we are and what we do. But we have to allow these things for them to happen.

I have no doubt each of know someone who we admire and look up to who has just as many or more faults than we do. The difference between them and each of us, is those people have a better video running in their heads of themselves, and they place themselves in situations that use their strengths more often than we do.

Take some quiet time and think of all the good you do and find more places to put those gifts to use. The difference between you and someone you admire is the person you admire finds places to use their gifts and you wait for the right time.

Also take a few minutes to think about how unique you are. While you are exploring yourself tell yourself you love you. It may feel silly at first, but keep at it daily. The most successful people you know tell themselves daily how much they love themselves at least once a day, and there is no reason why you should not tell yourself you love you too. Once loving yourself becomes a habit, self respect and self esteem will follow shortly.

The been married, divorced and trying out dating again crowd appear to place more importance on real communication and compatibility. The younger people, especially the high school age group are focused on the same things most people of their age are focused on. Once spring arrives mother nature and our drive to procreate takes over part the thought process.

Some young women who thrive on this type of attention from young men from the same mold. I wonder how many are going to find themselves in an uncomfortable future, when spring has sprung, summer has sung, and a baby is on the way. The boys play their part of course, but unfortunately it is the young girls who have their lives changed in ways they never dreamed of.

My biggest concern with teenage pregnancy, is how it starts in the first place. In my sliver of worldly view it starts with a lack of self respect in both parties. I am not talking about simple respect shown to young women, and young men, but the basic idea that these young people who find themselves on this path have little or no love and respect for their individual selves. Because of they have no respect for themselves, they have an overwhelming need for attention from others. In our teenage years that need for attention turns to the opposite sex. Any attention is good attention. When a Teenager is desperate enough for acceptance and acknowledgment, they crave attention, even if that attention is a only a sexual urge the other party wants filled.

I looked around the blogs to see what others thought, and I found some interesting ideas. Charles H. Baker has great post where he has listed ten items of personal gratitude and self acknowledgment from his life. Charles H Baker has found a powerful secret to self respect and happiness.

David Stambaugh, with an insightful post suggests that to build self esteem one needs to keep mementos, and keep track of accomplishments. David writes that the way our mind works is we remember the bad more often than the good. Being a poker player I can relate to this thinking, as it is a common problem among poker players.

Helen Williams, a parent counselor and family educator in New Zealand, has a wonderful article that identifies what self respect is, learning how to respect yourself, teaching children how to respect themselves, and the imprtance of having respect for yourself. I wish she could come over to my portion of the world, and educate here. We have too many people who need what she writes about on her site.

For my part, I think self respect comes from self love. Too many of us suffer from a lack of self respect and self love. We only have one body and mind, good, bad, or indifferent to take us through our life. It is hard to break free of the programming that enforces feelings of little self respect, but like walking, it can be learned on step at a time. Take a minute to love and respect yourself each day. Find something worth loving in yourself each day. If you do this it will become easier to respect others, and they will have more respect for you.

Enocia Joseph wrote a post that says it all better than any other blog post I read today, including this one. You can find it at Being the Magic.

We continue to whip, and beat ourselves day after day, year after year. What makes it worse is even though we try to be silent, we wear our dissatisfaction with ourselves like a neon sign in Times Square at night. It reads, “I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.” It flashes, it scrolls, it changes colors, and it is perverted! It needs to stop today!

I wish they were here in front of me right now. I would clench my fist, pull back my arm, and smash their face flat! Who do they think they are to take you, and put these twisted, sick ideas in your head that you are not good enough? It isn’t enough that they choose not to escape the private hell they live in, and see that they are good enough? They had to get you alone, believing in them completely, so they could warp you with their sick, perverted thinking.

The most ironic thing is we did not even know there were standards to meet until they told us there were. We did not know we were not good enough until they told us we were not. Someone somewhere along the line – someone (thing) that we trusted with all our being, found a way to make us believe that we are something less than we should be. We are something less than perfect, and that’s all we ever will be, and it is okay.

I try to have pity for these people, but I can not. They are a walking pit of hate and loathing. They are walking viruses waiting to infect you when you are young, or vulnerable, or both. They wheedle their way into your life and they leave you in shambles, thinking you have to meet some impossible ideal before you are good enough. Then when you can’t become what they have you believing you should, you turn on yourself. You start cannibalizing yourself because you can not become something you were never meant to be in the first place.

Because they had enough time to work their sick intentions in you, they leave you living in your own private hell of a paradox. They did this because they weren’t happy living in their own twisted vile world of never being good enough. They had to take someone innocent and perfect like you and twist you. They are sick enough to believe they will never be good enough, and now they made sure you will suffer with them too. You do not want to pass this sickness on to others, it needs to stop now!

I have some good news for you though. You are good enough! You always have been good enough, and now you are better. You are perfect just as you are. How do I know this? I know this because you try daily to not only be perfect, but to be more perfect than anyone I ever met, or read about, and no one is that perfect! But you keep trying….

You are good enough, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise! If you were meant to be perfect, we would have known. The sky would have opened, and there would have been many, many announcements, the whole world would have heard. But that did not happen.

You were born to be you, nothing better, and nothing worse. You are the perfect you. Start celebrating you, and demand that vile slime thinking leave your life. It lives to feed off of your misery and shame – do not let it! Perfection is in a photograph, or someone’s mind, it does not exist. We are not anyones perfect, and we never will be. But we are the perfect us, and that is as close to perfection as we will ever find in our life. Let the perfect you be free!