Tag Archives: self

Change, change, and change some more

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Change threads its way through my blog. Change is one of the hardest things for us humans to accept. Resisting change is a trait we share with cats, fwiw. Cat’s dislike change even more than we do. Most of us create our own internal schedule, and our own rhythms. We do not like our boat to be rocked at all. I have spent a great part of my working life doing jobs that thrive on change. I am one of the few people who like change –  at work.

I am not someone who likes impulsive things, but I do like change at work as I tend to get bored over time doing the same thing over and over again. One job I really enjoyed that that most people would find boring was being a dishwasher at a restaurant. For some reason I found being a dishwasher very relaxing. It had a nice rhythm, and I suppose there was enough movement, and task separation to make it fun – for me at least.

We need change in our lives. Even though most of us will say we like change, we tend to fight change whenever we can. Even when we are miserable, and hate our life situation, we stay in it rather than try doing something different in our life. And that is too bad. Like people in a bad relationship, no matter what the cause, we sit in our misery, because no matter how bad things are, it is comfortable. It may not be fun, but it is comfortable and knowable. We humans like constancy in our lives.

I can find a number of reasons why I did not want to change something in my life even when I knew deep down inside I should have changed it a long time ago. I could tick off those reasons into categories, sub categories, and sometimes even find referenced links between categories. I imagine most people are the same way. Eventually something comes along that will make me change whatever it is I am resisting.

Whatever happens is the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. One problem too many, and I can’t deal with it any more. I am forced to change, like it or not. Then once the change has been in place for a while, I wonder what I was so against? The change is good, even fun, once I finish pouting about it. Sometimes it is painful, but over a lifetime I have learned pain is all relative. I would rather a good friend move away than have them killed in an accident. I would rather have some ailment that is a reminder I am not a teenager any longer, than be told I have some terminal disease.

The point of all the above, is to say do not wait until you are in complete misery before accepting the fact that either you, or something in your life has to change. It is easier to start working that change when it becomes evident that you must make a change than wait until life really rains on your parade. Generally once people accept they have to make changes, and actually make a change in their life, they are happy they did.

Like the lyrics in the song tell us, ‘Change will do you good…’. Try it out change yourself. Try embracing change instead of putting it off. You may be surprised at the results. If you are someone who needs to practice, go to a clothing store and buy some shirt or top that you generally would never wear in public. Take it home, wash it and wear it the next day. Wear it every week or ten days. You will see that change is not as terrible as you thought it might be. We are all changing all the time, it can’t be stopped, but it can be less painful than we allow it to be.

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Master or struggling apprentice? Stages of life

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Life, just like learning a trade is done in small steps. When a master carpenter first takes up carpentry they are not immediately qualified to work at the level of a master carpenter. They have to go through the stages just like anyone else. They may have some experience at carpentry, and they may be expert at a task or two, but they are a long way from being a master class carpenter. They may be good at using a hammer, but have never used a carving tool or a chisel.

I remember watching a carpentry show about master carpentry in Japan. An apprentice carpenter may be an apprentice twenty or more years before he is allowed to work on a real project. When he is allowed to work on a real project, his work and his masters work are of the same caliber and skill level.

A lesson was given in the show about the difference between a master carpenters plane, and that of an apprentice plane. I thought the apprentice using his plane was doing a fine job until I watched the master carpenter plane off curls of wood thinner than a sheet of paper. The skill of the master was apparent both in the care he took of his tools, and in the quality of his work.

Some of us we have created, or live a right now life style. We want it all right now. For a few this lifestyle works well, but for most it is a struggle both to achieve and to try and maintain. Most give up trying after a short period of time because the energy required is just too great, having it all right now. Like the apprentice carpenter we need to take the time to learn what we need to learn before we move on to the next level of our life. Life is like the story of the blind men and the elephant. We all have hold of a different part of life, and we need to understand that this is likely the perfect place for us right now, even though it is not where someone else who’s life we may envy or want to emulate appears to be at.

Everything happens in its own time and at its own pace. The bigger or more complex our wants, the longer it generally takes to have them fulfilled. There are no shortcuts, and there are no free passes. When we want something, we have to work towards it, and not expect it until such time we are ready for it, and it is ready for us.

A good way to tell if you are doing the right things right is to pause. While you take a break in the flow of your life, decide how you feel at that moment. If you feel contentment and peace, you are on the correct path for you. However if you find you are tense, and are going through one problem, or crisis after another in trying to achieve your goal, it is then time to stop and evaluate what you really want, and how you are really trying to achieve it.

If you find you are struggling to arrive at the life point you have set for yourself, this is an indicator that what you think you want, and what you are doing are at odds with each other. You may have started out going in the right direction with the right intention, but somewhere either what you want, or what you are doing to achieve it have changed. You have to decide what has changed, and what is your real goal.

On the other hand, if you are content, and your life feels comfortable, you are doing the right things right and you should continue doing what you are doing. When what you want in your life is aligned with what you are doing, life flows smoothly. When they are not in alignment, life tends to get a little frustrating sometime.

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The young adult life purpose helper

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When we are born the world revolves around us. We are hungry, cold, tired, and so on. The basic things we need for our own survival consumes our world as infants, and as children. Entering school, we are a damp sponge waiting to be filled with knowledge. Our school system is intended to feed us the knowledge we need to be fiscally productive members of society. But that is not a life purpose, to be a skilled robot in the workforce. Everything in our life served a life purpose, but not the type we are looking for at this moment in our life.

If our parents belonged to some formal religion, and both practiced and attended, it is likely that we also received some level formal religious training. As we grew, we entered into different levels of religious training, but it is for the most part a one way feed of receive and regurgitate system of learning. This learning taught us a life style, but not a life purpose.

One day school is over, we have a McJob, or we arrive at a point in our life where we relax and look around. At this point we look around, and see that some people out there seem to have a mission that drives them and makes them happy. Many of us unfortunately do not have this built in mission. Suddenly we feel empty, and without purpose when it does not become immediately apparent to us what our life purpose is.

I wish to reassure you it is completely normal to feel this way. You do not need a life purpose right at this moment. You already have a life purpose going on in your life. For some of us this stage may last a day, for others it will be the rest of our life.

This stage we enter when we raise our heads, look around and realize for the first time in our life, there is more to the world than just us. People out there seem to have a life purpose but we do not seem to have one! This is the point when the posts appear, and all the questions are asked about life purpose, and how to find it.

If someone you know is at this stage, or you are here, there are probably a few major things going on in your life? The first is you no longer need to learn anything formally unless you wish to. Relationships with others also become strained at this point because suddenly you are figity, inside and out. This usually happens before you are even aware of it. All this thinking is sometimes painful, and it seems like a complete waste of your life and your energy. It really is important to do this thinking, as it is one of those pay now, or pay later parts of your life.

The best thing to do at this point is take the time to really learn about you. Find out about the person you really are. As you learn about you, you will find out many important things about you. What is acceptable and what is not have changed over time in the different venues of your life. Decide what you expect from your life in future years. What will make you happy inside, and let you feel good about yourself? This is ‘the’ purpose in your life at this time. Do a good job of learning about you, enjoying the exploration of you as a life purpose, and the rest will of your life will be emotionally richer, and fulfilling.

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Trust or not to trust, your mind knows the answer

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Many people thought George was anal retentive, he obviously missed something important in his early childhood. I knew George was not anal retentive, just overly paranoid. No matter who spoke with George, and no matter what the conversation was about, George was always on the lookout for the hook in the conversation. He was sure at any moment someone was going to try to take advantage of him.

My friends and some family members used to tell me I was overly trusting. I should not trust everyone as someone was going to take advantage of me and I would be sorry. I never believed that and usually always take people at face value unless I have good reason not to. Even people I used to hang around with who had bad reputations I trusted.

While I can not say for certain that trusting almost everyone is better than trusting almost no one, it certainly does seem as if it was easier to manage on a day to day basis. I do not have to burn up brain cells wondering where a conversation is going or what someone wants from me. I also do not waste a lot of time wondering if someone is going to take advantage of me. Maybe because I would be such an easy mark, and people know I trust them, very few people ever try.

I find the same general thinking to be true about other traits in people. Whether it is a matter of trust, completing a task, or keeping their word, most people always do what they say they will do. Maybe I have been just lucky, and my luck will run out soon, but I find most people will live up to whatever expectation I have of them.

Take children for example as they are the simplest to watch. Whatever perception a child thinks an adult has of them, that is how the child will act around that adult. As a child have you ever done little around your own home only to work very hard for a neighbor or relative? Or perhaps you have heard someone talk about some else that has? The relative or neighbor has a completely different expectation of you than your family does. So you meet both expectations depending on where you are at the moment.

We also have our own expectations of ourselves. We do not usually pay attention to them, and they slip out when we are preoccupied. Have you ever said to yourself something along the lines of, “way to go dummy”? Or another derogatory line slipped out of your mouth when something happened or went wrong that you were doing?

These are the most important expectations, and the expectations that need the most watching. Deep inside our minds we believe these one liners we say to ourselves. Because we believe these one liners, and we do not think about them, they come out when something happens that we did not intend to happen. What we are doing at times like this is living up to our own expectation of us.

Fortunately, if we catch ourselves saying these things to ourselves, now we have the power to recognize them for what they are – negative expectations. When they start to slip out, stop them before you finish it, and give yourself permission to say something good about yourself in their place. When you do that you brain will replace the bad thoughts with good thoughts and start believing the good things about you.

Back to trusting others, over the years it has been win most of the time, and lose a few. Of all the people I have trusted implicitly only a few have ever violated that trust. I wonder over the years what George’s tally sheet would show? The difference is being cheated, or lied to is an affirmation for George, and it is a disappointment for me when someone breaks the trust I place in them. Start placing more trust in yourself and see what happens in your life!

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