I remember when I was small child, my father talking to me about adult matters. More specifically it was grown male matters he spoke of. How Men behave, and how Men should act. My father never came right out and said so, but he left me with the vague impression there were grown men who were not Men. They inhabited adult bodies, but never quite fit the mold needed to be called Men by him.
When I grew up I understood what he was trying to make clear to me all those years ago. What I believe my father meant was that there are certain rules that Men follow. In my father’s opinion all Men were held to certain standards. Men are expected to keep, or exceed these unwritten standards. On the other hand there are male adults who did not make the grade of being Men in my father’s system, would be placed in the category of men.
Men had virtues, namely integrity and honesty. In a Man’s world, a hand shake was a Man’s bond. Whatever was agreed upon was sealed when Men shook hands on it. There was no need to clarify major or minor details. It was understood between the Men involved that there was no hidden agenda, or plan to cheat one another. A Man who dealt with another Man knew the other Man would uphold the unwritten standards they both lived by.
There are also men in the world. These men could not be trusted, and were not dealt with in the same manner as Men. These were men who thought the world existed for them to take advantage of others. As such, Men only dealt with men when they had to. Because men could not be trusted, dealings with them took longer.
Every point had to be agreed upon and discussed, every question needed to be asked. It was important in these dealings that a Man ensure everything is addressed. It was not good enough for example to sell something, and expect to be paid on Monday when promised by a man. When dealing with men, the transaction was never really complete, there could be problems later on.
I know the main beliefs my father used in his scale was one of trust – obviously. If a Man could be trusted, he was trusted, otherwise he was shunned and ignored. A Man would never do anything that would tarnish his name or reputation. In those times, for many people, their name was the most valuable thing they owned. People tended to their name the way they would care for a prized possession.
Today our society is a mobile society. Unfortunately, it is now a poor personal choice to treat strangers with the level of trust they would be shown in my father’s time. We do not know people as we used to when the world was bigger and life slower. Some people do not put as much value to their family name as they used to. Moving to a new city is easier than cleaning up a bad reputation. In some social circles lying and cheating, are not only acceptable, but praised, and valued as something worthy.
The number of people we trust is probably about the same number as it was in my father’s day. The number of people we can not trust has grown much larger. I do not think it is because we have thrown virtue and good behavior by the wayside. I think we can not be as trusting, because there are more people in our lives, both Men, and men.
There are still pockets of people around the world, who believe someone’s word is their bond, and they try to live life with trust and integrity. These people will never go away because they are a group of people who keep the world in balance. They are also people we can judge our own morals and values against. I hope you are one of those people!
