I was driving on a four lane city street with a center turn lane. The speed limit on this street is thirty-five, and at this moment there was my car, and a second car in the lane behind me about sixty feet back. No other traffic in either direction, and we are between stoplights.
I turn on my right blinker to inform the car behind me that I am going to be make a right hand turn into a local cafe. I did this about four seconds before the turn, plenty of time for the other driver to notice me, and switch lanes. The parking lot entrance is above curb level, and there is a short ramp to go up from street level to drive into the parking lot. I had to slow way down to make the turn.
The car behind me did not change lanes. As the car came closer I saw there was a woman and at least two children in the car. She was still in the lane behind me, but now she was forced to slow down. The woman slowed, and instead of changing lanes, she starts honking her horn, yelling behind closed windows, and flipping me off!
Normally, I am a pretty laid back happy type of person, and I didn’t give her behavior much thought. Instead of her simply changing lanes as she should have done, I wondered, why she chose to slow down, yell, and flip me off? Her changing lanes would have been much simpler. My first thought was maybe she had been drinking? Drinking seemed a remote possibility for her, as she would not want to draw attention to herself if she had been drinking.
After thinking of a few possible responses I flipped her off. It was not done with malice or anger on my part, just flipping her the bird in return. It was the best response to her anger. Once I flipped her off, she swerved out to the next left lane, still angry, and yelling at me through the closed windows. Now however, she seemed happy with the result. I felt bad though for the children, wondering if this is how most daily conflict is handled by their parent(s)?
So often we feel we know the right thing to do. We turn the other cheek, or act above someone else, and many times this is the right response. In certain types of situations people expect a different payoff for their behavior. I could have responded with anger, but it was not a correct choice for in this instance. So I responded with the action this woman wanted, but not the emotion that goes with it.
Sometimes, doing the right thing means giving the other person what they need even though it goes against how we think, or would like in return. As we have expectations of how people treat us, other people should be treated in a manner they wish to be treated. There are situations and people where unfortunately the best thing to do is something you may feel least comfortable doing. In these situations, I have found, other people want a payoff of a certain type. As odd as it sounds, my giving this woman a response she solicited, instead of myself taking a different path, gave this woman something she needed to help her with her life, which is the right thing to do.
