Tag Archives: talking to strangers

How to Talk With Strangers

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Talking with strangers is easy once you start to practice. Strike up a conversation wherever you are about what you are doing at the moment. If you are in a grocery line, ticket line, waiting room, hallway, or bus stop make an open ended comment about it to start a conversation.

Engage the other person, with open ended comments. Mention the way the store, is arranged, “I had to walk all over the store to find these few items, you think they would arrange products to make it easier to shop”. Waiting at a bus stop, mention while looking at someone how much you enjoy, or are frustrated by riding the bus.

Cashiers in the checkout line (when not too busy) are great people to talk to. They help carry a conversation because it breaks their boredom for a moment or two. Ask them how their day is going; are they having fun, and is today going better than their last day off? Simple, non specific and non threatening questions are best when learning to talk to strangers.

People usually respond because it is a non threatening question and not about anything they care about too much. Strangers are good people to ask questions of which you would never ask someone you know. Personal problems or delicate situations are made for strangers. Their answer is usually frank and direct, and at times filled with common sense and wisdom. When they answer you about a problem or frustration they are usually talking to it from life experience, and not pulling words out of the air.

If nothing else comes to mind, comment on someones clothing, or hair style, possibly even their shoes if they interest you. Tell them you like their hair, clothes, shoes, and where did they get them? Tell them they seem to have a knack for dressing cute, well, pretty, or smartly, if it is true.

Stay away from Land Mine Topics. Land Mine Topics are topics that can easily get out of hand, and take the conversation somewhere neither of you really wanted to go to, but now you are there, and you have to find a way out.

Land Mine Topics, are generally about: religion, sex, or politics. These are big hitters for most people, and we all have strong opinions. We will voice them if the opportunity presents itself, and a conversation with a stranger is an opportunity. Strong opinions always meet strong opposition, and if you are not careful, you may find yourself in a heated conversation, rather than a simple chat.

If you are unfortunate to find yourself in such a conversation, there is help available. The easiest thing to do is shift gears and start talking in the third person. This way you won’t make things worse by directing your thoughts or comments to the other person. Change your style of talk to starting with phrases such as: some people, other people, a few people think, act, do, or whatever ending makes sense in the moment.

If there is a rebuttal, meaning the other person is getting excited and still disagrees with you, it is time to bail out of the conversation. If you are fast on your feet, you can change the conversation to something else far away from the current topic, such as, “Hey, look at that little kid, he/she looks lost.” We should move forward  little bit, we are blocking the aisle.” For the rest of us a simple, “You have a valid point, I never thought of it that way.” will help you slide away from land mine territory.

If you are really desperate find a reason to leave the conversation. “Hey look, the bus is coming.” “You know, I meant to get pickles, and I almost forgot.” are a few examples of how to get away without being too obvious. No matter how careful you are these awkward moments will happen, so be prepared. It is better to practice alone than have to think under the stress of the moment.

The surest way to become better in talking to others is to practice every chance you get. Find your own two or three general conversation starters, and go from there. Before you know it, you will not even remember you thought you did not know how to talk to people.

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Friendship with a stranger

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There are only the two of us out fishing today. The wind is blowing about ten miles an hour, and the ice fishing hole won’t stay clear for more than twenty or thirty seconds before it is so frozen over I can not tell if I have a bite of not. My hand is cold immediately when I remove my mitten. The water burns my hand when I clean the ice out of the hole.

The old man is retired he tells me. His wife died a few years back and he has nothing better to do than spend his days fishing. He say’s he used to hunt, but he is to old to wander around the woods any more. The shore is only a few hundred yards a way and he can still make that he says.

I do not know the old man, but as we are the only two out ice fishing. It is only natural that we talk with each other. At any other time he would probably ignore me as I am just a kid to him, even though I am the ripe old age of eighteen. The old man asks me what I am doing out here? I tell him that the college is closed today and I would rather be outside here ice fishing than be stuck in my room with my books.

The old man asks me what I am studying and what do I plan to be when I graduate? I tell him I am in my first year, but I plan on going into forestry. He asks me what kind of classes I need to be a Forest ranger, and I am quiet for a few seconds, because I have no clue what the correct answer is. I tell him I am taking some biology classes and then the regular reading, writing, and arithmetic.

The old man say’s he never got past the third grade. He worked as a Rail Roader all his working life, and you did not need much education to do that. He said he made a good wage while he worked, and he is doing okay in retirement. I mention that I had Rail Roaders in my family too. He asks what lines they worked for, and I tell him. He said that he worked for a local line that no longer was in existence. I didn’t recognize the name.

The old man asked me how long I was going to be fishing? I said I was close to being done, it was just no fun today. He looked at his watch and told me we had been on the lake for about fifty-two minutes. He said he was going to call it quits at an hour. Then making conversation he said his car tires were squared from the cold and they would probably stay that way until the cold snap broke. I remembered driving on tires like that. Ten miles of driving and you are still feel the whump, whump, whump of four flat spots where each tire touched the ground, and froze into that shape. You did not go anywhere fast.

I asked him if his car would start, and he said yes, it should. He told me he was getting a little cold and his hands were starting to hurt. I admitted that I had on just about every warm piece of clothing I owned and my knees were getting a little stiff and cold. I would probably have chilblains when I got back to my room and warmed up. He reckoned we were quite the fools for being out on the lake, but it beat anything else there was to do in this small town in the morning. I agreed. Then he asked why wasn’t I in class? I said they closed the campus this morning. There we were two strangers with no common sense. Out ice fishing on a frigid Lake Superior on a fifty degree below zero before the wind chill morning. We both knew one thing for certain. We were alive, and more than a little cold!

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