Tag Archives: Wisdom

Enrich your life by helping another

Posted on by

When we pause long enough to look back over our life, we like to assess how we think we are doing. We look at our accomplishments and satisfy ourselves that we are somebody because we have completed some number of trials and tribulations successfully over the years, while others we choose to compare ourselves to have not.

We like to prim ourselves, fluff up our feathers, push out our chest, and strut around hoping someone will notice. If no one notices that is all right too, because we at least know how good we are. We know how well we have done in the face of adversity, overcoming obstacles and proving ourselves while other watched. It really does not matter though except to us and what we think of ourselves.

I stumbled upon a good analogy of our true worth some years ago. We have all heard about how we can stick our hand in a bucket of sand or water and splash it or move it around and shape it to our liking. Of course we know when we are all done and we remove our hand, it is like we were never there to start with. My observation is from a different perspective

I was watching an ant hill a number of years ago and I saw what our real importance is through the ant colony. If you have ever watched and ant colony at work, you know they have there set trails they follow initially when leaving the ant hill. In the morning as the sun warms up the colony hundreds of ants follow trails out to some end where once upon a time a lucky ant found a food or water source.

Usually the food source has long been forgotten and once the ants reach the end of the trail they start foraging in what appears to be a wandering pattern. If they have particular destinations in mind, I have not deciphered how they work. So out away from the hill there are all these ants working away, walking all over trying to find food for the colony.

At the nest there are other ants whose job it appears to excavate new tunnels. You see them walking out one of the tunnels to somewhere at the edge of the ant hill with a tiny pebbles in their pincers, or maybe a clump of dirt. They walk out near the edge, drop whatever they are carrying, and walk back in to do it over again.

I am sure there are many more ants who each have individual jobs in the colony of which I am unaware. As the day progresses, all the ants go about their tasks and the whole colony enjoys the benefits of the communal work. As I watched the ants working away, it dawned on me that even though they were working towards a common goal, they were not in any apparent way attached to each other.

When I removed an ant from its task whether the ant was foraging, hauling tiny pebbles from far below, or smoothing the ant hill and possibly reshaping it, the loss of a single ant was not noticed, or so it seemed. In fact unless I disturbed the ground there was no notice of an ant disappearing from its appointed task.

In reality so it is with us. If something appeared and took one of us from where we were sitting reading this, not too many people would notice that we were missing. After a few hours, it would become noticeable to those close to us we were not around at that time, but for the majority of the community, the loss of a single person is really a non event.

So when we are looking back over our accomplishments, and puffing ourselves up and feeling important, we also need to take a few moments and reflect on the truth. Are our accomplishments something that really make a difference to our community, and improve the quality of life for everyone, or are our accomplishments of a singular nature, in that they only benefit us?

Hopefully by the end of our lives we will accomplished many things that stand out in our mind as something that was really worth doing, and not a something that was important only to us. If we spend our lives doing those things that are only for us, we are like the single ant I removed from the ant hill. Nobody will really notice the difference, and our feeling of self worth will feel a little hollow to us.

On the other hand, if we some memories of how we made life better for the community or someone in it, we have fueled fires that will continue to burn in peoples memory’s long after we are removed. These changes need not be something that changes the very foundation of civilization, but may be something more humble and simple. Generally the more humble and simple whatever it is we do, the more it is appreciated by those people we do it for. Making life better for others, has a bonus of enriching our own life.

Share

Visualise becoming the master

Posted on by

One of the POW’s of the Vietnam era had an interesting story. After he was released and arrived back in the US, and was well enough, he played a game of golf. What was so unusual about this game of golf was that he had an almost perfect score, something he had never accomplished before!

This man perfected his golf game while sitting in a POW camp in North Vietnam for many years. Not exactly the place where there is enough time and a few golf pro’s giving you private lessons…. Many of the men taken prisoner where essentially in solitary confinement. Even if they could see one another, they were not allowed to talk, or otherwise communicate with each other.

They were given nothing to keep themselves occupied from one day to the next, hour after hour, month after month. This Airman to keep his sanity started thinking about his golf game on a local course by where he used to live.

Over the weeks, months and years, it became easier for him to visualize how he was going to play each individual hole on the course. He spent hours and hours imagining the weight of the club, how to perfect his swing, where the best place to put the ball on each shot around the course. Of course there was the putting. He would imagine himself on each and every green with a putter in his hand. Thinking about the slope of the ground and the position of the sun, and how hard to tap the ball depending on where he was on the green.

In this way he kept his sanity when at times there was no sanity, and no sense to what he was having to live through. When he was released and strong enough to play a round of golf, he went out after so many years of practicing by the hour in his head, and he played the best game of his life.

When we watch professionals do something we can not do, they always make it look so easy. Some will even tell the crowds, something to the effect of” Well all you have to do is – fill in the blank – this, and your results will be just like this. It looks so easy, and finally we feel like a light has come on inside our heads and we can do the very same things.

Until we get home, and things are not working quite like we expected them too. Most of us become frustrated and put away whatever it was we were going to master. A few of us, the ultra stubborn, or ultra patient depending on your viewpoint stick with it until we too are close to mastering that particular goal.

That is the way life is and probably the way life works the best. If we all could master every endeavor with little effort, there would be no challenge in life. There would be no curiosity, and there would be no advancement in our lives and culture. In fact our lives today would probably be the same as they were five thousand years ago.

Thankfully we can not become a master of too many things at one time. We have our little niche of things we do well, and that is about as far as we get for most of our lives. Unless like the POW who played the almost perfect golf game after not touching a golf club for a number of years, we have the need and desire to excel above anything we normally would think we are capable of. Not being able to master more than one or two things at a time keeps life refreshing!

Share

I did not marry for that!

Posted on by

I found myself in a slow moving line the other day. One of those hurry up and wait lines where everyone rushes to form a line, then we all wait for the people who were supposed to be present to do their job for us. I had been in the same spot in this line for about ten minutes when I heard something similar to the following conversation between two women…

“Hi, long time no see, how are you?I am wonderful, how about you, are you still…?

Yes, and I love it, it has been so much fun. How is married life, are you still a happy newlywed? Yes for the most part, he’s home sick right now.Oh, I hope it is not too serious?

He’s been sick for about four days now. Of course he was perfectly fine for Boy’s night out, before he became ill. All he has been doing is lying around whining. He wants me to get him this, then he wants me to get him that. He thinks I should be heating soup for him, and buying him orange soda. Then he thinks I should be getting his cold pills and aspirin, and such. You would think he wants me to be his mother the way he is carrying on!

He wants a lot of attention when he is sick?

Well this is the first time he either of us has been sick, but it looks like he does. I didn’t marry him to treat him like a baby when he gets sick, that is not my job.”

About this point in their conversation I wanted to turn and tell the newlywed woman she better start looking for a marriage counselor, or a divorce lawyer because one or the other was looming on the horizon.Then reality got me, and I remembered I was not part of the conversation taking place.I was rather shocked by this woman’s attitude though as she was not in the seventeen to twenty-five year old range, and had to have been married before, or at least been dating for over a decade.

I thought she was way out of line, and very self centered. Then I started wondering what was he like? That led me to wonder what there marriage was based on. What she thinks their marriage is based on, if anything would explain her behavior, and her feeling imposed on to make the effort to take care of her husband when he is ill.All marriage is not all based on love.

Some marriages are not based on much of anything, or as little as she is hot, and he is all that. Other marriages happen for varying reasons; some are for money, convenience, tax purposes, and many other different reasons. Then there are the marriages based on caring, love, and respect for each other. This marriage did not sound like a marriage based on love. If it was based on love, it was what used to be called, ‘puppy love’. That is the kind young preteen and early teen boys and girls have for each other. They are in love with the idea of love, but really have no clue what love is all about.

I wondered if this couple had even talked about why they were getting married, and what their expectations were of one another? It did not sound like they had any sort of discussion, or really even knew one another. If they had talked about their married future, and decided they knew one another, they lied badly to each other, and to themselves.

Here they are newlyweds, and the first time one of them is ill and they have differing expectations of what each others roles are. I wonder what they know of each others feelings about children, money, vacations, weekends, and family weekend visits. After you are married is the wrong time to find out how your partner feels about the little things that comprise married life.

Share

Character, choices, responsibility, and wisdom. 2008 version

Posted on by

I do not know if you are familiar with the old story, “The Ant and The Grasshopper”? For a refresher, here is my 2008 version of what the author had in mind when the story was first told. It may be a little different from the written version, but times change, and so does my perspective.

In the story from the book I had as a child, Ant laid around, or played around, and really was not trying to do anything with his life that was worthwhile. Ant slept late, lounged around the house, and was generally lazy. Depending on your perspective this may not be such a bad life. Seems kind of fun to me as part of a life balance.

Grasshopper on the other hand was an over achiever. Grasshopper started at the crack of dawn tending his retirement fund, and working overtime to increase his net worth. He was not fussy about what he did to generate money, as long as he thought he was being productive he was happy.

What is not obvious in the story is both Ant, and Grasshopper are very good at their life choices. Ant never changes character, and actually worries about the future, or thinks of working for a living. Grasshopper’s character on the other hand never thought about enjoying life, as he was too busy working for some future time.

They both may be considered role models for people who think as they do. In the story, there is something else not mentioned and not readily apparent. The Ant spent an extraordinary amount of time visualizing how his future was going to be, and not really doing anything about achieving it.

Grasshopper on the other hand had little imagination. Grasshopper could not look to the future, and imagine what life would be like. Grasshopper spent his time getting ready for winter, and did not take time to enjoy the summer, and be happy for what he had at present. Grasshopper generally was moody and morose. With all of Grasshoppers good points, Grasshopper could only see his faults.

Some might think the Ant and Grasshopper were using some form of LOA, or other belief system. Ant was certain in his thinking that what he needed would be provided somehow, and everything would be okay. Grasshopper knew that any kind of LOA, or other belief system needed his help to be successful. The summer went on with Grasshopper prodding Ant to get a job, so he would have what he needed for the hard times coming. Ant was young, and carefree, he did not realize no one was going to help him survive come winter.

Of course after summer, winter came. Ant was now cold, and starving. On the other hand, Grasshopper had too much of everything. Some of his food must have been spoiling, because it had been saved for so long. While once again (as far as memory serves me) we do not know the whole story of Ant, or Grasshopper, some things are obvious:

  • Too much of anything is not good. Whether it is our work ethic, belief system, or relationships, we need to strike a balance.
  • Too little of anything has the same end result. Too much focus on one area of our life leaves us empty and cold in other areas. Emptiness, and want tend to make us bitter.
  • To have a good life balance, we must be aware, and think. Blindly following any life path does not lead to happiness.
  • We should be thrilled with our good parts, and accepting of the other parts, as Ant accepted his plight from playing, and goofing off all summer. Grasshopper demonstrates this in the story too, where he did not care to help Ant, but turned Ant away to fend for himself. Grasshopper accepted himself for what he was. Ant did the same, but not in such an obvious manner.

After the story ends, we can see both characters have their good sides, and their flaws. They both accepted that they each had their individual flaws. Ant apparently died from cold and hunger. Grasshopper died of loneliness because he no longer had Ant to talk with.

Share

Dreams come true from well formed plans

Posted on by

If my memory has not jumbled this story up…In one of Carlos Castaneda’s early books, Don Juan tells Castaneda that a witch down the road is planning to attack him, and he needs to stop her before she hurts him. Castaneda is scared, and does not know what to do. Don Juan plays on those fears and drives Castaneda to take some action concerning the witch down the road. Later on, if I have the sequence correct, Castaneda asks Don Juan what he would do if he were on a street, in a city and there was a man with a rifle waiting to kill him. Don Juan laughs, and say’s something to the effect of, he would not be on that street to start with.

Unlike the enemy Don Juan may have created, many of us are our own assassins. We rarely need anyone’s help to ruin our plans. We do it ourselves with some frequency. We meet someone special, we want a different job, any number of things that we start to plan out, and suddenly it all blows up without warning. Or does it? In Castaneda’s book, Don Juan said he would not be on the street to start with. What could Don Juan know that we do not?

Don Juan knew many things about human nature that most do not, and this was only one of them. Don Juan knew that many of us we get stuck in a rut we call our life. We claim we do not like where how we live, what we do, and talk about how we are going to change. Changing, and talking about changing are two completely different things. I think that is what Don Juan knew. Unless, as in Castaneda’s case where he really felt his very life was threatened, he would have normally taken no action to help himself.

I listened to a couple eating at a fast food place last week. They were poor, looking at their clothing which was worn, and frayed. The man was telling the woman that he was planning on going to Las Vegas, to gamble, and become rich. He went on to say that it would probably take him about a year and a half to get rich. He thought she could stay where she was until he returned. Of course when he returned things may have changed. She would probably be on Welfare. Possibly hooked up with another guy (his words). What would he do then? Would she be willing to leave the guy to be with him once he returned rich? Perhaps he would run into a women, and he would not want her any more – that also was possible (his words). With the conversation half finished, and bristling with possibilities, they left.

As crazy as that conversation sounds, some of us make plans like that all the time. We dream our plans, and never live our dream, because something falls apart. For that couple, I doubt he will ever find his way out of town, let alone to Las Vegas. Not because he was not capable, but because his plans are built on the same sand of everyones who’s plans blow up without reason. They are not really plans, they are simply a string of events tied together by hot air.

We all need dreams in our life. We also need good planning so we can have the best possible life. I think we need to keep the two somewhat separate so we can achieve our dreams, instead of dreaming about our achievements that have never come to pass. We are capable of so much more if we give our self a chance with real plans, and realistic dreams.

As an old dinner house cook once told me. Plan your work, work you plan, and clean up as you go. In the case of our lives, it would be: Plan your dream, work your plan, and repeat as you go. Happy dreaming!

Share

Be who you are, not who you were

Posted on by

I am sure you have heard, or read the (possibly mildly offensive to some) joke about the young bull and the old bull? In a cleaned up version, two bulls on top of a hill see a group of cows in the valley below. One, a young bull, being young, wants to rush in and mate with one of the cows. The old bull wants to walk down slowly, and mate with a number of the cows.

This joke is probably thousands of years old. There was a form of it in the movie, ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’, in the parking lot scene. It is also a premise in many other books and movies. At the end of all of these, the logic is immediately apparent: Why waste energy on small stuff when there are more important matters coming up? When you are older you will have more to contribute. While youth is great it is not the end all of existence, there is much more to life.

We should be who we are. When I was younger I enjoyed knowing there was someone around who was older and had more life experience than myself. I could go to and use them as a sounding board to help me through a hard decision, and present choices I had not thought of. I have never wanted to live in a world like that of Time machine, Logan’s Run, Brave New World, or any of the other books and movies where young is all there is, and life is controlled. Where and once you reach a certain age, you disappear. That’s not living, thats a lie in action.

It is a disservice to younger people to be much older, and try to be one of them. A much better tact is let someone younger than yourself be younger, and you be yourself at your correct age. There is much more to be gained from the relationship, and more satisfaction for both parties.

Take advantage of your life knowledge and life experience, to help young adults make the world a better place rather than helping them repeat the same mistakes that have already been made. If you are a young adult, take advantage of your enthusiasm, and energy to make the world a better place, but stop once in a while and ask directions.

No one would seriously argue the generally hasty decision making processes of some young adults. They do things on an instant. They are driving to a friends house, and they show up late, but with a new car. They push too many limits, and sometimes they pay a tragic price, either in themselves or the harm they have done to someone else. Thankfully, our society is set up in such a way, the damage they can do is limited.

There is a reason why people must meet a certain age requirement, either by law, or by general consensus. The reason for an minimum age, is peoples life experience, and decision making abilities have to be at a certain level before they can be effective in certain life roles.

I think it is a disservice to yourself, and young people, to be much older pretending to be young. A much better tact is let someone younger than yourself be younger, and you be you. There is much more to be gained from life, and more satisfaction for everyone. Take advantage of your life knowledge and life experience to help young adults make the world a better place rather than helping them repeat the same mistakes we did.

If you are a young adult, take advantage of your enthusiasm, and energy to make the world a better place. There is a lot to be said for youth, and there is a lot to be said for the knowledge and wisdom of age. Think about how much can be said when the two combine forces! Don’t be afraid to be the age you are. If you do not be your age, the only person you are fooling is yourself. You are also cheating yourself of some very good years in your life, and you probably do not like the person in the mirror to much either.

Share