Gratefulness in small servings

Posted on November 3, 2008 by venagozar

I had the pleasure of giving out some candy again this Halloween. As I remembered the people who one way or another put up with me as a “Trick or Treater’, I am blessed to be able to give out candy to the kids who choose to show up at my door step.

When I was young we did things a little differently. We carried fire crackers, soap, and wax, and eggs with us. It would be a bad time for anyone who did not give us what we thought was our rightful share of candy. Houses were egged, or toilet papered, windows were soaped or waxed, and occasionally a fire cracker was dropped inside the entry way.

Perhaps I did not run with the best crowd on Halloween, but that is how it was where I lived as a child. Some adults were just as bad. They would go out of their way to terrify children who dared come to their door. This year was amazingly different.

It started with an almost two year old in a fluffy golden suit, sort of like a snow suit with a fluffy golden hood with ears. Next to him was a little boy of about four. The little boy told me, “I am a scarecrow”. I had noticed he did look a lot like Scarecrow from “The Wizard of Oz”, but how could he know about that movie.

He repeated that he was a scarecrow. I replied, “Yes, and a fine looking scarecrow too!” He was not put off by me. He is a Lion pointing at the littler boy. “Oh, I see that now, and he is a fine Lion”, I replied. Then a little girl stepped out from behind them, and the little boy said, “And this is Dorothy”. It became clear to me, they did know about the Wizard of Oz – which happens to be one of my favorite all time movies.

I told them they looked very nice, and someone worked very hard on their costumes. From farther back, the Father and Mother stepped forward, and I repeated to them what I said. The Father said something agreeable, and the Mom smiled and beamed with happiness. They too were in costume. I asked if they wanted some candy too, and they politely declined.

Their visit and the time they took be sociable filled me with warm fuzzie’s, and I thought what a wonderful family, how creative, thoughtful, and how polite, letting whoever answered the door to be a part of their family, if only for a moment or two.

I was even more taken back as older kids without parents showed up for candy. Thank you sir, have a nice Halloween sir. Good evening sir, thank you for the candy. Even two older girls who looked a little risqué, thanked me for the candy, wished me a good night, and a happy Halloween.

What I experienced this Halloween led me to thinking; perhaps my generation has done some good in the world after all. I also realized I felt grateful for such a magical time, and on one of my favorite nights of the year! I almost felt guilty for the way my friends and I were all those years ago, almost….

Chance encounter…not

Posted on August 19, 2008 by venagozar

I am driving to the Dallas airport at five-forty-five. The sun was not out yet, and I was looking for an IHOP I knew was close by on the left side of Belt Line Drive in Addison, Texas. There is a Denny’s up ahead on the right. I do not like Denny’s for breakfast. Generally there is too much oil (okay grease) for me. I wanted something with less fat in it.

As I drive, a need to eat at Denny’s takes hold of me. I guess Denny’s is as good as IHOP. A couple of eggs, some well cooked bacon, and toast. Before I know it, I am making a hurried right turn into the Denny’s. It’s not even six am, and I am wondering if they are open.

As I open the door, I know without a doubt I am to meet someone inside the building. There is exactly one customer sitting against the far wall, in the corner, trying to be invisible. There is no doubt in my mind I am supposed to request that I be allowed to sit at her table. Not my thoughts, but thoughts that are filling my mind. She and I have something important to talk about. What that will be, I have no idea.

I am seated two booths away in the same section. I do not have enough courage to do what I knew I was supposed to do. After a few seconds I make up my mind to ask her if I may join her at her table. I look over my left should to make eye contact with her, but she is sitting against the wall on my right. I turn around…another failed attempt, this is not easy. As I eat my breakfast, a waitress walks past me with a purpose.

An argument ensues over the food and the bill. The woman complains the there is something wrong with the food, and she could not eat it. The waitress says the food was fine and she should pay for it. I know this is not a part I am to play in this scene because I am not at her table. It ends with the woman insisting she is not paying for the meal, something is wrong with it. The waitress walks away to the kitchen. The woman in the corner booth walks by me with determination. A waiter asks if she is going to pay and she says no, she is not, but she stops. After about thirty seconds she leaves.

When he comes by with refill coffee, I tell him, I will pay for her meal. He tells me no, and says this is a common ploy of homeless people, and they see it all the time. He says there was a man with her most of the night and he left just before I walked in. (Of course, it makes sense, he was her place holder) He does not mind that they can not pay for their meal. He does mind the extra work that the situation invokes. He fills my cup and leaves. I am feeling miserable, I didn’t do what I knew I had to do.

I missed my time with this woman and now I am going to spend my day wondering what business we had, and what was my part in her life, or perhaps her part in mine. As I finish my coffee, the woman comes back in, and walks towards the bathroom. I assume she is going to hide out in a bathroom stall for a while until she is found out and is forced to leave. How can I speak to her without being a complete fool, enters my mind. I can’t knock on the door, I can’t walk in the woman’s bathroom and explain my need to talk with her. I am feeling lost, because time is getting short and I have to get to the airport.

As I pay my bill, I offer once again to pay for her meal, and I am told no. They are really adamant about this for some reason. I would say sure, it’s is seven bucks, plus a tip! As I turn around I see the woman. She is sitting on a bench by the bathroom, not hiding. It is now or never, and I have to see this compulsive feeling through or wonder forever.

I walk towards her and speak. Her eyes are stormy angry, and I can see what I said has not penetrated her anger. Suddenly her eyes grow soft and we share a moment of staring into each others eyes. I speak another few more words. She say’s, “Thank you.” As I turn away, she calls out, what is your name? I turn and say Michael…. It was the best I could do. The woman softly says, “Thank you Michael.”

A minute or so later I am on my way to the airport. I feel the power of prayer hit my heart. It feels like a very warm bath and a bright light on my heart all at one time. I know it is the woman praying about me. She knows without a doubt her prayers will always be heard, and she means well for me.

I have felt her praying or thinking about me a couple of times since then. I don’t know what part I played in her life. I had such a small part, only a few seconds, but at those moments, we are the same, and I know she is working out something she has to do. I must have changed whatever her course of action was going to be, and for that I am grateful. She will make a difference herself in someone’s life someday. I hope she has more courage than I had when her time comes.

Bible study group’s real purpose

Posted on February 7, 2008 by venagozar

When I think of all the friends I have had over the years, it is amazing to me. So many people who took the time to come into my life, and share their life with me. I like to think they all had gifts they shared with me and I learned something from all of them. Some of what I have learned is wonderful, and some of it was painful. I hope I was able to show them something of value to their life too.

What is a puzzle to me is the number of people who offered to enter into my life as friends, and I turned them down. Sometimes, it was nothing more than I was busy doing something I knew they did not enjoy, so we never took our possible friendship any further. I know they had their gifts to bring into the friendship, but I will never know what they were.

When I was first out of high school, and at college, I found myself a little short on friends. I took the initiative to go out and make some friends. One of the first things I did was say yes when someone invited me to a weekly bible study. I did not know how most people would think about bible study, but I looked at it with suspicion. I had read the bible completely cover to cover once by that time; but what I read was nothing like the AM radio preachers would rant and rave about late on night AM radio. So I saw bible study the same way…with suspicion.

I wanted friends though, and here was a chance to become better friends with the person that invited me, and the others that would be there. There was just one thing that was a problem for bible study. I did not have a bible with me at college. Why let a little thing like that stop me, I thought, so I went to the next weekly bible study. There were about fifteen of us there, and it was more like a wake than a bible study group. And me, the only person present without a bible. The leader made it simple for my benefit. He would call out the chapter and verse, and then read the passage for my benefit. Then he would ask what that portion was in reference too, and the circumstance around it.

The next week’s study group were rather odd I thought. A question would be raised, I would raise my hand, and answer. Silence would follow as everyone else looked down at the pages on their desks. I went a third time, deciding I was hogging the floor, I made a conscious effort to not answer any questions the leader asked. No one else answered any questions either. I did not go after that, although my new friend came by, and asked me why. I told him, that I did not see the point in my going, I was the only person there without a bible, and I was the only person answering any questions.

The bible study broke up a few weeks after that, the participants said they were there to learn, and they didn’t have any opinions on the various parts of the bible discussed. They thought I was an expert, and they were listening to my version of things. I had thought the purpose all along was discussion, but it did not seem right, me doing most of the talking without a bible to read from.

Thinking back on those study group meetings, it was meant for me to be there, and lead the conversation. None of the people there had much if any religious upbringing, and everything was new to them. They did not feel comfortable discussing thoughts with someone who did not even have a bible in front of them. It did not matter that I had no bible. It did not really matter that I was working from memory, and my own perspective of what was written. What I did do was provide a glue that kept the group together, that was my purpose of being there. And I thought I was looking for friendship.